Flawed Perfection: A Collection of Winter Wishes

by Ouvrard, Jude

  This is serious business. Holy crap! Are we already in a relationship? What is it that we’ve said or done in the last forty-eight hours? I recall most of the events, our dialog, and the unmistakable physical attraction. I don’t want him to go either.

  “You know where to reach me if you ever want to talk.” How do I already ache for this man?

  “Same goes for you, or if I don’t hear from you, then I’ll make sure to call you.” He pauses. “There’s one thing I want to tell you, though. I think it’s important. If you ever feel like this isn’t working out or that it’s moving too fast, talk to me. I don’t want you clamming up. If we’re going to do this, we have to talk to each other with honesty.”

  Running my free hand through the length of my hair, I hesitate. Being the type of person who’s always scared of disappointing people, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. “I can’t promise you I’ll tell you everything, but I’ll try.”

  “I’m going to be away a lot, a couple of times a month. If we, you know, do this, we’ll have to deal with long distance. That’s not something I’ve ever believed was worth trying—until now.”

  I don’t know what he wants me to say. “Mason, I never pictured myself with someone else other than Gabe, so if we do this, we’ll have to take a day at a time. It’s so new to me to even consider being with someone else. We’re going to make mistakes and get angry at each other, like every other couple out there.” Couple? Do I consider us a couple already? I have no idea. “I can’t dive into this like I have no fears, because I have many. One day at a time is all I can do right now.”

  Nodding, he parks the car in front of my building. “I’m sorry for bringing up the subject so early into our friendship, or whatever we are. The idea of leaving for a few days makes me uneasy.” He chortles. “For the first time ever.”

  “Are we still doing breakfast?” I want to see him again. Every minute counts before he has to leave for… I don’t know how long.

  “Absolutely. I’ll pick you up at nine for breakfast, if that’s okay with you?” He sounds uncertain, a soft V appearing in his forehead.

  “Yes, that’s okay.” Giving him a shy smile I open the car door, somewhat disappointed he won’t be walking me up to my door like I had hoped.

  “Wait,” he cries out, his voice loud. The door handle releases from my grip and I watch him while he gets out of the car then jogs around to my side. “I should be opening that door for you. In fact, all doors.”

  I’m giggling, smiling like a fool, and relieved. “Thank you.”

  Our fingers hooked together, we walk to the first door of my building. “Thank you for walking me safely to my building.”

  “This isn’t your door. I’ll say good night when we reach your apartment.”

  Surprised doesn’t cover it. I’m thrilled. “Okay.”

  I unlock the main entrance into the building and hold the door for him to follow me. We are walking at a snail’s pace, neither of us wanting to reach my door too soon.

  “I guess this is it.” Turning my back on the cold steel door, I wait for his goodbye with palpitations so strong I might cry from happiness the second he leaves and isn’t there to witness my emotional breakdown.

  “Until tomorrow morning at nine, then.” He closes the distance between us.

  My heart is thumping as my breathing speeds up. “Mason.”

  “Adele.”

  Staring into each other’s eyes like open windows to our souls, I want to be kissed.

  I want him to kiss me.

  Is it wrong for wanting something so much after only two days? I have no idea. He said he won’t kiss me because he wants to get to know me first, but I know what I want right now.

  Rising to the tips of my toes, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. I tease my lips over his until he responds to my unsubtle demands. After breathing deep, filling his lungs to the fullest, his lips suck mine into an intense kiss. One that melts my mind and makes my knees weak. Pulling at the roots of his hair, I’m lost in this newborn passion. His lips are soft and warm against mine while the intensity is building strong between us. Refusing to pull away or stop, he presses his entire body into mine making my body combust. My heart is thumping so fast and strong there is no way he doesn’t feel it. I feel it in every inch of my body. My mind is going through a whirlwind of emotions, something I never expected again. This is overwhelming. His rock-hard body, and his leg pressing between mine, sends jolts of need right to my groin. His hands traverse my body like a blind man reading braille. I want to stop myself from feeling so much, but I can’t.

  This is stronger than me.

  “Adele,” he pants out. “I must wish you a good night now, or we’ll end up naked in the hall.”

  “You could always come in.” I see the hesitation in his eyes and mouth, even his body freezes.

  “I want to, trust me. I haven’t wanted anything in a long time as much as I want this, but we both know better.”

  It’s frustrating that he’s putting a stop to this. The kiss was magical to me. A perfect mix of pure desire and curiosity. Anticipation is good and all, but my imagination is killing me.

  “I don’t think I know anything at this point. I’m pretty sure my brain has turned into mud.” My fingers dance down his chest to his waist. He watches me, thoughtful.

  “Few more hours, Adele,” he says with his lips rubbing against mine. “I love kissing you.”

  “Why did you stop then?” I murmur.

  “It’s all about limits. If this is meant to be, it will happen again—and again—but I don’t want to rush anything.”

  Mason is smarter than me in so many ways. Two minutes ago, I would’ve done everything with him, given myself to him body and soul, because I haven’t felt anything like it in over twelve months. He reminds me what it is to be desired by a man. “You’re right, and I do appreciate how much you care.”

  He smiles as though that were a given. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

  “Goodnight, handsome.”

  Taking the key from my hand, he unlocks my door and pushes it open. I stare into his loving green eyes wishing I knew how I’d gotten lucky enough to cross his path.

  “A last one for tonight.” Our lips lock together one more time, and it is just as good as the previous ones. He gives me a light squeeze then leaves.

  Once inside my apartment, my clothes find their way to the floor before I get in the shower to calm down. My body has never been so awake. My mind is trying to compare my past with Gabe to my present with Mason, but for the first time ever, I feel a void. There is no doubt I loved him with all my heart and every part of me, but Mason is different. I must try not getting too hooked too fast, because this could end in a terrible heartbreak, and I don’t want that. Who does?

  The hot water slides down my body warming me up and calming me down. Trying to clear my mind of all the feelings from earlier, I decide I can’t be like that during breakfast. My emotions need to be toned down. There is no way we can keep this up for breakfast; I’ll step it back a notch.

  Tired from all the alcohol, emotions, and dancing, I hurry into my pajamas as soon as I’m out of the shower then jump right into my bed. I’m exhausted.

  Chapter 9

  At 8:55 in the morning my body hasn’t gotten over last night yet. Even though I slept like a baby exhausted after replaying the kisses in my head for the hundredth time. Sad tears had stained my cheeks as I fell asleep realizing it was the first time since their death that I hadn’t kissed Gabe and Brock’s picture on my dresser. A ritual of sorts, which I had started after their passing to get some kind of peace before bedtime.

  Still nostalgic in the morning, I know it’s time to forgive myself and let go of the guilt. I’m a widow, not a nun; I’m allowed to find happiness again. This is me trying.

  A few cars pass by and my anxiety ratchets up to the sky. I can’t wait to see his car. See him. It’s not even nine yet, so I should chill. If only I could.

  I sit on
one of the two steps in front of the main entrance and wait. The minutes tick by until, there he is, parking his car right in front of the short sidewalk. Standing up, I watch him getting out of his car. His hair and beard are done with perfection. Under the morning sun, warmer than usual, he’s wearing a thick black sweater with a pair of lean, dark jeans.

  “Good morning, sweetheart.”

  “Good morning, handsome.”

  “I had a hard time waking up,” he says as he walks up the sidewalk. “Are you hungry?”

  “Famished.” We stand face to face, looking at each other. Heat rises over my cheeks. Blushing has become second nature since I met him.

  “May I?” His fingers cup my cheeks as he closes the distance between us with caution.

  “Absolutely.”

  Without further warning, his mouth crushes into mine. This goes against my idea of stepping things down a notch, but what can I say? The man is a good kisser.

  Parting from my lips, he sighs. “I could kiss you all morning but I have a plane to catch, and I’m starving. We should go.” Kissing me one last time, he holds me against his strong body, his masculine fragrance transferring onto my clothes.

  I slide my arm around his waist and shiver at the warm feeling he brings. Safety and comfort, mixed with alpha man. I like this a lot.

  “Come on, sweetheart. I swear I just heard my stomach growling. Or was that yours?” he teases.

  Walking to the car, he opens and closes the door for me. I love this. Maybe I’m old school, but it adds a lot to the reasons why I like him.

  The drive to the restaurant is short; we enter less than ten minutes later. His hand hasn’t left mine since we sat in the car. He gives me soft squeezes or kisses every once in a while which, to me, shows how much he cares.

  Inside the restaurant, my stomach keeps begging for food. The smell of eggs, French toast, and bacon is driving me crazy. “I hope the service is quick because I’m about to steal our neighbor’s toast. I wasn’t that hungry until we got here.” Melted butter on a thick slice of fresh bread… I must stop staring at the plates next to us.

  The waiter brings two cups of coffee, and I add sugar and cream to mine without wasting time. It might help with my sudden hunger. “Are you guys ready to order?”

  We both nod like our lives depend on it.

  After ordering our meals the waiter leaves and we return to gazing at each other. No words, only staring and blushing. Our hands are joined above the table while our legs entwine underneath it. There’s this urge to touch him at all time. I know he’s leaving for a while and I won’t be seeing him.

  “Where are you travelling to this week?”

  “New York. We’re renovating the hotels there, and I need to make sure everything is done as it should be.” He laughs. “Boring, I know, but someone’s got to do it. Apparently that person is me.” His jaw tenses. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I think I’ll miss you, too.”

  “You think?”

  “I know I will.” Laughing with nervousness, I break the connection to focus on my coffee. “It’ll be a first challenge. We’re going to learn more about ourselves, and each other.”

  “That’s all I’m asking for, getting to know you more.”

  How does he always know what to say? Anything he says fills me with awe.

  “Are you working all week?”

  “You should know that, Mr. Wilcher,” I tease him. “Yes, my schedule shows a full week of work. I think I have Thursday off, but I’ll be working the weekend, too.” I hate working on weekends. Working a normal Monday to Friday, all year round, would make me a happy lady.

  “Oh, that’s too bad. I won’t be getting back until Thursday night. On Friday I’ll have the official papers to sign for the house, then I’ll need to look for a car.”

  “Sounds like a busy week for you.”

  “Yeah…” he pauses, thoughtful. “I was hoping you could come with me.”

  “I’m sorry.” I guess I’d like to go with him, but if I don’t work, I won’t be able to pay my bills. “So, you are officially moving and declaring Seattle home, then?”

  He nods. “Yes, I like this city. It’s very welcoming. The west coast has always been one of my favorites.”

  Smiling, I nod in return. Am I part of the very welcoming? I think so.

  The waiter brings our plates and we dig in without wasting any time.

  “How’s your omelet, Mason?” I have no idea how good it tastes, but it looks more than delicious.

  “It’s great. Just enough cheese. You want a bite?”

  Of course, I grin in response. He presents a full fork to my mouth and I open wide. My lips close on the fork while he watches me, straight in the eyes. There is something reflecting in his irises, desire maybe. It’s not meaningless.

  Reclaiming his fork, he takes a deep breath then exhales little by little.

  I think I know what he’s visualising, and that just makes him naughty. Taking a bite off someone’s fork has never been this sensual before. A rush of pride runs through me while I taste his omelet. I did this to him.

  “Delicious. Thanks for the large bite,” teasing him, I put the emphasis on large. He chokes on his coffee, unable to control himself. I love this.

  “Adele.” His voice, a mere whisper, is also a warning.

  “It’s very strong. The cheese in the omelet, I mean.”

  Wiping his mouth clean, he’s looking at me through his thick eyelashes.

  “Would you like to taste mine?”

  “What are you offering me, Adele?”

  Step it back, Ade, you’re not ready for this. Although it’s fun to pretend, let’s take it slow. “My waffle.” My voice is not as confident this time. “It’s very sweet, if you like sweet.”

  “I love sweet, sweetheart.”

  I slice him off a piece of my brown sugar-coated waffle, add some whipped cream, and then feed him like he did for me. Again, the connection between us is strong, almost palpable. This is getting out of control, but oh, so fun. My fork and knife drop from my clammy fingers, clashing onto my plate in an unladylike way. Laughing at me, Mason helps himself to another bite from my plate like Brock would have done. It’s a gesture which makes me happy and sad at the same time. Unable to hide the sorrow that washes over me, I take a sip of my coffee and avoid eye contact for a few seconds.

  “Is everything okay here?” The waiter returns to check on us.

  “Yes, it’s delicious. Thank you,” I say faking another smile.

  “I would love to see you next Friday after work. We could find a nice restaurant to eat at… if you want?” My sudden change of mood hasn’t gone unnoticed.

  “Yes, that would be nice. Aren’t you supposed to take care of papers for the house, though? When are you moving in?” That is none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked that question.

  “I can take care of that when you’re working. This week or the next. There is no rush. The house is ready for me to move in, but it’ll be a hectic week, so I may stay at the hotel one more week.”

  “When will you find time to get the furniture and everything a house needs?” Shopping for new furniture is always fun. I know I would love to get some for my apartment. Be able to buy everything I want, in the style I love, instead of hand-me-downs.

  “Why do you look so sad? I have a feeling you’re hiding something from me.”

  Dammit. “Sometimes the present reminds me of my past. It brings out emotions which are difficult to control.”

  “Was it something I said or did?” Concern shows on his face, that small V forming on his forehead again.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  He leans closer to me from across the table. “It does, and I want to know.”

  Sighing, my vision grows blurry, so I close my eyes for a few seconds in hope of gaining back control. “When you took a bite from my plate, it reminded me of my son. He used to do that a lot.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.” Mason’s face fa
lls.

  “Don’t be, and it’s okay if you do it again.”

  He nods. “I don’t want to hurt you. Anything else?”

  I shrug. “I don’t want you to walk on eggshells because of how I might feel.”

  “I won’t, I promise.”

  “Before their deaths, we were planning to buy a small house for the three of us. I had to let it go because, alone, it was impossible for me to afford.” I wipe at the tears in my eyes with the napkin from the table. “I shouldn’t say this, because you do work hard for everything you own, but I will anyway. I think you’re lucky. I loved house shopping. You talking about it reminds me of a good period in my life.”

  “Let me say something. Buying a house for your family, big or small, is a lot more gratifying than buying a house for yourself only. I just need a roof, a bed, a shower, and a place to keep my food. Everything else is meaningless, because it’s just me. Buying a house for your family and yourself is a lot more meaningful. It’s like planning memories, the future. I didn’t do that.” He chuckles. “I bought the second house I visited because I liked it enough, and was bored already.”

  “Thank you for bursting my bubble.” I start laughing.

  Mason laughs with me. “My apologies. It’s a nice house, though. With a swimming pool, hot tub, and all that.”

  “I like it already. You’d better invite me in.”

  Kissing the top of my hand, he smiles. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll have a VIP pass.”

  Eating the last of our breakfast, our unforgettable weekend is coming to an end.

  “We should get going. I have to be at the airport soon.”

  Both of us have dreaded this moment, and yet it came anyway. He drives me to Vanessa’s so I can get my car back.

  “I’ll call you when I land, okay?”

  “Yes, please.”

  He parks the car. From the street the inside of the house appears dark. I bet they’re still sleeping. Van had quite a few drinks last night. “I think I’m going back home right away. I don’t want to wake her up. They like to sleep in.”