The Divorce Papers

by Susan Rieger

  I wanted to ask how he felt about me, about us, but it didn’t seem the moment. I told him I was sorry for all his unhappiness and said I’d find him a lawyer, cheaper than someone in my firm. He said he’d call me in a week or two. He had to clear his head. WWFWD? She used to say: If you can’t do what makes you feel good, do what makes you feel least bad.

  I told Harry not to call me. I said I’d get him the name of a lawyer and email it to him. I told him his life was too messy at the moment and I didn’t want to get involved, or more involved. “I didn’t know you had a wife,” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I couldn’t help myself. He was too tired to answer.

  And then I left. I decided the best, or least bad, thing to do was break it off, right then. I didn’t want to sit around waiting for him to call. I didn’t want to hope and then have my hopes smashed. I didn’t want to be around during the next fuck-cure.

  I’m unhappy right now, but I couldn’t sit home and wait for him to call. I’m no Griselda.

  Did I do the right thing? I have a terrible track record with men. Could he be bad boyfriend No. 6?

  Love,

  Sophie

  * * *

  Re: Harry

  From: Maggie Pfeiffer

  To: Sophie Diehl

  Date: Sun, 9 May 1999 17:18:24

  Subject: Re: Harry 5/9/99 5:18 PM

  Dear Sophie,

  I feel so badly for you. I had no idea Harry was married; I don’t think anyone at the drama school did—or does. He had a reputation as a rake, a heartbreaker, a swordsman, but I always thought that was a cover. He wasn’t completely honest with you, with anyone, but the story he told you says he’s a good guy. He feels he has an obligation to his wife—and she is still his wife, which can mean that Harry’s good husband material but maybe lousy boyfriend material.

  Sometimes men make loving them so hard.

  I’m sorry too that Fiona’s giving you grief. If things with Harry were better, you could put up with her and her nonsense. But you know that. Why don’t you come to dinner tonight?

  Love,

  Maggie

  Divorce Announcement

  * * *

  From: Sophie Diehl

  To: Maggie Pfeiffer

  Date: Mon, 10 May 1999 2:26:42

  Subject: Divorce Announcement

  Attachment: Divorce Notice 5/10/99 2:26 AM

  Dear Maggie:

  I probably should have accepted your dinner invitation, but misery didn’t want company tonight and I had the evening’s meal already carefully planned (representing the 5 basic food groups: fat, salt, sugar, alcohol, tobacco): frozen chocolate chip cookie dough, prefab margaritas, and a pack of Marlboros. I ate standing up, listening to All Things Considered. It was a very slow news day (nothing on Clinton or Monica), and at the top of the hour, they featured an interview with a Florida newspaper editor whose title was Editor of New Initiatives. He had introduced a new feature, Pet Obituaries. They weren’t real obits; pet owners wrote them themselves and paid to have them published in a special section of the classifieds. The editor had written the first one, to introduce the concept. It went something like this:

  A year ago today, the Newton family’s beloved cocker spaniel, Jock, died. He was 13 years old. The Newtons had raised him since he was 8 weeks old and considered him a member of the family. He couldn’t do any tricks, but he was sweet-natured and obedient, mostly, once he’d grown out of eating shoes. He loved to play fetch, and he never begged for table scraps unless there were guests. When a family member was sick, he’d spend the day in the sickroom, keeping the invalid company. He liked to sleep on the living room couch, and as he got older, he was allowed to. He is deeply missed.

  —Jim, Angela, Billy, and Bobby Newton

  The margaritas were very stimulating, and I got to thinking about other possible New Initiatives. My best idea, brilliant really, is for separation and divorce announcements, to go on the society pages, alongside (as a bracing, cautionary note) the engagement and wedding announcements. A separation announcement would be a real public service, for the couple and the larger community. It would not only formally give notice that the marriage was ending (getting the news out there once and for all and avoiding the endless retelling of your pathetic story), it would operate as a combo stealth dating service and real estate classified section. And there could be pictures—wedding photos torn in half. People love this kind of thing. (Did you know that the issue of the New Salem Courier that publishes the annual property assessments of private residences in the city is the biggest seller every year?)

  I’ve drafted an example, to introduce the concept. What do you think? Has it a future? They used to say a lady’s name only appeared in the newspaper when she was hatched, matched, and dispatched. This would add a fourth: detached. Don’t you think it’s a winning idea? I spent a lot of time (fonts, margins) making it look just like the wedding announcements. I’m planning to write Harry’s next.

  Love,

  Sophie

  MARIA MEIKLEJOHN, DANIEL DURKHEIM TO SPLIT AFTER 17 YEARS; HIS REMARRIAGE TO PARK AVENUE DERMATOLOGIST TO FOLLOW

  Ms. Maria Mather Meiklejohn Durk-heim, 41, and Dr. Daniel E. Durkheim, 52, both of New Salami, NA, announced today that they are unable to reconcile their unhappy differences and have decided to separate pursuant to divorce. They have been married 17 years. Ms. Meiklejohn, who has resumed her maiden name, has retained the firm of Traynor, Hand, Wyzanski to represent her in the divorce. Dr. Durkheim has retained Ray Kahn of Kahn & Boyle as his attorney.

  The couple currently reside at 404 St. Cloud Street, New Salami, with their daughter, Jane, age 11, a fifth-grade student at the Peabody School. Dr. Durkheim has a son, Thomas Maxwell Durkheim, 22, from an earlier marriage.

  Ms. Meiklejohn is the daughter of Bruce Meiklejohn, Chairman of Octopus Enterprises and President Emeritus of the Plimouth Club, and the late Maria Maple Mather Meiklejohn, who was a trustee of the Peabody School. Ms. Meiklejohn is a descendant of Increase Mather, father of Cotton Mather, the founder of Mather University. Male members of her family have attended Mather in every generation since its founding. She is also a descendant of Isaiah Maple, who came over on the Dolphin, in 1631; he and his fellow emigrants spent eight years starving in Boston before seeking out sunnier climes and founding the New Salami colony. The Maples founded the first press in Narragansett in 1725, and the family has continued in the publishing business down to the present day. Ms. Meiklejohn’s cousin, Peter Maple, is Executive Editor of the Courier. Dr. Durk-heim is the son of the late Leah and Herbert Durkheim, who owned a printing business, Durk & Co., in Queens, New York. The family’s original name was Durkheimer. It was cropped when Dr. Durkheim’s grandfather arrived in 1892 at Ellis Island. He is no relation to Emile Durkheim, the eminent late 19th–early 20th-century sociologist.

  Ms. Meiklejohn, a magna cum laude graduate of the University of Chicago, is a Ph.D. student in American studies at Mather University and a writing tutor at Mather College. She is planning to start at Mather Law in the fall of 2001, the first woman in the Mather family to attend the university. Dr. Durkheim is Chief of Pediatric Oncology and Dowling Professor of Pediatrics at Mather Medical School, where he directs the Children’s Cancer Center. He graduated from Columbia summa cum laude and went on to do a joint M.D./Ph.D. there at Columbia’s College of Physicians & Surgeons. Last year he was awarded the Freeman Prize for Pediatric Research. He was also shortlisted for the Lasker.

  Under the terms of their agreement, Dr. Durkheim will retain the St. Cloud Street residence. Ms. Meiklejohn has physical custody of their daughter; the couple share legal custody. Dr. Durkheim will get the Audi and the family dog, Fido, Ms. Mather the Saab and the cat, Tito. Some items of personal property have not yet been distributed, notably a Cindy Sherman photograph and a Jenny Holzer electric sign.

  The financial terms of the settlement include alimony and child support to be paid by Dr. Durkheim to Ms.
Meiklejohn for a limited period of years and an equitable distribution of their savings accounts, investments, and pension plans. Ms. Meiklejohn, with her father, retains ownership of the Mather Estate on Martha’s Vineyard.

  Dr. Durkheim was previously married to Helen Maxwell Fincher of New York; they divorced in 1982. Their son, Thomas, a graduate of Amherst College, is currently employed at Fincher & Co., in New York. Upon the entry of the final decree in the divorce, Dr. Durkheim is expected to marry Dr. Stephanie Roth, 47, a New York dermatologist specializing in Botox. ■

  Trash my last email

  * * *

  From: Sophie Diehl

  To: Maggie Pfeiffer

  Date: Mon, 10 May 1999 02:41:55

  Subject: Trash my last email 5/10/99 2:41 AM

  Mags—

  Please, please delete the Durkheim Divorce Announcement. And don’t tell anyone. It’s privileged information, what isn’t made up. I got a bit carried away. Oh, God, what a mess. Trash it and then empty the trash.

  I am utterly degraded. Drunk, too. And I’ve done exactly what DG worried most about with email. If Fiona found out. I can’t even think about that.

  Sophie

  TRAYNOR, HAND, WYZANSKI

  222 CHURCH STREET

  NEW SALEM, NARRAGANSETT 06555

  (393) 876-5678

  MEMORANDUM

  Attorney Work Product

  From: David Greaves

  To: Sophie Diehl

  RE: Maria Meiklejohn: Bottom-Line Offer and Counteroffer

  Date: May 10, 1999

  Attachments:

  I like the bottom-line proposal and I like your brass. I hope you get it, but don’t count on it. Some people might consider that a top-of-the-line offer. Remember, she is Bruce Meiklejohn’s daughter, and every judge in this town, hell, in this state, knows it. There’s no way she’ll end up on the street. If she can’t sell the Martha’s Vineyard house, she can borrow against it.

  Let me see your counteroffer and a draft of the cover letter by the end of the week. Make sure you tell Kahn the offer is subject to our discovery notice and the reports from O’Dell and Katz. I’ve made the point in my letter, but it’s worth repeating.

  The Canon of Ethics says a lawyer should defend her client “zealously within the bounds of the law.” You were far more thorough than I would have been, but your approach may well be the right one; sometimes an experienced practitioner coasts, doing the same things over and over. It’s good for me to see how a skilled practitioner with no matrimonial experience goes about the job. Old dogs can learn new tricks. (Your presentation was exhaustive; that is what my mother would have called a suspenders-belt job. I suspect that’s your style and not simply your response to a new kind of case, no?)

  Good work, Sophie.

  TRAYNOR, HAND, WYZANSKI

  222 CHURCH STREET

  NEW SALEM, NARRAGANSETT 06555

  (393) 876-5678

  MEMORANDUM

  Attorney Work Product

  From: Sophie Diehl

  To: David Greaves

  RE: Maria Meiklejohn: Bottom-Line Offer and Counteroffer

  Date: May 10, 1999

  Attachments:

  Thanks for the kind words. I’ll have the draft and counteroffer to you on Friday. (You’re right, I am a suspenders-belt kinda girl; I’m always afraid I’ll leave something out. My mother says I start with the kitchen sink.)

  I need some advice. A friend of mine needs a local divorce lawyer. He can’t afford us. (I’m not sure he can afford anyone; he’s a student.) Can you recommend someone? I don’t know the divorce bar in New Salem. Thanks.

  TRAYNOR, HAND, WYZANSKI

  222 CHURCH STREET

  NEW SALEM, NARRAGANSETT 06555

  (393) 876-5678

  MEMORANDUM

  Attorney Work Product

  From: David Greaves

  To: Sophie Diehl

  RE: Finding a Divorce Lawyer

  Date: May 10, 1999

  Attachments:

  Funny you should ask. About two years ago I wrote a column on finding a divorce lawyer for the Consumer column in the Courier. It pretty much says everything I have to say about the subject. I’ve attached a copy. You can send it to your friend. Since he’s a student, I can’t imagine he has much money—or income. He might try to do it pro se, or through Legal Aid. He’ll have trouble finding someone for less than $80 an hour, and the hours can add up. (By the way, how many hours have you accrued in the Durkheim case? I’d like to have an idea; we probably should send Ms. Meiklejohn a billing statement.)

  As for concrete recommendations, I offer the following three: Victoria Beaumont, Esq.; Megan Benett of Benett & Ratzan; and Max Rivington at Miller, Pierce and Maleri. They’re all good lawyers. They’re younger—and correspondingly cheaper—than older lawyers, but they’re all experienced in matrimonial law. Your friend can choose from among a solo practitioner, a member of a small firm, and an associate at a large one. You might also ask Felix for his recommendations; he knows everyone in the matrimonial bar.

  This month, the Courier Consumer asked David Greaves, Esq., a partner in the New Salem law firm of Traynor, Hand, Wyzanski, to tell our readers how to find a divorce lawyer. We’ve had many requests for a column on this topic. And we know why. In 1996, in Tyler County, 1,519 couples got married; 687 got divorced. That’s a 45% divorce rate. Here’s what Mr. Greaves has to say.

  The first question I’d put to someone looking for a divorce lawyer is this: How complicated will your divorce be? Is it a contested divorce? Does your wife want support? Do you want support? Are you still living together? Have you been separated for a while, living independently and each supporting yourself? Do you both live in-state? If not, will your husband submit to jurisdiction in Narragansett? Do you have children? Is custody in dispute?

  It’s possible in Narragansett for people to do their own divorces. These are called pro se divorces. While I don’t recommend a pro se divorce for people with young children, substantial assets, or emotional baggage, it might do in a case where the marriage has been one of short duration between people of similar resources and the divorce is uncontested.* Mediation is also a possibility in an uncontested divorce.**

  If the case is more complicated but your resources are minimal, you might call Legal Services and see whether you are eligible for free representation.*** If you’re ineligible for Legal Services, then you’ll need to hire a private lawyer. It will be difficult to find one who’ll work for less than $75 an hour, and the hours add up. Even an uncontested divorce will probably cost each party at least $1,000. The fact is, there are no really cheap divorces and no really cheap good divorce lawyers. Be wary of the lawyer who says he can do it all for a set price of, say, $499. If the case turns out to be more complicated than anticipated, the fee will rise. And the case is almost always more complicated than anticipated. In my experience, it pays to hire a lawyer who bills by the hour.

  Hiring the right lawyer takes time. Most people never think about hiring a lawyer until they need one urgently, and the result can be disastrous (losing custody, the family home, alimony) or expensive (hiring a second lawyer to undo the mess made by the first), as with any decision made precipitously, without research, in times of trouble. People ask a friend or, if they don’t have a friend who knows a lawyer, they look in the Yellow Pages or take a telephone number off a bus advertisement, e.g., 1-700-DIVORCES. They then call up, make an appointment, and sign on the dotted line, right there. They never think of interviewing the lawyer to see if she’s the right one; and they never think of interviewing more than one. The truth is, they don’t really want a divorce lawyer, not at that moment; they want a fairy godmother, someone to rescue them. Even professionals can become helpless and feckless in the face of divorce.

  Asking friends, acquaintances, and colleagues for a recommendation is a good place to start, but don’t ask just anyone. Pick your sources carefully: a friend who has survived a divorce with his d
ignity intact or a colleague whose judgment is sound.****

  You’ll want a consultation before you hire anyone. Prepare a brief summary of your situation in advance; time is money to a lawyer, and you don’t want to waste her time or your money. After you’ve laid out the matter, ask the lawyer how she will proceed, how long she expects the divorce to take, and how much she thinks it will cost. Most divorces are based on separation agreements, but approximately 10% end up in the courts. If the case goes to court, the cost will mount dramatically. Do not sign right there. Thank the lawyer and say you’ll be in touch. You’ll want to talk to the other lawyers on your list and then review the consultations in order to figure out which one is likely to give you the best representation.

  I don’t know that other lawyers would agree with me, but I think it’s important to like and respect your lawyer. You don’t have to want to have dinner with her, but you should feel comfortable in her company and trust her judgment. In my experience in civil litigation generally and in divorce especially, people who hire a lawyer they don’t particularly like but think they need (a shark, a pit bull, a well-connected politico) are making a mistake. There’s a quid pro quo to the lawyer-client relationship, as there is in most relationships. If a client doesn’t like his lawyer, chances are the lawyer doesn’t like the client. Divorce is difficult enough without having your advocate despise you too. This being said, a client should never hire a friend as his divorce lawyer. (It goes without saying, of course, that a person should never hire a lawyer who’s a friend of both him and his wife, and no lawyer should take on that case. It’s instant death to the friendship and often to the lawyer’s reputation, especially in a small city.) People do and say terrible things in front of their lawyers during a divorce; after it’s all over, most people don’t want to have anything more to do with their lawyer. They don’t want a reminder of that time in their life—or of their own awful behavior during it.