by S M Mala
‘Whatever mess you’ve got yourself into Jamie, just keep me out of it and you,’ he said, turning to look down at Molly.
‘What do you mean about fooling people? We’re very much in love!’ she said full of indignation.
‘Don’t get me involved!’ Mr Mac said, raising his hands in the air before walking away. ‘Jesus Jamie! Why’d you pick someone who looks like her?’
‘What did you say, Big Mac? I bet they call you that because you’ve got a meat pattie for brains.’
‘Oh shit, Molly,’ groaned Jamie, letting go of her hand and shaking his head.
Now Molly might have been hung over but she wasn’t going to get a big old bloke to tell her she wasn’t good enough.
Mr Mac stopped and turned, walking straight up to her, so her face was nearly against his stomach. He looked down, and there was no doubting his menacing stare.
Yes, she was scared but she was going to hide it.
‘Listen, Miss Drew and listen carefully. I don’t abide rude language and insulting behaviour.’
‘You’ll find insinuated that I’m not good enough for Jamie, isn’t nice. Now that’s insulting. Being compared to a popular hamburger place is complimentary in comparison.’ Molly looked at him threateningly. ‘You obviously don’t like me. I take it you’re prejudiced against short, dark women. I get it. And I can see right up your nostrils and now know you trim your nasal hair.’
Suddenly Jamie was pulling her arm so she’d step back. She stood firm and shrugged him off.
‘I think we should go’ Jamie whispered. ‘Sorry about Molly.’
‘Admit it,’ Mr Mac said, looking down at her, trying to psych her out. ‘You’re not really together are you?’
‘Why do you think so?’ whispered Molly.
‘Just by looking at you, I know someone’s going to get hurt.’ Mr Mac then flashed a look at Jamie. ‘And this is not a good idea. Do you hear me?’
‘Mr Mac, she’s helping me with something. I need to convince people we’re engaged for a few weeks until it all dies down.’
‘How many times have I told you, Jamie? Be very carefully what you get up to as others are bound to get caught in the cross fire.’
Then the large man started to laugh. He had beautiful white teeth and looked nearly human as well as handsome. Quickly he stopped and looked down at her before glancing up at Jamie then said,
‘And by picking her, I know for a fact you must me in a hell of a lot of trouble with him.’
‘What did he mean in trouble with him?’
Molly had been asked very politely to leave the building and wait by the car. She knew they were gossiping about her when Jamie returned, flashing her a pissed off glance.
She shrugged, getting into the passenger seat then turned to face Jamie.
‘Can’t you see this is absurd?’ Molly said gently. ‘Just stop seeing this woman and all will be well. You’ll be left in one piece.’
He sat in silence and turned to look at her. She could see he thought she’d done something wrong.
‘All I asked was that you kept quiet. On your first outing, you managed to speak to some stranger about things you shouldn’t have done. And somehow you’ve managed to rub Mr Mac up the wrong way.’ Then he looked out of the window. ‘I think this isn’t going to work.’
It took her by surprise, that horrible sinking feeling she’d experienced when Sam announced he was leaving her. Molly felt the pin pricks of tears in her eyes.
She’d been dumped again.
Knowing her reaction wasn’t to do with Jamie, is was far deeper and darker, Molly tried to remove the engagement ring then realised her fingers had swollen, due to boozing from the night before.
‘I’ll return this,’ she said and then got out the car.
‘Molly?’
She proceeded to walk down the road.
The image of Sam flashed in her head, and it made her stop in mid stride.
It hurt badly but then she realised what the day was. It was the 8th, and she should have lit a candle for Daisy two days earlier.
That made her panic as she started to run, then crossed the road and over the bridge that smelt of piss. Realising it would have been quicker for her to get a bus, she continued to walk at high speed towards Bollo Lane and down towards the station, crossing over and heading over the green to her flat.
Once she got in, she shut the door and burst into tears, scrambling around for some matches then going to the candle with a picture of her cat in a silver frame. It was taken when she was a kitten. Daisy was peeking through her mother’s lace table cloth, sitting on a chair.
‘For you,’ she said, lighting a candle and kissing the box containing her cat’s ashes.
Then she went to a drawer and pulled out a picture of Sam and herself. She put the edge towards the flame and watched it catch fire. Carefully, she put it in an old ash tray and watched it burn.
‘You fooled me, you fucker, you really did.’
‘Well, me missus weren’t complaining!’
Colin started to laugh, revealing the gold caps on his teeth. He was one of the drivers.
The other men were laughing as she concentrated on the company jobs they had booked in. It was quiet that Monday afternoon.
Molly glanced over. He was in his late forties, but looked like he was sixty. His hair was thinning, and his gut hung heavy over his far too tight trousers. Colin winked at her, and she grinned.
‘What’s up Molly?’ he asked, biting the end of his pen. ‘You need some amorous attention.’
‘Do I really want to have sex with a Telly Tubby?’
‘Molly!’ Nikos said, putting a cup of tea next to her. ‘You have to be nice.’
‘He knows I’m only joking,’ she grinned mischievously. ‘Don’t you?’
‘What you do to your finger?’
Molly had a plaster around where the ring had been. After putting her hand in the freezer for fifteen minutes, she’d managed to extract the engagement ring which scraped her skin.
Had she waited, the ring would have easily slipped off. But she was in a hurry not to dwell on her most recent disaster. She sipped her tea before answering the call.
‘Nikos Luxury Cars. Can I help you?’
‘Oh, she answer the phone so well!’ Nikos gushed.
Molly noticed Nikos stroke his near bald head gently before readjusting his very old fashion Farah pants. She had noticed that most of the men he hired looked like a clone of him.
Short, stocky, bald and thought they were stud muffins.
But they all had good hearts. It was like getting a big cuddle when you walked in.
Something she was in desperate need of.
After watching the image of Sam burn, she took Daisy’s ashes and went straight to bed.
Her comfort was often under the duvet, where she could block everything out and sleep through all her pain.
It was also where Sienna found her when she had a wobbly nearly two years ago.
Depression the doctor called it.
Heartbreak was the real prognosis.
And since then, Molly knew where her weakness lied, and she didn’t want to get into a position where she’d get upset. It was bad enough to pretend she didn’t internally fall to pieces when her cat died.
Mum, dad, Sienna - they were all watching and waiting.
But she didn’t buckle.
Molly held on tightly and focussed on other things.
The problem being there wasn’t much to focus on, and the stint with Jamie would have helped her get through her little blip.
She breathed deeply and shook all bad thoughts out of her head.
Some people were worse off than her, and they didn’t succumb to the dark world of feeling lost and alone. They jumped right back up and dusted themselves down.
She’d do the same thing.
It was either that or crumble, which she felt close to doing most days.
‘Molly, gal. Me wife made dis lovely vegetable curry pattie for ya,
’ Arthur said, holding it out. ‘Go lovely wid a nice cup of tea.’
‘Thank you,’ she replied, looking at the Jamaican version of one of the clones.
‘And me know ya like ya pepper sauce. Me put a dab in da corner.’
She let out a happy little sigh.
These men looked after her and cared. That was very important. In recent months, she’d realised how little people genuinely did.
And in her previous line of work it was all so transient. The ‘love you’ and ‘you’re marvellous’ were full of bullshit.
It was all about networking, and Molly had simply slipped through the net.
‘Ya ‘avin’ a bad day?’ Arthur whispered, his car keys in his hand. ‘Me can see.’
‘I’m trying to focus, to be really strong,’ she whispered. ‘Does it show I’m not with it?’
‘Not really but me can tell. Me wife went through the same ting wid she ting.’ Arthur looked away. ‘But she better now.’
‘Menopause,’ smiled Molly. ‘God help me when I get to that stage. They’ll have to put me in a loony bin.’
Walking back to her flat, she checked her phone.
To her horror, Jamie had texted her a few times and Squirrel had left a message.
There were no calls from her agent or anyone else so she listened to her cousin instead.
‘Molly, it’s me. I can’t pick your things up today. Jamie said could you drop them off at the gym in Islington tomorrow.’ There was a long pause. ‘He said you went off in a strop and ran down the road. Are you all right? I heard you stood up to the big fella. Rather you than me.’ Squirrel started to laugh. ‘Eleven, that’s what Jamie said. He said he knows your rota for the next eleven weeks, and you’re available. Love ya little Molly.’
Deep inside, she didn’t want to see Jamie Cohen.
He laughed at her and, generally, had let her down over the short time they’d met.
But then, that was the norm when it came to Molly and men.
‘Well, here she is!’
Molly stood rooted to the spot when she entered the gym, with two carrier bags, full of clothes and did a double take.
Mr Mac was standing in the boxing ring, smiling at her.
She quickly looked over her shoulder to see if he was talking to someone else.
‘How are you, Molly?’ he asked and then she realised he was speaking to her.
Before she could respond to ask him if he were going mad, Jamie rushed up and gave her a big hug.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, looking earnestly into her eyes.
‘Are you all right?’ she replied, getting confused by the second.
‘I was jealous seeing him on the telly that’s all.’
‘Okay?’ Molly whispered. ‘What’s going on?’
‘I love you so much!’ Jamie said very loudly, grabbing her arms. ‘I shouldn’t want to change you. No wonder you don’t want these clothes. Forgive me.’
Then he pulled her forward and hugged her tightly.
‘I can’t breathe,’ she said, feeling him crush her ribs. ‘And what the hell is going on?’
‘Play along,’ he whispered into her ear.
‘Why?’
‘You’re a trained actress, aren’t you?’
Molly pushed him away and threw the bags down, staring up into his eyes and noticed he seemed concerned on what she’d do next.
‘I don’t want you to buy me clothes. I want you to love me for the way I am. Trying to change me so early on… well, it’s not right!’ Then she flung her head around, knowing her curls would enhance her theatrical boxing debut. ‘I’ve dressed myself for years! So what if I dress like a boy? This place is full of them.’
Molly then looked at some fit men beating the living crap out of punch bags before realising they had a small, semi-amused audience.
‘Gentlemen, if you love someone, you accept them for who they are, don’t you?’ she said loudly.
A few nods and grunts were heard before they pretended to ignore the couple.
‘Fine,’ Jamie said and she knew he’d clocked what she was up to.
‘Love me for me and then I’ll be able to commit to you. But I refuse to wear an engagement ring until I think you deserve me.’ She grinned as he grimaced. ‘Do you really love me?’ At this point, she was going to laugh because she could see Jamie’s grin starting to fade. ‘And I know you get jealous but Sam’s in the past. We’re the present and future. It must be hard to live in … now what is the expression?’
‘Don’t push it,’ Jamie mumbled and a half smile appeared on his lips.
‘Ah, that’s right. Hard to live in his shadow but you’re going to have to try.’
Just then, she noticed Mr Mac was leaning on the ropes, listening in.
He was laughing and shaking his head.
‘I think we need to speak privately,’ she said, turning her nose up at the large man, grabbing the bags and Jamie’s hand before marching into his office.
She shut the door and sat on a sofa in the corner of the room.
‘Have I missed something?’ she asked, letting out a loud sigh. ‘Wasn’t I sacked from this gig? And take these.’ She kicked the carrier bags towards him. ‘I’ll pay you for the things I’ve worn which were, quite correctly, the unisex items. There’s an itemised list in the bag of everything so you can correspond with the receipts from your credit card.’
When she looked at Jamie, he was standing with his arms folded, looking down at her. The smile seemed very wide and bright as he let out a little laugh.
‘Why did you run off?’ he asked, walking closer and sitting down next to her. ‘I hadn’t even finished what I was going to say.’
Molly looked at her boots and then her ripped jeans before carefully turning it around in her head whether to be honest.
‘I don’t like being dumped, regardless if it’s pretend. Makes you feel pretty worthless,’ she said quietly, watching him narrow his eyes. ‘And then I remembered, within all this kerfuffle, I forgot to light a candle for Daisy. I try to do it the 6th of every month. I miss her, you see.’
‘You’re quite odd, aren’t you? Do have issues?’
‘Issues?’ Then she snorted back a laugh. ‘Yes, lots thanks.’
‘Me too.’
They sat looking at each other. Molly was trying to figure out what sort of issues he had.
‘And I am odd looking to boot so it’s obvious that it’d effect my brain.’
Molly smiled then noticed he looked at her plastered engagement finger. She put her hand in her bag and pulled out the red pouch.
‘This is yours,’ Molly said.
‘Keep it. You need to wear it.’
‘I don’t want to play,’ she said, grimacing. ‘Even you dumping me on Sunday made me realise it’s not a nice thing to do, to fool people into thinking something that’s not true. I also burned a picture of Sam after I lit Daisy’s candle. I keep a whole stack in the hope that, one day, the pain will be less. I was burning a picture a day. You see, he liked having his photo taken.’ Then she realised she was going to get upset. ‘And I was shocked to see him on Sunday. He looked well, don’t you think?’
‘Make-up,’ shrugged Jamie before looking slyly at her. ‘Did he wear a lot of it when you were together?’
‘Only tinted moisturiser as he’s quite pale.’ Molly knew that’s not what Jamie meant so decided to ignore the leading question. ‘He’s quite vain.’
‘Molly, listen, don’t take this the wrong way but-.’
‘Don’t say it and he isn’t and wasn’t.’
‘You have to admit he seems-.’
‘My ex-boyfriend was not gay! I know his voice sounds high, and he’s a little effeminate but he functioned like a man and certainly acted like one. The problem is that not all men have to be sweaty and butch. Plus he’s knocking off his leading lady, so I read somewhere. Now if that’s it, I’m going.’
She was about to jump to her feet then was prevented as Jamie moved clo
ser, holding her arms.
‘We’re engaged again. You’ve forgiven me for being jealous and I’m getting used to your quirky ways. I respect you want to dress the way you do, and that’s what makes me like you,’ Jamie whispered while Molly eyed him suspiciously. ‘I shouldn’t have left you in the hotel on your own; that was disrespectful, but you did spend quite a bit on room service.’
‘I had to eat and drink!’
‘Lobster and champagne?’
‘Fish and fizz diet,’ she slyly replied. ‘I want to have fun and earn some cash. I know I need to get out more, and this is a way for me to start being me again. For a while, I’ve not been me.’
‘After what you said to Mr Mac, I’m surprised you’re still here,’ he laughed and moved closer, only making Molly move back. ‘And he knows this is a lie, but it was him that talked me into continuing. I explained my predicament, and he realised I was in a lot of trouble. Plus you’re not telling me who you spoke to on Sunday morning. If the guy knew you were engaged, why take you out for breakfast?’
‘He probably felt sorry for me being engaged to you.’
Jamie leaned closer and kissed her gently on the lips.
That startled her as it was soft and warm. She tried to hide her impending gulp.
‘And you said you were frigid?’ he whispered as she pulled away. ‘What on earth made you say that?’
‘He mentioned your body and I’ve not seen it, so I had to say something!’
‘We have time,’ Jamie grinned. ‘Just over ten weeks to be precise.’
Week three of the engagement… blocking
‘Hello!’
She was taken by surprise on Saturday morning at Jamie’s flat, to see a woman creeping out. ‘Please don’t leave on my account.’
Molly knew this must be the famous Chloe who did a double take and smiled.
For someone who was forty-seven, she looked more like in her early thirties.
‘I’m Molly. I’ve heard so much about you.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes of course. I’m only doing this to help him out.’
‘Oh, okay? I better go.’
Watching the woman leave, she wondered why his older lover wasn’t staying for breakfast. It was then she realised that her husband was in town, and she’d have to sneak back in.