Sins of the Fallen

by Daniele Lanzarotta

  “Where is Samael?” I asked.

  “He was ordered to stay away from you for now. And those orders are coming from me, not Clarissa.”

  I sighed and looked at him.

  “Can I please see Hunter?” I asked again.

  “Maybe after you eat, and rest some more… and promise not to do anything stupid.”

  I agreed to all, although I was pretty sure our definitions of doing something stupid were not even close to being the same.

  As long as I didn’t come across Samael, I believed I could keep my word on that.

  As agreed, I ate, slept, and then, Ethan took me to see Hunter.

  I felt as if my heart skipped a beat when I saw him laying there, pretty much the same way as he was before. There was no telling how long it would take for him to wake up.

  Ethan said he would leave us alone for a while and went out.

  A while later Clarissa came in to see how I was doing. She said she had heard about Samael’s involvement in this and apologized for the trouble he caused. I just nodded to everything she said. I would take this up with Samael later.

  “We still need him to train you,” she said.

  “That is fine, but I don’t trust him and I’ll not train with him alone.”

  “I understand. Ethan already volunteered to help in your training. Is that okay with you?”

  I nodded. Of course it was. Ethan was like the older brother I never had. Well, Benjamin doesn’t count and never would, so yes, that was how I saw Ethan.

  Clarissa left me alone with Hunter after that. I climbed on the bed and laid down next to him, with my head on his chest. I just wished he would wake up already. Immortal or not...

  I heard someone else come in the room and I wished we could just be alone for more than minutes at a time. I sat up and turned around to see that it was Jennifer.

  I immediately looked away from her. “I’m sorry for what I said before,” I said.

  “You were upset. I understand.”

  She came around to the other side of Hunter.

  “Are you here to try and heal him again?”

  She nodded.

  “Have there been any changes?” I asked.

  “Very little, but any improvement is better than no improvement at all.”

  “True.”

  She focused her gaze on me for a while.

  “Do you mind if I try something?”

  I shook my head.

  She took my hand and put it in between hers and Hunter’s. “Close your eyes,” she said. I did and I immediately felt some kind of weird energy passing from her to me and then to Hunter. We stayed like that for a few minutes, then I felt her hand moving away and Hunter’s hand moved and held on to mine. My eyes flew open.

  He was awake and I felt as if I could breathe again.

  I leaned down to hug him.

  “Why would you do something that stupid?!” I asked.

  I heard Jennifer walking away and Hunter said, “You know the reason.”

  I nodded. “Did it—do you feel that it worked?”

  He shook his head.

  I pulled away.

  “We’ll find a way, Kayla. Just don’t push me away again, okay?”

  “How about you just don’t do anything stupid like that again?!”

  He laughed, but he still sounded weak. “Deal.”

  “I’m serious, Hunter. If you have another crazy theory that you want to try, you have to tell me about it first.”

  “Come closer,” he said.

  I leaned closer to him and he put an arm around me. He pulled me closer and kissed me.

  “I love you, Kayla,” he whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  I couldn’t help but to think, ‘even though this might not last forever’.

  As if he could read my mind, he said, “I won’t stop until I find a way for this to work. There has to be a way, Kayla. Everyone keeps saying that we are meant to stay together. Fate can’t be this twisted.”

  After seeing what had happened to Ethan and Jennifer, I wasn’t so sure about that.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  We fell asleep in each other’s arms. I woke up to the sound of Ethan and Hunter whispering.

  I opened my eyes and started to get up, but Hunter put his arm around me, keeping me where I was.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Ethan was just filling me in on everything that I missed. He said he will be with you during your trainings.”

  I smiled at Ethan. “You are welcome to be there too. The more the merrier.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready to see Samael anytime soon,” said Hunter.

  “Well, neither am I, but I guess I have to,” I said.

  There was a knock on the door and Xavier came in the room.

  He looked relieved to see Hunter awake and well.

  “Kayla, Ethan, do you mind if I have a word with Hunter alone?”

  I got up. “No, that is fine.”

  “We are going to go for a walk,” said Ethan. “Kayla probably needs a break from being in here for so long anyway. I know I do,” he laughed.

  I gave Hunter a kiss on his cheek before following Ethan out of the room. I had a feeling Hunter would be getting a lecture from Xavier and he deserved one for doing something crazy like that

  It was getting dark outside and everything was so quiet. I ended up taking Ethan to the back of the Academy, where there was a brick building by a lake. From what I had noticed, this place was usually empty at nights. I had been there once and it seemed like a good place to have some piece and quiet. There was just something about it.

  The building by the lake was old; it had an ancient feel to it. It was all open space, like a long and wide corridor, with old brick columns on its sides. In the back, there was an altar with a brick table, and benches were on the sides, behind the columns.

  Ethan sighed. “Nice place.”

  “I don’t think anyone will bother us here for quite a while. I’ve never even seen anyone out here.”

  We went toward the altar and sat down on the bench.

  “You and Hunter worry me,” he finally said.

  “Why?”

  “It’s like you bring out the good and the bad on each other. Don’t take this the wrong way, by bad I mean that you are each other’s weakness just as you are each other’s strength. There are no limits to what you’ll do for each other.”

  I shrugged. “I guess, but why shouldn’t it be like that?”

  “Because it’s not normal, Kayla. There should be limits; there should be boundaries.”

  “Like there are limits for you and Jennifer?”

  He sighed. “It’s not the same. You and Hunter have a choice.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “I don’t, Kayla. We lived our lives. Now there is just a bigger calling; a bigger reason why we are here.”

  “Whatever happened to you, your life was cut short, and so was hers. You call that living?”

  He just shook his head. “I understand you and Hunter wanting to be together for a long time. If there is a way to help you, I will, but promise me that if you or Hunter come up with something that you think might work, you’ll talk to me first. I don’t want either of you doing anything crazy.”

  “I will, if you try and talk to Jennifer.”

  “Kayla, I’m leaving her alone. That won’t change.”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  I stood up.

  “Going back already?”

  “I want to see Hunter again since I have to train all day tomorrow to catch up on lost time.”

  He nodded. “Do you mind if I stay here for a while longer?”

  “Nah. That’s fine.”

  I started to walk away.

  “Kayla,” he called out, “if you run into Samael, just walk away.”

  I laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll run as far away from him as possible.”

  As I left I hoped that Ethan would soon ha
ve company. Jennifer was the one person who told me about that place and said that she liked spending time there every once in a while. In the back of my mind, even after everything that Ethan told me, there was still hope that that kind of love could exist without it being damned.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Jennifer

  I couldn’t stop thinking about him… not even for a second. I remembered him as if it was yesterday. As soon as I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the angel from the hospital. He was the one who tried to heal me. Thinking back on the color of his wings, I wondered if I was the cause of their darkening.

  I remember thinking that I had imagined him. I wished that was the case, because betraying what I became wasn’t an option, but neither was not feeling the way I did about him.

  I looked at my own reflection in the water, and the color of my own wings was a reminder of what I represented. I knew the right thing to do was to put my feelings aside and follow my path.

  Clarissa, my guide, said they were so pure because they reflected who I was. She said I was someone who never needed forgiveness for sins, because I had never sinned, but how could I have? I was sick for most of my human life. I wondered if things would have been different if I had a normal life like everyone else: going to school, summer camps, enjoying life. Instead, all I could do was worry about the ones around me, worry about not making them feel any sadder than they already were.

  My thoughts were interrupted by someone else’s reflection on the lake.

  I quickly turned around, but saw no one.

  I stood up. It was already late and I needed to get back to the infirmary. There were many more who needed healing. The new fallen came in everyday, and most needed emotional healing instead of physical. That was much tougher on me.

  When I turned around, there she was. I stared at her, partially because of her beauty, but also wondering what she was. She was just different from every being I had ever seen.

  She smiled at me.

  “I heard your call for help.”

  “Help?” I asked surprised. “I didn’t— Who are you?”

  Her smile grew wider. “I believe your generation calls me the Goddess of Love. You may call me Venus.”

  “But I didn’t call for help. I don’t want help.”

  She approached me. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”

  “There are more important things than what the heart wants.”

  “Are there?” she asked. “Can you tell me that your feelings won’t impact your decisions any less than they would if you were to follow your heart?”

  I froze. I knew that she had a point, but I had to ignore it.

  “I made a choice and I’ll stand by my choice. This is who I am.”

  “You worry about falling,” she said.

  “This is not about my worrying. It’s about what is right. You claim yourself to be a Goddess. Shouldn’t you worry about protecting good over evil?”

  “Not all fallen are evil,” she said.

  “Evil or not, there has to be balance between us all in this world and every time one falls, well, you know what happens.”

  “I do. But love is not a sin. Never was, never will be.”

  “But—”

  “Child, no one ever fell because they were in love. Your Ethan, he fell because he did things that he was not supposed to. He did them out of love, but he had a choice and he chose to ignore what was right in order to heal you. The claim that angels fall because they fell in love is purely coincidental with choices they made because of that love.”

  “Right. Love impacts your judgment. It only makes sense that we should not act on it.”

  Venus shook her head. “True love will never go away. You’ll always love the angel who came to you that night, whether you accept it or not. You can love him and do what you are meant to without becoming one of the fallen.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

  “Because you are determined to do good. You know the difference between right and wrong and I’m certain that you will draw a line between them. That is the help that you didn’t ask for. I give you my word and my protection. You can be with your Ethan and you will not fall, for as long as you still know in your heart that your actions comply with what you should be doing.”

  I looked up at her.

  “You give me your word?” I asked.

  She nodded.

  “For as long as your actions are still the ones of an angel.”

  After that, she faded away, leaving me more lost than I was before.

  Once she left, I turned around and saw Ethan coming out of the building by the lake. Before he saw me, I hid behind a tree and just watched him until I couldn’t see him anymore. I couldn’t even bring myself to talk to him… not yet anyway.

  I got out of hiding and went into the building where he was before. I sat on one of the benches. This was usually my place to just have alone time. Right now, his scent took over all of my senses. All I could do was re-live the first time when I saw him. I remembered thinking that I was in heaven at first. Then I got angry because he was sent to me when I knew I didn’t have much longer.

  So many times I wondered why me. I loved helping others, but it wasn’t fair that I didn’t get to live. I didn’t get to go to school, prom, or college. I didn’t even get to date. And then Ethan was sent to be at the worst possible time. I knew what I felt for him and I somehow knew how he felt for me. I had no doubts about it. I wonder how much easier things would be if another angel had been sent to help me instead, or even if I wasn’t able to see him while I was still human.

  I was startled when heard Venus’ voice in the background. It was almost as if she was whispering, ‘Go to her.’

  I looked around and saw no one. I got up anyway. I needed to get back.

  When I turned around, I froze. Ethan stood there, staring at me.

  I didn’t know what to do and much less what to say.

  Ethan stood there, looking uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I was told—Are you okay?”

  I nodded.

  “The Goddess sent you,” I said. “I thought I heard her.”

  He nodded.

  “I can go if you’d like me to.”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. Please stay.”

  I sat back down, mostly because I started to shake. He stayed where he was, and at some point I just had to look away.

  “Your wings are darker than I remember,” I said. “Is that because of me?”

  He took a step closer. “It’s not. It is because of me—my choices.”

  “Why did you do it? I mean, why did you try to heal me?”

  He hesitated. “You were in so much pain and I was so confused by you being able to see me. Then I just felt this pull toward you. In a weird way, I thought I was meant to heal you.”

  “But you fell because of it.”

  “I did. But if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have met Hunter and Kayla and I wouldn’t be standing in front of you right now.”

  We fell into awkward silence. Then, I finally got the nerve to confirm something that I had heard.

  “I heard you are going back to the other Academy with the others. Is it true?”

  He was looking into my eyes, and there was just something sad about the way he looked at me. “Yes, it’s true.”

  His gaze was so intense that I had to look away once again.

  I couldn’t help saying my next words. “Please don’t go. I heard the succubus is still there. She’ll target you again. You still need to heal. It’s just,” she paused, “it’s too soon.”

  He seemed so lost after I said that. He looked as lost as I felt. “I owe it to Kayla and Hunter. I have to go.”

  I nodded. He was right. I had no place in even asking him not to go.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  I nodded.

  “This pull… you feel it too, don’t you?”

  I couldn’t answer. I was afraid that if I did, I would
fall apart. I just turned away and I could feel the tears running down my face. Then I could feel his hand on my shoulder, making me feel goose bumps all over my arms.

  “Jennifer, please turn around and look at me,” he whispered.

  I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. When I didn’t move, he moved his hand away from my shoulder and moved to where he stood in front of me. I felt as if I was frozen in place. He slowly touched my chin with his hand, lifting my head so that I could look into his eyes and that was when I fell apart. I wanted to run as far away from him as I could, but he pulled me into a hug and wouldn’t let me go. All I could do was lay my head against his chest and cry.

  “This is so unfair!” I said in between sobs.

  He held me even tighter. “I know.”

  We stood there for a while, with our arms around each other. Neither of us said anything. We just didn’t want to leave that moment. At least I know I didn’t.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Kayla

  I went back to see Hunter, but Xavier said that he was sleeping and he’d rather me let him rest. I agreed because I was too tired to argue. I would just sneak back in later.

  I was on my way back to the dorms when I ran into Samael.

  “You need to stay away from me,” I said.

  “Listen, I know you’re mad, but I have a special kind of training for you tonight and I’m pretty certain we won’t get this opportunity again.”

  I ignored him and kept on walking.

  “Kayla!”

  “Leave me alone, Samael.”

  “Tomorrow you start supervised training. Do you think any of them will let you train directly with the enemy?”

  I stopped for a second. He caught my attention. I took a deep breath and turned around.

  “I’m listening,” I said.

  “By now you are aware that the Academy has a basement full of succubi and other… things,” he said with disgust. “I can get one of them to help get you ready.” He paused. “There won’t be another opportunity like this. Next time, it’ll be the real thing.”

  I stared at him for a while. “Fine! But if you pull anything weird, we are done.”