The children had all moved off to follow Shiloh, who was already talking excitedly about the paintings that were further back in the cave, so the two of them were almost alone.
Landon held his hand out to her, ready to help her climb the shale-dusted slope. “How are you holding up?”
She smiled thinly, but didn’t take his hand. “Better than I expected to be when I saw that tunnel from the outside.” She studied the rear of the cave with a little more trepidation in her expression.
Fine, if she didn’t want to join the others he was going to take advantage of having her semi-to-himself. “Listen, I know you saw Shiloh and me talking back there. But there’s nothing romantic between us. She was actually telling me about Micha and Quinten. Micha is apparently seeing someone.”
Zai folded her arms and scuffed her toe at the base of a stalagmite. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Micha was always good for her. Too bad Shiloh didn’t realize her mistakes until too late.”
She shrugged. “Yes, until things fell apart there at the end, they were always good for each other.”
We were too. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he managed to bite them back. She wasn’t ready to hear that yet. But maybe there was something that she was ready to hear. “But it’s good that she’s realized her mistakes and wants to make a change in her life. I, for one, am thankful that God never gives up on us.”
Zaire’s gaze snapped to his quicker than if her head had been on a rubber band. “And you’re trying to say that I have given up on you?”
He frowned. How had she turned this back on herself like that? “I wasn’t trying to say anything of the sort. If you have given up on me, I’ll be the first one to admit that I deserve it.”
She huffed out a sigh.
And he wished there was more light for him to read her expression by. Shining his flashlight in her face probably wasn’t going to win him any points.
A long moment of silence stretched.
“I can’t undo the past, Zai. No matter how much I wish I could. All I can do is walk forward into the future and try to be a different man than I was.”
She held her silence.
And for the first time in a long time, a tiny bloom of hope lifted its head. “I was a man who didn’t rely on God back then, Zai. Even when we were first dating, I only went to church to go through the motions. There was nothing in here.” He tapped the region of his heart, hoping she could see enough by the light of their flashlights to catch the gesture. “But I had a moment…of clarity, about a year ago.” He wasn’t quite ready to tell her that he’d been one anchor bolt away from falling hundreds of feet to his death. “And I realized that without living for the One who created me, died for me, and now intercedes for me, I was nothing. But with Him, I can be everything He needs me to be.”
She remained silent, so he pressed his luck.
“I left you, Zai, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to provide for you like I wanted to. My rock climbing business was just short of going bankrupt, and it and you were the only places I was reaching to in order to keep refueled. I figured that if I could no longer provide for you, you would no longer want me. So, I ran.”
She sniffed. Kicked the ground again. “Just like your dad.”
Ouch. He felt the impact of those words like a shot to the solar plexus. His shoulders drooped. “Yeah. Just like my dad. Only I’m worse because I saw how much his leaving hurt my mom, and I still went and left you.”
“You’re not worse, Landon. You just…”
He held his breath.
“…didn’t have the best example. And instead of relying on God to be your source and strength, you were relying on your business and…me. I guess I failed you just as much as you failed me, huh?”
He shook his head. “No. That’s not what this is about. I’m not trying to lay any blame at your feet. We weren’t perfect, but we were good. And it’s all on me that I chose to run away from that.”
She lifted her eyes to his then, and he let her search his face, hoping she could read all the sincerity he was feeling in his expression, because it was there in spades.
After a long moment, she tucked her lower lip between her teeth and tore her gaze from his. She looked up toward the back of the cave. “I guess we better go help Shiloh wrangle the kids.”
Disappointment seeped through him, but he didn’t press for more. It wasn’t like he’d been expecting her to throw herself into his arms and tell him all was forgiven and forgotten. He reminded himself to look on the bright side. It was the longest conversation they’d had since he’d come back home and he should be thankful for it.
He stretched his hand out to help her, but she brushed past him. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
He let her go, reminding himself that he’d known this wasn’t going to be easy.
But that didn’t stop him from tossing up a prayer for patience as she scaled the incline and walked away.
CHAPTER 4
The day was drawing to an end. It was time to gather all the children and get them back out to the loading area where parents should be waiting by now.
All afternoon since she’d left Landon standing forlornly at the base of the ledge, she hadn’t been able to get his words out of her mind. He sounded different. Seemed different. He wasn’t the same arrogant guy that she’d dated and married. Confident still, yes. But the underlying edge that he’d always seemed to carry with him was missing. And that intrigued her. Which in turn terrified her.
Burn me twice, and all that. Besides, he most likely didn’t even want to get back together with her. She determined that she wasn’t going to fall for him again, only to be hurt when he started dating some other woman who was more to his liking than she apparently had been.
She still got a physical ache in her chest every time she thought about the day Landon had come home and told her he was leaving her.
She’d been doing laundry—stuffing towels into the machine while she tried not to worry about the anger and depression Landon seemed to have been carrying around like his own personal cloud, back then.
She decided that she just needed to be more cheery to break him out of his funk.
So when she heard the front door open, she literally jogged out to meet him with a bounce in her step. “You’re home!”
He stood in the entryway, hands planted against the hall table, leaning there as though all the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.
Still set on letting her cheerfulness break through to him, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his back. “I bought steaks for dinner. It was a splurge, I know. But we don’t do it too often, so I thought just this once—”
“Zai, I’m leaving you.”
He said the words just like that, a rasp in his throat scraping over her like so much sandpaper. She stilled, certain for a moment that she couldn’t have heard him right. And then she pulled away, slowly. “What?”
He’d pushed past her. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. But I can’t—” His voice had choked off and he’d walked from the room.
Zaire’s recollection of the following days was a bit fuzzy. But there was one thing that she still remembered with distinct clarity, and that was the soccer-ball-sized lump of red-hot pain that had settled into her chest, making it hard to breath. Hard to think. Hard to function.
Zaire shook herself back to reality and realized she was standing off to one side of the group, rubbing the pads of her fingers against the ache in her chest.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
Zaire shone her light in the direction of the voices.
Three girls were squaring off right next to her and two of them looked like they were about to lay each other out.
“Hey, hey. What’s going on here?” Zaire stepped closer and rested a hand on each shoulder.
“Nothing,” came the reply from both of them in unison. The third girl, who was standing just to
one side, shook her head to indicate she wasn’t sharing either. But the two girls were still eyeing each other like two she-cats about to go rounds.
“Come on. I wasn’t born yesterday.” Zaire stepped between them and pushed them back from each other. Her recent return to reality from such painful memories seemed to have sapped her patience. “You were fighting about something. What is it?”
There was another long moment of extended silence. But finally, with a huff, one of the girls held up a rock.
“You were fighting over a rock?” She took the fist-sized lump of nearly knife-edged stone from the brunette. “Alright, who wants to be the first to tell their side?”
Both girls folded their arms and angled their little bodies in stiff poses. Neither of them spoke.
Zaire gave up. “Here’s the thing. Yeah, this rock is pretty cool. They used to use this kind of rock for all kinds of things from arrows to knives, did you know that?” She pressed on, not really needing an answer. “But we really aren’t supposed to take rocks from in here, anyhow. If everyone who came in here took a rock, then pretty soon there wouldn’t be any amazing ones like this left for the next people who come in here.” Lord, help them. “And it’s time to go. Mr. Breckenridge is helping everybody down to the lower level. So, I’m going to put this rock right over here. And both of you need to go get in line to head outside.”
Neither girl argued, but neither did they apologize to one another, and Zaire had the distinct feeling that faces were made the moment her back was turned. But after she had put the rock down and dusted off her hands, she was at least thankful to see that the three girls were walking together toward the exit.
They were the last to leave the upper level besides herself. What a day it had been! But she had made it through, and would soon be breathing fresh air again, thank the Lord. And she’d proved to herself and to Landon that she was made of stronger stuff than she’d realized. Satisfaction swept through her at that thought.
Landon helped the girls down and then turned to reach for her.
But Zaire had absolutely no intention of taking his hand. Shining her flashlight on the little trail leading down from her ledge, she pushed away the wonder of what it might feel like to have her hand wrapped in his just one more time. Her hand fisted against the impulse to give in and let him help her, just this once. She could do this. The path really wasn’t that steep, and she had made it up the incline just fine when she had left Landon just a while ago.
“Zaire, just let me help you.” He remained at the base of the shelf, hand uplifted.
She shook her head, not caring whether he could see her or not in the dim lighting. “No. I’ll be fine.” She chose where she would put her first footstep, knowing that she would have to move quickly once she started down. But the moment she started down the incline something buzzed her head. She screeched and batted at the area where the whuff of air had just mussed her hair.
“Steady, Zaire!”
She felt Landon’s hand skim her arm, but it was too late. Her legs went out from under her as the shale turned over under her boots. She was all arms and legs as she tried vainly to regain her balance, but it was not to be. She slid down the trail as though a pair of skates had been strapped to her feet, and landed in an undignified splat on the ground in front of Landon. She groaned in pain.
“Zai!” Landon fell to his knees beside her. “Honey, don’t move. Just lie still. I’m right here. Tell me where it hurts.”
Zaire’s only reply was another groan as she tried to assess which areas of pain were the most imminent. Then another thought jolted through her. “Where’s the bat?”
Landon shone his flashlight toward the ceiling of the cave for a moment. “Not sure. I don’t see it now. But it won’t hurt us.”
Zaire shuddered and clutched for him. “Don’t leave me.” Moisture was already soaking through her clothes.
Landon’s face appeared above her, outlined in the rather scary looking light that was the result of his flashlight being shown against his face. “I’m right here, babe. See me? Are you alright?”
Zaire shook her head. “Don’t call me babe.” And had he called her ‘honey’ just a moment ago? Must have been a slip of the tongue. Old habit.
“Sorry. Are you hurt?”
She pulled in a breath and a shard of agony shot through her chest. “I don’t know. Hurts to breathe.”
The light left Landon’s face, leaving the area above her in complete darkness.
She followed the beam of his flashlight with her eyes until it came to a stop on the three girls she’d been speaking to only moments ago. They were huddled together, staring at Landon and Zaire, eyes as wide as silver dollars.
“Girls, listen.” Landon’s voice was smooth and calm. “I think Mrs. Breckenridge might have just broken some ribs. I need you to go out and let Miss Finn know that she needs to get to town right away and send the paramedics.”
“Landon, I don’t need paramedics!” Zaire started to sit up to prove her point, but so much pain burst to life with the movement that she gasped and eased back to the ground.
Landon didn’t miss a beat. He was still speaking to the girls. “Tell Miss Finn. Broken ribs. We need paramedics. Got it?”
The three girls nodded rapidly and then scurried off, dropping to their knees one by one and disappearing into the tunnel.
Until that moment, Zaire’s right arm had mostly been pinned beneath her. Now she rolled gently off it, willing herself not to gasp in pain.
“Right, now—”
An arc of red spurted across the beam of her flashlight that shone from where it had tumbled to a stop against a rock. “Landon?” A frown furrowed her brow.
She heard him take in a breath and felt his hand clamp firmly around her upper arm. She knew that wasn’t a good sign. “Hurts to breathe, huh? Which side is hurting?” There was a distinct tremor in his voice now.
She tried to figure it out, but gave up. “I can’t tell. Hurts everywhere. But…my arm…feels funny.”
“Yeah, I bet it does. Zaire…honey…your arm is bleeding here, so we’re just going to get that stopped first, alright?”
There he went slipping back into old habits, again. But she didn’t have the strength to correct him this time.
Landon had never been one to babble. But he was definitely babbling now.
“I’m just going to…” In the dim light she saw him glance around helplessly, and then scrub his cheek against one shoulder as though to reorder his thoughts. And then in the next minute he was using his one free arm to yank his T-shirt off over his head while his other hand remained painfully tight around her upper arm. “Make a tourniquet out of my shirt. But I need you to tie it in a knot. Can you do that for me?”
Zaire’s eyes widened. Landon was trembling from head to foot, and he didn’t want to let go of her arm. That must mean the laceration was pretty bad. She tried to sound confident, but her voice was barely audible when she said, “Sure. I can do that.” The task was easier said than done, however, because her right arm was going numb. It took her a couple of fumbling attempts and in the end, she needed help from Landon’s free hand to get a knot to form in the middle of the T-shirt.
“Good. Good. That’s good,” Landon kept reassuring, but Zaire had the impression that he was talking more to keep himself calm than because he was actually happy with her sloppy knot. “Now,” he continued, “I’m just going to…”
Zaire couldn’t understand any more of his words because he shoved the end of his flashlight between his teeth and directed it toward her arm. He kept up his running dialogue, but it was impossible to discern his words. Was that because of the flashlight? Or because of her light head? She felt like everything was swirling around her in a dizzying vortex.
Something pinched tight against her arm. So tight that she flinched. “That hurts.”
“I know, babe. Sorry. I have to keep it real tight for now.”
She didn’t even have the energy to correct h
is use of the pet name.
There was silence for a moment as Landon focused the beam of his light on the inner side of her upper arm. Zaire tried to see his expression, but the brightness of the light disguised the face behind it.
After a long moment, he snatched the light from his mouth. “Good. I think we got that stopped, but we have to get you out of here and headed for the hosp—off of this cold damp ground. But it’s going to hurt like all get-out here for a little bit. But I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”
Zaire tried to chuckle, but she feared that it came out more like another groan. “Do I have a choice?”
“Good point. Not really. Zai, I have to go out to my truck right quick. I’ll be back just as soon as I can, but—”
Zaire clutched for him. “Don’t you dare leave me!” True terror filled her for the first time since she had fallen. She didn’t care how self-sufficient she wanted him to think she was. Lying here in a dark cave by herself wasn’t going to happen!
“I’m not leaving you, I promise. I’ll be right back. But you’re going to have to trust me on this one.” He pressed something into her left hand. “Here’s your flashlight in case you need it. Two minutes, Zai. I’ll be back inside two minutes. I know you’re scared. I’m sorry.” Deep regret hung in his words.
“Landon.” She reached for him again, but this time found only air. He’d left her. Just like last time.
Zaire felt tears trickling back into her hair. And for some reason she was trembling all over, even though she didn’t feel that cold.
Horror washed through Shiloh as the story tumbled in bits and pieces from the three girls.
“She said there was a bat!”
“Something cracked really loud when she fell!”
“And I saw blood!”
“The man said to tell you she has broke ribs!”
“And to get the—”
“—paramedics!”
Shiloh felt all the blood drain from her face. She snatched her phone from her pocket, but had zero signal bars. Dear Jesus help her. She glanced around at all the expectant faces of the children, who waited to see what she would do. But she felt frozen for a moment. This was just supposed to be a fun field trip. And now she’d gotten a good friend hurt. Just like everything else in her life, this simple thing had turned to dust in her grip.
Soft Kisses and Birdsong (Riversong Book 2) Page 4