The Princess and the Cop

by R L Humphries

  After a while, I suggested that, if I called it a night, she could slip up to Tessa, and she agreed. She was obviously anxious about her.

  I walked out of the Palace and down to the village. There was great merriment at the inn and I was singing Waltzing Matilda to the gathering before long. But mindful of the power of their local beer, I eventually climbed the hill and fell into bed, leaving my crushed and beer-stained uniform hanging outside the door.

  Yeah! They could celebrate, these Bassenburgers. Them of the lower level.

  ****

  It couldn’t have been a more perfect day for the coronation—bright blue sky, a few fluffy white clouds and just a faint breeze.

  I went for an early ride and then came home to don the finery again. This time I had my cap which I would don when Tessa’s Crown was placed on her head. All would don their headgear at this moment. Sophie had explained that things were on a much smaller scale than, say, in England. The Crown was smaller and Tessa would hold a sceptre and nothing else. But, she said, prepare to be astonished by the beauty of her.

  Sophie spent most of the morning with Tessa but then came to me to accompany me to the Cathedral, next to the Palace. And here the first blow, and the first smile of cynicism from Inspector Corrigan.

  I was smack behind a big pillar and would but see her passing by. Not a glimpse of anything else.

  Sophie was beside me and could see little more. She was very angry and went off to protest but came back fuming. I gathered that the arrangements were to remain. Oh, well! I’d promised good behaviour and good behaviour was what I’d give. I didn’t know who I could take it out on anyway, and I’d been warned.

  Sophie was restless and kept hissing things like, ‘This is wrong, Bart. Tessa will be furious.’ I couldn’t imagine my Tessa ever being furious.

  And then she left her seat and disappeared. There were murmurs and glances from the ones nearby but Inspector Corrigan couldn’t give a stuff. The day was over, as far as I was concerned.

  I sat for a long time and then Sophie reappeared, reached across the nearby seated ones, with the good seats, and took my hand. She led me down the aisle, turning into a large room at the end.

  “Stay there! Don’t move. It’s time for both of you.’ She took my cap and put it on a nearby table.

  Then a door opened and there was my Tessadonna, robed and ready and amazingly beautiful. She was fussing with her robe and didn’t notice me until Sophie said, ‘Tessa!’

  Tess looked up and saw me.

  ‘Oh, Bart, my darling. Oh, Bart!’

  She looked around the room at her attendants and all the officials.

  ‘Leave us, please! We wish to be alone.’ She was imperious and beautiful. Some objected but Her Royal Highness was commanding.

  ‘Leave us!’

  When they’d gone, she looked at me tenderly and said, ‘I don’t know what to say. God bless Sophie. I looked for you last night but she said you left early. I’m so sorry about all this, Bart, but we’ll be together soon.’

  I said, ‘I want to hold you but know I can’t. You’re beautiful. Marry me, please, Tessadonna?’

  ‘Oh, yes! Please, darling.’

  I had an engagement ring. It had cost a year’s salary and I pulled it out.

  ‘It’s not much compared with all the jewels that are yours. But it comes from me and Australia. Will you wear it?’

  She smiled brilliantly and waggled her bejewelled left hand playfully.

  ‘Look, darling. A bare third finger, just waiting. Of course I’ll wear it. I love you beyond belief. Put it on me please?’

  It slid on comfortably, an Aussie black opal surrounded by diamonds, and she held it out to admire. It flashed myriad colours.

  ‘This unites us, darling, from Australia. It’s beautiful.’

  She leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips and then Sophie and the others came in and said, ‘Time now Tess.’

  Tessa turned to the officials and said, ‘I want him at the end of the aisle where I can see him through the whole ceremony and then until I go to the balcony. Don’t defy me on this gentlemen. In my view all the time!’

  She turned to the door and the Royal fanfare began. Her Royal Highness the Jillaroo reached out her hand gracefully to touch mine, took a deep breath, lifted her head and began the magnificent progress along the aisle to her throne. She graciously bowed her head to each side as the gathering bowed and curtsied and then did the same when she reached the throne and turned to stand in front of it.

  I was in the middle of the aisle at the bottom and, after she’d acknowledged the attendance, she turned her shining eyes to me and bent her head regally. I bowed to her, something I never thought I’d ever do in my life.

  I stood there through the ceremony and, except when she had to, Tessa never took her wonderful eyes from mine. At one stage she touched the left side of her robe and nodded at me, smiling. My medals, she was saying, and people turned to look.

  I could hear Sophie sniffling quietly somewhere nearby.

  I donned my cap as Tessa was crowned, looking wonderfully regal. She made a short and careful progress down the aisle, balancing the Crown on her beautiful head and then turned off to a balcony to greet her people as the ruler of Bassenburg du Mont. She was loved.

  ****

  Sophie and I went downstairs into the crowd but barely got a glimpse of the Princess. She didn’t stay long, as her brother came and spoke to her. She looked startled and looked around the gathering on the Royal balcony. Then she leaned over looking down in the crowd, clutching the Crown onto her head. Then she hurried inside. Something seemed to be wrong.

  There were some hours till the dinner/dance to give Tessa a break so Sophie and I went for a ride. Then it was time for the finery again, but I was to wear black tie now and hoped to see my love.

  Again it was impossible to glimpse or get near Tessa. I asked Sophie about the elopement. It was all planned, she said. I should pack and make contact with Gerhardt to go to the inn.

  But when I found Gerhardt he said, ‘Something’s gone wrong. I have a message to keep you away from the inn. I think the whole thing might be off.’

  Sophie appeared, in tears. ‘It’s all been stopped, Bart. You should leave.’

  ‘No bloody fear, ‘I said. ‘I’m a copper. I don’t scare easily.’

  I hurried to the ballroom where a disco was in action as part of the dinner-dance and there was Tessa, dancing happily in the middle, with about six handsome young men around her.

  She saw me and came to me, looking down from her upper level, upon me on the lower level.

  ‘Our engagement is off, Bart. I’m sorry. I cannot marry you. It was all a mistake. You should leave my country. You’re no longer welcome here. Hurry! Go!’ and turned back to re-join the dancers.

  I stood looking at her for a minute but she ignored me, dancing happily, so I walked hurriedly to Gerhardt and his car. Sophie caught me and kissed me but I’d had a gutful of this mob. Gerhardt and I drove off to Vienna airport. I can’t describe the feeling in my guts. I’d have cheerfully killed someone if they’d got in my way.

  Gerhardt wisely stayed silent, carried my bags to the check-in, shook my hand and said, ‘I’m sorry sir. This is a huge shock. I can’t understand what went wrong,’ and left.

  I was not a man who ever got really angry. Anger was a luxury for a detective, I’d thought. But now I did have an anger within me—not against Tessa, but I knew we were finished. Greater powers had prevailed and I’d been out of my depth. I’d always been out of my depth. What role had Tessa played? I wanted the anger to last and eventually I’d find someone to vent it against.

  I started to check in to fly home but changed the booking to go to Berlin and then other capitals around the world. I had four weeks’ leave and I was sure there’d be plenty of young ladies along the way willing to drop their pants for Robert Taylor.

  But even not thinking clearly, as I was, I knew enough to remove the card from
my phone, in Berlin airport, drop it in a bin, drop the useless phone in another bin and buy a new superphone.

  I was incommunicado, until I tuned people in. And that wouldn’t include the von Prambergs and their ilk

  15.

  On my return to La Maison Grunge in Brisbane weeks later I thought I picked up a faint perfume. I couldn’t identify it, but it was familiar. No matter.

  I sat down and keyed in all my Police numbers to my new phone and then relatives and friends. No Tessa or Sophie or Gerhardt.

  I disconnected my computer—Tessa’s gift, and put it in a cupboard. I requested a new internet address, which took a while. I disconnected my landline phone, a simple process of pulling the wire from the wall connection. I bought a new computer which didn’t need a landline and I thought seriously of sending Tessa’s gift computer back to her. I still had the box it came in. I decided to let all that go for a while.

  I made a list of all the people I would have to contact with my new addresses and then went shopping. Someone had certainly been in my flat and I confirmed this when I went to collect my mail from Dick Polson, the neighbour who cared for my things when I was away. He always had an accounting, so I paid him, avoided questions about my overseas trip. He said two very pretty young ladies had stayed at the flat at different times. The first, a beautiful honey blonde, knew where the key was and just moved in, but only to spend a few days. Each used the flat only to sit around, waiting, apparently. Each left after a few days.

  He’d tackled the first woman, the blonde, and she’d told him that she was my fiancée. I’d told her where I put the key and I remembered that I’d told Tessa that during one of our talks, if ever she needed a place in Brisbane… I think I was hoping she’d take the hint and move in. That’s when we were friends and before snakes. The second woman had said she was a friend of the fiancée, and of mine. I didn’t bother about corrections. The blonde flashed a ring at Dick, as proof of ownership, I suppose. That was interesting. Tess had broken our engagement, I thought.

  Tessa and Sophie, on the hunt, for some reason. Chasing.

  It’s not to be, Tessadonna! I’m happy in the service, in Queensland, away from your life and trappings, and I think I’d known that all along. The Stock Squad beckoned.

  I reported for work the next day, avoiding all questions about my journey, except for Don. I told him the whole story and he just listened.

  ‘I think I’ve got it straight but I’m not sure you have, Bart. You’re the best detective I’ve ever encountered and here you’re telling me that, in the morning, you and she are desperately in love, you’re proposing, she’s accepting, you give her a ring, and elopement’s in the wind. Then a few hours later--- a few hours---she’s telling you the engagement’s off and to leave her country immediately. Tell me, detective, do you not think all that strange?’

  ‘Yes, sir, I do! I thought about that all around the world, but it happened. I was always out of my class, Don. It suddenly came to a head. People got to her.’

  ‘And she didn’t return the ring and it seems that she’s chasing you. Again, detective--- strange?’

  ‘Yes, but there it has ended. I’m finished with princesses and their friends. Done! Finito! I’m applying to rejoin the Stock Squad, even with a demotion.’

  ‘Denied! Get on with the work that’s waiting here.’

  I asked for some personal leave without pay. Since La Maison Grunge had been discovered I needed other quarters and, since I wasn’t really fussy, found a new flat, a bit better, but nearby, and was moved in by the next day.

  Then it was back to being a detective again but back with my Muslim friends. There I had to answer questions about where I’d been. They can be touchy and thought I’d been withdrawn from the assignment without explanation. I soothed them and continued to build bridges. My previously serene existence resumed.

  But that couldn’t continue. There’d been budget cuts and the Police were short of staff so I was back on murders which, surprisingly, were few.

  I was teamed with the big Italian detective Alberto Silva… Bert, just out of uniform and with a lot to learn. He’d been with me on Lily’s case for a while, until I got him tossed. A difficult subordinate. Things were cool.

  We were assigned to a minor crime outside Brisbane, in what was really not our patch, which Bert constantly griped about. But Don was short of staff. We got nowhere, after many hours, and were returning to headquarters for a dinner break, when there was a general call for any available Police to call at an address near where we were. A domestic violence case was in progress.

  Bert speeded up, but away from the scene. We were nearest and, while this would have normally been a Uniform job, we were near, there was a shortage of staff, and I directed him to respond. He did so with some Italian expletives.

  When we reached the address we could hear women screaming and things being smashed.

  Now, any copper will tell you that he dreads domestic violence cases. Many Police finished up as the victims when the participants turned on the Police.

  There was something about this address, so I checked it on the car computer. Yep, it was the abode of the Cubans—the de Castros---as vicious a family of drug-dealers and generally bad people as lived in Brisbane.

  I called for back-up but was advised that no back-up was available.

  ‘The instruction is to deal with the incident’ came over the radio.

  Bert and I went to the car boot and donned bullet-proof vests and then checked our pistols. It had been a long time since I’d had a domestic and Bert, just out of uniform, should have known more about handling these things than I. But he lagged behind, taking guidance from me.

  I knocked, calling ‘Police’ a few times and the screaming went silent.

  Maria de Castro, the matriarch of this unsavoury family, opened the door, holding a big knife. She spotted our guns and took a swipe and my excitable colleague shot at her. She screamed and de Castros came from everywhere.

  We ran for the car which Bert had helpfully parked on the street but blocking the driveway.

  The family had knives and Maria was unhurt enough to start to swing hers at me as I charged for the nearest door….the passenger side. Bert went to the other side but dropped the keys. He was fumbling around for them in the dark, when a car emerged from the garage, reversing hard at our Police car. It rammed us amidships. It rammed me amidships. I think.

  And that was all for a while, folks!

  ****

  I was put under Police guard in hospital while I was being treated for a broken femur and other sundry injuries. I was out to it for a fair while.

  The guard was because the de Castros, blaming me for all their misfortunes, put out a contract on me, a very, very rare event in Queensland and Australia. When Don called to inform me of my target status I reflected how unfair that was. Bert was the one who’d fired the shot, hitting Maria in her magnificent right breast. Her great build had saved her from greater injury, and damage, but she thought I’d done it and Bert certainly wasn’t going to put it around that it was he who was the shooter. He’d spotted the reversing car and dived out of the way. Thanks Bert!

  I only had a few visitors because the Police guard also meant great secrecy. My brother Dennis came, and, surprisingly the Leslies, from The Gums, bringing back memories of Tessa. I did a lot of thinking, lying there, and knew that I was in love with her, despite all that had happened. Don had caused me to think.

  Don, who knew me well, talked to me firmly again, and left me with a new approach to everything. I needed to talk to Tessa and to find out the truth. He was right—in love and getting married and then, a few hours later, being virtually expelled from her country. I knew Tess was not like that. Something had happened up on the balcony during the coronation…the sudden stir and Tessa trying to look over the balcony---for me, I was guessing now. I was thinking more calmly and clearly now. Strong pain cleared the brain.

  But I couldn’t do much about it all now. I co
uldn’t walk. I was in danger from the de Castros and I didn’t know whether I’d be allowed back near Tessa.

  So I decided to take it easy, learn to walk again and get over the surprise of a visit from Glorious Gloria Stenlake, of the Department of Foreign Affairs. We’d not reconnected, despite my best efforts, after Tessa left my life, post-snake.

  I’d been dozing, and opened my eyes to see this wonderful person beside my bed. She leaned over and gave me a glorious Gloria kiss. I responded. So would you, mate!

  We talked, the upshot being that she was unattached and was ‘more or less saving myself for you. I believe things with the Princess have cooled.’ She had her sources, I was thinking.

  And just as I’d reached the decision to try to sort things out with Tessadonna.

  ‘She’s been over here looking for me. I’m not sure what’s happening, Gloria.’

  ‘Oh, damn! I should never have let you get away. Still, I’ll wait, Corrigan. I don’t mind being second-choice, truly.’

  ‘I’m honoured, lovely one, and flattered, but I have a way to go yet before I’m boarding a horse, a bicycle or anything or anyone else.’

  She leaned over and kissed me again. ‘Got the message, Barton. I’ll be around. The ward sister has a couple of stubbies of beer for you. With love, from Gloria.’

  I got the stubbies ok but Gloria never appeared again.

  ****

  Slowly, oh ever so slowly, I began to be mobile. My leg hurt like hell. I was careful with the analgesics so I had pain.

  I was treated by physios and gradually walked with full crutches, then elbow crutches, a crutch and then a walking stick. I wondered if I’d ever be truly mobile again, but the physios assured me I would be. I spent a lot of time in the pool.

  Came the great day when Dennis arrived to take me home to our old place and some tender loving care from my sister-in-law. I hoped she could keep her hands off me, which had proved a slight problem in the past.

  And she did. She was over me!

  I was back in the saddle before long, helping Dennis around our old home property. Riding was ok but the mounting and dismounting, and walking, were problems. Before leaving the hospital I received a long lecture about the weakness of the injured leg and the great need for care, especially when putting weight on it to mount and dismount. Theoretically, the doctors said, the leg had been strengthened with a plate, but not yet. It needed time. I was being allowed out only on the condition of taking great care. I promised.