Zaire shot out a hand. “Micha—sorry—Dr. Stanton—”
“Micha, please.” He waved away her formality. “We’re all old friends here.”
“What are the chances of me talking you into just letting me go home? I don’t have the greatest insurance and—”
“I told you, it’s all covered.” There was no give in Landon’s words.
“Yes, but—”
Micha was looking back and forth between them, brow furrowed. “I must be missing something? Aren’t you covered under Landon’s insurance?”
And there it was.
The fresh reminder of her failures washed over her again, just like it did each time she had to tell someone that Landon had left her.
Landon looked down and scuffed a toe against the floor.
Zaire release a huff. Fine, if he wasn’t going to say it then she would.
“We’re divorced.”
They ended up saying it together.
Micha swallowed. Looked down at his clipboard. Then back up. “I’m sorry. I hadn’t heard. Listen—”
Landon lifted a hand. “Is there anything preventing a…friend from paying the hospital bills of another person?”
“Well, no.”
“Good. I’ll pay any expense that Zaire’s insurance doesn’t cover. Just give her the best treatment you know how.”
Micha looked at her, questioningly.
A wave of exhaustion washed over her. The man was too stubborn for her to fight. She waved her uninjured hand, wincing just a bit when the IV jabbed into her. “Fine. Let him have his way.”
Landon looked pleased. He gripped the rail at the side of her bed. “See, that wasn’t so hard now was it?” His gaze captured hers.
There was a smile in Micha’s response. “I need to get going. I’ll be back in a while.”
Zaire should have said goodbye, or at least given him a little wave, but she couldn’t seem to pull her attention from Landon.
His expression turned soft and serious, and he leaned forward and stroked the backs of his fingers across her cheek. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
Despite her realization that his caress had just sent a warm curl through her, she felt her brow pinch. The retort that jumped to mind was ‘you already have, and it was your choice.’ But for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to voice it.
And that right there was the reason she should ask him to leave. Right now.
But she couldn’t bring herself to say that, either.
She brushed his hand back and tore her gaze from his, then fiddled with the buttons to adjust the head of her bed. “I shouldn’t have begged you to stay. I’m sure you have stuff you need to be doing for work. You can go.”
“And what if I want to stay?”
Her eyes snapped back to his, and it was the hope his words elicited that made her want to despair.
She was in trouble. Deep trouble.
Landon stepped back, reminding himself not to push.
He was thankful for the reprieve Micha’s entrance had offered.
The truth was, Zaire had expected him to provide a lot for her back when they were married, but that had stemmed from the fact that he’d hidden from her the depth of the financial crisis his business was in.
He’d been a new husband and trying to balance a growing business with spending time with his bride. A couple of appointments with sponsors had never made it onto his calendar, due to his assistant at the time being inexperienced and more than a little incompetent. Because of that, he’d missed a couple of sponsorship meetings and had lost half his funding. On top of that, blogging—which up to that point had been a large part of his income via revenue from the ads on his site—had been rapidly declining and his income from that had dropped in half also. Then a climber in one of his classes—something he’d started up on the side to supplement the lost income—had fallen when he hadn’t followed Landon’s safety instructions, but the insurance hadn’t cared about that, and the claim had been astronomical. His insurance had dropped him, which meant he’d had to cancel the classes until he could find another provider. Any one thing alone he would have been able to bounce back from. But all of them together had sent his business to the very brink of bankruptcy.
Yet he’d never once shared any of it with Zaire. He hadn’t wanted her to worry. More to the point, he hadn’t wanted her to see him as a failure. His mother had made it abundantly clear on more than one occasion that his father was such a failure. And he’d often wondered if their marriage would have lasted if his father hadn’t been so open about his shortcomings? He hadn’t wanted the same result for his marriage, but…in the end his choices had still led to the loss he’d been trying to prevent.
Since Zaire was unaware of the financial crisis, her spending habits hadn’t changed. And each request she’d made, each suggestion that they remodel this room, or redo the backyard, or update the windows in the house, had put another crack in the dam that had eventually burst.
Now, with some distance from the problem, he could see that it was mostly his fault, and he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t bring up that sore spot with Zaire, and then he’d gone and blown it.
He could see by the way she was looking at him even now that she hadn’t forgotten what they’d been talking about before they were interrupted.
“What did you mean? Before Micha came in when you said I used to expect you to pay for everything?” There was a pale weariness just beneath the surface of her face that made him feel even worse for the slip.
He bent down and brushed the hair back from her face. “I misspoke. Please just let it go. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m going to go and let you get some rest, alright? In the morning I’ll sneak you in one of the sausage breakfast sandwiches that you like so much from Golden Loaves.”
But before he could pull away, she caught his hand. Her grip was weak and weary. He could have easily escaped her. The old Landon might have, but he would give her the respect of facing his mistakes.
“If I ever made you feel pressured above what you could do, I’m very sorry about that.”
He fondled the fourth finger of her left hand, where his ring should still be, but which was unbearably empty. “It wasn’t your fault. My business was failing. I should have told you, but I never could bring myself to do it. I wanted you to be proud of me, not see me as a failure.”
She swallowed. “Did I make you feel like I wouldn’t love you or be proud of you if your rock-climbing gig didn’t take off?”
“Zai.” He kissed the back of her hand. “I want to talk to you about this stuff, I really do. But right now I’m worried about you. A few hours ago I thought I was going to lose you forever. So…can you just try to rest and we can discuss this later?”
She settled more comfortably into her pillow. “Fine. But I want you to know that just because I gave in and agreed to let you pay doesn’t mean I have any expectations of you. I’m sure you have more important things to be doing. Feel free to leave anytime.”
That shot a cold dart of reality through him. He nodded and released her hands. She thought she was being a burden. “I get that you might feel that way. But I really would like to stay with you, if you will let me.”
Instead of answering that, she said, “And I also want you to promise me that paying for this isn’t going to set you back?”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets, fisted the lining and squeezed hard. “No. My show took off and paying for a couple nights in the hospital isn’t going to set me back.” Now was probably the time he should tell her that he’d chosen not to renew his contract so that he could move back home and try to resurrect their relationship. But that would open up a whole other line of conversation and he wanted her to rest.
She closed her eyes and gave a small nod. “Okay.” The word was barely audible. “I think I will rest now.”
He stood where he was for the longest time, just listening to the soft inhales and exhales that hammered home she
was indeed alive.
And for now, he’d have to be thankful just for that. Because if he’d lost her, he feared what that might have done to his faith.
A nurse bustled through the door and almost barreled into him. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” She gave him a second look. “You look dead on your feet. Would you like me to bring you a cot?”
He looked at her. “I can stay here with her tonight?”
“You’re her husband, right? Of course you can.”
He opened his mouth to correct her mistake and then snapped it shut. “A cot would be great.”
CHAPTER 8
An annoying beeping woke Zaire, and when she opened her eyes and recognized her surroundings, she realized it was coming from the nurses station across the hall.
Her head felt like it was stuffed with Poly-Fil, and her arm throbbed with each pulse of her heart.
She must have made a noise because suddenly Landon’s face came into view. He had bed-head hair.
He’d stayed. The feeling filled her with a contentment she was too groggy to fend off. She smiled over the pain, and cocked an eyebrow. “Did you sleep here?”
He scrubbed one hand back through his hair. “That bad, huh? He lifted a cup that had obviously come from a vending machine somewhere. “Coffee. I can’t vouch for the taste, but maybe it will make up for what I currently lack in grooming.” He winked.
She was suddenly filled with memories that had her mouth turning dry and her stomach knotting with desire. Landon nudging her awake mornings to bring her fresh-brewed coffee. And when she would glower at the mug and snuggle back beneath the covers, he would set the coffee on her nightstand and come in after her. In the early years, it had become their routine—something that had made him late for work on more than one occasion. His kisses and attention had thrilled her with joy—something that gave her that morning jolt better than even a triple espresso ever could.
She looked away. Closed her eyes against the pain which had increased incrementally with the length of the memory.
Landon cleared his throat—a sound that let her know he too had been thinking back to better days. He leaned over the bed and set the coffee on the rolling hospital table.
There was another need pressing at her, one that blazed warmth across her cheeks as she eyed the door to the tiny little bathroom across the way. In the middle of the night when a nurse had come in to check on her, she’d had the woman help her across the room. She hadn’t realized Landon was still in the room, so she hadn’t paid too much attention to this terrible hospital gown they had her in. How much had he seen?
“If you don’t mind, could you step out for a minute? I need to—” She swept a gesture to the restroom.
Landon leaned across her and pushed the button to call the nurse.
Zaire frowned at him. “I didn’t mean I needed the nurse.”
“I know you didn’t. But as woozy as you still are, I don’t want you moving around without someone to help you. I’ll step out just as soon as a nurse gets here to help you.”
In preparation for the fact that she would soon need to move, Zaire started to push the portable hospital table, which was on the opposite side of where Landon stood, further from the side of the bed, but the action stabbed agony through her arm and chest. She gasped.
“I’ll get that for you.” Landon was around the bed and moving it before she’d even recovered from the pain of trying. “You need some stronger pain meds too, don’t you?”
“No. Nothing stronger. You know what they do to me.”
Landon’s brow furrowed. “You mean they didn’t give you any last night after the surgery?”
She shook her head. “I declined them.”
“Zai, your body needs rest.”
She was saved from defending herself, by a voice coming from the hallway. “Knock, knock?”
Zaire’s eyes fell closed. Great. Just what she needed.
Her mother poked her head around the curtain that hung between the bed and the door to the outer hall, her father right behind her.
She’d called them last night and the only thing that had prevented them from rushing right over was her assurance that she really just wanted to sleep and she would see them in the morning. She might have known that they would show up at first light. At the sight of Landon standing by the bed, both her mother and father jolted to a stop.
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?” The barbed question was directed straight at Landon.
And for some reason, Zaire felt herself coming to his defense. “It’s okay, Mom. He’s actually the one who saved my life and got me to the hospital. He’s just here as a good citizen.”
A muscle in Landon’s jaw bulged for a moment, before he folded his arms over his chest. “Mr. and Mrs. Kitzer, good to see you again.”
The line was delivered awkwardly, considering he used to call them Mom and Dad just like she did. Was it their presence? Or something she’d said?
The nurse bustled in just then and Landon left the room without another word. The nurse pushed off the call-light by Zaire’s bed, while Mom and Dad moved around to the far side of the bed where they’d be mostly out of the way.
“What can I do for you, hon?”
Zaire motioned toward the restroom. “I just need to—and my…Landon didn’t want me moving without help.”
“Right. No problem.” The nurse helped her across the room, waited till she was finished and then escorted her back to the bed.
Zaire tried not to feel awkward with her parents standing by watching the whole thing, but failed. She could feel the disapproval radiating off them in waves. They were just waiting for the nurse to leave before they would let her have both barrels.
As she sank back onto the edge of the bed, she clutched a couple handfuls of sheets and sat frozen for just a moment to let the wave of agony threading through her pass.
The nurse’s simply-on-the-job expression softened into sympathy. “What are the chances that I can talk you into taking some pain reliever, now? The night nurse said you refused any.”
Zaire considered for only a moment before nodding. Pain relievers might make her loopy, but some relief from the pain that pulsed with every beat of her heart would be nice, right about now. “Yeah. I think I will take some now.”
“Of course, hon. I’ll bring it right away.”
“Thank you.” If she had to listen to her parents’ recriminations, at least she would be able to do it from the hazy distance of la la land.
Sure enough, the moment the nurse left the room, mom leaned forward to practically hiss. “What was he doing here?”
Zaire pretended to misunderstand the question. “You know he’s moved back to town, Mom. You’ve practically glowered at him through every sermon for the past several weeks.”
Mom made a noise of disgust. “I don’t mean here in Riversong and you know it!”
Zaire looked at her dad, hoping for him to issue a cease-fire order, but apparently he was more Mom’s ally than hers in this war.
More to the point, why was she even considering standing up for Landon? The coward had run like a dog with its tail between its legs at the first sight of her parents. And yet, somehow, she still felt the urge to defend him.
She started to speak, but the nurse bustled back in with a couple of pills in a little plastic medicine cup in one hand, and a pitcher of water in the other. “Here you go. This ought to cut that pain right down.” She held the tablets out to Zaire.
“Thank you.” Zaire navigated her IV cords, popped the pills in her mouth, and accepted the cup of water the nurse poured, downing the tablets and hopefully some of her frustration with her parents.
“Anything else, hon?”
“Can you tell me when Dr. Stanton will be by on his rounds?”
The nurse shook her head. “I’m sorry I can’t be specific. All I can tell you is that he is scheduled to do rounds between eight thirty and eleven. The exact time he gets to your room will depend on his othe
r patients.”
“How about breakfast?” Zaire was grasping at straws now to keep the nurse from leaving again.
The woman cast a surreptitious glance at her parents before she broke into a smile. “I bet you are hungry. You slept right through dinner last night. Breakfast should be here in thirty minutes.”
Unable to think of anything else, Zaire thanked the woman and tipped her head back and closed her eyes as she left.
She felt Mom lean over the bed and straighten her covers. “Oh you poor dear. You must be exhausted. We’re just so glad you are okay. I just can’t—” Mom’s words choked off and Zaire looked up at her, feeling a pang of guilt for wanting to avoid the confrontation with her parents when she knew they only had her best interests at heart.
She reached up and took her mom’s hand. “It wasn’t like we were on a date, Mom. We were both helping out with the same field trip. That’s all. Then I fell and he saved my life. Literally, according to Micha. So you might give him a bit of a break.”
Mom sniffed. “Micha? You mentioned Dr. Stanton? Not Micha Stanton?”
Zaire smiled. “Yes. The boy who kicked his soccer ball through your front window is the doctor who performed lifesaving surgery on me last night. He apparently just moved back to town.”
“Dear God in heaven. I’m so glad I didn’t know that till now,” Dad muttered.
“Jonah! Such profanity!” Mom chided.
Dad gave her an implacable look.
Holding back a chuckle, Zaire adjusted herself into a more comfortable position and felt a wave of dizziness wash over her.
Finally. The wondrous pain meds were kicking in to carry her off to a cloud of uninhibited indifference.
Soft Kisses and Birdsong (Riversong Book 2) Page 7