Anthony smiled; he could just imagine Leo and Alex laid out on some beach somewhere, holding hands, eating ice cream. “Where are you two gunna go?”
As he spoke he noted that Jason looked up at him, understanding that one of the ‘two’ was Alex. Leo sighed deeply before responding. “Last night……I got a call from the hospital in my home town. My father……..he had a massive stroke and he’s dying.”
Anthony felt his eyes widen in shock. “Oh my god, Leo……”
But Leo continued. “So Alex and I are gunna leave a little bit later today and I was hoping you’d keep an eye on the place.”
Anthony nodded, forgetting that Leo couldn't see him. “Of course Leo. Are……are you ok?”
From his spot at the table Jason looked at Anthony, cocking his head to the side. Anthony shrugged at him and mouthed the words ‘in a moment’. “Yeah…….I’m………ask me again when I get back.”
Anthony smiled weakly to himself. “Leo……..how are you-”
But Leo cut him off. “Anthony I’m really not sure how I feel right now. Ok? The only reason I’m going is cause Alex wants me to so……please don't ask me how I’m doing again.”
Anthony sighed. “Ok, Leo. Still, I’m sorry this happened.”
He didn’t have to be there to know Leo had shrugged. “Thanks Anthony. I’m gunna go now, Alex is glaring at me cause he thinks I’m stalling so I don't have to pack.”
Despite how he was feeling Anthony chuckled. “Ok Leo. Have a safe trip.”
“Thanks Anthony. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Hanging up the phone Anthony paused for a moment before speaking. “Leo’s father…….had a stroke.”
Jason's eyes widened. “What?”
Anthony nodded. “He and Alex are going back to Leo’s hometown to try and see him.”
Jason was silent for a moment before speaking. “Why do you say it like that?”
Anthony raised an eyeridge. “Like what?”
Jason shrugged and took another bite of eggs. “You sound as though you’re surprised Leo is going back home.”
Anthony sighed. “I am. Leo hates his father. I’m willing to bet you anything that Alex is the only reason Leo’s going back.”
Jason cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
Anthony sighed while he chewed on his lip, trying to figure out just how much he could tell Jason. “Do you know what projection is?”
Jason shook his head, and Anthony nodded. “Ok. Projection is where someone sees another person as a kind of……..avatar for themselves. Like when you’re happy that someone who’s similar to you does well. You feel a sense of joy despite the fact that YOU weren’t the one who accomplished that thing.”
Jason nodded, showing that he understood. “Leo and Alex have both gone through similar traumas in their pasts. Because of this and because of his romantic feelings for your brother Leo kind of……..sees a bit of himself in Alex.”
Jason blinked at Anthony, obviously not fully understanding him. Anthony sighed. “Ok……look, Leo never got help with his problems ok. He bundled them up and never told anyone, never went to a therapist, never got help or moved past them. For years he’s held onto the pain and fear; despite the fact that he knew he needed to get help. When Alex came along Leo kind of….projected on to him. By making Alex get help Leo was kind of……’testing the waters’ to see if therapy would really help Alex. And I can tell you; it has.”
Jason slowly swallowed his food before speaking. “So you’re saying, Leo wanted to be sure therapy would help; by making Alex go first?”
Anthony nodded. “Yes. I would imagine Leo really doesn’t want to go back to his home town, but at the same time he wants to move on from his pain. This is just an attempt to do that.”
Jason nodded and took another bite of his toast before speaking. “Do you think it will work?”
Anthony sighed before shrugging. “I don't know. It’s possible it might. Or it’s possible that being back in his hometown, where all of this happened; will trigger an episode with Leo. He might lash out, become violent or he could shut down and become unresponsive.”
Jason's eyes widened a little. “Could he hurt Alex?”
Anthony was silent for a moment before responding. “It’s possible, but I don't think so. Leo loves Alex. He’d rather cut off his own hands then hurt Alex. But if he’s backed into a psychological corner he could be capable of just about anything. Once we’re done eating I’m going to call Alex and talk with him.”
Jason nodded. Looking down at his plate Anthony took several bites of his now room temperature food. He’d just finished his eggs when Jason spoke. “Did you…….did you and Leo used to be together?”
Anthony looked up at Jason who was looking at him. “Why do you ask?”
Jason shifted a little before speaking. “Last night……you said you knew what it was like to be close to someone who won’t open up and talk about what’s bothering them. And when you were talking about Leo’s past, your voice changed a little. Was Leo the ‘someone’ who wouldn’t open up to you?”
Silently Anthony applauded Jason for making the connection. Slowly he nodded. “Yes, Leo and I dated for several years. But in the end he couldn't move past what had happened to him, and that caused us to break up.”
Jason was silent for a moment. “How did it cause you to break up?”
Anthony sighed and leaned back in his chair. In the back of his mind he was aware that Jason was doing a very good job of making him talk about things that he normally didn’t talk about. “Because the only way Leo could escape from his past was to leave. He wanted desperately to get away from here, to travel the world. I didn’t. I wanted to stay; and in the end…….I wasn't willing to wait and see if his method of coping would work. So we broke up.”
Jason looked at him sadly. I’m…..sorry.”
Anthony sighed and shrugged. “I won’t say it’s ok. It’s not. It really REALLY hurt. But…..thank you for saying it.”
The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Anthony was well aware that every so often Jason's eyes would flick over him for a moment before returning to his plate. They finished their food in silence; broken only when Anthony asked if he could remove Jason's now empty plate from in front of him. As the purple turtle dropped the dishes in the sink he heard the alarm on Jason's phone begin to ring. Jason groaned. “Time for practice. Wish me luck.”
Anthony smiled. “Good luck. Be sure to score lots of goals.”
Jason looked at him. “That’s soccer.”
Anthony shrugged. “I don't watch sports, so I don't really care.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “One of these days I’ll sit down and explain it all to you.”
Anthony bit his lip but nodded.“O….ok.”
He watched as Jason stood up. “I….I should get going.”
Anthony nodded and followed Jason into the family room and towards the front door. He watched as Jason pulled on his shoes before turning to look at him. “Well…….thank you for talking to me. And…….letting me spend the night.”
Anthony nodded. “Of course. Jason……..if you ever need to talk just call me.”
Jason nodded. “Ok…….hey what time do you get off work today?”
Anthony shrugged. “I’m normally off at 6-ish. Why?”
Jason shrugged. “I….I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to get something to eat a little bit later.”
Anthony raised an eyebrow, a faint smile playing across his fac. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
Jason's face went red as he shook his head and hands. “No no no! I……..”
But he broke off as Anthony laughed. “I know what you meant Jason.”
Jason sighed, “I just wanna pay you back for breakfast and letting me stay here last night.”
Anthony nodded. “Ok. I’ll give you a call when I’m off work and we can set something up. Ok?”
Jason nodded. “Ok. See you then.”
>
Pulling open the front door Jason did his best to not look at Anthony; the red blush still covering his face as he hurried to his jeep, started the engine and began to pull out of the drive way. As he turned onto the road he caught sight of Anthony; framed in the doorway with a small smile on his face, he waved at Jason who waved back sheepishly, his stomach clenching oddly as he did so; before gunning the engine and heading back to the school.
ALEX’S POV
Alex watched as Leo packed their suitcases in the back of his car. Closing the trunk Leo paused, looking at Alex who smiled back at him. After a moment Leo spoke. “Last chance to change your mind. We could go to the beach instead.”
Alex shook his head. “No. we’re going to go see your father.”
Leo sighed and nodded slowly. “Ok.”
Getting into the car Alex spoke. “Do you really not want to see him, this badly?”
Leo sighed and looked at him. “The last time I saw my father he threw a beer bottle at my head and told me to never come back and that I wasn't his son anymore. So yes………I really don't want to see him.”
Alex was silent; he could see the internal conflict Leo was struggling through. “But…………”
He watched as Leo took several deep breaths. “There are things I want to say to him……..and this might be my last chance. So………..let’s go before I change my mind.”
A moment later the car rumbled to life as he turned the key and pulled out of the driveway and down the road.
CHAPTER 6
Leo raised an eyebrow as he watched as again Alex scribbled something down on a small pad of paper he’d brought with him. They’d been driving for almost an hour now; they’d left the college town behind them and were now driving through a small section of the forest that encircled the town. “What’s that?”
As he spoke Leo gestured to the pad of paper. Alex shrugged and turned it so Leo could see what he’d been writing; a list of names of what appeared to be, “song titles?”
Alex nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking, if the Nathan and Ethan played more current music then maybe they would get more listeners.”
Leo nodded. “It’s possible, but I thought they don't have the equipment to play CDs or any of the modern music.”
Alex nodded. “They don't. But I figured I could try and make a few mixed tapes for them.”
Leo smiled. “That’s very kind of you.”
Alex looked at him sadly. “You should meet them Leo. They’re trying as hard as they can to keep the station going; but nothing is working. Every time I have to throw out a tape because it’s beyond saving they get a little sadder and sadder. I……I want to help them. I just……..they need help. But they’re too shy or afraid to ask for it.”
Leo nodded sadly. “That certainly sounds like them, Nathan especially.”
Alex looked at him. “How would you know?”
Leo looked at him sideways. “Didn’t I tell you?”
Alex shook his head. “Tell me what?”
Leo frowned. “I thought I told you. I meant to, Nathan took my class about……2 years ago. That’s when I first met them.”
Alex’s eyes widened slightly. “Really?”
Leo nodded and smile. “Yeah. I’ll admit it was a little shocking at first. Walking into my classroom and seeing a two headed turtle.”
Alex smiled. “I can imagine.”
He watched as Leo turned his attention back to the road. “But throughout the year Nathan surprised me. I thought for sure he’d fall behind, maybe have to drop out because he wouldn’t be able to keep up. I was dead wrong, not only did he manage to keep up with the rest of the class; but he turned out to be my best student that year.”
Alex smiled. “Really?”
Leo nodded. “Yes. He particularly loved the section on poetry. I remember….” Leo broke off as he chuckled. “I asked everyone in the class to write me a poem that was about themselves, and then the next day we would turn it into a series of haikus. The next day Nathan was nervous when he handed me his poem. Turns out he’d gotten really into it had…..written about 7 pages worth of poetry.”
Alex smiled, he could just imagine Nathan nervously handing the pages to Leo while Ethan gave Leo his normally fixed stare; daring Leo to say anything negative. Alex watched as Leo smiled to himself. “It was good. Nathan wrote out his poems with such love and hope. I……I ended up submitting them to the national poetry journal, and several of them got published.” Alex frowned slightly. “I wonder why neither of them ever mentioned that they knew you? I’ve talked about you a few times, to them.”
Leo looked at him and he shook his head. “Not about you and me, just you. That I was in your class, or that I had an assignment I needed to do.”
Leo sighed and shook his head. “I don't know. I know they have a very busy schedule. Because they’re conjoined they can only take a few classes at a time. Despite having been at the college for almost 3 years they just became juniors last year. It’s possible they just forgot about me. They certainly have more important things to worry about.”
Alex bit his lip. “Well then that just makes me want to help them even more.”
Leo smiled and nodded. “I’m sure they could use it.”
Alex smiled. After several more moments of silence he spoke again. “So……how long have you been teacher at the college?”
Leo shrugged. “About……12 years now. I had gone to school here, so when I went looking for a job this seemed like the best place to start.”
Alex smiled as he imagined a younger Leo walking in to teach his first class. “I bet all the gay boys wanted you.”
Leo was silent for a moment before speaking. “There have been……a few. They’d get flustered when I’d call on them. Or they’d always stay late after class. A couple of them tried to seduce me, wearing tight shorts and shirts. But…….” Leo bit his lip as the memories of those boys came back to him. Of their hurt faces when he told them he wasn't interested. “But I always turned them away. I was their teacher and they were my students.”
He turned, watching as Alex looked at him for a moment before speaking. “What…..what about me?”
Leo sighed and rubbed his forehead, before changing lanes on the road. “You…….somehow you succeeded. Somehow you found a way to get in my head and make it so I couldn't think of anything else but you.”
Alex smiled and moved, reaching over to grip one of Leo’s hands for a moment. “Well I’m glad I did.”
Leo smiled at him. “Me too.”
Alex yawned slightly as they again changed lanes. The forest around them was thinning now; giving way to farm land and wide open fields. Scribbling down the name of another song Alex spoke. “So tell me about where you grew up.”
Leo shrugged. “Not much to tell. It’s a little Podunk town in the middle of nowhere called Parma. It’s a pretty small town; when I left it had less than 3,000 people, I would imagine the population is a little bigger now; but not by much. It’s mostly farmers and factory workers who live there.”
Alex nodded. “How long will it take to get there?”
Leo shrugged. “About 7 hours. We’ll have to stop to have lunch, and get gas, but other than that…..” but Leo broke off as Alex yawned, trying to muffle the soft “ah” that came out as he did so. “Tired?”
Alex nodded. In truth he hadn’t slept well last night. Leo’s bad mood had made the older turtle huddle away from Alex under the covers, leaving the small turtle to bundle himself under the blankets and try to fall asleep. “You should close your eyes for a little while. I’ll wake you up in a little while. Ok?”
Alex smiled at Leo before setting his seat back a little bit so he could rest a bit more comfortably. Feeling Leo change lanes Alex allowed his mind to go blank as his body relaxed.
LEO’S POV
Turning the radio down Leo glanced sideways, watching as Alex shifted in his sleep. He sighed turning his eyes back to the road. He knew he’d alarmed Alex last night. He
knew his sudden change in attitude would hurt Alex; and yet……….he hadn’t stopped. He’d needed to withdraw, needed to become cold and distant with his young lover. Because if he showed how he was feeling, of he showed the raw emotions that clawed at his insides and coursed through his veins; he’d have scared Alex away. Numbly cold fury and pain has rushed through his body. Drowning his mind in memories of his childhood. Of the beatings his father had given him when he’d tried to tell him what was going on. Memories of the arguments they’d had over seemingly pointless things.
On those nights he’d run out of the house and sleep in the woods so he could just to get away from the cold, accusing, angry stare of his father. The stare that made him shrunk back in fear, the stare that made him fear that his father would lash out and strike him, the stare that told Leo; his father held nothing but hatred and contempt for him. Forcing himself to take a deep breath Leo turning the car, taking the ramp off the freeway before turning onto a smaller 2 lane road. Again he glanced at Alex. The young turtle truly had changed him. Before Alex had come into his life; Leo had no doubt that he would have deleted the hospital message without a second thought. As it was he’d wanted to. But something in Alex’s gaze had stopped him. It struck Leo that without Alex to be there with him there he never would have considered returning to his home town.
Sighing again Leo shifted a little in his seat. Around him the scenery had changed again; shifting from the green lush farm fields to yellow fields filled with wild uncared for grasses. Glancing down at the clock Leo felt his eyes widen as he found he’d been driving for almost 4 hours; which meant that Alex had been asleep for almost 3 hours. Making up his mind Leo decided to allow Alex to sleep for a little bit longer at least until they reached the small town that, according to the sign he just passed; was 20 miles away. Taking another breath Leo could not help but smile as next to him Alex groaned and mumbled something in his sleep. The young turtle had changed him; had made him truly happy.
The Lives We Lead (A Student In Need Book 2) Page 7