Flawed Perfection: A Collection of Winter Wishes

by Ouvrard, Jude

  “Are you serious?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jazz answered casually. “Not only could you be penalized with up to five years in prison, fined as much as ten thousand dollars, or both, but you’d also be marked as a felon and Tally would be immediately disbarred. However, lucky for you, that’s where polygamy, or more pointedly, polyandry comes into play.”

  “Excuse me?” Lex looked at Jazz with befuddlement. “You just said bigamy was a felony.”

  “Yes, but technically, polygamy isn’t the same thing.”

  Propping is hands on his hips, Lex demanded, “Explain yourself, please.”

  “Well, bigamy is defined as being legally married to more than one person at the same time. Bigamy is a federal law and it is highly prohibited, as you know.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Lex bobbed his head in agreement as he waved his hand in a circular moment, prompting Jazz to continue.

  “Polygamy, on the other hand, is defined as having one legal spouse and one or more co-spouses, joined through a spiritual union. In that case, there really isn’t any legislation regarding it in Minnesota. Therefore, it’s technically legal.”

  Lex looked at the smug ginger in amazement. “You’re diabolical.”

  “Thank you,” she replied proudly. “Look, Lexi Love, law can be a matter of interpretation and definition. Though Minnesota statues clearly define bigamy, there’s nothing specifically related to polygamy. That being said, even if you legally divorce Kode to marry Tally, you can remain spiritually bound to one another. See – it’s a win-win!”

  The question that had been nagging Lex from the get-go finally reared itself in the forefront of his mind. “Why are you so happy about this and why, pray tell, are you so supportive?”

  Suddenly, Jazz looked both guilty and bashful. Smiling sheepishly, she admitted, “I’ve known all of you for a really long time. It’s been something close to a decade, I’d say.”

  Lex nodded his head. “Yep, it’s been about that.”

  “Right, well, in that time, I’d like to think I’ve gotten to know each of you fairly well. I mean, Tally is my best friend, and you, well, I give you shit, but you know I love you, Princess.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Lex replied. “I admit, I love you, too – some times.”

  She blew him an air kiss before continuing. “For as close as we might be, I’m still on the sidelines; I haven’t even made it into the game, not really. I mean, Tally may be my best friend, but I’ve never been hers.” She raised her hand to stop Lex’s denial before it crossed his lips. “I didn’t say she didn’t value me, so don’t get your panties in a wad. I know I’m one of her dearest friends, but Lexi Love, you’re her best friend and you know it. Hell, she even loves Kode more than me.”

  I’m not sure if she’s angry or hurt. I hope neither. When their eyes met, Jazz winked, giving him his answer. That old dog! He chuckled softly. Blind as we all were, she knew all along. “Why didn’t you say anything? Maybe give us a push in the right direction.”

  “Sweetie,” Jazz explained, sounding as if she were talking to a small child, “that’s not really something you bring up. I mean, you three had to come to it on your own; organically.”

  “I guess that’s true,” Lex agreed, knowing she was right despite her pretentious attitude. “I just wish it hadn’t taken us so long.”

  “Well, don’t waste any more time then, you hear?”

  “I hear, but I’m not sure how people will respond to us.”

  Jazz pulled at Lex, roughly tugging him into her strong arms as she embraced him affectionately. “You all deserve to be happy, and if that doesn’t fit someone else’s ideals, screw them.”

  “Thanks, Jazz – ah, Mrs. Shallot,” he said with a smile.

  “You’re welcome,” Jazz replied, chortling. “Now,” she ordered, pointing Lex toward the door and smacking his ass sharply, “Go get your family in line.”

  *****

  “I’m not divorcing you,” Ishkode stated stubbornly. He angrily poked at the meat sizzling on the indoor grill as he took a swig from his long-neck bottle of beer.

  “But Jazz said –”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck what that bitch has to say!” Ishkode barked, cutting Lex off. “I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her, and despite my strength, she’s a beast, so that isn’t far!”

  “Well, I trust her,” Lex retorted.

  “Oh, really – you do?” Ishkode gave him an incredulously look. Dropping the appliance’s lid over the delectable cuts of ribeye caused a tantalizing hiss that seemed to reflect his mood. “You trust her; since when?”

  “Since always,” Lex insisted, “at least, where the law’s concerned.”

  “Bullshit! Do you hear me, Lexi? I call bullshit.” He took another swig of his beer before slamming it back onto the counter top.

  “Kode, try to be reasonable,” Lex implored. “Please, honey, can’t you see this is the solution?”

  “Divorce isn’t a solution. It’s a tragedy.” As he lifted the cover of his George Foreman Grill, Lex quietly handed him a plate. Taking the dish to transfer the cooked meat on to it, he thought, geez, even when I yell at him, he’s thoughtful. His husband’s kindness reminded him he was out of his league. Feeling wretched, but unable to let go of his anger, he quietly said, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” Lex replied sadly. “Look, honey, I know you don’t want to get divorced. I don’t either, but –”

  “Then weren’t not. The answer’s no.”

  Lex looked wounded as he attempted to appeal the rejection. “Kode, please, we’d only be doing it for the legality of it; to protect us. We’d still be bound in love and spirit.”

  “No, Lexi. Neither of us wants this,” Ishkode declared, “so end of discussion.” He stormed across the kitchen to place the steaks in the center of the table. “And you can stop shaking your head at me,” he said without looking at his husband, “because I’m serious. I said no and that’s final.”

  “Really, Kode, really? Don’t I even a say in this?”

  I hate when he looks at me that way, but if he thinks I’m just going to lie down and play dead, he’s got another thing coming. The handsome man cringed, but stuck to his guns. “You’ve said enough.”

  Sighing deeply, Lex tentatively approached his spouse. Setting a gentle hand on his forearm, he asked, “What about last night? What about this morning?”

  “What about it?” Though he tried to sound strong, the powerful Ojibwe struggled to keep his composure, unhappy with the distress he was causing his lover. I know we both want children, but – no! “Do you really think I’m going to sacrifice our happiness for Tally’s?” I’ve made enough allowances for that woman, he thought as his temper flared again. Lexi and I almost weren’t because of her. There’s no fucking way I’m throwing my marriage away. “I’m not kowtowing to that home-wrecker!”

  “Please,” Lexi begged, “calm down. Tally’s going to be here any minute and –”

  “So?” Ishkode snapped. “Why shouldn’t she know we’re upset?” I knew this was going to happen. I knew Tally was going to cause trouble between us. And, as always, he’s siding with her. “This is all her fault. Almost every argument we’ve ever had is because of her.”

  Lex dropped his hand and shook his head from side to side. “I know you don’t believe that.”

  A ball of emotion, Ishkode lashed out. “Yes, I do.”

  “Whoa,” Tally gasped as she entered the apartment, drawing her scarf from around her neck and unbuttoning her heavy coat. “I’m sorry for letting myself in, but I could hear you arguing down the hall. I couldn’t make out words, but it was obvious you weren’t happy. What’s going on?”

  “You!” Ishkode bellowed. He quickly moved in front of Lex, like a shield, standing with his arms held stiffly at his sides, ready to lung at a moment’s notice. Tally blinked in confusion as he made his assault. “You’re nothing, but trouble. I should have cut you out of our lives years ago. Why are you
even here, huh?”

  “D-dinner, I thought.” Tally gawked at the men in confusion.

  “Dinner, right,” Ishkode continued, unrelenting. “Sure, yeah, here’s your dinner.” He stabbed a piece of steak and thrust it at her. When she cautiously took the offered meat, Ishkode stomped across the room, ripping the fridge door open. Reaching inside, he withdrew a beer and as he twisted the cap off, he barked, “I bet you’d like a drink with that.” He rushed toward her. “Take it. Go ahead. Take it, like you do everything else you want.”

  “I, ah,” Tally stammered with wide eyes as he pressed the bottle into the palm of her hand.

  Lex grasped the sides of his head, a look of utter despair on his face. “Kode, that’s enough.”

  Ishkode turned around, his features hardening like stone. “No, it’s not. It’ll never be enough, at least not for her.” He pointed a finger toward the petite woman. In his blind rage, he missed the unmistakable tremor belying her stoic acceptance of his tirade. “She’s never going to be satisfied until she has you all to herself.”

  Lex seemed to reach the end of his patience. “Stop it right now, Kode. I mean it; not another word.”

  “Fine. It’s not like you’d listen to me anyway,” the vexed man accused. “All I ever hear is ‘Tally this’ and ‘Tally that’. You know what? Fuck this. You get your wish, Princess; I’ll give your damn divorce.”

  “What?” Tally looked shocked as she scrutinized Ishkode’s face. “What are you talking about? No one’s getting divorced.” She turned her attention toward Lex. “You’re not getting divorced.”

  “We have to,” Lex tried to explain, but Tally halted any attempts he made.

  “The hell you are!”

  “But Jazz –” he tried again.

  “No!” Tally shouted with a small stamp of her foot against the tiled floor. “Is this why Kode’s so upset?” She turned her attention back toward the distraught man. “Is it?”

  “Yes,” Ishkode replied, unwilling to curb his wrath. “Lexi wants a divorce so he can marry you.”

  “No,” Lex denied, shaking his head fervently. “No, I don’t –”

  “You asked for one,” Ishkode snapped. Why am I even here? All these years – Fuck! He closed his eyes to block out the pain, clenching his fists so tight his nails dug into his hands. All these years I knew – hell, I loved her, too – erroneously thinking she was a good person. I accepted it, never making an issue out of it, because I thought our love was real, and that it trumped anything we felt for Tally. I over-looked their unshielded glances and stolen touches, but no more. “You know what? I’m done. It’s not worth it,” he said before addressing Tally directly. “You win. You can have him.”

  “What the hell?” Lex jumped forward, grasping Ishkode’s forearm. “You act like you’re giving away your best hog at a damn fair. Is that all I am to you? Kode, I love you and I thought you loved me, too.”

  “How am I supposed to believe that when I can see you’re in love with her? Do you really think you can love two people at the same time?”

  “Yes, I do,” Lex cried in desperation, “and I know you believe it as well. I mean, you love her, too.”

  “Lexi –”

  “Not another word!” Tally ordered in a loud, authoritative voice. “You’ve both said more than enough.” She looked flabbergasted as she searched for a place to set the steak and beer down. “You’re both crazy, you know that? This whole situation is crazy.” She pinned Lex with a horrified stare. “Why would you even consider a divorce? I don’t want that.” With pleading eyes, she handed her burdens back to Ishkode and said, “I’ve never wanted that.”

  Lex instinctively took a step toward her, but she thrust her arm out to stop his advance. Appearing haggard, her face pinched with determination as she worked to contain her emotions. Sounding strained, she finally said, “You’re right, Kode. I do need to go. This is my fault and I can never tell you how sorry I am.”

  Without further ado, Tally ran for the door. Pulling it open, she dashed over the threshold and out into hallway. The ding of the elevator sounded hollow as she made her escape, leaving the two men gapping after her, frozen in place.

  *****

  Hearing the whisper of feet padding against the flooring, Lex’s chest tightened. How could he say those things? How could he be so hurtful? He brushed away a tear as Ishkode reached their bedroom door. Pretending to be asleep, he hoped his husband hadn’t noticed his subtle movement.

  “I know you’re awake.”

  “And you know I have nothing more to say to you.” Feeling drained and offended, Lex flopped over, turning his back on his partner. How did we get to such a dark place? One minute we were excited to start a family and the next, our family’s in tatters. Tears leaked down his cheek as he sniffled. I can’t believe this happened.

  “Lexi, please, talk to me.” Ishkode’s voice was ragged and strained. He sounded like a tortured man. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Can’t we work this out? I don’t want to lose you.”

  He was so disrespectful – to me, to Tally. She had no idea what she was walking into. Lex expelled a shuddering sob as he tried to mute his crying. I was over the moon happy this morning, and now, all my dreams are shattered. Tally will probably never speak to me again, and how can I blame her?

  He felt Ishkode crawl onto the bed. His warm body leaned against his as a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder. “Lexi, please, don’t cry. I love you.”

  “You didn’t make me feel loved,” Lexi sobbed.

  “I know. I’m sorry, though I know that’s not enough,” Ishkode croaked, his voice catching from his emotion as he wrapped himself around his lover. He buried his face in Lex’s back. “I want to fix this. Please, tell me how to fix this.”

  I know he’s crying, and it’s killing me. I want nothing more than to ease his pain, but what about my pain, or Tally’s? Not only had Ishkode been ruthless and cruel, his easy dismissal of Lex had stung deeply. Why should I save him? He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. The thought burned his soul as his heart bled for the man he loved. What am I saying? We all deserve forgiveness. Lex turned toward Ishkode and pulled him into his embrace. “It’s okay, honey. It’s all going to be okay.”

  Though he easily shifted, moving his body as Lex directed him, Ishkode refused to meet his lover’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I-I don’t –”

  “We’ll fix it.” Nothing is so bad it can’t be fixed, right?

  “How?” Ishkode asked in a muffled voice, his face pressed into Lex’s chest. “I was horrible.”

  “Yeah, you were,” Lex agreed, unable to deny the truth, “But only because you felt threatened.” I know Kode’s reaction had as much to do with the past as the present. After what I put him through last time, I can understand his extreme behavior, but will Tally? Finding his determination, he decided, I’ll just have to make her see, that’s all. I’ll explain so she’ll know this is my fault. “I should’ve known your views about a divorce, but in my excitement to share what I’d learned, I didn’t consider your feelings.” I’m a hypocrite for being angry that he ignored mine.

  “Baby, I –” Ishkode lifted his torso so he was elevated over Lex. “This isn’t your fault. This was me. I flew off the handle, like I always do when… I’m afraid.”

  Shushing his husband, he said, “Let’s not dwell on it any more tonight. Tomorrow’s a new day, and a new beginning.”

  “But Tally…” Ishkode’s voice was almost a whisper.

  “I’ll talk to her in the morning,” he promised while thinking, we’re not throwing a lifetime of friendship away because of one stupid fight. “Right now is about us, okay?”

  “Why do you love me? I don’t deserve you. I never deserved either of you.”

  Lex snorted. “I was thinking the same thing about you.”

  Dropping back against the bed, adjusting to ensure the couple’s comfortable entanglement, Ishkode replied, “That’s ridiculous. You’re perfect.”

 
“It’s funny how none of us can see our worth,” Lex said, contemplating the irony. He kissed his husband tenderly as they interlaced their hands together. “I can’t help wondering if maybe that’s why God gave us each other; to remind us how special we are.”

  “And when you say ‘us’, you’re referring to you, me, and Tally, right?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “We have to fix this,” Ishkode whispered again.

  “We will.”

  Chapter 7

  Tally Abram tucked her head down, trying to swallow her emotions as she traveled through the skywalk. She avoided making eye contact with the people she passed; worried they’d notice her tear-glossed eyes and reddened cheeks. I just need to get home, she encouraged herself. Once I do, I can figure this all out. With each step, the building pressure of her dammed tears grew. She inhaled a shuddering breath, grateful to see her elevator bay just ahead. Oh, thank God! I’m almost there.

  She felt the first wave of relief as he pressed the call button. Hold it together, Tally. When the lift arrived and she climbed into its empty compartment, the second wave washed over her. Sighing, she thought, at least I don’t have to try to make small talk with neighbors. The third wave of relief came with the click of her deadbolt unlocking. Just a few more steps. Finally closing her apartment door and securing herself inside, she let everything she worked so hard to restrain flood forth. The intensity of her emotions crumpled her to the floor, where she remained until she cried herself dry.

  Upon gaining control of her faculties, Tally retrieved her cell phone from her pocket. If I want to understand what happened today, I need to begin at the source. She selected the contact she wanted and then brought the device to her ear. Have I ever felt so worn out? She yawned deeply while she listened to the repetitive ringing, waiting for the recipient to answer. I’m exhausted. This feels like a nightmare I can’t escape from. It’s physically, emotionally, and mentally taxing.