Picking up the Pieces

by Jessica Prince

  That took some of the wind out of her sails. Her shoulders visibly relaxed and she took a deep breath. “Look, I’m just in a shitty mood right now, okay. I must be premenstrual or something. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

  I went to her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a hug. “Hey, it’s all good. Just don’t be mad at me, okay? I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

  She hugged me back tightly. “I’m not mad. I’m just gonna go home. I’m not really in a margarita kind of mood anymore.” I knew she wasn’t okay, but I also knew if I pushed her any further, this thing would go from bad to worse. So I just let her go. Standing in my driveway, I watched her taillights disappear around the corner wondering to myself just what the hell was going on with the people in my life.

  The next morning I was standing at the counter at Virgie May’s, stocking the pastry cabinet when I felt a pair of arms come around my waist and a body bang into my back. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” Savannah spoke into my back, squeezing tightly. This was just one of the many reasons why I loved her so much. We both hated it when our relationship was strained in any way. We loved each other so much that I wasn’t surprised she was hugging me and apologizing less than twenty four hours later.

  “I was a bitch and I hate fighting with you,” she continued.

  I reached behind me and wrapped my arms around her as best I could and squeezed her back. “We aren’t fighting. It was just a little disagreement. And if you keep calling my best friend a bitch, I’ll kick your ass.”

  We released each other, and I turned to face her. “We cool?” she asked.

  “We’re always cool. And I promise I won’t give you anymore shit about Jeremy.” What happened between them still bothered me, but I was willing to put blinders on if it made Savannah happy. She’d done so much for me in my life already. It was the least I could do in return.

  “Love you.”

  “Love you, too. Now enough of this Hallmark bullshit. I’m short a waiter so you’re up.”

  She reached under the counter and grabbed an apron as she grumbled, “Sonofabitch. I knew I should’ve waited for you to close up before apologizing.”

  CHAPTER 10

  PAST

  Fall 2005

  EMERSON

  “Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Savannah, what the hell am I going to do?!” I was hyperventilating. My vision was starting to go black. Shit! I was going to pass out.

  “Just relax, hun. Maybe it’s wrong. How many of these did you pee on?” Savannah picked up one of the sticks sitting on the bathroom counter and compared it to the directions on the back of the box.

  “Six, Van. I peed on six sticks and all of them say the same damn thing. POSITIVE!” This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. I’d had sex with one person, one time, and I got pregnant? I obviously really pissed someone off in a past life and was paying for it now.

  “Calm down, Emmy. Try to breathe.” That was easy for her to say. She didn’t just find out she was knocked up by a guy that ran out on her after one night.

  “How the hell am I supposed to calm down? I’m a pregnant college freshman whose baby daddy ran off to parts unknown and I have no freaking clue how to get a hold of him! OhmyGod… I’m a fucking statistic!”

  Savannah started pacing around the small dorm room muttering to herself. “If I ever see that piece of shit again, I’m gonna cut his dick off and shove it down his throat!” Savannah was the one who sat with me for weeks while I cried into a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream when I was at my worst. Luke left for basic the morning after I caught him with his pants down and Allison Crabtree going down on him like giving a blow job was a freaking Olympic event. I swallowed my pride—probably like Allison swallowed other things—and tried emailing him a few times, only to get jack shit in response. He’d gone off the grid. But he didn’t just cut me off. He wasn’t talking to Jeremy, Brett or Gavin either. The longer he avoided them, the madder they got. When they found out about this, shit was going to hit the fan.

  Savannah was the president and founder of the I Hate Lucas Allen fan club. If someone hurt me, by association they hurt her. And Savannah was not one to forgive easily.

  I wasn’t sure if it was hormones, or the fact that my life was going down in a big steaming ball of crap, but I chose that moment to break down. I cried for the situation I was in. I cried because the guy I loved didn’t love me back and left me behind. I cried for the baby I was carrying. I cried because I had no freaking clue what I was going to do. It was the big, ugly type of crying too. The snot coming out of your nose, big red blotches and swollen eyes type of crying.

  Savannah, just sat with me on the bathroom floor and rubbed my back until I got it all out. “How the hell am I supposed to tell Luke? He won’t respond to my emails. He never answers when I call his cell phone. I don’t even have a damn address to send a goddamned hand written letter!”

  She grabbed my face in her hands and stared into my eyes. “You do what you can, babe. Send him an email and try calling. If he doesn’t reply to anything, there’s nothing else you can do.”

  “Nothing else I can do… Shit. I’m going to be a single mom,” I whispered, the tears falling again.

  After several more hours and a lot more tears, we sat together in front of my laptop. I drafted about three thousand different versions of the email to Luke before I was somewhat satisfied with it. Savannah and I both agreed that it wasn’t right to drop that kind of bomb on him in an email. By cell phone wasn’t that much better, but it was the best option on a list of shitty options. I hit the send button on the email stating that I really needed him to call me, or at least answer his phone when I called. That I had some very important news I needed to tell him. I drew the line on begging and telling him I loved him. I made those simple requests and kept it at that.

  Three days later, I hadn’t gotten a reply. No email. No phone call. I allowed myself only one call a day for those three days. I made a deal with myself that I wasn’t going to leave it in a voicemail. I could just see that going well, Hey there stranger. Guess what, you knocked me up, daddio... Call me back…

  “Fuck him,” Savannah called out from my dorm room bed. “If he’s too big of an ass to respond or call back when you’ve told him you need to talk to him, then fuck him. You don’t need to bust your ass trying to tell him something he doesn’t want to hear.”

  “Is it totally pathetic that, even though I knew he wouldn’t answer, I still hoped?”

  “No. That’s not pathetic. You are not pathetic.”

  I was so tired of crying by that point; I felt weak and needy. I hated feeling that way. I always tried so hard not to depend on anyone else for happiness because I knew from experience that could be taken away in a blink of an eye. The fact that Luke’s lack of response affected me so deeply was turning me into a woman I didn’t want to be. “What am I going to do?”

  Savannah stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, looking determined. “You aren’t going to do anything. We are going to get through this. I’m going to be here every step of the way. You are going to have this baby, and I’m going to be there right by your side, helping you raise it.”

  That just made me cry even harder. “I am so damn lucky to have you.”

  “Of course you are. And I’m lucky to have you. We’re in this together, honey, you as Mommy, me as cool-ass Auntie Savvy.”

  “Auntie Savvy. I like that.” Savannah never stopped trying to make me feel better. She had her own life and didn’t need the drama I was bringing into it, but she never blinked when it came to helping me. She was consistently solid.

  “Me too. Gotta nice ring, doesn’t it!” We laughed, and she helped me fix my face so that we could go have some much needed retail therapy. We were shopping with one thing in mind… baby supplies. Our first stop was the book store to buy What to Expect When You’re Expecting. We bought two copies since Savannah was determined to learn
everything she needed to learn to help me with my baby. She joked that she was going to make a kick ass daddy, and my heart opened up even more.

  ***

  The further along I got into the pregnancy, the harder things became. My morning sickness was an all-day type of thing and it didn’t end after the first trimester. The baby was growing and healthy, but my doctor wasn’t happy with the amount of weight I was losing. If it wasn’t nausea, it was wicked heartburn. If it wasn’t heartburn, it was dizzy spells. I was so sick that I ended up getting too far behind in my classes and couldn’t keep up. I made the incredibly hard decision to leave college and move back home, hoping I’d be able to start taking classes again once the baby was born. It wasn’t easy to put my education on hold, but the little peanut I was carrying around meant more to me than anything else.

  I put my foot down when Savannah informed me she was dropping out too. There was no way I was letting her give up her education just to move back home with me. Those arguments got pretty heated, and I ended up telling her that the only way I’d allow her to help me with the baby was if she stayed in school. She finally relented, although not kindly.

  Time passed, and each day was yet another day I didn’t hear from Luke. I finally gave up on him… and that was alright. Even though this pregnancy was making me sick as a dog, I couldn’t be unhappy. I had this little person growing inside me. This little being that—even though it looked like a tiny little reptile in the ultrasound pictures—I was totally in love with. I couldn’t even find it in me to keep hating Luke. He might be an asshole, but he had given me this precious little gift. Every day I woke up, I’d put my hand on my stomach and tell my baby “Mommy loves you so much”. Everything was going to end up fine.

  CHAPTER 11

  PRESENT

  Spring 2013

  My friends were rock stars when it came to birthdays. We considered each other family and made sure to have a huge blow out when each person’s birthday rolled around. It was Gavin’s month so we decided to host at Stacia’s since he was her boyfriend, but mainly because she was the only one who had a house and backyard big enough to hold so many people. It wasn’t an invite type of event, more along the lines of word of mouth. Basically the whole town was invited.

  The party was in full swing as I headed back into Stacia’s kitchen to mix up some more French onion dip. I was standing at the sink with my back to the kitchen entrance when the air went electric. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him standing there, just staring at me. He was leaning up against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest looking sexier than he had any business looking. The olive green Henley brought out the color in his eyes and looked fantastic stretched across his muscled chest and arms. As I gazed further down, I’d never wished to be a pair of jeans more in my life.

  I had to shake myself to get my thoughts out of the gutter. He’s not hot, I told myself. You hate him, you hate him… just remember that! “You need any help?” he asked me as he pushed off the wall and walked in my direction.

  I turned back around and stared at the bowl of dip like it was the most fascinating thing ever. “No, I’m just about done here. The party’s out back if you just want to walk on through.”

  I closed my eyes and inhaled his smell. Clean male mixed with the outdoors. It was a scent I knew so well. It was one that used to give me comfort, but now all it did was remind me of how badly my heart had been broken. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you out there.” His voice was laced with disappointment, but I wouldn’t allow myself to turn and acknowledge it.

  I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding when I heard the sliding door shut behind him. It took me several minutes longer than it should have to mix a packet of French onion soup in with a tub of sour cream but I needed any stall tactic I could find. Unfortunately, making dip wasn’t rocket science, so I was already done. I sucked in a fortifying breath, grabbed the bowl and headed out the door. Luke was already sitting in a lawn chair by Jeremy, Gavin, Stacia and Brett. Savannah was standing off to the side in conversation with Lizzy and a few other people, but that didn’t prevent her from staring daggers at Luke at the same time. The girl could multitask like a champ.

  Jeremy and Gavin seemed to have moved forward with Luke, but I noticed that Brett didn’t look happy that he was there either. It wasn’t something I wanted to admit, but I felt a little guilty that my friends were refusing to forgive him. Luke had been home for over a month, and even though I couldn’t find it in myself to fully forgive him, it bothered me that Brett and Savannah still harbored so much animosity. We’d all been friends for so long before he left. It didn’t seem right that they weren’t more receptive to his apologies. It was hypocritical of me to want them to forgive him considering I hadn’t… I knew that. They felt the way they did because of me and if I couldn’t forgive him, who was I to expect them to? Still, this didn’t sit well with me.

  I walked over and sat the bowl down on the table near Savannah. “Sweetie, you can put the bitch away for the night. He’s here for Gavin’s birthday, not to start anything.”

  Savannah rolled her eyes before responding. “This isn’t me being a bitch, Emmy. This is me every day of the week, you know this.”

  “I do, you’re right. And I love you anyway.” I pulled her into a hug then grabbed her and Lizzy. I pulled them to the circle with the rest of our friends, where I took a seat next to Brett. Refusing to sit by Luke, Savannah sat between me and Stacia, leaving Lizzy to take the seat next to him. I didn’t miss her glare at Van and as she mouthed bitch, to which Savannah just smiled.

  “So what are we talking about?” I asked, trying to take steps in the right direction to fix the rift between everyone.

  ***

  As the night went on and no drama unfolded, I started to relax and really enjoy myself. Luke and I hadn’t really engaged each other in conversation, but that didn’t stop us from getting into the stories other people were telling. Everything seemed to be going great, and I was finally dropping my walls just a bit.

  This, of course, was a mistake. Because as soon as I did, Allison ‘Bitchface’ Crabtree came sauntering into the backyard looking like she’d been rode hard and put up wet.

  “What the fuck?” Stacia demanded. It was strange hearing that language come out of her mouth. Stacia had always been such a sweet, soft-spoken girl growing up and that didn’t change as we got older. But the situation definitely warranted her curse. Allison never attended one of our parties. She always acted like she was too good for them, but the truth was, she wasn’t welcome. This was the problem with not sending formal invites to these things: any old street walker could just come wandering up.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised though. With Luke back in town, Allison started showing up to a lot of places where she wasn’t wanted. Tonight was no different. She made her way over to him, shaking her ass provocatively and wrapped her arms around Luke’s neck. I felt Brett place his hand on my knee and give it a squeeze. I glanced in his direction and gave him a small smile, then grabbed his hand and twined his fingers with mine. I wanted him to know how much his support meant to me.

  The instant Luke realized who was molded to his body, he took her arms and pulled them away from his neck. Undeterred, Allison grabbed an empty lawn chair and shoved it rudely between him and Lizzy. “So how’s it going?” Allison asked each of us collectively. I knew she had no interest in holding a conversation with us, but she had to play nice in front of Luke if she wanted to stay on his good side.

  Savannah wasn’t about playing nice though. “Bitch, what the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

  I grabbed for her arm to keep her in her seat. The last thing this party needed was a brawl. “I’m here for Garrett’s party.”

  “Gavin,” Stacia hissed through clenched teeth. One of the only things that could provoke soft-spoken Stacia was if you insulted her boyfriend in any way, then the claws would come out.

  “Whatever,” Allison said with a fl
ick of her wrist. “Luke invited me, so I figured I’d stop by.”

  I wanted to murder him when she said that, but Luke’s eyes shot to mine and I saw the confusion and worry in them. “Hold up, I never invited you, Allison. You asked what I was doing tonight, and I told you I was going to a party. That’s not an invite.” His voice held so much conviction that I believed him.

  “Well, I knew what you meant, baby,” she cooed. Obviously, she had no clue what he meant if she was here. She caught Luke looking in my direction and decided to go in for the kill. She looked down at the beer in my hand and said with an evil smile, “Emerson, should you really be drinking?” the false concern dripping from her botoxed lips made me want to hurl. I wanted to punch her in her stupid, bitchy face. Sometimes being the bigger person sucked ass! “Aren’t you an alcoholic or druggy or something?” I didn’t miss the collective gasp that came from the group or the fact that Luke was staring at me in bewilderment.

  “No, I’m neither, Allison, but I appreciate your concern.” I gave her my brightest smile. “Since we’re sharing and caring, I feel that I should tell you something.” I leaned forward, pasted a serious look on my face and pointed down at her drink. “Maybe you should switch to light beer. Your thighs are starting to look a little chunky in your hooker skirt.”

  Who wears a leather mini skirt and sequined halter top to a backyard barbeque anyway?

  I wasn’t going to stick around to see what she had to say next. I stood up and started for the sliding door. “Where are you going?” Savannah called after me.

  I turned back and looked at my friends, simultaneously avoiding Luke eyes. “You know I love you guys, and I’m sorry to bail on your birthday, Gavin, but this party just went downhill fast. I’m gonna bail before animal control shows up to collect the strays.” I shot one last glare in Allison’s direction then tried to make as graceful an exit as possible.