Reckoning (The Watchers Book 5)

by Veronica Wolff

  Carden’s voice hardened. “Have no doubts. When one such as Charlotte wants to trip you up, she will have no trouble doing so.”

  “Whose side are you on?” I shrugged a shoulder, imagining the cynical sentiment rolling off my back. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Carden. Seriously, I didn’t realize you were such a Charlotte fan.” I had to speak loudly to be heard. The noise from the other table was getting louder.

  “Ignore them,” he said, reading my thoughts.

  “Yeah, I’m trying, but—” The sound of hooting boys had joined the din. I flinched from Carden and threw my fork down. Something inside me had cracked for good. “I’m sorry. I can’t. She’s my friend.” I realized the words were true as I spoke them.

  I turned, and something crystallized in me, seeing the leggy Guidon who stood behind Regina. Her name was Paige—she’d been a friend of Masha’s—and she currently had a fistful of Regina’s hair. Paige’s weapon was some fancy butterfly knife, and she had mad skills. The blades flicked open and shut, dancing over her knuckles, getting closer and closer to Regina’s throat.

  I found my feet. Began to stand.

  Carden’s grip reached me again, and this time it was a vice of steel around my forearm. “I said no. That child needs to find her own way.”

  Anger boiled up in me—at this place, those girls, my helplessness, and yes, at Carden, too. I shot him a look, letting the full strength of so many pent-up emotions burst through. “Let me guess. I need to lie low?” An image of Yasuo—the old Yas—slammed into my mind with the force of a blow. I should’ve fought his transition. I should’ve fought for Emma, too. I should’ve fought Charlotte when I had the chance. Would’ve. Should’ve. “What good is lying low when it keeps getting my friends killed?”

  “Softly now, Ann. I’m sorry for your friends, truly I am. But you are the only human who concerns me.” His eyes held mine, and I felt a strange fog wash over me, like a fuzzy calm suffusing my brain.

  Fuzzy and calm. Basically, something not me.

  I pulled away like I’d been burned. “What was that?” I put a hand to my temple, rubbing where the sensation had been the most acute. “You didn’t tell me the bond could do that.”

  But Carden’s gaze had moved from me, aimed at a point over my shoulder. His lips thinned. “Fool. What is he thinking coming here?”

  The way my heart thudded to life, I knew whom I’d see when I turned.

  Ronan. He hadn’t left.

  But he wasn’t looking at either of us. He was striding across the hall, straight for Guidon Paige. His expression was laser-focused fury.

  It was exhilarating.

  In typical Ronan fashion, he didn’t make a fuss. Didn’t bluster or throw his weight around. He placed a palm on Regina’s tray and slid it back into place before her. He murmured something.

  I strained to listen, but Ronan wasn’t one to shout. I imagined his rasping Scottish burr, all the while hating that I couldn’t hear.

  But I watched the results clearly enough.

  Paige was frowning like a kid whose lollipop was just taken, but still, she stalked away. The crowd thinned, boys wandered back to their tables, and girls drifted away in clusters of twos and threes.

  Ronan had helped Regina. He’d stopped whatever was going down. Of course he did. Stupid and tender-hearted was just like him.

  He lifted his head, and like the opposite pole to my magnet, his eyes came straight to me. Bored into me.

  “You’re the girl my brother’s in love with.”

  Once again, those remembered words rocked me. The memory of his last stolen kiss pierced into the very core of me.

  My breath caught and held until my fingers went tingly, but still he looked at me.

  A growl came from beside me. “Reckless pup.”

  Crap. Carden’s eyes had slid to me. And here I was gaping at Ronan like he was the last cupcake at the bakery.

  Crap crap crap.

  What was wrong with me?

  I forced myself to look away. To look to Carden. Who was, by the way, my boyfriend. Not to mention an inordinately powerful and immortal vampire who could destroy anyone on this island should the whim strike—me and Ronan included.

  “His recklessness will get him killed.”

  I swallowed hard. “It was just a Guidon,” I said, trying my best to sound calm. “You really think it was that reckless?”

  His gaze lingered on me, like he knew that I knew that wasn’t the only reckless behavior coming from Ronan these days.

  “I don’t think,” Carden said. “I know.”

  Then something shifted in his expression. Like he’d come to a decision. It unnerved me.

  He took my hand, and in the most gallant move ever, turned it and placed a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist. As his lips lingered on my skin, his eyes flicked ever so briefly to Ronan and back again.

  Carden might not have said anything else, but his gesture shouted clearly enough: Mine.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I was so done with this place. Something fundamental had splintered inside me. Nothing was more important than finding my mother alive. Carden thought he could control me, but nobody controlled me but me. I would find and help my mom no matter what anyone—human or vampire—said.

  So that was it. I’d hoped Carden would help me, but it looked like I was leaving that night—alone.

  I thought I had everything I needed, but after tripping in the darkness one too many times on the way to my rendezvous with Tom, I remembered the one thing I could really use.

  And so I was crouched in the back of Ronan’s Range Rover hunting for his superpowerful LED flashlight when he found me. I’d been thoroughly engrossed, riffling through his kit bag, so I was taken by surprise when his whisper came out of nowhere.

  “Ann?”

  I jumped back with a squeak, slamming my head against the back window.

  “Why are you here?” His tone was curious and soft and—oh God—did he think I’d come to meet him? Were we going to discuss what’d happened between us?

  He opened the door wide, and my skin felt hot in the blast of cold air. I felt like I’d just seen him, like we’d just…done stuff, but it’d only been my dream.

  Focus, focus. Nothing mattered now but saving my mother. Dreams of Ronan were just that—silly, girlish dreams.

  I shielded myself from the tenderness I heard in his voice. Whatever feelings there were between us couldn’t be. I was leaving this island, leaving him. Hunting his sister.

  I held up the flashlight like a torch. “Just needed a flashlight.”

  That was all. Nothing more. Right?

  His voice honed into a sharp edge, cracking something inside me. “Why?”

  Looked like we weren’t going to be discussing those kisses. I swallowed hard, then went on the offensive. “Why are you here?” I asked evenly. “I thought you were leaving.”

  “Nice to see you, too.” He sighed, and it made him sound so unbearably tired. “It seems I couldn’t stay away.”

  My resolve frayed just a little. It always did when faced with those haunted green eyes. But I needed to blind myself from his concern, from him. “Sorry…I just…what is it, Ronan?”

  What do I have that you want?

  We’d shared two kisses, but that was it. And those had felt like they’d occurred on a different plane, some unearthly space borne of the life-threatening intensity of the moment. It wasn’t like he’d given me any indication that he wanted more. He hadn’t gone to Carden afterward, proclaimed his love, demanded a showdown. It wasn’t like he wanted me.

  He had other things on his mind now and so did I. What’d happened between us was a weird mistake that apparently we were not going to address.

  Something had crackled between us, sure, but that’d been before he knew his sister was alive and the island was about to explode with drama. With Charlotte’s return and Dagursson’s death, there would be power grabs all around. Ronan would be watching his back right n
ow, not thinking about me.

  And me, I needed to get out of here. I had a boat to catch.

  I crawled forward from the very back, ready to let myself out, but Ronan had slid into the car and quietly clicked the door shut. “I need to know,” he said. “Why do you need a flashlight in the middle of the night?”

  I debated telling him everything. Carden wouldn’t entertain my plan, but Ronan might. He was the one person who kept swooping in to help me.

  But Charlotte was his sister. Ronan was happy she was alive. He’d admitted it himself. And I was off to track her to some mysterious island. I’d need to face her. Maybe kill her.

  I’d never had a real family, so I couldn’t say for sure, but I imagined that when push came to shove, he’d side with her. I’d only just found out where my mother was, and already I was willing to risk everything to save her.

  I thought these things, but all I said was, “The batteries in mine died.”

  I cracked open the door. I needed to go. Even though this was the worst possible goodbye.

  His arm swung out; he grabbed the door and shut it. “Uh-huh.” My heart thudded as he climbed into the backseat to join me. “And why could this not wait until tomorrow?”

  “I…”

  “You…” he mimicked. He flopped next to me. Did he have to sit so close? The car practically pulsed with Ronan-ness. I didn’t remember the back of this vehicle being so cramped. “How about I answer the question for you. You are being too reckless. Again.”

  Reckless. It’s what Carden had said about him.

  My skin flushed hot in the darkness. We were both reckless. It made me feel like we were a pair. A team. There was a connection between us that had nothing to do with any chemical reaction.

  With thoughts of Carden, the now-familiar guilt surged back, leaving me queasy and uncertain.

  Carden. He was my boyfriend. My bonded vampire. What was I even thinking, allowing myself to sit here with Ronan in the dark?

  It was all so complicated. But there was one thing that wasn’t complicated. Saving my mother.

  I needed to get out of the car.

  I lifted my hand. Faltered. Dropped it.

  I couldn’t leave it like this between us. I needed just a few minutes more before goodbye. I hardened my voice against the torrent of emotions. “Me? How about you? You’re out, too. What are you doing?”

  “Midnight swim.”

  I eyed his buttoned-up peacoat, his jeans and boots. No wet suit in sight. “I don’t believe you.”

  “Does it matter?” There was the slightest hint of despondency in his words. He shifted his head, casting my face into moonlight. “You’re still avoiding the question. How’d you even get in here? I thought I’d set the alarm.”

  My fingers skimmed along the door, finding the latch. I should be opening it to leave. “Breaking and Entering first semester, remember?”

  It surprised a laugh out of him, and for a moment I found myself facing the old Ronan. Something that’d been clenched deep down in my chest unwound.

  Ronan. I didn’t need a bond to feel seen by him. Appreciated.

  It was almost like he sensed what I was feeling because he broke the moment with a jingling of his keys. “Come on, then. I’ll take you back. If we’re discovered, I’ll tell them I had you running a midnight beach circuit.”

  I snapped out of my stupid reverie and scooted deeper into the shadows. “I’m not going back.”

  He turned and thoroughly scrutinized me, his gaze raking down my body, sizing me up, assessing my layers of clothing, the extra sweater, my coat and scarf, finally lingering on the bag at my knees, which burst with enough gear to last several days. I was hidden in shadows, and yet every second his eyes were on me felt like a blaze of light, warming me, illuminating my darkest places.

  “Where are you going?” he asked finally, and for a second, I imagined he sounded injured.

  I numbed myself to the stabbing in my chest. I had a mission, my own mission. I was on my way. I was in a race to save my mother. I was gunning for Charlotte.

  I gave a hard nod.

  “So, you were just going to leave?” This time there was definitely something in his voice.

  “Yes,” I said simply.

  “With no goodbye?”

  Yeah, right. Bye, I’m off to kill your sister…or be killed by her.

  “Sorry. I have to. But I’m, uh, I’m glad I got to see you…” I tapered off lamely.

  His face became a mask, absent of all expression.

  What did this tense silence mean? Was he disappointed I was leaving, or merely disappointed I’d break the rules so flagrantly?

  He was waiting for me to say more, but I couldn’t reveal anything else. Finally, he spoke again, his voice grown cold. “So you feel you can’t trust me enough to tell me what you’re about? And to think…”

  “To think what?”

  “Never mind, Ann.” There was that sigh again. “Never mind me.”

  I felt an invisible wall inserting itself between us. We were each building a dam, holding our emotions away from each other.

  I couldn’t let him believe I didn’t trust him. Sometimes it felt like Ronan was the only person in the world I did trust.

  “I do trust you,” I said finally, unable to bear this tension. “I just can’t tell you.”

  He looked down the beach, right toward what I’d thought was a well-hidden cove, and guessed my intent. “You’re going by sea. You’re off to meet Tom. Is that it?”

  I shifted, uncomfortable all over. It was exactly what I was doing. How did Ronan manage to guess everything about me?

  I checked my watch. “I need to go.”

  Tom had helped girls escape before. He knew me and liked me. I knew he’d help, and sure enough, it’d not taken more than two minutes in his cottage before the old Draug Keeper got a look I knew well. He sucked on his teeth and in a bored voice, had said, “’Bout time you flee this place. I’d flee the vamps if I could.”

  Fleeing. It was tempting…so tempting. I could not believe I wanted to travel to an island with yet more vampires.

  Neither could Tom, but he offered to take me in his boat all the same. He’d drop me in Shetland, the first hurdle in this deadly race with Charlotte.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” Ronan said. “Is Tom the one helping you?” He waited patiently, his attention unwavering. He had that ability, comfort in uncomfortable silences. He’d wait forever for me to speak next if he had to.

  I wonder what else he’d wait for.

  I shook the thought from my head.

  “If you say so,” I replied, even though I knew the comment would annoy him. I had to get rid of him. The clock was ticking. I had to go. I didn’t know why I was even still sitting there, but I was trapped in a web, and Ronan was one very large, very handsome spider.

  His expression hardened, suddenly suffused with some carefully controlled emotion. “Does he know where you’re going?”

  “Tom?”

  He hissed. “Och, Ann, you know who I mean. Him. Carden.”

  I squirmed with the knowledge that whatever I said next was of unutterable importance. The truth might cut him in a way I never would’ve intended. “Didn’t you want to ask more about Tom?”

  Once more, his face became a careful blank. “So he does know.” Another protracted silence filled the car. Tension thrummed through me as Ronan studied the beach, studied my gear. Studied me. “And yet he’s not here. Are you finally fleeing the vampires and escaping this godforsaken isle?”

  It wasn’t the direction I’d expected this conversation to go, and I let out a humorless laugh. “Would you stop me?”

  “Stop you?” He took my hand in his. Suddenly the old Ronan was back, and the force of his presence, his attention, took my breath. “Ann, I’d help you. Why did you not trust enough to tell me? You wee fool, were you afraid of telling me? You know I’m more than just your teacher. How could you not know that? How could you not think I�
�d want to help you? Getting off this island to safety is all I’ve wanted for you.”

  His intensity, the sudden earnest yearning I saw in his eyes, flashed me to my last conversation with Carden. Why wasn’t my vampire trying to get me off the island to safety?

  Stop. I needed to stop that sort of thinking.

  “Tell me.” He held my hand so firmly in both of his, a thumb making circles on my wrist. “How can I help? Where are you going?”

  I hated this lie that had unexpectedly sprouted between us. But it was a blessing, too; I didn’t see any other way to handle it. I couldn’t let Ronan know I was hunting his sister.

  I blotted the emotion from my face. “I’m going to Norway.”

  Ronan laughed.

  I snatched my hand away. “Why is everyone laughing at me today?”

  That stopped him. “I’m not laughing.” He stared at me for a long moment. “Never. I’m just…I confess, I’m so relieved, Ann. Why Norway?”

  How can I explain this while leaving Charlotte out of it? I decided the best lies contained a whiff of truth. “I have reason to believe that is where I’ll find my…my mother.”

  His eyes bulged. “Your mother?”

  Relief swept me. Part of me had feared he’d known about her imprisonment and kept it from me, too. “So I hear.”

  I was too busy chanting don’t ask how I know in my head that it took a moment for his next words to register.

  “I’ll go with you,” he said, and I felt the longing behind the statement like a wave, hitting me, threatening to engulf me. “I’ll help you. We’ll run together.”

  He did care about me. Slow, searing, stubborn pain unfurled in my chest. He cared, but this had to be goodbye.

  “You can’t.” Lies. I needed more lies. “There’s, um, no room in the boat.”

  I couldn’t pit Ronan against his sister. I was on my own path now.

  Would I ever see him again? I couldn’t just flee the island and then come back when everything was over. Accepting this felt like being gutted with a dull, rusty blade.

  “So, Carden? He’s traveling with you then?” He’d tried to act casual, but something in his voice sounded dejected.