The Hope of Refuge

by Cindy Woodsmall

  “Aren’t you going to stop and speak to him?” Cara asked.

  “No.”

  “At least wave?” She studied him as if waiting for some piece of information to make sense.

  “He wasn’t looking our way.”

  It did seem a little odd that Rueben hadn’t made eye contact or acknowledged them, but in a way Ephraim couldn’t blame Rueben for being angry with him.

  Thankfully, she dropped the matter. Soon they were entering his driveway.

  He slowed the horse as he pulled into the barn. “I haven’t been home before dark all week.”

  She rubbed her thumb and index finger together, mimicking what she’d told him represented the world’s smallest violin.

  “Slave driver.”

  “Rich boy.”

  She slid the strap of the backpack onto one arm and climbed down. He unhitched the horse and put it in the field. Better Days ran after the horse, and Lori took off.

  She gazed beyond the gate that led to the pasture. “Look at that pond.”

  He’d seen it a million times, but today the golden amber shades reflecting the almost-setting sun reminded him of the harvest moon. “Want to walk that way?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  As they strolled, Cara seemed to soak in her surroundings, studying the trees and wildflowers as they drew close to the pond.

  “‘From, look.” Lori ran up to them, holding a stick. “Watch this.” She tossed it, and Better Days raced to it. He stared at it before running back to Lori.

  “Here, boy.” Ephraim whistled. The puppy ignored him, but the mama dog came running from nowhere. Lori giggled and grabbed another stick. While Cara gazed at the pond, Lori tossed the stick, and, surprisingly, the mama dog fetched it each time.

  Cara tucked her arms around herself. “It’s gorgeous.”

  “A night sky is better.”

  She went to the water’s edge, and he wondered what she was thinking. And feeling.

  The leaves on the trees that lined the upper banks whispered in the breeze. A group of mallards landed on the water in front of her, causing ripples.

  Lori ran toward her mother but couldn’t stop in time to keep from pushing her forward. Lori fell back on the bank, but Cara almost landed in the pond. While regaining her balance, the mama dog crashed into the back of her legs, making her knees buckle. Cara fell headfirst into the shallow water.

  Ephraim ran in, grabbed her by the arm, and helped her to her feet. Mud dripped from her arms and chest. Her white sneakers were hidden under the soft, gooey mud.

  “You okay? The dog—”

  She slung filth from her hands. “I’m well aware of what happened.”

  “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” He held on to her arm as he took a step toward dry land.

  Cara tried to move forward, but she seemed stuck. She yanked on one leg. Her bare foot suddenly jerked free, and she jolted against Ephraim, and they both began to topple. As he reached for her other arm to steady her, the dog jumped on him, sending both of them into the water.

  He got to his feet, feeling the slimy muck seeping through his clothes. He grappled for better footing and then took her by the arm, trying to help her stand. As she pulled against him to get upright, he slipped and took her down with him.

  Cara sat in the shallow water, looking at him as if he’d planned all this. “We can do this, right?”

  He laughed. “We haven’t been successful so far. But I don’t think we can give up.” He stood and reached for her.

  She put both hands in the air like a stop sign. “Oh no. Not a chance. You’ve helped me enough, thanks.”

  Every moment he spent with her seemed to make him crave more. Suddenly he realized they were in far murkier waters than the pond.

  She pulled herself to her feet and dug in the mud until she found her shoe. Tossing it to the bank, she almost fell again.

  With her feet and hands in the shallow water, she half walked, half crawled onto dry land and sat on the grass. “I smell like fish and sludge. Yuck.” She glanced up to see tears in Lori’s eyes. “If you cry, kid, so help me I’ll push ‘From back in the water.”

  “What’d I do?” He took two giant steps out of the water and flopped onto the ground next to her. “Let’s throw the dog into the water. This was all her fault.”

  The tension in Lori’s face eased. “You’re not mad, are you, Mom?”

  “Yes, yes I am.”

  Lori laughed. “Seriously?”

  “I’m also wet and muddy.” She stood. “One bathroom for two adults to get cleaned up. Now, how’s that supposed to…”

  She let her sentence trail, and Ephraim looked to see why. On the hill above them stood Mahlon, Deborah, and Anna Mary. They stared. His sister looked as if the scene in front of her made no sense. She turned away. Mahlon waved and then followed her. He knew what was happening. They’d heard the ruckus and had come to see if someone needed help, but now they had to leave without talking to him. Anna Mary didn’t budge.

  “Tough crowd,” Cara mumbled. “What’s going on?”

  He shrugged, watching as Anna Mary came toward him. Was she going to sidestep the ban and talk to him?

  Cara got to her feet and started up the hill. “Anna Mary, hi.”

  Anna Mary didn’t respond. She focused only on him. “This is wrong, Ephraim. Are you trying to make her think you could actually be interested in someone like her?”

  “Someone like me?” Cara’s voice took on an edge.

  She faced Cara. “I’m not blaming you. He should think. But men don’t, you know.”

  “Someone like me?” Cara repeated.

  He wasn’t surprised at Cara’s seething tone. But he didn’t understand why Anna Mary wasn’t sounding at least a bit jealous. Since they began seeing each other, she’d had times of flaring with jealousy over girls he’d spoken to or taken home from a singing umpteen years ago. And none of them meant anything. Never had. Yet his feelings for Cara were multiplying faster than made any logical sense.

  “While he’s been helping you, his business didn’t meet its scheduled work load.”

  “That’s enough, Anna Mary.” But it was too late. He saw in Cara’s eyes that she understood more than he wanted her to.

  Anna Mary clenched her jaw. “Then we need to talk. Privately.” Cara snatched the backpack off the ground and held her hand out for Lori. When they were out of hearing range, Anna Mary turned back to him. “The bishop gave me permission to be here.”

  Ephraim’s heart rate increased. “What’s going on?”

  “The shop is already getting behind on orders, and you’ve only been gone a week. Grey and Mahlon tried to keep up, but your Daed had to step in. It’s too much stress for him. His arrhythmia went wild, and now he’s in the hospital.”

  As if the past week had been a fling and now reality had closed in around him, he couldn’t catch his breath. “I want to see him.”

  “The bishop said he’s willing to lift the ban concerning your Daed.”

  “Good. And I want to talk to his cardiologist.”

  “Becca’s been trying to see the doctor too. Last I talked to her, she said he’s supposed to be making hospital rounds tomorrow morning.”

  Ephraim’s heart twisted. Cara couldn’t finish that painting job by herself, not before the Garretts came home. But he couldn’t let himself be sidetracked any longer. The last time he spoke to Daed’s nurse, she hinted there might be an option concerning his heart problems. He needed to check into that before his father’s heart failed altogether.

  Trying to plan a dozen things at once, he felt as if he were trapped inside the old dark silo where Cara once hid. “I need you to do several things for me. One, ask Mahlon and Grey to help Cara tomorrow. She’s wrapping up a painting job. If either of them will go in my stead, I’ll head straight to the hospital.”

  “They’ll do it. You know they will. But I have more that I need to tell you.”

  He wasn’t sure he could handle
more.

  “My Daed, the bishop, and a few members of the community have found a place for Cara to move to—in Carlisle.”

  “Your Daed got involved?”

  “He’s more upset than I am about that woman being here.”

  With his mind lingering on Cara day and night, Ephraim could see why Rueben felt concern. The emotions churning inside him alarmed him at times. Maybe he should let the wisdom of the men in the community prevail over his current choices.

  “The twenty-mile distance will more than satisfy the bishop’s desires that she move on, but it’s not so far you can’t keep up with how she’s doing. Daed and some others pitched in to cover three months of rent plus the deposit. The bishop also has a list of potential jobs within walking distance of the place.”

  Duty to his family and community and desire to be with Cara warred within him.

  “Let her go, Ephraim. Stop trying to be her answer to everything, and do what’s best for your family. For the business and community. For us.”

  He knew she was right. With his Daed sick and the shop struggling, he had no choice. Besides, finding Cara a place and making sure she and Lori weren’t separated was his goal—that and getting the community to accept who she was and treat her right. If the bishop, Rueben Lantz, and some others had gone through all the steps to find her a place, they must be willing to accept her—at least somewhat—in spite of the rumors concerning her and her mother.

  Ephraim made himself respond. “Ya. It does seem to be time.”

  Cara’s friendship seemed to fade, like a dream he couldn’t hold on to once he awoke, leaving only longing in its stead.

  “How could he do this?” Deborah fought against tears. “It’s like he’s enjoying being shunned. Did you see him laughing and horsing around?” She stopped at the clothesline and yanked a towel from its clips.

  Mahlon slid his hand into hers. “It was a funny situation. That’s all. They’d both fallen into the water.”

  “What was he doing at the pond with her anyway? Having a stroll has nothing to do with giving her a place to live.” Deborah half folded the towel and dropped it into the basket. “And what if Daed had seen that? Does Ephraim understand what it could do to him?”

  Mahlon picked up the laundry basket and held it for her. “Your Daed wasn’t there. Don’t borrow trouble.”

  She took a dress off the line and folded it halfheartedly before tossing it in the basket. “I wanted to be the one to talk to him.”

  “I know. But the bishop was right. If Ephraim was going to feel drawn back into the fold, it’d be Anna Mary doing the pulling. If a woman in love can’t make a man see and hear what he needs to, no one can.”

  “Mamm could’ve gotten through to him. If she were around, he’d not have done any of this.”

  “You can’t know that. Come on, Deb. Ephraim deserves a little room. He’s stepping out to do something he feels is right. Do you really think he’s that wrong?”

  Without answering him Deborah pulled more clothes from the line and wiped at tears. This past week had been miserable. And knowing Mahlon wanted to get away by himself only added to the hurt she carried.

  Seeing Anna Mary coming toward them, Deborah stopped messing with laundry. “How’d it go?”

  She gave a nervous shudder. “I’ve never been so bold with Ephraim. But I told him what he needed to do, and he agreed.”

  “He’s going to do it?”

  Anna Mary nodded.

  “Did Cara agree?”

  “I didn’t talk in front of her.” Anna Mary crossed her arms. “But I told Ephraim it’s not right to act so friendly around her. She’s gonna get the wrong idea about how he feels toward her.”

  Deborah sighed. “I just hope Daed doesn’t find out that Ephraim’s not keeping his distance from her as he should.”

  Ephraim knocked on his own front door, waited a few moments, and entered. How would he explain to Cara that his family and business needs dictated his life? They had for years.

  She was standing beside the double kitchen sinks, still wearing the wet, muddy clothes. Her face and arms dripped with clean water as she grabbed a hand towel. The backpack sat in one of the sinks. She turned to face him. “You’ve been lying to me.”

  “I have not.”

  She ran the rag over her face and bare arms, keeping her eyes fixed on him. The hurt she tried to hide sliced into him. “Fine. Don’t be honest with me.”

  With no clue what to say, he wrestled with everything that had to be said.

  “I can’t believe this.” She slung the towel into the sink.

  “Look, it’s complicated, and I can explain it.”

  “You lasted a little over a week. It’s more than I should have expected. And I appreciate it.”

  Her calm, matter-of-fact tone belied the betrayal reflected in her eyes. The walls between them that had been removed now reappeared like a magic trick gone bad.

  “You need to work at your shop tomorrow. I’ll finish at the Garretts’ on my own and bring your share of the money once I get paid. Then Lori and I will move on.”

  “You caught wind that something’s not right, and that’s it? You’re done?”

  “I may not dress appropriately or wear my hair just so or know anything from inside that Bible you read every night, but I don’t play people.”

  “I wasn’t playing you.” He walked toward her, feeling his shoes and socks squish with mud and water. “I’ve kept a few things from you but not to trick or deceive you. I was trying to protect you until the time was right.”

  “What things?”

  “Why don’t you get a shower, and we’ll talk after we eat.”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not about to trust anything you have to say now.”

  He’d done a horrible job of trying to be God to her, but he had to make her understand. “For a dozen reasons I can’t make you see, I was trying to do the right thing. There are more people involved in this than just you, Cara. People I care about.”

  She made a face. “What are you talking about?”

  He pulled a chair out for her. “I think you should sit.”

  “No.” She gazed into his eyes, once again looking as defiant as the day he saw her at the barn. “I have things to do.” She went into the bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the shower.

  He couldn’t help but wonder if some sliver of this was how God felt sometimes. God gave up things He didn’t have to. He cared so much it hurt, and at the first sign of a perceived wrong, His people stopped trusting Him or even trying to hear Him. But as the thought came and went, he knew this wasn’t about who God was to her. It was about who she was to God. Wondering if that’s how relationships with God always started out, he prayed for her.

  The door to the bedroom creaked as Lori opened it. “Can me and Better Days come out now?”

  “Sure. Are you hungry?”

  Lori moved to a chair, her brown eyes reflecting concern. “Mom’s mad, huh?”

  “A little.”

  “Does this mean we gotta leave?”

  He hoped not. He wanted to give her a promise, but he had no control over Cara. She could pack her things and walk out at any minute. Maybe he should have talked to Cara earlier in the week while they painted and Lori slept on the couch, but it’d been easier to put the ugliness of the truth to the side and let Cara enjoy the progress she had made. Now he needed to talk to her without Lori nearby. “I have an idea. Would you like to meet my sister?”

  “You got a sister?”

  He laughed. “Lots of them, but the one I want you to introduce yourself to is Deborah.”

  “Can Better Days come too?”

  “Ya. Kumm.”

  They walked across the yard, through the parking lot of the shop, to his Daed’s place. Deborah stood in the yard, talking with Mahlon and Anna Mary. None of them noticed him.

  “Go to the girl in the blue dress and tell her you want to show her your puppy and stay wi
th her for a bit.”

  “I gotta stay?”

  He knelt in front of her. “Just for a while. I want to talk to your mom, okay?”

  “That’s all you guys have been doing all week.”

  “I know, but this is different. If you do this, I’ll make ice cream later tonight, even if it’s midnight.”

  She studied him, looking unsure. “Mom won’t like me staying here without her.”

  He had a feeling Lori was the one who didn’t like the idea. “She won’t mind. I’ll make sure of it.”

  Lori hugged his neck. In spite of having so many younger sisters, Ephraim was surprised by the tenderness that washed over him for this little girl. He placed his hand on her back, hoping he could make a significant difference in her life. But it wasn’t all up to him. Cara’s will and choices could override everything.

  Lori walked toward the group, a muddy Better Days running alongside her. All three of them glanced to Lori when she said something. His sister immediately responded to the young girl with kindness. Deborah bent, petting the dog in spite of his wet fur. While kneeling on the ground and chatting with Lori, she noticed Ephraim and held his gaze, her warm smile assuring him of her loyalty before she lowered her eyes.

  Anna Mary gave him a cold look, as if warning him to follow through on his agreement. He turned for home but decided to wash up and put on something clean. Since he’d been staying at the shop at night, he had several sets of fresh clothes there. And the workers had left for the day.

  After a quick cleanup, he hurried back to his house. It wouldn’t do for Cara to think Lori had slipped outside and off the property while she was in the shower. As he entered the house, she came out of the bathroom, barefoot and in Deborah’s dress, towel drying her hair. Whether she was covered in mucky pond water, paint-covered jeans, or Amish clothes, her beauty was evident. Her hair was as short as his, and it grated against everything he’d been taught about a woman never cutting her hair, yet he liked it.

  She barely looked at him as she headed for the bedroom. “Where’s Lori?”

  “She’s with my sister.”

  “You had no right—”

  He held up his hand, stopping her short. “I need to tell you some things, and you aren’t going to want her to overhear them.”