by S M Mala
‘Brazen,’ she said, shaking her head and heading to the kitchen.
Jamie was trying to be nice, taking Molly out for dinner when he was aware there’d be people he knew around. She was introduced and played shy, just to make sure he didn’t get the arse.
Molly was stringent about not going to posh places as she didn’t want to dress up. And Jamie had succumbed to her way of thinking and gave up telling her how to dress. Though he was adamant that when they did go somewhere classy, she’d have to wear a dress and act elegantly.
Toasting a bagel and rummaging through his fridge, she realised someone was standing behind her. She turned and noticed Jamie was in his tight underpants.
That man she met was right.
Jamie had a fit body.
He wasn’t large muscular but slim with muscles. Quite sinewy but not skinny like Squirrel. There were dark hairs on his chest that turned into a line on his stomach which headed into his pants.
It was like an arrow telling her to look at his package.
She diverted her eyes.
‘Would you like a bagel?’ she asked, continuing to see what he had in the contents of his fridge.
‘Yes, please,’ he replied, going past her and getting a glass of water, quickly drinking it. ‘I feel like shit. And we’re going to dinner tonight, like I said, so you need to dress up.’
Molly managed to look around the fridge door and examined the back of him.
Yes, Jamie certainly looked good from all angles. Molly rearranged her pyjamas, making sure they were done up before putting another bagel in the toaster.
‘Today, we’re going to the gym. I want to teach you to box.’
She choked on her own spit before laughing out loudly.
‘No way!’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I was planning to use your Jacuzzi bath today and watch telly.’
‘You need to exercise and get healthy,’ he replied, getting another large glass of water.
‘And you’d know about that, considering you spend most of your time pissed as a fart!’ Then she pondered for a little. ‘Do you have a drinking problem? Should I be aware of it?’
‘I’m having fun,’ he grumbled.
‘Without your fiancé? Looks like you’re setting this up really well for it to all fall apart,’ she said, looking at the engagement ring he forced her to wear the previous evening. ‘And stop making comments about exercise and shaping up. I may not be perfect, but it’s soft, squidgy and one hundred percent me!’
Thickly buttering her bagel and doing one for him, she sat at the dining table with her tea.
All she could do was watch Jamie.
She noted he could turn on the charm when he wanted but when they were alone, he was quiet and always deep in thought. That would then turn to a deadly glare when she’d ask what he was thinking. Whatever it was, it made him heavily focussed.
‘She’s very beautiful,’ she said, biting into her breakfast. ‘And she looks good for her age! I need to know what cream she uses.’
‘Who?’
‘Chloe.’
Jamie spun on his heels and looked at her.
‘She was here this morning,’ Molly continued. ‘I introduced myself to her and she sneaked out. Bet she gets into trouble.’
Walking slowly up to her, he took the bagel and bit into it.
‘That wasn’t Chloe. That was someone I picked up last night.’
‘Don’t speak to me!’
Molly walked into the gym, still furious with Jamie. ‘Why am I helping you when you’re doing something like this? You’re, effectively, cheating on me!’
‘Why are you getting upset?’ he said, laughing at her reaction from the morning. ‘I’m still covered in butter.’
‘I wish I could have pushed the bagel up your nose.’
‘My face feels soft.’
Seeing the female changing rooms, she grabbed his hand and dragged him in, checking no-one was about. Then she pulled him down, so they were at eye level.
‘She might leave her husband for you but what are you doing? Screwing about! It’s wrong, and it’s not fair to fool Chloe like this. There’s a possibility she’s in a loveless marriage, and you’re her final hope! If her husband is a bad man, he might beat her.’
Jamie started to laugh and shook his head. This was starting to infuriate Molly that she had no other choice but to shout,
‘You put me in the ring and I’ll knock some sense into you!’
Fifteen minutes later, she was still fuming and saw Jamie whispering to Mr Mac.
‘You can come into the ring,’ Mr Mac said and Molly realised she had no idea how to do it.
The gym was packed, and she figured there was going to be a lot of humiliation heading her way. So she just climbed the steps and crawled on her tummy under the lower rope before standing up.
‘A natural!’ Mr Mac sarcastically said.
‘Let me just thump him!’ she yelled, heading straight towards Jamie but being prevented as Mr Mac held her back by her head gear.
‘I see you woke up on the wrong side of bed,’ he whispered.
Jamie was just banging his boxing gloves together, grinning.
‘I’m going to knock his head,’ she replied, glaring at Jamie. ‘He’s in need of it.’
‘Have you boxed before?’
‘No! But I’m a quick learner.’
Mr Mac lifted her off the floor by the shoulders and put her in the corner as she tried to control her annoyance.
‘He’s the bad man,’ she mumbled under her breath. ‘He has morals of a slug.’
‘Jamie has a kind heart.’
‘And a roaming dick!’
‘Why should you care?’
‘Because I don’t like the idea of people getting hurt.’
‘That’s from personal experience?’
‘That’s from pain,’ she said honestly and looked straight up into Mr Mac’s dark eyes. ‘The pain of being fooled by someone else.’
It was the first time she noticed a gentle expression from Mr Mac.
‘Here’s a word of advice. Protect this,’ he said pointing to her head. ‘And this.’ Mr Mac pointed to her heart. ‘You only got hurt because you didn’t look after it properly.’
He’d stunned her into silence because Mr Mac was right.
She hadn’t protected her head, therefore, believing everything Sam said about being in love. And her heart was ripped to shreds because her man no longer loved her.
And all that had happened was her head got fucked up, and her heart was blackened by depression.
It made perfect sense.
‘You’re a philosopher,’ she said. ‘And the thing is, the man I loved didn’t look after either one for me.’
She looked down at her boxing boots and the clothing that Mr Mac had told her to put on.
‘I know Jamie can be annoying and goes off on a tangent but he’ll see the error of his ways. The thing is, Jamie will get hurt in the process, and he will hurt others. Do your job for the next few weeks, and you can walk away, head held high. But you have to be convincing,’ Mr Mac whispered. ‘In this ring, you can let off steam and see what happens.’
‘Are you setting me up?’ she asked suspiciously. ‘Is he setting me up?’
‘Why’d you ask?’
‘One minute you’re mean and now you’re nice.’
‘You’ll have to wait and see.’
‘I take it this boxing thing effect your brains then.’
‘Now keep your defences up, like this.’
Mr Mac was trying to instruct Molly, who was still put out about the revelation that Jamie picked up some woman and took her home.
She copied, but she just wanted to hit him.
‘Molly listen to what he’s saying. If you don’t, you’ll get hurt,’ said Jamie seriously.
Then Mr Mac shoved a mouth guard in her gob which made her choke.
‘To protect your pretty face,’ the large man said.
‘I thsee what�
��’ She realised she couldn’t speak.
‘You look cute,’ Jamie said with his guards in, then grinned. ‘Actually, very cute.’
She went for him. Flinging out a punch which he easily avoided.
‘Gently jab him like this,’ said Mr Mac demonstrating the move.
Deciding to follow instruction, she focussed on pretending she was listening while sensing a very strange feeling occurring in her chest.
Molly was very angry.
Deeply and painfully upset about people making a fool out of other people.
It hurt.
Jabbing Jamie and doing what she was told, she was oblivious to what they were saying. All she did was punch away, duck and punch him even harder. His eyes were focussed on her, and Molly couldn’t stop the immense anger coming out.
The dreaded hush in her head happened, when she was unable to hear anything but her own breathing and feel a panic attack building.
Putting it away, she swallowed hard and punched. But this time, Jamie was looking a little bit more frustrated. Her fist was hitting him quite well, and he was either being slow or completely shocked she could land a punch.
But then something came to her face.
She got hit on the head and immediately saw stars.
Standing completely still, she noticed Jamie and Mr Mac were looking at her. Molly spat out her gum shield.
‘I hate men like you! Men who use women. Tricking them about love when you don’t even care!’
It came out, and she couldn’t stop how she was feeling.
‘Molly, are you okay?’ Jamie asked, stepping closer. ‘Did I hurt you?’
‘Not you!’ she said loudly, shaking her head, knowing tears were coming down her cheeks. ‘He hurt me! He fooled me into thinking that he loved me when he never did. He left me when I needed him the most! He never cared, never, but I didn’t realise until it was too late.’
‘Boxing sometimes has a way of releasing your tensions,’ Mr Mac said, putting a comforting arm on her shoulder which she shrugged off. ‘I think you have a lot of tension.’
‘Don’t make a fool out of me,’ she said to Jamie, whispering through her sob. ‘Even though this is pretend, don’t disrespect me.’
‘Okay,’ he said, moving closer.
‘And don’t hurt someone when they love you. That’s the worst thing you can do!’
‘Oh shit!’
Sobbing in the shower after Mr Mac picked her up and carried her to the ladies changing room, Molly felt like an idiot.
All she could think about was that boxing brought out something she’d tried to hide for such a long time.
She was desperately hurt.
‘Molly,’ she heard Mr Mac call. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m too embarrassed to face Jamie,’ she said, feeling her face get hot. ‘Can you tell him I’ll go back to mine?’
‘You’re very good, you know, at boxing.’
Any other time, Molly would have screamed blue murder that a strange man was standing so close when she was naked. But today it made no difference.
Her feelings had been exposed, and that made it worse.
There was no humiliation like it.
‘You know what I’m going to do? I’ll let you get dressed and changed. Then I think I’ll help you train when you come to the gym.’
‘I don’t want to box. I just want to go home,’ she sobbed. ‘Two years ago he left me and I can’t get over it. I’m not right in the head.’
‘Molly, time is a great healer.’
‘It’s not. It’s a lie.’
‘He’s that actor bloke, Sam Price, isn’t he?’
Molly took a deep breath and tried to compose her breathing.
‘And he’s in a new film that even my kids in the drama class know about. They showed me a website that lists all partners who had been dumped when their other halves became famous.’
‘And you’re doing this thing for Jamie because?’
‘Squirrel asked me, so I thought, why not?’
‘Are you sure you’re strong enough to pull it off?’
‘Everyone will see I’m a bit unbalanced so there’ll be no surprise when Jamie dumps me, will there?’
After getting dried and changed, she sat in the changing room, dreading going out.
All she could think about was going home and hiding under her duvet cover with Daisy’s ashes for company.
Summoning all her courage, she left the changing room, eyes down to the ground. Her focus was getting out and never turning up again. Her plan was working as she headed towards the door.
Then she was tugged very hard and found her head pressed against someone’s chest.
‘I’m taking you home,’ Jamie said gently, stroking her wet hair. ‘Then I’m going to look after you for the rest of the evening.’
Molly looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears and the only thing she could do was mouth the words ‘thank you’ before sobbing again.
‘I’m okay now.’
He’d got them falafel kebabs for dinner, and they were sitting on her sofa.
‘You can go out and meet your friend if you like? It’s nearly eight o’clock, so there’s plenty of time.’ Molly couldn’t chew. Everything in her mouth felt heavy, so she swallowed small bites. Then she looked at Jamie, who seemed to be staring at her for such a long time. ‘I’m really sorry about what I said.’
He looked more upset than angry and continued to eat. They sat in silence before she knew what she had to say.
‘I had a breakdown after he left. I couldn’t cope. I was so sad and unhappy; I didn’t know how to function. Only mum, dad and Sienna, my best friend knows, as well as Nikos from the taxi place. We made a decision not to tell Squirrel. He’d only get upset and try to beat the shit out of Sam for making me feel like this.’ She swallowed another bite of food. ‘I’ve been preparing myself for this time, when he’d be all over the place and how I’d feel.
‘From angry and annoyance it just turned to pain. A horrible throb in my body that makes me realise I’m not over what happened. I don’t love him anymore; I don’t think so. I feel fooled into thinking he loved me. I wasn’t the one for him. I wasn’t anything near it.’
Then she looked at Jamie before saying,
‘Honestly, you can call this off and you won’t have to pay me a penny, okay?’
Jamie finished his kebab and wiped his mouth before putting down his plate and stared. She felt uncomfortable so looked away, taking another bite of her falafel.
‘I’m not mental,’ she whispered and heard him laugh before moving closer.
Taking the kebab out of her hand, he put it on a plate and gently turned her face to look at him. It was obvious semi amusement changed to concern. His eyes examined her before he looked perplexed.
‘Does this happen, a lot? This feeling of despair you seem to be going through?’ Jamie asked, pushing her damp hair away from her face.
‘I’m quite a happy, outgoing person usually but with the job and Sam, it’s taken its toll. I’m also trying to get over the loss of my cat. That’s hit me really hard.’ Molly then realised how she sounded and felt annoyed. ‘It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic, I know.’
‘Oh Molly,’ Jamie said, wrapping his arms around her. ‘I’ll let you into something. When Danika walked out on me, saying she didn’t love me and it was all over, I fell to pieces. I pretended everything was okay, but it wasn’t. I know what it feels like to have someone fool you into thinking they care. It hurts. I was at an all-time low but then I thought I can’t let her win. I have to move on. I’ve not made the wisest decisions, but it worked.’
‘I can’t move on, you see. I’ve got nothing to move onto. My life seems to have stopped.’ She gulped back her sob and looked at Jamie. He was very close to her face. ‘I feel like I’ve been cocooned in this very bad place and when it lets me go for a while, everything is good. Then it drags me back, and everything is bad. Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to throw m
yself off under train or a bus.’
‘That’s not good.’
‘Oh, it’s usually fine,’ she nodded. ‘I’m either usually two platforms away when a fast train passes or on the other side of the road when the bus is speeding. And I know the people who care about me would be upset if I did. I realise you can think bad things, but it’s when you act upon them, there’s a problem.’
‘Like trying to shove a bagel up my nose?’ he grinned.
‘Murder by dough it would be called.’
‘You need a focus.’ Jamie kissed her forehead. Molly realised under his bullshit, he was a kind man and understood her pain. ‘I hate to admit it but you’re very good at boxing.’
‘That was anger.’
‘Maybe you could channel it through there and it might help you.’
‘Nothing will help me.’
‘It will if you try.’
‘Molly, are you sure you’re fine?’
Jamie was crouched near her bed.
She’d fallen asleep under the duvet. Nodding to tell him she was fine, he pulled down the covers to see her face.
‘You can go. It must be boring watching me cry and the amount of snot coming from my nose,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘Go out and have some fun.’
‘I’m worried about leaving you.’
He said it so sincerely, she realised he was genuine. A look of concern and care. It touched her deeply, making her grin.
‘I’ll get up later and I have to prepare for lunch tomorrow. I promised Squirrel I’d do him a roast dinner. Once a month he inflicts himself on me. He says I make very good roast chicken.’
‘I love roast chicken.’
‘You can come but you’ll probably be-.’
‘What time?’
She was a little surprised, and pulled the covers further down.
‘You don’t have to be nice because you feel sorry for me. That’s not what I want.’
‘I don’t feel sorry for you. I understand what you’re going through, and it’s rough.’
‘Look Jamie,’ Molly said, sitting up as he stood. ‘I’ll do my best to do this fiancé thing for you, if only to save you from getting a beating from the bad man, and your brother.’ Jamie squinted in response. ‘You don’t have to be my friend.’