The Diary of a Side Chick 6 (SCD)

by Tamicka Higgins

  My left leg fell asleep and the tingling sensation was starting to get on my nerves so I stood up and walked around smoking my blunt. I found my way into my kitchen and opened up the fridge to grab something to drink. There were bottles of vodka and an array of other liquors stacked in the fridge. I wasn’t in the mood for alcohol, though, not this early in the morning. Well shit, I’ll take that back. I made it sound like I ain’t ever drank at 7:30 am, chugging down some Ciroc like it was a morning cup of coffee. I had done that shit and on many different occasions. Not this morning, though, I wanted some water to coat my drying mouth. Cottonmouth was not the business right now. I moved aside a lot of the bottles and reached the water bottle in the back of the fridge, grabbing it out before I shut the door with my hip. I made it to the living room and plopped into the couch.

  “A big ass blunt and some water for breakfast huh?” I chuckled as I continued to smoke. I placed the blunt down on the arm of the couch to open up the bottle of water. I exhaled all the smoke before I washed my mouth with the water. It felt hellllllaa funny yet refreshing at the same time. My cottonmouth for sure was gone and I felt like I could take on a few more blunts. I wasn’t about to do that, though. Nah, not right now. I had other shit that needed to be taken care of anyway.

  I picked up the blunt and took another hit as I looked out the front window. It looked like it was a good day to go frolic outside, not for me, though. I needed to stay low key and do some behind the scenes shit for Travis so, that shit was out of the question. Soon I’ll be able to enjoy life, hopefully. I don’t know. Well, I mean, I kind of have a life. I still get to work at the hospital, but my hours had been staggered and they vary, on purpose so that my being at the hospital wouldn’t be a pattern for someone to catch onto.

  That was such a fucking task and I hated that shit. I hated having to balance between working for Travis and then being a model citizen working at the hospital. Those staggering hours sometimes intervened with the shit I had to do for Travis and he didn’t like it. At first, he was hella cool about it and was pretty understanding, but now, nah. He for real was not having that and would from time to time, tell me that he wasn’t too happy that some shit I had to do for him was delayed. I mean shit, I don’t blame him for getting mad. I would too! I just need to figure out what I am going to do about that. The main reason I kept the hospital job was so that I could have something to fall back on, just in case I decided not to do this gang shit with Travis anymore. It just seems like I lean more towards staying in this gang and runnin’ operations versus being at the hospital and clocking in for a paycheck that is not even a quarter of what I make working with Travis. Maybe I’ll quit working there.

  I sighed heavily and put out the blunt, I was tired of it and I was already in my zone. I opened up my bottle of water and realized that it was already all gone. Fuck this man. Whatever. I just tossed the bottle aside and made myself more comfortable on the couch, left to my own thoughts. My mind started to race and wonder as I sat there. All I could think about was that night that I saw Kaleo. Damn had I not had been involved with Travis, I wouldn't have had to go through that shit. That was definitely out of character for me. Before all this gang shit, I was one of them “goodie two shoes” type of bitch. I was so sweet and naive and I cared about everyone and anything. I was so considerate of everything and was so not about this lifestyle. In fact, I was tryin’ to get my cousin, Jayla out of this shit but look what happened. I ended up joining them motherfuckers and now I'm helping out with all this shit. To be completely honest, being closer to Travis was a major reason as to why I wanted to be a part of the gang. He came in, or rather, we met at a good time.

  I'll admit, I was hella vulnerable. I felt like my life was going in circles and I was too busy trying to save someone else and tryin’ to be everyone’s bestie. I ran to everyone else’s side and put my feelings aside so I could just focus on them and give them the attention I know all these motherfuckers needed. But what about me? Yeah, I had Kaleo. That was true. He was that nigga, but that nigga has brothers who looked out for him and loved and supported him. I had a cousin who kept up with me, but I wanted my brother to notice me and to love me as his little sister. I was trying to fill a void that I knew would be able to be filled. So far, it's working and it is feeling good.

  But damn, I would have never stood behind a gun or pointed a gun had he had been someone else tryin’ to convince me to join a gang. But because he was my big brother, I wanted to do all I could to be that little sister who wasn't a pest. I wanted him to tell me he was proud of me or that he wasn't, shit I didn't care. I just wanted a reaction from my brother. I just wanted to be acknowledged and I just wanted to have that sibling relationship with him, like Kaleo had with his bros. Maybe I was just jealous? Maybe. I don't know. All I know is, I got my wish and it came with a whole bunch of other shit. He has me doing a whole bunch of other shit and has me not only going to kill people and make drops, he has me handling files and getting information from other gangs and shit.

  It just drives me crazy how far I had come. I went from wanting to save Jayla to being in the same gang as Jayla. I figured, if you can’t be ‘em, join ‘em, right? Yeah. Well damn.

  It felt like I was being sucked into something just for the sake of acceptance. I will admit that I was feeling like I needed something, someone to make me feel whole. Again, that shit is so out of character for me, being that I am naturally strong willed and all about myself and my work. Yeah, I had my days where I was lost and where I felt like I was this weak link, but overall, it ain’t like me to just switch gears like I did. I was seeking that acceptance and Travis just came and swooped me up. He definitely made me a whole different woman. I know I ain’t ever gone be the same.

  I got tired of sitting on the couch and bathing in the depression that was sweeping over me. It ain’t help that I was high as shit. I was over here tryna get mellow and ease my mind, but this here chronic had a bitch thinking about her life and how it really feel like it ain’t shit. My anxieties were coming up and trying to take over me, causing my heart to start racing. I wasn’t about to let that happen. I needed some damn water and to get up out these feels. I needed to go for a walk or some shit.

  I ended up forcing myself to get up and off this damn couch and floated my way back over to the kitchen. I repeated the same process I had done earlier and moved the bottles of poison up out the way to grab myself another cold bottle of water. I opened it up as I used my hips to again close the refrigerator door. You would think I was some parched child in Africa with the way I was chugging this water. It was gone before I could even get out of the kitchen. I shrugged and tossed the bottle in the trash before I made my way to my office. I sat in my office chair before I opened up the file that Travis sat on my desk. I had to take a deep breath before I even opened it. I just needed to get myself together before I even looked at what this shit was. He had been giving me some real hard ass files lately and to be completely honest, I didn’t appreciate that shit at all, like, nah nigga!

  After I got myself together, I opened it up and looked at all the bullshit work he wanted me to do. As I flipped through the packets, yes, packets not fucking pages, I realized that this nigga handed me some damn plot to take down an entire village. That is what one would have thought if they were to have seen this shit. I mean, fuck man! I continued to flip through and look at all this information and become slightly flustered. I knew that I was capable of doing this shit, that wasn’t the problem. The issue was that it was a fuck ton of information all at once and I was becoming overwhelmed real easy.

  Frustrated, I picked up the packets and slammed them hard against my desk like that was going to do something. I mean, for me mentally, it did. It made me feel a shit ton better than I was feeling earlier. Honestly, though, it didn’t do too much ‘cause the second I looked back at the files, all the anger and anxiety rushed back over me and made me so upset. I started to cry. Like literal tears. Maybe it was just this weed finally getti
ng to me and making me be all up in my feels. That was the only thing that made sense at that very moment. What the fuck ever, man.

  I leaned back in my office chair and faced the reality that this packet wasn’t going to walk away and solve its own problems, I had to handle it. So, I stayed sitting back and let my emotions sink in and let my mind wander to try to come up with some type of concept of how I was gone get all this information that Travis’s greedy ass was requesting I get. After sitting for another moment, letting ideas flow in and out of my brain, I finally got it. It was a stupid idea and again, maybe it was the weed that was inhibiting my thought process and making me think of such a stupid way of getting information from these gangs or from these so called “vital people” that are supposed to know shit that Travis didn’t know.

  At first, I didn’t understand why Travis needed to know all this shit that he was asking me to get. Like nigga, how does this shit pertain to your life? But that was just me being stupid. After really looking at this bullshit and listening to what he had to say, I realized that the shit he wanted me to go get was vital in him improving his business and eliminating those who stood in his way. I finally got it after taking the time to actually listen to what this fool was talking about.

  I ran my hand through my hair after coming to the conclusion that the idea I was dawning on was the best way to go for now.

  “I suppose we will see just how well this is going to go.”

  Chapter 5

  Kaleo

  “Momma, JB and I are on our way over to your house right now. He just got in the car with me. I got most of the shit, I mean, excuse me. I got most of the funeral plans done and settled, I just want to meet up with you and finish up the rest. Is it alright if JB and I stay at your house or would you prefer that we get a hotel?”

  “No baby! You can both stay at my house. I have the extra rooms here so you can both have a room for yourselves. I don’t want you crammed in some gross and unfriendly hotel. You can be comfortable here and momma can feed you. You don’t need to waste your money on that, my baby!”

  “Alright, momma. Thank you so much for that we will definitely be there in a little bit okay?”

  “Yes, baby. Now go on and get off this phone and focus on the road! I don’t want you dying on arrival! Or dying at all. Just get here okay? I love you!”

  “I love you too momma.”

  Click.

  I chucked my phone on JB’s lap and he laughed out loud when it landed on his thigh. I honestly should have left JB to stay home with Dae because that lil nigga still fresh to the game, but oh well. I’m sure Dae doin’ alright, I trust the lil nigga. I’ll just call him later whenever I get the chance, probably when we get up out of here. I just gotta remember.

  “Nigga, is we almost there yet?”

  “Shut up, nigga. With yo impatient ass, why the fuck is you asking?”

  JB just started laughing, I forgot this nigga was high off this hay, I should have just expected his ass to say some unnecessary shit. Damn, I ain’t want him actin’ like that in front of momma. Maybe I’ll stop before we head down to mommas. Yeah, we can stop and get something to eat, that’ll give him time to just get his shit together. Sounds like a plan, lemme go ahead and let him know what we doin’ and then I’ll call momma.

  “Yo, JB. You hungry? We gone stop and eat somethin’ and then we gone stop and get momma some flowers. I want momma to feel special and we ain’t seen her in some time so, it’ll be a nice surprise.”

  JB just nodded his head. It was funny to see his eyes light up at the mention of food. Aha, weed ought to do that shit to you. Anyway.

  I kept driving down the road and located a mom and pop diner, it looked pretty good. Oh wait, I remembered this place. It was the one momma used to always take us to when we were little. Hell yeah. This place has the best burgers and chicken and waffles, JB gone love this shit. Too bad the owner passed away. Nigga was cool as shit and so were his kids. I wonder what happened to them. Probably out livin’ they lives. I quickly turned down the street and parked my car in front of the place. We both walked in there like we ain’t had a meal in years the way we was walking. I was hyped as shit and JB was just a high ass nigga.

  We walked in and sat down at a table. The cute ass server came by and took our orders. JB was too high to comprehend what the fuck was going on so I went ahead and ordered for the dumbass. I got him the same thing as I got, some chicken strips over their big ass fluffy waffles. Yo, the maple syrup was hella on point, I’m sure this shit is still good. Damn, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

  “Nigga, why we ain’t just go straight to yo mommas? We could have just had some food over there? I mean, I’m sure this place is good and shit, but we got shit to do.”

  JB was a dumbass nigga, but he was observant and on point almost all the damn time. He caught the feeling that we was stopping, not because I was feelin’ these chicken and waffles, but because I was obviously up to something. Yo, I appreciate that shit a lot, but it sucks when this nigga pulls this shit on me. Looks like Ima need to step it up.

  “Damn, nigga. You always on point. I see you and I appreciate that, but shit! You always be catchin’ me on my shit.”

  “That’s what I thought, nigga. Now you gone tell me why we stopped or nah?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Well, to be honest, I did wanna treat yo ass to some chicken and waffles seeing we was passin’ by anyway, but yeah. My original intention was to feed you to get you to sober the fuck up before we went to see my momma. I figured if we stopped to eat or some shit and then went to go get her some flowers, yo ass would have been sober by then. I just don’t like doing that shit around her, you know?”

  I wasn’t going to lie to the dude, I had to tell him the real reason. When I finished explaining, JB nodded his head and smirked.

  “Well damn, nigga. That was all you had to say, you know? I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind this shit at all, I am hyped for this food and what not, but you could have just told me straight up. You should already know this, you my nigga! I’m not feelin’ it as much as I was earlier, just give me some more time, aight?”

  I nodded and then pulled out my phone to call up momma.

  Ring, ring.

  “Hi, baby. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Momma, JB and I stopped by the ol’ chicken and waffle diner place you used to always take Kairee and me too, so I thought I would treat JB to it. We will be there later okay? I just wanted to let you know so you didn’t worry.”

  “I sure appreciate that baby, I’ll see you when you get here. Love you!”

  Click.

  Just as soon as I hung up with momma, our food arrived. It smelled so good, just like I had remembered when we were kids. I was so excited and JB looked just as hyped.

  We both went to chow down on our food and it was heavenly. The chicken was so tender and the waffles were extra fluffy. Like I had suspected, the maple syrup was still on point. JB and I didn’t exchange any words while we ate, we didn’t have to. We just stared at each other and nodded, indicating our approval of the food. It was just so amazing.

  Once we finished, I paid the bill and we headed over to the florist that was literally around the corner. I looked over at JB before we walked in and noticed that he looked a lot better and whenever he spoke, it wasn’t some nonsense. Looked like lil nigga was coming off his high. Good. We walked inside and looked at all the beautiful bouquets. Before I could even have a second to look at what was available, JB already had his hand on a bouquet of lilies and some other lil colorful flowers. Shit, I don’t know what them motherfuckers are called. I ain’t no bitch.

  “Yo, this is nice, momma gone like this.”

  “The fuck? Nigga, since when was yo ass a flower expert? How you know momma gone like that shit?”

  JB pursed his lips at me and shook his head. He didn’t even answer me. This nigga went on to pay for the flowers and then just walked past me and hopped back into the car. I crawled into th
e driver seat and looked at him like he was crazy.

  “Nigga, you gone answer me?”

  JB laughed out loud before sticking his nose into the lily, taking a nice whiff of the damn plant.

  “Yeah, well. I ain’t know shit about flowers, but it was colorful and it looked nice so.”

  We both just laughed as I peeled out the parking lot and back onto the main road. Momma’s house wasn’t too far from where we were so we got there pretty quick. We whipped down her street and pulled into her driveway. I grabbed my file of funeral information before the both of us hopped out of the Masi and met momma at her front door.

  “My babies! So nice to see you JB. Come give momma some love.”

  JB bent down and wrapped his arms around my frail mother and she smothered his face with her tender kisses. It was so sweet to watch.

  “Are those flowers for me? Aren’t you just a sweetheart! Thank you, boys! Come inside.”