by Burkey, Dana
He looked at me, clearly waiting for a reply. The only problem was, I didn’t know what to say in the moment. TJ wasn’t just my coach, he was more like a big brother to me, so mentioning that the distraction was caused by Jackson felt silly. Not only that, but I was still certain I could find a way to ignore everything and get my focus where it needed to be. Sure, it hadn’t happened yet, but I was hopeful that the weekend at camp would be just what I needed to get my head back in the game. Or rather back on the mat.
“Does it have anything to do with Jackson?”
The second the words came out of TJ’s mouth I could feel my face reacting without me meaning it to. It only lasted for a second until I could put a more neutral expression on my face, but I was certain my coach saw it all the same. I could almost see the wheels in his head turning, so I knew I needed to say something before he figured out the very truth I didn’t want to him to land on.
“I’ve been stunting with Connor for so long,” I began, my voice sounding a little frantic, even to myself. “I mean, I know I was paired with Matthew last season, but in our stunt classes or when we just hung out, Connor and I practiced stunting all the time. Maybe I just can’t get used to a new base. Especially with the ankle and everything.”
“You think so?” TJ asked. He still looked a little concerned, but the frustration at getting to the bottom of my stunting setback was gone. Instead he had an almost smirk on his face as I nodded in reply to his question. “If he can’t base for the best flier on our team then maybe he’s not cut out for Nitro. I got a lot of try out videos from other boys that could fill his spot.”
“Oh,” I replied, in almost a whisper. “Or maybe I could be with a different stunt team.”
“But then that would mean another group has to struggle to make sure they can hit all the skills,” TJ reminded me. “That could set the team back a lot. Maybe him leaving is just what we need to finally be a team that will have what it takes to win Worlds.”
Once again, I was silent. I nodded slowly, my gaze dropping to stare at the carpet in TJ’s office. As much as I knew that I was distracted by Jackson, the thought of him not being on the team seemed like an even worse option. I tried to remind myself that there were clearly a lot of other people around the gym that also liked him, and there was no proof one way or the other if he returned any of the feelings I had for him. But even that did little to ease my lack of desire for my new teammate to leave the gym so quickly after arriving.
“I guess there is still one option,” TJ began, getting my attention immediately. “You could just ask him out so you’re not so nervous around him all the time.”
“What?” I asked, my face instantly burning like never before. In reply, TJ laughed, only making my face get both redder and hotter instantly.
“Sorry,” TJ said through his laughter, likely aware of how mortified I was. “It’s just so funny to see you this worked up about a boy.”
“I’m not worked up,” I answered back quickly, all while looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was close enough to the open office door to hear our conversation. Thankfully, the only people in my eyesight was a junior team that was running their routine on the blue mat closest to the gym entrance.
“Right, you’re right,” TJ tried again, finally calming down his laughter. “You’ve just never acted like this with the guys at the gym before. I’m sure once you get over how cute he is or whatever you can go back to things like normal. You know, like you do any other time you like someone.” When I didn't reply, instead only again dropping my gaze to the ground, TJ laughed out loud for a second before he could get his reaction under control. “Sorry, again.”
“Can I go?” I asked, my voice having more whine to it then I intended.
“In a second,” he said simply, moving to sit on the edge of his seat so he was a little closer to me. “First I just need to know something. Is this really your first crush?”
“Does it matter?” I asked in reply, getting a simple nod from my coach. “Then yes. He’s the first guy I like, or crush, or whatever. It’s so stupid.”
“It’s not stupid Max,” TJ said with a smile, this one more like what I was used to seeing from him. “It just explains a lot. It’s clear you act differently around him, and knowing he’s the first guy you’ve liked makes that easier to understand. First crushes always have a way of getting in your head and messing things up. Now that I know all this, hopefully we can work through it. It seems like you don’t want to tell him about anything, so we can work on something else to help with your dilemma. I’m sure Tonya can help with that a little more than I can.”
“I don’t want her to know,” I quickly told him, sitting up even straighter in my chair at the seriousness of it all.
“Listen Max, as much as I am honored to get to know this little secret, if you will, talking to a female coach is going to be a much better idea,” he explained. “I want to help in any way I can, but having a female perspective on all of this will be best. And you know Tonya would never do anything to break your trust or embarrass you at all.”
“Okay, fine,” I said with a sigh, knowing he was right. “But do I really have to talk to her right now?”
“No, not right now,” he said, finally standing up to leave his office. “We can find time tomorrow. Between now and then I want you to think of how you can find a resolution for all of this. You can’t stop your feelings for him that easily, but maybe there’s a way to handle the distraction so this stunting setback starts getting better faster.”
“I’ll try,” I replied weakly as I stood up to follow him back into the open space of the gym.
He changed the subject as we walked through the building, and finally outside. I knew it was just an attempt to get my mind off of everything involving Jackson, and I was instantly thankful. Talking about the progress in my running tumbling was a subject I was much happier to cover. By the time we got outside I was feeling a little better about everything, even though I knew I was hardly out of the woods. Three people at the gym already knew how I felt about my stunt partner, and once I spoke to Tonya that would make four. Although, I realized as I joined my friends in eating some post practice snacks in the grass outside the gym, there might be more people that knew as well. If TJ picked up on things so quickly, there was a chance he wasn’t the only one. The real worry, I realized immediately, was whether or not Jackson was one of those people possibly in the know. Even thinking about it was another layer of stress, which was just the opposite of what I needed at the moment.
“But is it a kick and then a snap?” I asked Lexi the next morning while running through the dance Tonya had taught us the day before.
“It’s at the same time, but then there’s a second snap right after,” she explained between sips of her protein shake.
I tried the sequence a few more times before finally sitting down to finish my breakfast as well. We were sitting on one of the mats in the gym, hanging out with a group of other athletes I didn’t know very well. A few of them were girls I knew from when I was on Blast and Fuse, but there were also a few people that had been on Spark with my best friends the year before as well. I knew most of them by their first name even if we weren’t super close.
“Do you think it’s against the rules if I hide this bow in my backpack and grab one of the extras I brought?’ Halley asked me, holding her arm up for emphasis. On her wrist was a sparkly gold bow with the word “iBase” in green glitter on one of the top loops.
“Oh, that is pretty,” a girl whose name was either Becca and Becky said. “Trade?”
With a sigh Halley made the trade, a frown on her face. In reply we all giggled, knowing the bow was sure to be passed around a lot all weekend. If in the end Halley didn’t end up with it, there was sure to be another one that caught her eye and made her just as excited. Not to mention she still had a good bow from the trade. Although, she was still convinced the gold and green bow was clearly better.
“So, what do you thin
k we’re going to do today?” I asked Lexi, although there was a good chance she knew as little as I did.
“They mentioned we can’t trade bows when we leave the gym, so I’m hoping that means a field trip,” she said while finishing off her shake and moving on to the banana she had also grabbed for breakfast. “I don’t care if we even just go to another gym, I want to go somewhere different. Staying here just gets too boring the whole weekend.”
“Exactly,” I nodded, remembering how much fun it was to leave the gym my first year at TNT Force camp. During my second year of camp we skipped all of the field trips, and by Sunday’s showcase we were all antsy, to say the least. “I tried to trick my dad into giving me some hints last night, but he wouldn’t fall for anything.”
“Hopefully we find out something this morning,” Halley shrugged.
“Find out about what?”
Looking up, I saw it was none other than Jackson approaching us where we were finishing breakfast. Lexi filled him in quickly, while I watched Halley look my way. Both of my best friends knew not only my feelings for Jackson, but also about my conversation with TJ. I was reluctant to tell them about my conversation with my coach, but they knew something was different after my team practice time. They all but cornered me in the bathroom just before bed to get the full story. As expected, they promised to keep the news a secret, then to my shock told me they mostly agreed with TJ. It wouldn’t be easy, but opening up about my feelings could help me push through the stunting trouble it was causing. Or at least that’s what they said over and over until it was finally time to go to sleep.
“Anyone want to trade me for one of these?” Jackson asked, holding up both arms that were displaying extra glittery bows.
“Me!” a few girls said immediately, moving closer to him to make the trade. Since he was sitting next to me I was pretty much pushed aside in the process.
“They’re just bows,” I mumbled out loud before I could think better of it.
“Yeah, but only not,” Gabby, a girl I knew from my time on Fuze, said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
“What do you mean?” I asked while the trades between Jackson and the group of girls continued around me.
“They’re his bows,” she added in little more than a whisper. “Duh.”
“Oh, right,” I said with a slight nod.
As Gabby joined back in on the trading I found myself watching a little closer, realizing there were even more girls at the gym with eyes on my new teammate. It made me feel somehow more antsy, so when the coaches began instructing everyone to head outside I was happy for the distraction. Leaving the bow trading behind, I stood up and followed the cheerleaders exiting the building. Lexi was the only one to initially walk with me, but Jackson quickly caught up, two new bows on his wrists.
“So do I get to trade with you this morning?” he asked, falling into step next to me.
“If you want,” I offered, holding out the bows on my wrists for him to get a better look at.
“How about this one?” Reaching across my body, Jackson took hold of my right wrist and pulled it closer to see the solid grey bow with a center mounted glittery black cat. The feel of his fingers around my wrist made focusing on walking suddenly harder, so I slowed to a stop. I pulled the bow off my wrist, relieved when Jackson let go of my arm in order to take it from me. Then, he pulled off both of his bows and handed them to me so I could get a better look at each one.
“I really like the pink one,” Lexi said next to me.
“I guess,” I shrugged. In my hands I was holding a shimmery pink bow with the words ‘I’m really a mermaid’ on the top left loop. The other was a solid white ribbon with a chevron pattern of blue rhinestones over everything. “They’re both pretty.”
“You should go with this one,” Jackson suggested, tapping one finger on the white and blue bow. “It looks really good with your eyes.”
Without a real reply to him, I handed the pink bow back to Jackson and slipped the white bow onto my wrist. I could feel my face warming with blush, so I tried to keep my eyes focused on the bow for an extra minute in hopes it wouldn’t be as noticeable. But, when I finally looked up again I saw Jackson was intently watching me, a hint of a smile on his face. Not sure how I should respond I simply began walking again, leaving both him and Lexi to hurry their pace in order to catch up to me. When we got out to the parking lot, I saw we were being led to coned off areas separated by team. Giving Lexi a quick wave goodbye I walked with Jackson to find the other members of Nitro who were gathering in our designated spot.
“Any idea what we're doing?” I asked Emma who was giving me a strange look as I approached.
“Of course,” she grinned. “But I’m not going to tell you anything.”
“Thanks,” I said with an over exaggerated eye roll for emphasis. “I better get to be a captain or something next year so I can be in on all the secrets.”
“And until then you get to just wait like the rest of us,” Juleah laughed. Although I noticed she also looked a little frustrated that Emma knew details about camp she couldn’t tell everyone else.
“Any chance nap time might be an option?” Connor asked, walking over to join those of us standing around Emma.
“You’re already tired?” I asked him in reply.
“Only a little,” he assured me. “I never sleep well at camp. Too many people snoring or moving around all night.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Jackson told him with a bit of a frown.
“Wait, were you moving or snoring?” Emma asked immediately.
Before Jackson could answer, Nicole used a megaphone to get the attention of Nitro, along with the other teams standing around us. All thoughts of sleep from the night before vanished as we got instructions that the morning would be spent playing a variety of games to find out which youth, junior, and senior would reign supreme. Knowing a competition of some kind was coming up, I was able to focus on that and worry less about Jackson for at least the time being. Sure, he was on my squad and therefore also on my team, but at least getting Nitro to a top spot was an easy overall goal that would most likely capture all my attention.
Unlike the first night of camp, the competition we did Saturday morning was a lot more about setting records. Literally. Each squad competed in a variety of different activities, always trying to do something the fastest, the best, or even for the longest. Since Nitro was a senior team we were expected to do a lot more conditioning and hard work than the junior and, of course, youth teams. While they played what looked like cheer themed games, we did team laps around the block, saw how many standing tucks we could do in a row without an error, or did as many kick single baskets as possible in five minutes.
The competitions ran through lunch, and into the afternoon too. It gave us a lot of time to get tired and sweaty, right before going into our second team practice of the weekend. Knowing the conditioning we experienced in the morning games, TJ didn't push us as hard as I was worried he was going to. But, he still made us try everything full out twice before we got to take a much-needed break. The emphasis there is of course on try, since stunts were a bit shaky. Mostly my group, although I saw a few other fliers struggling due to being tired.
“You doing okay?” Jackson asked me once TJ finally dismissed everyone. I was sitting on the mat, still too frustrated from the less than successful full out to get up and follow my team out of the gym.
“Yeah,” I said rather unconvincingly.
“Do you want to work for a little more?” He asked while taking a seat next to me. Around us, other athletes headed outside without a second thought. I noticed Connor watching me for a moment, but I turned my attention back to Jackson in hopes he wouldn’t come over and ask me what was wrong.
“I don’t think so,” I answered honestly. “I need a nap or something.”
“Yeah, for real,” he laughed. “Well, maybe we’ll have some down time after dinner and can work together then.”
“Hopefully.”
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The rest of the teams were coming in for their practices, so I slowly got up and started walking out of the gym. Jackson of course followed along after me, walking just close enough that the sleeve of his shirt occasionally brushed my arm. I wanted to move further away from him, but with the crowd of younger athletes coming in, I didn’t have much room. Instead I focused on getting outside to find my friends. Only, I didn't get the chance. Instead I found myself sidelined when Jackson slowed to a stop just before exiting through the back doors of the gym. He placed a hand on my back so I would stop as well, the tingle of his hand on my bare skin giving me goosebumps. I only hoped he didn’t notice as I turned to face him.
“So, TJ was talking to me this morning and suggested you and I spend more time together.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth I felt panic set in. Instantly I feared that TJ told Jackson what we had spoken about, and I was about to dive head first into a conversation I wasn’t quite ready for. Thankfully, as Jackson kept talking, my worries were put to rest. “He thinks the more trust we build off the mat, the better things will be once we’re performing. I mean, you knew Matthew for a whole season before you were partnered with him last year, and you knew Connor for even longer before you were paired up this season. For me to walk in and stunt with you after an injury and expect you to be perfect on basically day two is crazy.”
“I never thought about it that way,” I replied, honestly feeling like it made a lot of sense.
“We don’t have a lot of time before the showcase tomorrow, but maybe we can spend more time together so we can start building our trust and getting to know each other.” He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then thought better of it. After dropping his gaze from mine for a second, he met my eyes once again before continuing. “If more time together off the mat means we can get you back to landing the skills you were last year then I’m willing to give it a try.”