The Diary of a Side Chick 6 (SCD)

by Tamicka Higgins

  Devyn felt like she was floating down the street. She was numb from the events that had transpired that day, and everything was just a blur. It honestly felt like her world was crashing down on her. The street lights all of a sudden seemed much brighter, and all the noises around her sounded like nothing but magnified chaos. She did her best to keep it together, but found herself zoning in and out of consciousness, not realizing where she was going or what was going on.

  The honking of a car horn brought her back to reality and caused her to quickly turn her head in the direction of the sound. She peered her eyes at the vehicle, unable to identify who it was due to their headlights beaming in her eyes.

  “Yo bitch!”

  She rolled her eyes and turned around, waving her hand in the air.

  “I’m not for sale, so get the fuck on.”

  She buried her face into her scarf and kept on walking home. The car sped up to catch up with her and pulled up next to her. Devyn felt the presence of the car and again turned to face them. When she turned her head, she found herself staring down a 9mm pistol, and the man who held the gun was the one and only, Marcus Kingston, her baby daddy. He sneered at her and waved around the gun as he took down his black hood.

  “Aha, what up bitch? I know yo ass ain’t fo sale. It best not be since yo ass is already runnin’ round with my son. Can’t have a tainted ass bitch carrying someone else’s seed. C’mere, bitch.”

  Devyn quickly took off and ran down the street in attempt to get away from him. Marcus pulled his gun back into the car and kept yelling at her as his driver tried to catch up with her. Devyn kept running and dashed down various streets in order to evade them, but they were always right behind her.

  She started to get weak and tired and felt like her legs were going to give out on her. Her breathing became heavier with each step, and she started to feel lightheaded, but the sound of the revving engine kept her on her toes. Devyn kept on going, running on nothing but pure adrenaline in order to save herself. Because she was not paying attention to where she was going, she ended up at a dead end.

  “No…” She mumbled as she turned around and shielded her eyes from the bright lights that were now shining at her. They drove at her fast, fast enough to plaster her against the wall and kill her. She closed her eyes and hoped for the worse. Devyn came close to dying that very moment, but it seemed like it was her lucky day. She slowly opened her eyes upon feeling the warmth coming off the front of the car. He literally stopped the car to sit right in front of her, giving her barely any wiggle room.

  “Yo, Tre. Go round on that side so this bitch can’t get out” Marcus said as he too hopped out from the car. Tre did as he was asked and stood on the other side.

  Devyn panicked. Her heart damn near leaped up her throat and out of her mouth as she watched the two tall men section her in.

  Devyn froze in fear as Marcus inched his way closer to her with his hand extended.

  “I guess you didn’t hear me the first time. I said to c’mere bitch!”

  Chapter 3

  Devyn stumbled and clawed at Marcus’s hand as he dragged her by her weave. She sobbed and whined, wanting him to let go of her, but he wouldn’t budge. If anything, her crying motivated him to tighten his grip. Marcus dragged her through his large house, up the stairs, and into a dark room. He violently pushed her against a wall before turning back to turn on the light and close the door.

  “So bitch, you gone talk now?” Marcus said as he walked back over to her, crouching right in front of her, close enough for her to feel his breath on her. Devyn just looked away and crossed her arms, not wanting to say anything to him. He saw her defiance and grabbed her by her chin to force her to look at him. She gave him a death glare which angered him, causing him to slap her across the face. Devyn whimpered at the stinging pain but held back her tears. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that hurt her. She didn’t want to show him any gesture of weakness.

  “Where the fuck is my son? Yo ass been holding him from me for the past few days, and I ain’t seen him in some time. Where the fuck he at?”

  Devyn just rolled her eyes and shrugged. Her actions just added more fuel to the fire and angered Marcus again. He slapped her across the face again and grabbed her by her shirt, shaking her violently before slamming the back of her head against the wall.

  “Fuck, Marcus! Damn, nigga! I don’t fucking know where the hell he is. He probably watchin a movie or eating ice cream or some shit with my momma. I had shit I needed to take care of. Now get the fuck up off of me.”

  Marcus pursed his lips at her and shook his head as he brought his hand into a tight fist.

  “Yo dumbass let my baby stay with that damn addict? I don’t give a fuck about what yo ass had goin on. You must be on some shit to think that was goina fly with me. What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn’t you just let me watch him?”

  Devyn just shrugged her shoulders again which to him looked like another act of defiance, earning her another slap to the face. She sighed heavily as she stared at him, rubbing the left side of her face where he slapped her. Her nonchalant attitude pissed Marcus off, and he went on a tangent, yelling at her and telling her how stupid and pathetic she was. Devyn’s eyes just veered off to the right and she tuned him out. All the words he was saying sounded nothing like he had intended. It sounded like he was mumbling nonsense.

  Devyn was used to the abuse, verbally and physically. He had always been like that, back as far as she could consciously remember. She didn’t really realize that in the beginning of their relationship, his need for control, and the need to have her always doing what he wanted, was abuse. She honestly thought he was just trying to be protective. That’s what she wanted and craved, someone to protect her, and it seemed like his actions led her to believe that he was the one for her. Devyn was young and naive when they first met. He was associated with the Royals because of his father and brothers first being in the gang. Following the family tradition, he was initiated into the gang at the age of 16. In order to get in, he had to carry out an assassination in which he did easily and very well. He was able to make a lot of money as a youngin’ which made it easier for him to attract women and use them as he pleased. When he came across Devyn, he dropped his playa card for her and spent more time and effort into her. He was already two years into the gang when he met her. Devyn made him change his mind and made him do crazy things. He would love her, take her out to eat, and in return, she would ride for him. Whenever he was down and out about losing a family member to the game or if he was just having a bad day, she was there to hold him down.

  She loved whenever he depended on her or made her feel like he needed her. She never saw him as being controlling because she was so blinded by the love and attention he was giving her. The little side remarks of him asking where she was or demanding that she do something for him escalated into him physically hitting her to show his dominance. He would apologize almost as quick as he hit her which psyched her into believing that the abuse was okay. He usually would end the physical barrage with him telling her how much he loved and needed her. The abuse was constant but she never really minded it, until she got pregnant with their baby, Zion. While she was pregnant, he laid off hitting her and was too busy focusing on the game. He would go weeks without talking to her, only calling sometimes to make sure she was okay. Those little phone conversations gave her hope that he still cared, and she didn’t want to believe he was playing her, fearing he would just be a deadbeat.

  After she gave birth to their son, Devyn thought things were going to be so much better and that life with him was going to be amazing. She was wrong. For whatever reason, he became angrier and more abusive which forced Devyn to move out. She got her own place and got a real job in order to pay her rent and to support herself.

  While she was away, she still hoped for the best. Although she tried to be “Miss Independent,” she still felt like she needed him. She would call and text him, rem
inding him of how much she loved and cared for him, definitely feeling stupid that she did so. Her best friend, Makayla, even told her that she shouldn’t have done that. Makayla advised Devyn that she was only going backwards instead of moving forward, but she didn’t listen. It didn’t help that Marcus fed into it and told her all the things she wanted to hear. It was a vicious cycle that seemed to never end, no matter what anyone told her, Devyn still loved him and let him do whatever he wanted, yet she acted like she was over his shit.

  Their relationship now was interesting. She still held her love for him, but knew her love can only go so far. She found herself running both from him and to him in this off and on relationship. This time, she was definitely trying to run from him. It was a horrible and conflicting predicament that Devyn had put herself in.

  Marcus ran his fingers through her hair and tightened his grip around a nice bundle of her hair. He pulled her head back so that she was looking at him again, pulling her away from her thoughts. She didn’t hear anything he said in those past minutes or however long it had been that she was in her daze. She was over this and just wanted to go home. Devyn shook her head and tried to push herself up to get up and head out. Marcus thought it was really cute that she was trying to get away. He wasn’t having it though, and he sure as hell was not going to let her get away. When she was almost all the way up, he shot up and put his hands on her to shove her back down.

  “I’m so tired of this shit,” Devyn thought as she looked up at him, fighting back more tears. She rolled her eyes and tried to push him off of her, and he did his best to shoot her down every single time. It really wasn’t much of a fight, Marcus pushed her down with ease. Devyn became flustered and they got into a little tussle. Marcus again found this amusing and fought back with her. After seeing no progress in her effort, Devyn eventually stopped and sat on the ground.

  “Are you goina answer my question, bitch? Or nah.”

  Devyn just shook her head and let him bombard her with more questions, letting everything he said go in one ear and out the other. She waited until he finished cussing her out before trying to get up again, expecting him to push her down. She tensed up her body and was ready to fight him, but, to her surprise, he let her get up. She looked at him all confused but quickly changed her face so that he wouldn’t see her expression. Marcus raised an eyebrow as he watched her confidently strut to the door, acting like that never happened. Devyn was trying really hard to cover up how hurt she was and came to the conclusion that confidently walking away and pretending like he wasn’t getting to her was her best bet.

  He just shook his head and rubbed his face as she made her way out the door.

  “Bitch, I’m going to fucking come for you. I want to see my son. I’ma find him without your help and when I do, I’m gone come fo yo ass.”

  Devyn waved her hand, dismissing his threat. She looked back at him and rolled her eyes, slamming the door as she walked out the house.

  Chapter 4

  “Hey, do you guys have any open shifts for later on tonight? I know it’s my day off, but I want to work.” Devyn asked, as she laid on her bed on her phone with her job.

  “Yeah, just come in whenever you can, we’re pretty busy and can use the help. Definitely appreciate that!”

  Click

  Devyn plugged her phone into her charger and placed it on her nightstand. She then rolled back onto her bed and covered herself with her blanket, just wanting to lay there and not do anything. She was sad, very upset about what had happened to her mother and baby. She was even more worried about Marcus finding out and coming to kill her. Devyn pulled the covers over her head and acted like her blankets were a shield, protecting her from all her current problems. It helped her only for a moment before she realized that she had to get up and get ready for the rest of her day. She let out a groan as she uncovered herself and got out of bed, stumbling over to her kitchen. She bypassed a few mirrors and caught a glimpse of her fatigued face. She grimaced at the marks across her face and shrugged them off knowing there wasn't anything she could really do about them except ice her face and cake on some makeup to cover them up. That was the usual routine for her whenever he hit her face. She knew to ice her face to help the swelling, and she had a cabinet full of concealer and foundation to cover up the discoloration. Devyn was her own makeup artist. There was no way she would let anyone else do her face makeup in fear they would see the marks. All of this was normal to her.

  When she approached her kitchen table, she spotted a couple of envelopes that she hadn't opened yet. She picked them up and frowned, remembering why she hadn't opened them. It was simply because she didn't want to. Devyn wasn't ready. She took a deep breath as she opened them up, holding back tears as she read the death certificates and looked at paperwork that showed plots and funeral service information. It took everything in her to not rip up those papers. She wanted to believe that they were still alive and out having ice cream. Devyn was not ready to accept reality. She had lost her two beloved family members and it killed her. She pinched her arms hard, wishing that maybe all of this was just a really bad dream. She let go of her arm and started to tear up, looking at the area where she pinched herself, concluding that this was indeed reality. She looked at the papers and realized that they were really gone. She had to accept the fact that they were in a better place, and that she was never going to see them again. It was hurtful and it made her feel empty just thinking about having to look at her child and her mother in a casket. She couldn’t stand to look at the papers anymore. Devyn tossed the papers back onto the table and headed back into her room to grab her phone.

  Ringggg, ringggg.

  “Devyn! Girl, are you aight?”

  Devyn crawled back under the covers and closed her eyes as she talked to her best friend, Makayla.

  “I wish I could say yes, but girl I’m dyin. I don’t know what to fucking do or how to fucking feel. I lost my momma and my child all in the same day. I ain’t supposed to bury my baby, not like this. I ain’t ready for this shit, Makayla. How in the fuck am I supposed to afford this shit? I ain’t got money like that to host a party or a funeral and shit. I have so much goin on, I can’t even think straight. I feel real heavy and I just wanna drink myself to a forever sleep. I can’t take this shit. I don’t know what to do anymore. Makayla, end my misery and kill me so I can be with momma and Zion. Please.”

  Devyn started to weep uncontrollably.

  “Aye, girl. Come on, I know you stronger than this. You dyin ain’t going to do shit, if anything, that is hella selfish. I know yo momma wouldn’t like that shit. Hey, think of it this way, if you die, then I lose out on havin tha world’s most amazing best friend. You really tryna rob me of that? Get it together aight? I’ll come through and we can figure this out together. Do you gotta work tonight?”

  “Yeah, I picked up a shift to get my mind off all of this.”

  Makayla sucked her teeth loudly, showing disapproval that she was going to work instead of just focusing on herself.

  “Devyn, you should have just stayed home to relax and get yo life together. You don’t need to stress yo self with more work and shit!”

  “Mak, girl. I need to go to work to get my mind off of this shit. If I stay home, I’ll just find myself sinkin’ into a deep depression and I ain’t want that. Would you rather have me be alive and somewhat aight or you wanna come find me drunk and on the floor hangin on to my life? You already there tellin me that you ain’t want yo best friend dead. IF you ain’t gone take my life fo me, then I’ma do that shit to myself. If you really ain’t want me dead, let me go to work and surround myself with people so I can distract myself.”

  “You right. Aight then. I was just tryna look out for you. You over there carryin’ round the word ‘dead’ like it ain’t anything. I just care about you, aight? Damn. Well, lemme know when you want me to come through so we can talk bout this funeral though. Let’s do it small cause they ain’t gone be anyone else there except me and you. So it
won’t cost us a lot and we can get it goin. Cool?”

  “Yeah. I’ma go get ready to get on with my night. I’ll catch you later.”

  Click.

  Devyn rolled over and buried her face in her pillow, contemplating if going to work that night was as good idea as she thought. As she laid there, she remembered what her best friend said about having the funeral be small with only them two in attendance. For many reasons, she found this to be a favorable idea. For starters, it meant the cost would be low because she wouldn’t have to worry about a party afterwards or having to have a big service. It wasn’t like all of her family was going to go to the funeral anyway. Most of them were either in their own worlds, or they didn’t give a fuck about Devyn and her mother. Devyn’s mother, Gwen, was a serious heroin addict and only stopped using the drug when she was about to give birth to both of her kids. She literally used the drug up until the moment she gave birth and then continued injecting herself almost immediately after each of her kids cried for the first time.