Zaire’s heart went out to the girl, even as she scrambled to recall her name. Several of the last children in the line were balking about crawling into the dark tunnel, including little Sophie who still clung to Landon as he encouraged and reassured several of the kids to go ahead inside.
Hope surged to life. This was just the excuse that she needed! She could stay out here with the children who didn’t want to go in any more than she did. She bent down and opened her mouth to tell the little blonde that she would stay with her, but they were at the front of the line now and Landon beat her to the punch.
He reached out and squeezed the little girl’s shoulder. “Hey, sweetie, what’s your name?”
The girl took a step closer to Zaire’s side and studied Landon closely.
Zaire bit back a smirk.
Landon, with all his tan muscles and good looks, could be oh-so-intimidating when he wasn’t even trying to be. Especially more-so, Zaire imagined, to a young pre-teen girl just beginning to notice the opposite sex.
She settled one hand on the girl’s shoulder.
And that must have been enough to get her talking. “Maddie.”
Landon smiled, and stretched out one hand. “Maddie. Nice to meet you. I’m Mr. Breckenridge.”
Maddie timidly shook his hand, but Zaire heard a soft sigh slip from the girl when Landon’s fingers wrapped around hers. Still clinging to Landon’s left hand, Sophie’s eyes narrowed at Maddie.
Landon didn’t seem to notice. He squatted to his haunches in front of Maddie. “I was just telling Sophie here that I know crawling into that tunnel seems kind of scary. But I assure you that it’s safe. And once you get in there and see all those paintings that were made so many years ago it will be worth it, I promise.”
Zaire couldn’t help but feel that maybe his words were meant for her more than they were for the little girl, especially when he angled her a glance.
She wrinkled her nose at him and then looked away, refusing to meet his gaze for a moment longer. She didn’t need his help.
Returning his attention to Maddie, he smiled at her. “Alright now, let’s wipe those tears.”
Maddie complied, using the cuff of her flannel shirt sleeve to do so.
“Perfect. I knew you were a trooper just like Sophie here.”
Zaire’s intuition sprang to life. Why, he was using the two girls against each other! No pre-teen wanted to be outdone by another. Especially not two girls who both aimed to impress the same handsome man! And on top of that he knew that she wouldn’t want to be outdone by a couple of twelve-year-olds. She glowered at him. Of all the dirty…
Landon didn’t seem to take notice of her displeasure. He was still speaking to Maddie. “Now how about if I hold your hand too? You feeling better about going in there?”
Maddie’s head nodded like a puppet on a string. Her eyes were glued to Landon’s face.
The little traitor.
Zaire rolled her eyes at herself. Of course, what little girl wouldn’t feel better about anything by holding the hand of the handsome Landon Breckenridge? She rolled her eyes back the other direction. Was she really jealous of a couple of twelve-year-olds? How pathetic could she be?
And over a man that she didn’t even want in her life anymore! Heaven knew he’d already caused her enough pain and darkness and discouragement for one lifetime.
Zaire’s concentration dropped once more to the dark tunnel as her thoughts turned to even more morose contemplations.
All the children who had fallen to their knees and crawled through the little hole into the darkness had faith.
But there’s light on the other side.
Zaire shivered. Where were these thoughts coming from?
Yes, the children had faith that their teacher would not lead them into an area that would cause them harm. They had faith that the darkness would soon turn to light so they could see the wondrous, historical art all around them.
If only she could have that same faith—not in Shiloh’s choice of a field trip location—but that God would one day again illuminate her life so she could see the beauty all around her. Because she’d been crawling through this dark tunnel for what seemed like forever.
Landon and the girls were still lingering outside the cave, but this time Landon’s steady blue gaze was leveled right at her. And she had never been able to ignore the impact those blue eyes. With Sophie and Maddie still clinging to him, Landon tilted Zaire a sympathetic look and swept his chin towards the low entry. “After you.”
Zaire narrowed her eyes at him, but what could she do? Hadn’t she just been telling herself she would prove to him how she’d changed? And Maddie was standing there, studying her with her heart in her gray eyes, which brimmed with fresh tears about to fall. She had to be brave for the kids.
Thinking all sorts of invectives toward Shiloh, Zaire dropped to all fours, clicked on her flashlight, hauled in a fortifying breath, and forced herself to crawl into the interior of the cave. Blackness enshrouded her. The beam of her flashlight seemed pathetic against the thick force of atramentous air. Her beam barely penetrated far enough ahead to show her where to put her hands and knees. Her breaths begin to hitch. She could almost feel the walls creeping closer despite the darkness preventing her from being able to see them. How much farther ahead until she would see light? Surely Shiloh had the lanterns lit by now, right?
Behind her, the ghoulish flashes of light that could only be from the girls’ and Landon’s lights, cast eerie shadows on the ground that did nothing to comfort.
Air came in short rapid puffs now, one having just beaten against her teeth before the next one came to do the same. Her heart thumped a rapid tattoo against the base of her throat.
She closed her eyes, doing her best to picture an open field with beautiful blue sky arcing overhead and lots of sunlight streaming down, but all she could see was blackness, and all she could hear was the steady drip, drip, drip of the echoing liquid that seemed to be falling all around her, yet couldn’t be found with the probing of her light.
She froze. She had to go back. No matter how much she wanted to prove to Landon that she could face any challenge, she could not do this. One of the girls bumped into her from behind and screeched.
Then came Landon’s calm voice. “It’s alright, Maddie. It’s alright. It’s just Mrs. Breckenridge, see?”
At the sound of ‘Mrs. Breckenridge’ on his lips, Zaire glanced back, only to be blinded by his flashlight.
Her face must have looked more stricken than she’d realized, because there was true concern in Landon’s voice when he asked, “Zaire, you okay?”
“Mrs. Breckenridge, are you hurt?” Maddie’s voice was a timid squeak.
Only by the fact that my ex-husband just called me by his last name. “No, Maddie. I’m not hurt.” Zaire tried not to sound as breathy as she felt. And why shouldn’t he call you that? You never changed back to your maiden name after the divorce.
“Zai.” Landon’s voice was butter soft and soothing, the way it used to sound when he was trying to cajole her into something she didn’t quite want to do. “We have to move.”
She shone her light ahead. But the beam only seemed to be absorbed into space. Nothing but darkness lay ahead of her. “Landon, I—” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say the word ‘can’t’ to the man, when she’d proven there was so much she could do in the years he’d been gone. She’d started her own business and made it turn a profit in the first six-months! If that wasn’t proof that she had pulled herself up by her bootstraps and become self-sufficient, she didn’t know what was. But this…
“You can, Zai. You are the strongest woman I know. Just a few more paces ahead and we should see the other lights. The cave opens up just around the next corner.”
“Are you scared like me, Mrs. Breckenridge?” Sophie, sounding like she must be behind Maddie but just ahead of Landon, pulled in a shuddering breath.
Zaire still couldn’t bring herself to move. “I’ve ne
ver liked tight spaces, sweetheart.”
“Me neither,” both girls chimed together.
Perhaps it was the plaintive tone of their voices that urged her to action. Or maybe she just wanted to show the girls courage. Or maybe her desire to prove herself to Landon was simply making her into an idiot. “Okay how about we do this together, huh? You girls and me? And Landon can keep the walls from caving in on us.”
There was a soft gasp from Maddie. “Can the walls really cave in?”
“Zai.” Landon chastised, with the edges of a grin in his tone that she wouldn’t have heard if she didn’t know him so well.
Zaire hurried to correct her mistake. “No, no. We’re quite safe. The walls won’t cave in on us. I meant figuratively. Do you know what figuratively means?” She forced herself to put one hand in front of the other. One knee in front of the other. And slowly they begin to move forward again.
“Figuratively?” Maddie questioned.
“Figuratively means it might feel like the walls are going to cave in on us but they won’t actually.”
There was a beat of silence before Sophie offered, “Kind of like when you have to give a speech or something like that and you get really nervous and you feel like you’re going to pee your pants but you never really do?”
Zai chuckled. “Well, yes. Something like that.”
And then ahead of them—blessed light! Zaire’s breath left her in a rush as she quickly scrabbled the last few paces and straightened to her feet inside the main body of the cave. It still wasn’t very comforting knowing there was an entire mountain above their heads, but at least she wasn’t in a tiny tube that bumped each shoulder as she moved!
She turned and pulled first Maddie and then Sophie into a hug as they crawled into the cavern behind her. “Who was the first crazy person to think they ought to adventure into a tiny hole in the side of a mountain and discover where it went?” she whispered to the girls.
They both laughed and Maddie offered, “Must have been someone braver than us!”
Zaire smiled and rested her hands on the girls’ heads. “Must have been.”
“There’s Charity!” Sophie took Maddie’s hand and the girls scampered off to meet their friend. Zaire’s hands fell back to her sides as she lifted her attention to the wall all the children seemed to be studying.
Oh! She took in a breath. The paintings on the wall were so vivid that they might have been painted just yesterday.
Shiloh had hung several lanterns on poles throughout the cave. But all the flashlights were pointed at the wall, lighting it up almost like a monument.
She felt Landon come to stand beside her. “I disagree, you know.”
She frowned, pulling her focus from the paintings to flick him a glance. “What?”
“I know how hard that was for you. In fact, I’d bet it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do in a long time—put on a brave face for those girls like that. But you did it. I was impressed.”
Zaire studied him in disbelief, uncertain whether she should be angry that the man who had left her two years ago thought crawling through a claustrophobic tube might be the hardest thing she’d done lately, or whether she should be thankful that he at least had recognized that conquering her fear of dark tight spaces was indeed a big step.
Anger won out. “Yeah? Well, I’ve had to get used to doing hard things lately. If you’ll excuse me…”
She walked away from him then, feeling his doleful gaze on her, but hardly caring that she’d just tossed his olive branch back in his face.
Hardly.
CHAPTER 3
Landon gripped the back of his neck as he watched Zaire walk away. He deserved that comment, but that didn’t make it any easier to take. How had he been such an idiot?
Lord, I hurt her so badly. How do I make up for that when she won’t let me anywhere near her?
Someone stepped up beside him.
He turned.
Shiloh was giving him a look that said she didn’t want to have to say what she was about to say. “You promised—”
He held up his hands. “I know. I promised I’d stay away from her. But Maddie and Sophie were too scared to come in and we sort of just got thrown together. Not to mention that Zaire is terrified of caves like this.”
Shiloh’s eyes widened as she turned to search out Zaire who stood across the room, arms folded and a rather wan-looking smile on her face, as Maddie and Sophie, along with another little girl Landon didn’t recognize, chatted animatedly to her. “She never said she was afraid of caves.”
“I bet she did ask you about them though?”
Shiloh gasped. “She did! And I told her they were outdoors and could barely be considered caves at all.”
Landon nodded. “And that’s why she agreed to come. This”—he swept a gesture around the interior of the cavern—”is…a phobia of hers.”
Shiloh covered her mouth. “I feel terrible. Do you think she’s going to be okay?”
Landon propped his hands on his hips and studied his ex-wife, who was now at least attempting to laugh at something one of the girls had just said. “Considering the fact that she just reminded me in a rather pointed fashion that she’s gotten used to doing hard things lately, I think she’s going to be just fine.”
Shiloh tilted him a sympathetic look and reached out to lay one hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Landon. I’m praying for you guys. I know you want her back.”
Landon looked down at her, thankful for her friendship. “Yeah. Well…it might be too late for that, but I aim to keep trying.”
“Good. You know, if anyone understands what it feels like to have at one point thrown everything you love and hold dear away, and then to later realize what a fool you were, it’s me. So just know that I’m praying, and my prayers are grounded in understanding of where you are right now. And I’d appreciate your prayers in return.”
Landon studied her. Right out of high school, Shiloh had gotten pregnant. Her boyfriend Michael—or Micha as they all called him—had been a pretty good guy and he’d tried to talk Shiloh into settling down and marrying him. But Shiloh had always had big dreams. She’d wanted to travel. See the world. Give the baby up for adoption. Micha had tried to convince her that they had bigger responsibilities in light of the child they’d created, but Shiloh hadn’t been ready to settle down yet. She’d left him with the baby and gone on her world travels, only to come back a changed woman. But Micha had moved closer to Portland, Oregon, several years ago to find work. And it was obvious Shiloh’s heart was now breaking over her stupid decisions.
“You got them.” Landon reached over to squeeze her shoulder. “How is Quinten?”
She sighed. “Micha says he’s doing really good. Started second grade this year. I stopped and saw them this summer before coming home.”
“You ever think about moving near them? Seeing if you could patch things up?”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. “I had planned on it, yes. But when I was there Micha said he was seeing someone. So, no. I think it’s probably too late for that.”
“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful.”
Shiloh waved away his apology. “Not your fault. Anyhow, listen, I came over here to talk to you about the wall.” She gestured across the cave to the small shelf the kids would need to scale soon. “The schoolboard required me to promise that you would be right there helping the kids both up and down? They don’t want anyone getting cut on the sharp edges of the obsidian.”
Landon nodded. “Not a problem.”
“Okay. Thank you. We’ll head in that direction as soon as I can get everyone rounded up.”
“I’ll be ready.” He squeezed her shoulder one more time, still feeling for her over the pain she must be experiencing after having lost both her child and the man she loved.
Shiloh thanked him and walked away.
Landon looked up to find Zaire’s speculative scrutiny following Shiloh across the cave.
Zaire’s questioning gaze landed back on him, every nuance of her expression radiating betrayal. But after only a fraction of a second, her chin tipped up and she turned away from him.
He almost groaned. When would he ever stop hurting this woman?
He had to explain. He started forward, but just then Shiloh clapped her hands from the other side of the cave. “Okay, class. I hope you all have enjoyed looking at the pictographs on the wall. Isn’t it amazing to think that someone, maybe from the Wenatchee tribe, but no one knows for sure, painted that hundreds of years ago? And there are more. But we have to do just a little bit of climbing to get to them. The path is a little steep and has loose rocks on it, but Mr. Breckenridge is going to be right here to help each of you up onto the next level.”
Shiloh motioned Landon toward her, even as she scrabbled up the steep but short incline toward the next shelf of the caves. Shale turned over beneath her boots and her feet started to slip out from under her. “Oh!” She flapped her arms for balance.
Landon lurched forward and caught her, steadying her until she could boost herself to the next ledge.
Shiloh faced her class in embarrassment. “Well now, see that’s why we have Mr. Breckenridge here!” She laughed.
The class broke into cheers from the boys and titters of amusement from the girls.
Landon glanced over to see what Zaire might be thinking, and his frustration mounted as he took in the jut of her jaw and the way she kicked at the ground beneath her small boots.
Shiloh gave him an apologetic look before turning her focus to her class. “Alright that’s enough. Come on, everyone. Right this way.”
The boys scrambled forward first, and it was all Landon could do to keep some of them from bowling over others. But most of them didn’t need any help. Most of the girls were fairly independent too and he didn’t have to help any of them except for Sophie, Maddie, and a couple of their friends. Finally, he looked up and he and Zaire were the only two left on the lower level of the cave.
Soft Kisses and Birdsong (Riversong Book 2) Page 3