To her surprise, Alice threw her head back and laughed.
“I guess you’re not mad.”
“Of course I’m not mad. It probably just got you where you are a little faster.”
Blue reached them and gave Rose a questioning look.
Elizabeth started to cry, and Alice got up. “That’s my cue. I’m going to go change her inside. Want me to take Emily Jane to Paul?”
Rose shook her head. She felt secure with the little baby in her arms, as if the words she had to say would be easier somehow.
“Okay,” Alice said, a wide smile on her face. She paused as she turned to go and gave Blue a kiss on the cheek. “Told you so.”
They watched her walk away and there was an awkward silence.
“Blue, I’m sorry―
“I brought you―” he said at the same time.
They smiled at each other. “You first,” he said.
“I’m sorry for not telling you about being disbarred. It’s complicated and I do want to tell you the whole story.”
He looked pained. “I reacted like a jerk. I was just surprised and I don’t know why I took it personally. But I do want to hear the story, if you want to tell it. When you’re ready, I mean.”
For just a moment, Rose felt the wild hope that she wouldn’t have to tell him anything at all. Then the hope faded. She wanted more than this. She wanted something real with Blue.
“Want to sit down?”
“Sorry. Yes,” he said. He settled into the other chair and then a second later stood up again. “I brought something to show you but I just sat on it.”
Rose took the card from him and shifted Emily Jane so she could open the envelope.
It was a beautifully detailed raven, wings spread, feet planted together, head turned to the side and beak slightly open. The bird was several shades of black but legs and beak were tan, not orange, as if it were an old photograph. Rose sucked in a breath and she caught a word written into a feather. Actually, the feather was the word. Nevermore.
He sat down next to her again.
“That day you saw ink on my shirt, I’d been working on a Gerard Manley Hopkins poem but ruined the whole thing. I was going to quit again, like I usually did when I’d spent weeks on something and had to scrap it but,” Blue cleared his throat, as if nervous admitting to it, “then we talked about Poe and I decided to try this instead.” Everything had tumbled out a little faster than normal as if he were afraid she wouldn’t like what she saw.
“It’s beautiful,” Rose said. She never wanted to stop looking at it. Reluctantly, she held it out. “You’re very talented. Thank you for showing it to me.”
“No, it’s for you.”
“You didn’t have to give me anything. If someone should be giving out peace offerings, it should be me.”
Blue glanced over at the group in the corner of the yard and Andy flashed him a thumbs up. Gideon nodded, Austin grinned, Fr. Tom waved his hand in a circle as if to say “get a move on, we’re ready to eat”. Bix looked in the opposite direction of all the action.
“It’s not exactly a peace offering. It’s a token of my…”
Rose’s eyes went wide. A toke of what? Love? Esteem? Admiration?
“I don’t want to fake date,” Blue said.
“You’re asking me out?”
He nodded. “Not just a conversation in the poetry aisle or meeting accidentally at the bakery. I want to get to know you.”
A month ago she would have run fast and hard in the other direction. She’d been afraid of anyone getting to know her because if she couldn’t like herself, how could anyone else? But she’d grown since then, or changed, or perhaps just accepted what always had been and learned to be at peace with it.
“Yes,” she said, a smile spreading over her face. “Of course.”
She wanted to kiss him and even leaned forward a little before remembering the group on the other side of the little lawn. She glanced over and it seemed as if they’d all turned at once, staring in the opposite direction, except for Bix, who was facing them now, and Mark who was dumping Pringles into Bilbo’s open mouth.
She turned back to Blue and knew he’d been thinking the same thing.
“We can talk more about it later,” he said, lips turning up. “Without the audience.”
“Right.” She tried hard not to laugh.
He stood up. “I think dinner is ready.” He held out his hand and Rose joined him, slipping her fingers into his.
All of a sudden, her hopes became real. What was once out of her reach was within her grasp. Not quite hers, yet, but close. She needed to be like Gideon and tell the truth without hiding or blurring the details. A thrill of deep unease passed through her at the thought, but she shoved it away. There would be time for all for that later. Tonight she was going to embrace the promise of a new life.
Chapter Nineteen
“Your past is always your past. Even if you forget it, it remembers you.”
― Sarah Dessen
Rose sat up straight in bed, her heart pounding. Just another dream. She’d hoped that they were gone for good, now that she and Blue were truly together.
Looking at her alarm clock, Rose let herself curl back under the quilt and closed her eyes. Light was peeking around the shade but she didn’t have to be up for another hour. The dream hovered like smoke, and she tried to think of something happy, like how he’d kissed her last night, or how they’d talked about going to The Red Hen for lunch today, or how he’d laughed about having to tell Alice she’d been right about the curse after all.
She smiled into her pillow but the dream filtered through, tendrils of conversation and images sucking her back into the horror of that moment. She’d been back in her loft, with the walls of windows looking out on the Boston skyscrapers. It was freezing. Music blared from the surround sound speakers and people danced in little groups, drinks in hand. Richard was there, but had his arms around another woman whose face was turned away.
Then she’d seen Tyler next to the bar. The dream Rose moved like she was covered in tar, and even waving her arms had taken superhuman effort. She tried to shout but nobody could hear her. Tyler downed a drink, then another. Dream Rose had managed one step and was still so far away. And then she’d seen Blue standing alone in the corner, watching her. He looked furious and disgusted. Dream Rose had given up trying to stop Tyler and tried to move toward Blue, but he’d disappeared.
Rose tried to focus on the real Blue, who had said he could be patient, that he’d be ready to hear her story whenever she was ready. The real Blue was warm and kind.
The sound of someone pounding on the front door had her bolting upright again. Jumping out from under the covers, Rose grabbed her robe from the hook. Maybe one of the babies was sick. Or Aurora was hurt. She hurried to the front door, heart in her throat.
A large, balding man stood there and it took Rose several seconds to place him. He was one of the security officers who rotated between the back door and parking lot. He sometimes sat in the red chair near the front of the bookstore but seemed to prefer the outside areas.
“Miss Black?”
“Yes,” she said and was surprised when her voice was just a whisper. “Alice―?”
“They’re all fine.” He pulled out a newspaper and handed it to her. “Mr. Olivier thought it was better to keep the girls at home today. He’ll be over to see you in a few hours.”
Rose stared down at the headline and her vision went gray.
‘Killer Nanny Can’t Stay Away From Children’ was the headline over a photo of herself and the girls. She was laughing at something Aurora had said, and pushing the stroller with the babies inside. Strangely, Rose thought of how the air had smelled like bread that day because the breeze was blowing down the block from Sunshine Bakery. She’d worn her favorite green shirt and hadn’t bothered trying to tame her hair.
“Thank you,” Rose whispered and closed the door.
She sank onto the couch and read
the first paragraph before starting to cry. She hadn’t told Blue the truth last night because she’d been weak and selfish.
She’d wanted one more day as Rose Black, and not Rose O’Connor, the lawyer who was responsible for killing four people.
***
Blue walked out of the back door of By the Book and hesitated. Instead of the two regular security men discretely seated at benches on either end of the parking lot, there were six placed around the area. Two large men stood at the back door, dressed in suits with sunglasses in place and hands crossed in front. They both nodded at him.
A woman walked along the side of the parking lot and turned, scanning the sidewalk on her way back to the bookstore. A young man stood at the far corner, watching traffic. The two on the benches didn’t look so discrete today. As he passed, he saw they were dressed alike, more officially.
Coming around the corner to his office, Blue saw another two in front. He considered asking them if there was a problem, but knew they’d never tell him anything. It was better just to call Alice or Paul. The thought of the girls in danger made his heart start to pound. He hurried through into the office and almost walked into his father.
“Well,” Lee Chalfant said. “How’s everything with you?”
Blue took in the wide grin, the ever-present cigar, and knew the increased security had something to do with his father. Of course, he would go after those closest to Blue. He hated himself for it, but a small part was glad that his father had chosen to target Paul and Alice, rather than Rose. The Oliviers could protect themselves. Rose had nothing but her pink Pinto and a suitcase full of clothes.
“I told you she was bad news. And stupid, too. You can’t hide under a fake name, not in this day and age.”
Blue blinked and looked to Cyndi who was sitting at her desk. She nudged a paper forward and Blue could read the headline from where he stood. Killer nanny?
“Oh, you ain’t seen it yet?” His father let out a laugh. “Slower than I thought. Just like your friends. They got enough money to burn a wet mule and they hired an ex con to watch their kids? Can’t fix stupid, I guess.”
Blue finally got his bearings and moved toward the door. Opening it, he stood to the side. Six months ago, he’d known this day was coming. It was no surprise. But the reality of such a final separation made him sick to his stomach. This wasn’t what he’d wanted. He’d tried so hard to make his father proud. But he had let his father’s amoral behavior dictate his own for far too long. “Get out, and don’t come back,” he said.
His father let out a low laugh. “If that’s the way ya want it.” And he walked back out into the sunshine, leaving a gray fog of cigar smoke and echo of his laughter.
“I didn’t know if I should have let him in, or not, Mr. Chalfant.” Cyndi shook her head. “Actually, he walked right in. I didn’t have much choice other than calling the police.”
Blue didn’t think the police would have come for that, not if it was about the man who donated heavily to the officer’s ball every year. He hoped he was wrong, but he’d been Lee Chalfant’s son long enough to know better. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said.
“Did you want to read it?” she asked, glancing at the paper.
“You know, I think I’m going to go back upstairs.” He motioned toward the bookstore. “I’d rather hear it from her.”
It seemed to take forever, and at the same time, just a second or two before he was standing in front of Rose’s door. It was silent inside and he wondered if she’d left, maybe to Ruby and Bix’s house, or Alice and Paul’s. He knocked softly.
There was no answer and no sound from inside. He knocked again, speaking into the crack of the door. “Rose? Are you home?”
He heard her at the door and stepped back. She must have been very close.
Her eyes were red but there was a set to her shoulders that said she wasn’t broken, not yet.
“Can I come in?”
She stepped back and closed the door behind him.
There was a moment where he tried to find something to say, and then decided first things first. He held out his arms and she let out a sob, her face crumbling as she walked into him, wrapping her arms around him as tight as she could.
They stood that way for a long while. “I saw the headline but I haven’t read it yet,” he said against her hair.
Her body stiffened. “I don’t know if I can say it. I meant to, really.”
He pulled back and looked at her. “I believe you.”
“Gideon, he said it so calmly, like it was perfectly normal to admit something awful. And I realized that even though I thought I was taking responsibility, I was still running away. The fake name, the pretending I was someone else.”
Blue wiped a tear from her cheek. “Would it be easier if I read the article?”
She considered that. “No. It’s pretty harsh.” She took a deep breath and stepped back.
“I was charged in connection with the vehicular homicide of four people, including three small children, aged five, three and one.” Her voice was flat. “The grandparents were seriously injured. I was in prison for a year, had five hundred hours community service and I’m still on probation. That was why I was disbarred.”
“Three,” he repeated, horror washing over him.
“All the children in the family. Gone. The parents left to somehow go on with their lives.”
He swayed a bit on his feet, feeling as if his body had absorbed a physical blow. He couldn’t imagine. It was the stuff of nightmares.
She nodded. “Before you ask, I have no idea why Paul and Alice think I’m the right woman to care for their children. Especially with Alice’s connection to drunk driving.”
Maybe it was the lawyer in him but he sifted through the details, desperate to make sense of what she said. “Four people? Who was the fourth?”
“The driver of the other car.”
“You weren’t… I thought the DUI was yours?”
She shook her head. “I wasn’t even there.”
***
Rose thought of the dream that had woken her from a deep sleep, and how Blue had looked angry with her. As usual, her dreams had twisted, made her worst fears come true. As painful as it had been to see Blue’s face when she explained about the children who had died, he hadn’t looked angry. Yet.
She took a deep breath. “I was a lawyer. You know that.”
He nodded, eyes fixed on hers.
“I worked at a big firm in Boston, had a lot of really wealthy clients. There was a kid caught drunk driving and I was given his case,” she said. “Well, I actually took it gladly because I knew the judge would be sympathetic and it would be an easy win. No prior convictions, just been stopped a few times and let go. I heard rumors that those previous stops were for drunk driving but nobody could prove it and the officers weren’t saying.”
“So, he was released.”
“Community service and released to the care of his parents. They were the kind that would cover for their kid no matter what happened. It was all about keeping their boy happy.” She grimaced. “They had their own legal issues but had always managed to get out of real jail time. White collar criminals, the both of them. But it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. It’s what I did, get guilty people out of trouble.”
“And this kid?”
“I didn’t see him again until Christmas, when he showed up at my party.”
“Why is Skyler Jackson here?”
“Why not, Rose? I invited his parents and I guess they decided to bring him along.”
“He shouldn’t be here. He’s a minor and his parole says he can’t be around alcohol.”
“Oh, you want me to throw them out? Babe, now is not the time to treat him like a criminal.”
She watched realization dawn on Blue’s face. “Your party, your alcohol.”
“Yes. They brought charges against me for furnishing alcohol to a minor. Since he then went on to kill himself and three other peo
ple, I was complicit in the crime.”
“Legally responsible,” Blue clarified. “You didn’t know that was going to happen.”
She loved him for arguing her side. “I saw him drinking. I was responsible. It probably sounds awful. How could I have watched him drink and done nothing? But I was a different person then. I didn’t care about much except my career and my fiancé and making a good impression. I was like a five year old walking around in a grown up body.”
“You’re way ahead of me. I’ve only just started to take responsibility for myself. I’ve been letting my father do that for me and he’s not the person you want in charge of your moral decisions. This could have happened to me. Just as easily, I could be responsible for ruining someone’s life by proxy.”
He pulled her close again and she rested against his shoulder, letting his warmth seep into her bones. “I understand you’re carrying guilt for this but you didn’t intend for any of that to happen. It’s not the same as murdering someone in cold blood.”
It had been a long time since anyone had tried to convince her she was innocent and Rose closed her eyes, savoring the moment. “I appreciate that. But three little kids are dead and a teenager didn’t get to grow up to realize he needed to make better choices.”
He smoothed her hair with his hand. “Is that why you’re afraid of dying? Or of what will happen when your life is over?”
She nodded against his shoulder.
“I’m not as afraid as I was before I met you,” she said softly.
“Why?”
“You explained it in a way that made sense, I guess. When we were reading poetry at Alice’s house, it all fit together.”
“But such a tide as moving seems asleep, too full for sound and foam,” he quoted.
She looked up at him. “When that which drew from out the boundless deep turns again home,” she said. “I was afraid to die because I thought I was damned. And I was so afraid to die that couldn’t let myself focus on living.”
“I’m glad you’re back in the land of the living because I need you here, Rose Black.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
Along the Cane River: Books 1-5 in the Inspirational Cane River Romance Series Page 116