Along the Cane River: Books 1-5 in the Inspirational Cane River Romance Series

by Mary Jane Hathaway

  Looking out at the river below, Rose knew that she didn’t deserve this place or these people, and certainly didn’t deserve a second chance to build a life outside the walls of her sister’s house.

  She didn’t deserve it, but she would take it.

  Chapter Seven

  “This is the past: It drifts, it gathers. If you are not careful, it will bury you.”

  ― Lauren Oliver

  “All quiet on the Western front,” Rose whispered to Alice. The bookstore was bright with the afternoon sun, but the stacks were empty of customers. The old gray cat, Van Winkle, dozed in his usual spot on the desktop, as unmoving as a photo. Mr. Darcy sat at the end of the poetry range, a black sentry with an unblinking green gaze. The black and white tiled floor gleamed, and the air was scented with fresh coffee.

  “Sweet dreams though the guns are booming,” Alice quoted back. She rolled each shoulder, careful not to disturb Elizabeth sleeping in her arms. Even in her sleep, the little girl had a frown between her brows. “You should take a break. Go take a walk by the river. We’re all comfy here.”

  Rose leaned over Emily Jane, asleep in her portable bassinet behind the desk, and adjusted her little shirt, which read ‘I Would Always Rather Be Happy Than Dignified.’ Rose had smiled when she’d seen it, wondering how many Jane Eyre quotes Alice could fit into a baby’s wardrobe. And then she’d seen Elizabeth’s outfit and laughed out loud. ‘Nevertheless, His Mustachios Are Splendid’ was written above a large, black mustache on the little shirt. It was one of Rose’s favorite lines from North and South, and it made Elizabeth’s colic a little less painful, at least for Rose.

  Rose glanced at Aurora in the play area. The little girl appeared to be putting a cake in the play oven, a zebra print apron hanging down to her little red Converse sneakers. “Everybody’s perfect right now, but that could change in ten seconds.”

  “Charlie’s coming at noon. Bix is straightening books in the back. Paul should be here in about twenty minutes with paninis for us. There aren’t any customers.” Alice paused. “Of course, now that I’ve said it, the babies will wake up, Aurora will have to go potty, we’ll get ten customers, Charlie will be late, Bix will have to walk Patty, and Paul will have an emergency meeting.”

  “There’s an impressive prediction. I never would have thought you were a pessimist.”

  “Reformed,” Alice said. “But really, I want you to feel like you can look around the store, walk outside, or run upstairs for a bit.”

  It was true, she’d been staying pretty close to Alice and the girls. It was hard to know how far was too far. She didn’t want to miss the moment she was needed, and those moments came often. Of course, maybe she was bothering Alice. It would be hard to have someone new in your space, especially when they shadowed you from the moment you walked in.

  “Plus,” Alice went on, “I don’t want you too tired to go to dinner tonight.”

  Ah. Rose was hoping that Alice would have forgotten the invitation. “Actually, I was thinking…”

  “You’re going to cancel. Of course, maybe you’d like a quiet evening at home. I completely understand.”

  “No, actually.” As much as Rose didn’t want to go to dinner with Blue, she loved being around this little family. Her evenings without them seemed empty. She didn’t have any friends, didn’t watch TV. She usually read for a while, took a bath, and went to bed early. She acted like she was eighty, even though she hadn’t even hit thirty. “I was going to say… about Blue.”

  Alice’s posture had changed and her eyes were bright. “Go on.”

  Rose leaned against the front desk and tried to think of the right approach. She’d seen Blue a few times in the hallway and once at Sunshine Bakery, when he was heading out as she headed in. “Paul said that you knew about…”

  Alice waited, the smile fading from her face.

  “My conviction.”

  “Your brother in law mentioned it when he recommended you for the job. Paul looked into it, too.” Alice’s tone was soft but matter of fact.

  Rose grimaced. She loved her brother in law but she hated the idea of him talking about her personal life to a stranger. She also wondered what “looking into it” really meant. Probably very thorough background check with maybe some interviews with friends and family. It would have been ex-friends, since all her friends had faded into the wallpaper the moment she’d been arrested. Rose shook off her irritation. Four years ago, most of the city of Boston was talking about her personal life and she didn’t know them, either.

  “Does Blue know?” Rose didn’t know why it mattered. She’d learned a long time ago that she couldn’t control what other people thought of her. But for some reason it did.

  “I’m not sure.” Alice leaned forward and put her hand on Rose’s. “And if he did, he wouldn’t say anything. Blue isn’t that kind of guy. He’s very kind.”

  “I know. I mean, he seems nice.” The point wasn’t whether he would ask her about it, but whether he knew. Knowing changed everything and although they weren’t close, she didn’t want anything to change. Right now, her life was okay.

  More than okay, actually. It was pretty great.

  Rose wasn’t sure how to state her request so she just took a deep breath and asked, “Could we not tell him?” She could feel her face getting hot. “I’m not going to lie, but if he doesn’t know yet, I’d like to just try to keep it that way.”

  Alice frowned. “But eventually he’ll have to know.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if you’re going to be…” Alice said. “It’s just that friends don’t keep secrets.”

  Rose knew that Alice was going to say something other than friends. “I don’t want to be rude,” she started to say.

  “Oh, don’t worry about me. I won’t be offended.” Alice nodded, as if to reassure Rose that she was telling the truth.

  “Of course, in a perfect world, maybe I’d want to get to know him better,” Rose said. It hurt to even voice the thought. Her life was several universes away from a perfect world.

  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rose. Will you marry me?”

  “Of course!” Her chest hurt with happiness. She laughed and cried as he put on the ring.

  “I love you. I always will.”

  “But I really don’t want to― I’m just not ready― even for friendship.”

  Alice cocked her head. “But everyone needs friends.”

  She dropped her gaze to Van Winkle sleeping on the desk. When she lived in Boston she’d had so many friends. Planning a party was a chore because she had to make tough choices on who to invite, since her enormous loft apartment in the business district could only hold a few hundred at a time. All of those people were gone, including the ones she’d thought were closest to her. No one had stood by her except her sister. She’d gotten used to being alone and explaining it was harder than she’d imagined it would be.

  Rose looked into Alice’s eyes and realized that she’d made a friend without even realizing it, almost against her will. Instead of feeling warm inside, her chest tightened with fear. “I’m just not a very social person. I like to be by myself.”

  Alice opened her mouth to object, then seemed to change her mind. “Of course. I would never mention it,” she said.

  “It’s just that people act differently around me when they know.”

  “Do you think I do?”

  “Well, no, but you’re not a lawyer.” Rose gave a little shrug. Another lawyer would understand how far she’d gone to win her case. Some could say it was her job, but it was more than that. She’d lost her humanity and hadn’t even realized it until her world had caved in around her.

  “But I’m a mother,” Alice said.

  Her words caught Rose by surprise and she sucked in a hard breath.

  “The mother of the victims would like to read a statement to the court before sentencing.”

  She couldn’t look up. She couldn’t meet her eyes, this woman th
at she’d destroyed. But she deserved that much. Rose couldn’t bring back her children but Rose could look at this woman, look at her while she told the court how her whole life had ended the night of the crash.

  Alice looked as if she regretted her words. “I just mean that Blue won’t think any less of you because he’s a lawyer. He’s a human being first.”

  Rose nodded, her emotions still churning. She didn’t have any right to ask anything from anybody. She deserved every ounce of disdain and disgust.

  Alice went on. “I won’t say anything, Rose. You don’t have to live that mistake over and over with us.” Her voice was soft.

  “Thank you.” She cleared her throat. “I think I’ll go look at some books, if that’s okay. I’ll be close enough if you need me.”

  “You sure you don’t want to get out of the store? I’m sure it starts to feel a little claustrophobic.”

  “Maybe a little later.” After that conversation, she wanted to hide away, where no one could see her. “I’ll just go browse.”

  “Borrow anything you like.” Alice still sounded as if she wished she hadn’t been so honest. But Rose needed honesty. Lies had brought her to that Christmas night four years ago. Lies, and refusing to accept responsibility for a man she’d kept out of jail.

  She walked toward the poetry section, trying to remember that unlearning a lifetime of bad habits was going to take just as long. I like to be by myself. It seemed she couldn’t ever be completely honest, with anybody. The truth was that if she stopped to think about it, stopped running after toddlers or rocking babies, she was so desperately lonely. She felt it bone-deep, like a chill that would never go away.

  She trailed her fingers over the leather bindings. During the day, the tight pinch of isolation seemed to ease, all the repetitive thoughts and memories faded away. She felt like herself around them.

  Rose pulled a book from the shelf and flipped through the pages. The words entered her brain and drifted out again just as quickly. She frowned at the lines, wondering if she would ever get back her ability to concentrate. She used to read for hours and hours, focused on legal documents and interpreting rulings. Meanwhile, she’d listened to music, texted friends, and snacked at the same time. That ability was gone, along with her peace.

  Peace. That was what Paul and Alice had. Even in the midst of crying babies and toddler meltdowns, they seemed calm. Connected, even. Once Rose had seen Paul wink at Alice as he passed her a screaming Elizabeth. And Alice had smiled back. It was as if everything that was happening at the moment was fleeting and not only could they not be moved by it, but they were somehow enjoying the experience.

  Paging forward a few sections, Rose tried to focus again. Annabel Lee by Edgar Alan Poe was more familiar to her than the back of her hand but she read it slowly, as if some other meaning might appear than the one she’d already gleaned. But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee; with a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

  coveted her and me.

  She’d loved Richard, but she wasn’t sure it had been the noblest kind of love. Looking back, Rose was uncomfortably aware of how her affection for him had grown the more she’d learned about his wealthy family, his Ivy League education, and his chances for promotion.

  She skipped forward, to Annabel Lee’s death. But our love it was stronger by far than the love, of those who were older than we- of many far wiser than we- and neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee. Her love for Richard had been strong enough to keep her in denial, past the point he’d asked her to return the engagement ring, past the days he didn’t return her calls, and long past the moment she’d heard he was getting married to someone else.

  For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee; and the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

  Rose swallowed hard. She was sure Richard never thought of her now. But here she was, pining for him, years after their last conversation. He must feel like he was lucky to have gotten away with as little notoriety as he did. And in that moment of looking backward, Rose felt her future stretch out far, far ahead of her, icy and unending, and she was nothing. In fact, she was the memory of nothing, a memory that passed by without anybody noticing.

  “Hey, there,” a voice said behind her and Rose slammed the book closed, as if caught doing something wrong.

  Blue held up a hand. His expression was contrite. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He looked closer. “Are you―?”

  Rose forced a smile. “I’m fine. Just reading some sad poetry. My life was a little too bright and sunny for a moment. Had to rectify that.”

  He laughed, but it wasn’t quite as hearty as it could have been. Blue looked like he’d just started his day, perfectly clean shaven and a nice suit that showed very few wrinkles for that hour of the afternoon. Rose couldn’t help glancing down at her black slacks and pink sleeveless top. There was a stain on her left shoulder, and she was sure that she smelled faintly of sour milk. She didn’t bother to put a hand to her hair. She knew it was a mess. She’d tried to tame it right out of the shower that morning, but she was going to have to invest in some real styling products if she was going to take it down a notch, from riotous to simply very curly.

  “How’s it going with the girls?” he asked.

  “Great. Alice shooed me away for a few minutes. Poor woman probably misses her alone time.”

  Leaning lightly against the range, Blue shook his head. “I’m pretty sure she hasn’t had any alone time for months. Maybe years. With the security on the building and their house, I don’t think she’s really been alone when she’s with the kids.”

  “Security?”

  “The pair at the front and the back of the building.” He frowned. “You know, the people standing around, not reading.”

  Rose couldn’t believe she hadn’t clued in before that moment. There had been the young woman in the chair the first day, the older man near the stairs, and the two she’d glimpsed in the parking lot. They weren’t reading books or waiting for anyone, just standing around. Of course they would have bodyguards. Maybe that was why they weren’t as concerned when they hired her. Between the cameras and the security, there was always someone watching.

  Blue went on. “She and Paul were running like crazy before you showed up. We all tried to lend a hand, but it’s different when you have someone on a schedule. You’ve changed the whole feel of the place.”

  She scanned his face for any hint of condescension but he seemed sincere. “In a week?”

  “In a week,” he agreed. “They look more relaxed, all of them. Even Bix.”

  Rose felt a warmth spread inside, but cocked an eyebrow. “Not Elizabeth.”

  He laughed and she couldn’t help smiling back. “Who knows what Elizabeth is thinking except ‘ouch’ and ‘I hate this’. Poor little thing.”

  “Have they taken her to a doctor?” she asked. “No, I’m sure they have. Dumb question.”

  “Not dumb at all, and they did. Colic is pretty common, unfortunately. The pediatrician said she’ll outgrow it around twelve weeks.”

  Rose grimaced. “Wow. That’s eight weeks away.”

  “That’s why you’ve been such a Godsend. Another pair of hands to help out. But it’s not just about being present. You’ve got a real gentle way with Aurora, with all of them. ” He smiled down at her and she tried to look back without expression, but she felt her face go warm. Blue must know how handsome he was. Women must melt into a puddle when he paid them any attention at all. Some good eye contact, a few compliments and they probably waved the white flag of surrender.

  Rose turned away, pretending to scan the shelves for another book. “Well, I’m glad.”

  He was quiet for a moment, as if he sensed he’d made her unhappy. “What are you reading?”

  She handed the book to him without turning al
l the way back. “Just a collection. I opened it up to Annabel Lee when you walked in.”

  “And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride, in the sepulchre there by the sea, in her tomb by the sounding sea,” he said, quoting the ending. “I’ve never liked that poem. It’s really not realistic. He needs to move on.”

  Rose turned slowly to face him. “Move on?”

  “Sure. They loved each other, that’s great. But now she’s dead and he’s going to live his life next to her tomb? I’m sure nobody does that. They just go on with life the best they can.” Blue shrugged. There was something in his expression that told her it wasn’t just a poem for him.

  “Well, right, that’s why it’s a famous ballad about romantic love,” Rose said, letting her tone go sharp. “Of course nobody hangs around once the love of their life is gone. They just rush out and find someone new.”

  “Shouldn’t they? Everyone deserves to be happy.”

  “Not really, no. I don’t think we get that stipulated on a contract when we’re born. And if by chance you do find happiness with someone, it doesn’t mean you get a chance at it twice.” They were facing each other now. Her fists were at her hips. He held the book by just the fingers of one hand, as if his disdain for the poem kept him from bringing it any closer.

  “Nobody can force someone else to love them. If they want to leave, they leave. There’s nothing you can do about it,” he said.

  Rose felt ice wash through her veins. Was he talking about her? Did he know that she’d been trying on wedding dresses one day, and canceling wedding reception reservations the next?

  “Right. Sure. And when the love of your life leaves, you just get over it like that, right?” She snapped her fingers, inches from his nose.

  He glared down at her. “Exactly. Just like that.”