Heart of the Woods

by Grant C. Holland

  Levi blinked. “The Ugly Duckling is just a fairy tale, Brandon. In real life, the swan always has a broken wing. It makes it impossible to fly.”

  26

  Levi

  An extended period of quiet reigned during the drive to Ely. When they approached the hospital, Levi said, “Maybe I should have had Gabe or Elle drive me. I know this has to be hard for you. I’m sorry that I’m so quiet. I don’t know what to say. It’s all almost too much.”

  “Then let me help carry some of the weight. Talk to me.”

  “I can’t. It’s all mine. I’ll figure out a way to handle it. I’ve always done it in the past.”

  Another surprise awaited Levi at the hospital. He found Don Wagner sitting by the side of Grandma Daley’s bed. The older man stood as soon as he heard the footsteps and greeted Levi with open arms for a hug.

  “It’s always so good to see you, Levi. I wish it could be under completely different circumstances, but we can’t always pick the best moments to see each other.”

  “I don’t understand, though. How did you know Grandma was here?”

  “I wish I’d found out about it from you. Adeline wanted to come, too, but her hip was acting up this morning, and she didn’t think she could make the trip. Your grandparents have been among the best of our friends. Anyway, I have a granddaughter who works in the gift shop. I don’t think you know her. She was visiting us in Iron Crossing yesterday, and the conversation began with the comment, ‘I know I’m not supposed to share things like this, but…’”

  Levi said, “I didn’t think Grandma would want you to know.” Brandon took a step back to watch and listen to the conversation.

  “I started to put two and two together. Cecily didn’t tell me directly that Isabel was here, but I figured it out from her comments. I called the hospital and asked for a connection to Isabel Daley’s room. They told me she couldn’t speak on the phone. Once upon a time, they listed hospital admissions in the newspaper. That’s how we found out in the past.”

  Brandon asked, “May I greet her?”

  Levi and Don Wagner stepped to the side allowing Brandon to approach. He reached out his arms and gave Grandma Daley a gentle hug. It wasn’t clear whether she was fully conscious or not. Brandon placed a kiss on her cheek.

  As Brandon stepped back, Levi moved forward and leaned in close. Many of the signs of recovery were fading. “Grandma, are you with us?”

  Her eyes flickered open. They were hazy and watery with a faraway look. She whispered, “Le-vi.”

  Levi had so many questions that he wanted to ask his grandmother. They all began with the letter that he found, but he knew that she couldn’t answer, and he didn’t have the heart to trouble her even if she could understand his words. Instead, he pushed his lips close to her ear and whispered, “I love you, Grandma. The cabin is well, and the lake was beautiful this morning.”

  Brandon wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as a nurse entered the room. She said, “It’s time for her bath, and I need to check her IV. Could I ask you gentlemen to leave for a few minutes? Try coming back in about half an hour.”

  Don Wagner said, “Of course. Levi, may I buy you and your friend a cup of coffee?”

  Levi kissed Grandma Daley’s cheek once more and said, “Yes.”

  Levi was quiet as they ordered cups of coffee, and Don Wagner paid the woman at the checkout counter. Brandon suggested, “Let’s sit at the table near the window.” Levi followed in silence.

  Looking from Levi to Brandon and back to Levi, Don Wagner said, “This is a tough time. I know the prognosis is not a good one.”

  Levi barely heard the words before he blurted out a question. “Did you know how Grandpa died, Mr. Wagner?”

  Brandon watched as Don Wagner blinked. He started to say something and stopped. Levi stared in his direction with an unflinching gaze. “Somehow you found out. I know that Isabel never intended for you to know. Yes, I did, Levi. I kept her secret. How did you find out?”

  “I found the letter. I know that I wasn’t supposed to find it, but I was looking through Grandma’s things in her bedroom.”

  Don Wagner nodded and said, “It was a tragedy, but I think Isabel chose to see it as merciful. She knew that many people would not agree, but if anyone understood Walter, it was Isabel.”

  “Do you know why she didn’t tell me?”

  “Is it okay to speak in front of your friend?”

  Brandon said, “I can step away. That’s no problem. I understand the need for privacy.”

  Levi shook his head. “No, it’s okay. He knows about the note. He knows about almost everything.”

  Don Wagner asked, “Levi, do you remember when you first arrived in the Northwoods? It was only three years ago, but it feels like much longer than that. You and Isabel stayed at our house. On one of those days, the Colliers took you out for a canoe paddling lesson. I had a long talk with Isabel while you were gone.”

  Levi’s expression brightened slightly. “I remember. I caught a big walleye for dinner, too. The Colliers are skilled canoe operators.” He turned toward Brandon. “If you’ve never met them, you should.”

  “I helped her decide not to tell you. Neither of us wanted to color your view of Walter. He was a fine man, and we wanted his memory to remain untarnished. It didn’t take long after meeting you to know that you inherited many of the positive attributes of your grandfather.”

  “But it was a lie.”

  “It was, and I never knew whether keeping it from you was the right decision. Even now I don’t. I deferred to Isabel to choose what to say to you. Human beings make mistakes. We’re flawed. Sometimes we’re even damaged. That doesn’t mean we should have to risk losing the appreciation of the ones that love us.”

  Brandon scooted his chair closer to Levi’s and placed a hand on his shoulder. Levi didn’t fight it and let it remain. He asked, “Mr. Wagner, what was the pain Grandpa talked about in the letter? Was he sick?”

  Don Wagner nodded. “He was very very sick. When the disease hit, Isabel traveled to Iron Crossing in a heroic, tortuous effort to help her stricken husband. She brought Walter with her. He fell ill while at the cabin. He had intense pain, and he was vomiting. By the time they reached Iron Crossing, Walter could barely stand. Isabel said she didn’t know how they made it. She had to portage the canoe on her own while he leaned on her for support.”

  “Why didn’t they take doctors out to the cabin?”

  Don Wagner smiled. “Why didn’t they take anyone to the cabin? You know the answer to that as well as I do.”

  Levi nodded. “What was wrong? What made him sick?”

  “The doctors diagnosed pancreatic cancer. They wanted to put Walter in the hospital and give him aggressive treatment, but he refused. He went back to the cabin with Isabel and a bottle of pain pills. He promised to see the doctor every two weeks. Walter never saw a doctor again.”

  Levi sighed heavily. “Grandma always said she was sure it was an accident.”

  A gentle smile filled Don Wagner’s face. “Is that what she said? I’ve always wondered how she explained it to you. I wondered what story she made up.”

  Levi nodded. “Yes, that’s what she said.”

  “That part wasn’t a lie.”

  Levi looked up. “Yes, it was. You explained how it was.”

  Don Wagner shook his head. “Isabel is a wise woman. After Walter died, she said, ‘It’s all a cosmic accident. We are in love. It wasn’t meant to end this way.’ For Isabel, saying it was an accident wasn’t a lie.”

  27

  Brandon

  Grandma Daley died peacefully in her sleep the night after Don Wagner stopped to visit her in the hospital. Levi was at her bedside holding her hand. Brandon was at home. Levi said that he wanted to be alone with his grandmother, and he would call for a ride when he was ready to return to Arrowhead Falls.

  Levi didn’t call Brandon for a ride. Gabe sent Brandon a text message, and it read,

  “I don’t
know what the fuck happened, but your boy Levi is with me. His grandma died. Don’t know what he will do back at the Falls.”

  Brandon stayed up until 2:00 a.m. and didn’t hear anything else. Knowing that he couldn’t wait any longer for news, he sent Gabe a text:

  “Where’s Levi? What’s going on?”

  The response was simple and direct.

  “Sleeping. Give him space. My advice.”

  Levi returned to the cabin the next morning. He refused Brandon’s attempt to contact him, and he left calls and text messages unanswered. Brandon wanted to trek out to the cabin, but Elle suggested that he give it at least a week. She said, “He’s mourning. You have to respect that. If you love him, then Gabe is right. You need to give him space.”

  As he stood at Elle’s desk in the Arrowhead Adventurers office, Brandon pulled out of his pocket the fumsup Levi gave him for good luck. He opened his hand and held it out toward Elle. “I guess this little guy doesn’t give me so much luck. I’m ready to tie a heavy washer around his neck and throw him into the nearest lake.”

  Elle shook her head. “It’s not like I’m superstitious or anything, but hang on to it. That’s a connection to Levi. I think it’s important. If you throw it away, it’s like throwing the relationship into the bottom of the lake.”

  Brandon rubbed the shamrock on the belly of the tiny figure before dropping it back into his pocket. “Okay, but this little guy is hanging by a thin thread. I want him to earn his keep.”

  Three days later, Brandon sat at a table across from Gabe at the Lost Loon. It was already 10:00 a.m., and he was getting a late start on his day. Suddenly, Gabe asked, “Are you okay, buddy? You’ve turned white. Did you see a ghost?”

  Brandon struggled to speak. He blinked his eyes to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things. Brandon pointed across the shop, and Gabe turned his head. Brandon’s voice was hoarse and husky when he was finally able to speak, “It’s Levi.”

  “Not only is it him, but he’s also advertising your business. Do you pay him for that? I’m willing to join in and help out for some extra cash.”

  A huge smile spread across Levi’s face as he approached the table. He wore an Arrowhead Adventurers T-Shirt with the outline of a canoe displayed proudly across his chest. Brandon stood up and said, “I have to be seeing things. Oh, fuck, how are you?”

  Levi offered a hug, and Brandon reciprocated. “I’m doing well. I stopped by the office, and Elle gave me this shirt. It fits me perfectly, and I think it looks good, don’t you?”

  “It’s stunningly handsome on you. I thought you were gone forever. I’ve got so many questions.”

  “Why don’t we have coffee first?” Levi pushed forward and whispered into Brandon’s ear, “By the way, I love you, too.”

  Gabe offered Levi a hug. He said, “It sucks so much about your grandma. She was one classy old lady.”

  Levi nodded and said, “Thank you. She was.” He returned his gaze to Brandon.

  Gabe looked from Brandon to Levi and back again. “Uh, I think I’ve got a call coming up. I’ll leave the two of you alone while I get back to work. “ Gabe backed away, and he wasn’t sure either of them heard his words. Neither responded. Instead, they continued to look at each other.

  Brandon said, “Here, have a seat. I’ll get the coffee. I’ll be right back. Don’t you move a muscle. It will break my heart for good if you run off again.”

  When Brandon returned, Levi was shuffling through web pages on his cell phone. He said, “My grandparents were very wise people. I found something else in the cabin. When I tell you about it, maybe that will help answer some of your questions.”

  “You found something else? Of course, they were wise. You can’t live off the grid like that and not be smart. What did you find?”

  Levi sipped the coffee. “I said wise, not smart. I think there’s a difference. Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few days packing up most of Grandma’s things from her bedroom. While I searched, I found an old cardboard box. It was so beaten up that I was ready to throw it out. When I picked it up, I noticed that it was kind of heavy. There was a smaller box inside, and it was bulging because it was so full of something.”

  “Full of what?”

  “Letters. It was full of Grandma and Grandpa’s love letters.”

  “Wow. That’s amazing. Did you read them?”

  Levi nodded yes. “I think I sat in the living room and stared at the box for about three hours before I finally pulled a letter out and read it. Privacy was so important for my grandparents. I didn’t know if I should read them, but once I started, it was addictive. I couldn’t stop with one. I’ve read every single letter in the box.”

  Brandon shrugged. “They’re both gone, and you’re their grandson. I’m sure they’d trust you with them.”

  “I’m not worried now.” Levi grinned, and Brandon saw the sparkle return to his eyes. “I was surprised. Grandpa was so much like me. His letters helped me sort out a lot of issues. I think reading them was better than three years with a counselor. He didn’t think he was good enough for Grandma. It was like I feel when I’m with you.”

  Brandon tried to stop himself from laughing, but he failed. The laughter came out in a few chuckles and snorts. “Levi, I can guarantee I’m not a picnic. I think you’re the one that’s possibly too good for me. I’ve got a lot to learn. Just ask Elle, and please don’t ask Gabe.”

  “He calls you the Golden Boy.”

  Brandon reached up for his wavy blonde hair. “That’s this, and yeah, he thinks I’m cute, but our relationship was a mess.”

  “You dated Gabe?”

  “Oh, shit! We didn’t tell you, did we? Let’s drop that topic. Let’s get back to you and me.”

  Levi smirked. “That bad, huh?”

  Brandon nodded. “I want to share something with you. I’ll try to speak softly because it’s nobody else’s business here but yours and mine.”

  “We can go outside.”

  “No, that’s not necessary, and it’s pretty simple. Levi, I know when I love someone. I know that I love you, and understanding that is the easy part.”

  Levi grinned. “I love you, too. I know that now.”

  Brandon nodded. “The hard part for me is knowing how to love you. I understand the what that I love you. It’s the how to do it that I need to learn. So far, being in a relationship for me has been like sitting in the canoe with the paddle but not knowing how to stick it in the water and sweep it back so that the boat will move forward. I still need to learn the basics of being in love.”

  28

  Levi

  Both Levi and Brandon pitched in to help Don Walker out of the canoe. He laughed softly and said, “I thank both of you because I thought I would never see Lone Cedar Lake again. It is surely one of the most beautiful in all of the BWCA. I can’t wait to see the cabin. It’s such a special place. I spent many happy times there with Isabel and Walter when they first moved north.”

  As the path gave way to the clearing, Brandon said, “I still get a catch in my throat every time I see it. This is a magical spot.”

  Levi said, “Well, don’t get used to it. Mr. Walker, I want the cabin to come down.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Levi nodded. He reached out to wrap an arm around Brandon’s waist. “I’m moving to town. I’m going to live in Arrowhead Falls. We do have one big issue to sort.”

  “The paintings?”

  “Yes, the paintings. I found out something fascinating when I read Grandma’s letters. Most of them were from the courtship with Grandpa, but she also had a few that she saved from later years, particularly when they were planning the move here to the woods.”

  Don Walker began to amble toward the shed. He moved slowly, but his steps were sturdy. He said, “I have to see what you have. You told me there are a lot of canvases out here.”

  Brandon sighed. “You have no idea. Brace yourself.”

  Levi unlocked the shed and pulled the doo
r open. Don Walker gasped as he stepped inside. “These are all by Isabel? She must have worked every day.”

  Levi said, “Yes, she did some painting almost every day. She was committed to it. This collection represents years of painting. At least half of the pieces were already here when I arrived. As I read the letters, I realized that she never really explained the large paintings to me. We stored them out here, and I did my best to take care of them, but I know now that they weren’t very important to her. She studied them for inspiration, but her connection with the pieces ended there.”

  An expression of confusion spread across Brandon’s face. “What are you talking about?”

  “I read the letters. When they first moved out here, Grandpa stretched dozens of canvases so that Grandma would have plenty to work with. If you look close, you’ll notice there are still some large blank ones behind the finished paintings. Except, in Grandma’s mind, most of these paintings probably aren’t finished.”

  Don Walker turned away from the canvases and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure what you’re saying.”

  “These are all practice, Mr. Walker. To Grandma, those small paintings that we sell are the finished work. I wasn’t smart enough about art to understand that. I’m not sure I would have gotten it even if she did try to explain. She didn’t intend ever to sell these. I saw her go through them from time to time. She switched around which ones hung on the wall. I helped her put them up and take them down. About once a week she would spend a few hours out here looking at them, but for her, that was like a baseball player watching films of his batting swings. She looked at them to try and figure out what she needed to change in her style or what she needed to do better.”