Maybe visiting home wouldn’t be so bad with Alex around. Maybe things would be different, maybe he’d meet his father and he’d discover that his dad had changed. Maybe his father would be happy to see him. Biting his lip Leo shook his head; doing his best to turn his mind from such hopes. While they were nice to imagine; all they did was get his hopes up, which meant that they would fall further and harder if they turned out to be untrue. Sighing Leo’s eyes drifted around the scenery they were driving through; not much had changed. The last time he’d driven down this particular stretch or road the fields had been filled with short stocky yellow grasses with the occasional tree or bush; and while all these things were still around some of the fields had been cleared, now filled with farms or animals that grazed as he drove by. A short while later Leo slowed down, pulling into the small gas station that sat on the side of the road. Turning off the engine Leo reached over and gently shook Alex, who groaned and opened and eye to look at him. “Are we there?”
Leo shook his head. “No, we’ve still got about 4 hours or so. But we have to stop and get some gas.”
He got out of the car, moving around to the pump before beginning to pump gas into his car. On the other side Alex got out and walked around. “Hey….” turning Leo shifted slightly as Alex hugged him. “I’m……I’m proud you’re doing this.”
Leo hugged Alex back. “Thank you.”
They stayed like this for a few moments, before pulling apart; with Leo remaining with the pump while Alex began to walk around and stretch his legs. Looking around Alex inhaled a lungful of fresh air. “It smells……..cleaner out here.”
Leo smiled. “It is cleaner out here. There aren’t all the cars and buildings out here. That took me a while to get used to when I first moved. Trying to breathe the city air was like trying to breathe air full of dust.”
Alex looked at him. He’d never really been out in the country; he’d always lived in a city. He was used to feeling of city air; even now as he stood and inhaled the clean air of the country he found himself feeling a little light headed. The air around him felt so……empty. There was no smell of car exhaust, or chemical smells just the faint smells of the grasses from the fields. Leaning back against the car Alex inhaled another lungful of clean air. “It feels……nice.”
Behind him Leo turned off the pump and paid for the gas. “Ready to go?”
Alex turned back to Leo and nodded. “Yeah.”
Getting back in the car Alex spoke as Leo pulled away and began to drive again. “So……tell me more, about when you first came to the college.”
Leo smiled and looked sideways at him. “What do you want to know?”
Alex shrugged. “What did you think of it?”
Leo smiled. “I was…….excited, nervous; kinda felt like I could throw up at any second. It was………..odd, knowing that I was free…….that……..” Leo broke off as he bit his lip for a moment trying to find the right words to voice the feelings that had rushed through his body as he’d walked through the campus and gone to his classes. “I felt……relieved. Like……..like I was able to breathe fully for the first time in ages.”
Again Leo bit his lip; it still wasn't enough, still was accurate to the feelings that had flooded his body as he’d begun to live a normal life; a life without the fear that he would be molested or abused at any moment. “I………..I felt happy, to be there.”
He looked sideways at Alex who watched him for a moment before speaking. “I…..I know how that feels.”
Leo smiled at Alex who smiled weakly back. “Tell me more. What was your roommate like?”
Leo smiled. “You’ve actually met my college roommate already. That’s how I met Anthony.”
Alex’s eyes widened. “Really? Anthony was your roommate?”
Leo nodded and smiled a little wider as he remembered the first time he’d seen Anthony. He’d just walked into his new room to find Anthony nervously searching through his books to make sure he’d packed everything. At first he’d thought Anthony was going to be a colossal pain; but then……..
“What was Anthony like in school?”
Leo grinned. “Anthony hasn’t changed much. But he used to LOVE to go to parties and clubs. He never drank much, something about alcoholism running in his family and to watch him dance is like…..watching a flamingo on Ritalin. But loved to watch the people and dance to the music. He used to say something about the combination of lights, people, music and sounds was both seizure inducing and therapeutic.”
Alex raised an eyeridge as he tried to picture his therapist dancing in a club surrounded by flashing lights, and half drunken patrons. “I can't picture that.”
Leo shrugged. “It’s true. Anthony used to drag me with him sometimes. He’s like a totally different person when he’s dancing. He’s……….he’s confident in himself. It’s……..it’s hard to describe. It’s like the way he carries himself is different. He becomes……..sexy.”
Leo felt his face heat up slightly as again Alex raised an eyeridge at him.“Sexy?”
Leo nodded. “Yeah…….he just……..he becomes confident in himself. Like he knows that he’s the smartest person in the room; which he probably is, and that everyone else is an open book to him. Like he knows EXACTLY what to say to make you think or do whatever he wants.”
Leo smiled to himself as he remembered how Anthony had been back then. Even Leo had found himself a little stunned by the normally nerdy turtle’s transformation upon entering a club or party. “Is that……why you two became a couple?”
Leo looked sideways at Alex who has busied himself with scribbling down another song name. “Partially yes……..Anthony……….it’s hard to explain how we wound up together.”
He could feel Alex watching him. Taking another breath he continued. “I’d been scared for so long. Before I left for college I had almost no friends, never had a boyfriend, wasn't speaking to my father; I’d pretty much missed most of my teenage years. When I met Anthony I was drawn to him. He was smart, funny, kind…….and………and he didn’t pressure me into being something I’m not. He just wanted to have a good time and make sure I did too. I guess…….I guess it was only a matter of time before we ended up sleeping together.”
Leo broke off; perhaps this was not appropriate to be talking about. He bit his lip as Alex continued to look at him. “Keep going.”
Leo sighed, adjusting his speed as he found he’d been going a bit slower than the speed limit. “It……it felt good to wake up next to someone in the morning. It felt nice to be able to call Anthony my boyfriend.”
Leo sighed as those memories washed over him. He and Anthony had worked well together; for a time they’d both been happy. “But……….but then things got…….serious. Anthony started asking me about my past…….and I………I panicked. I wasn't ready to talk about that, so I’d try to change the subject which made him become suspicious of me. Several times we got into shouting matches. He thought I was sleeping with someone else because whenever he’d ask me a question I’d get evasive and wouldn’t give him a straight answer. In the end…….”
Leo gripped the steering wheel a little tighter as he remembered the night he and Anthony had broken up.
He’d been drunk, Anthony had once again asked him about his past; and like always he’d tried to evade the question. Anthony had said something snide and…….and he’d snapped. He’s grabbed Anthony and shouted at him; yelling at him to never ask about his past ever again. Anthony had shoved him away, yelling back that if they were boyfriends he had a right to know. Leo had countered by yelling that maybe they shouldn’t be boyfriends anymore then. Leo gripped the wheel a little tighter, his heart clenching as he remembered the look of pain that had covered Anthony’s face after that. When Anthony had spoken next his voice had been filled with pain and sadness.
“I’m…..I’m just trying to help you Leo. I know you were abused…….I’m just……let me help you.”
But he’d been too drunk to se
e that. He’s said other things, things that had hurt Anthony; and in the end Anthony had said that it was in the best interests for both of them if they saw other people. Leo took a deep breath before speaking.
Sighing again Leo continued. “In the end, I wasn't able to move on from my past and it wasn't fair to make Anthony wait for me until I did. I was still running from the memories and pain of my abuse. And it drove me to try and get as far away from my home as I could.”
Alex was silent for several moments before speaking. “Do you………do you ever still think about Anthony……..as more than just a friend I mean?”
Leo sighed deeply. Next to him Alex shifted a little, fixing him with a slight glare. “Don’t lie to me Leo.”
Again Leo sighed. “I……….I won’t lie. I know Anthony and I can't be anything other than friends now. Yes there have been times in the past when……when I’ve looked at him and wondered if we could ever have a chance at what we had before. But……..no I don't look at Anthony like that anymore. He's my friend, my best friend nothing more. Ok?”
He looked at Alex who touched his shoulder gently. “Ok. I believe you.”
Leo smiled at him. “Thank you.”
Silence fell between them as Alex shifted, looking around at the scenery that had once again changed around them. The wild yellow fields had been thinning out for the last couple miles. Now instead of yellow grass, hard brown dirt met Alex’s gaze. Around them rocky brown and tan cliffs slowly sprung out of the ground like walls of broken glass. Leo smiled as Alex looked around. “We’re about 300 miles from the school right now. The nearest mall is about 70 miles that way.”
As he spoke Leo jerked his thumb to the left. “How much further do we have to go?”
Leo shrugged. “Probably another 50 miles or so. The road we’re on right now will bring us out just above the town. You’ll be able to look down at it as we drive down the other side in a little while.”
Sure enough about 15 minutes later the ground leveled out for a few moments before beginning to slope downwards. Looking out the window Alex felt his eyes widen at the sight in front of him. In front of him was a sea of brown and tan dirt that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles, occasionally punctuated by a small patch of green indicating a field of some kind. Directly in front of them however was a large green gash that looked as though it had been gouged into the earth. A river ran through the canyon, along the river Alex could see trees, sticking up like soldiers standing in formation; and amongst the trees he could see building, houses, and a town.
Next to him Leo spoke. “Welcome to Parma, Alexander.”
30 MINUTES LATER
Alex’s eyes flicked from one side of the street to the other. On either side of him mom and pop business lined the road, which had narrowed to just two lanes. As they’d gotten closer to the city they’d past a sign that had read PARMA; STAY FOR A SPELL. Now that they were in the town Alex could see why the sign said that. The town had a kind of feel to it. As they’d driven down the street he'd seen people walk up to each other on the street and begin talking to each other. He’d seen children playing in playgrounds while their parents watched from the restaurant next door. The town simply felt small, as though everyone knew everyone else. As the car turned off the main road Leo spoke. “Alex?”
Alex looked at Leo, noting that Leo become a little stiff. “I want you to do me a favor. No matter what happens, no matter what anyone says or does, I want you to know; I love you.”
Alex nodded, reaching out to touch Leo’s shoulder. “I know Leo.”
He reached over, lacing his fingers into Leo’s hand before giving it a gentle squeeze. Leo smiled at him as they pulled over, off the road and into the parking lot of the hotel they were staying at. They continued to hold each other’s hand for a moment longer, as Leo shut off the car before breaking apart as they left the car and walked into the lobby of the hotel. Walking up the counter Leo was greeted by a female ferret who smiled at them and spoke. “Welcome to the Parma city hotel.” Leo smiled at her. “We’d like a room please.”
The ferret smiled and began typing on her computer. “With one bed or two?”
Leo shifted a little. “One.”
The ferret glanced up at him, and then to Alex for a moment before smiling. “Ok. We’ll have you in room…..14. I just need you to sign a few things.”
Taking the pen she was holding out to him Leo began signing the various forms and contracts she handed him. As he handed her back the stack of papers she spoke. “Leo……..wait……”
She was squinting at him now, looking him up and down before letting out a small giggle. “Leo it’s me Alice. We had English class together.”
Leo’s face went hard. He ignored Alice who began talking with him; asking him how he’d been or what he was doing back in town. Unseen by her his grip on the counter had become so tight his knuckles had turned white. But Alice seemed to ignore his change in demeanor; instead continuing to blather on for several minutes before Leo had, had enough. “EXCUSE ME.”
He spoke firmly, talking several levels louder than Alice who broke off mid sentence. “It’s getting very late and we’ve been stuck in our car for the last several hours. Can we please have our room key?”
Alice blinked as Leo several times before nervously handing the room keys to Leo who promptly turned away from her and to Alex. “Come on. I need to lie down.”
He didn’t wait for Alex to respond, instead walking out of the lobby, down the hallway before coming to a stop in front of the elevator impatiently tapping his foot as he hammered the call button. He felt Alex move in behind him. “Leo?”
Leo sighed and closed his eyes. “I……I needed to get away from her. She just…….”
He broke off as Alex’s hand pushed its way into his. He began to shake as Alex gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s ok Leo. We’re here to make thing better. Let’s go lay down for a little while. Then we can get our bags, get something to eat and then go to bed.”
Leo nodded, all of that sounded great. Getting into the elevator Leo pulled Alex against his body as the elevator began to climb. He gave Alex a gentle squeeze; hugging their bodies together. “Thank you Alex……thank you so much for being here. I……I…….I don’t know how I’d do this if…..if you weren’t here. I’d……..I’m……..”
He forced himself to breathe, his heart was hammering in chest, his arms were shaking and he could not stop small tears from forming in his eyes as he pulled Alex closer against his chest. “I love you Alex.”
He clung to the smaller turtle; silently pleading that Alex would understand just how much he loved the smaller turtle. Alex hugged him back, rubbing his arms and the back of his neck while he spoke. “Shhhhh, shhhhh. It’s ok Leo.”
They stayed like this, the entire elevator ride made in silence as they clung to each other. As the elevator came to a stop Leo sighed, pulling apart from Alex who continued to hold his hand; as they moved down the hallway towards their room. Opening the room with their key Leo dropped himself onto the bed and began to take deep breaths; as Alex curled up against his chest, and resumed rubbing his arms and neck. After a moment he leaned in, kissing Leo’s forehead. “I’m proud of you Leo. I’m so proud of you for doing this.”
Leo smiled weakly. “I didn’t have a choice remember?”
Alex chuckled but continued to rub Leo’s arms and neck. “Still……..I’m proud of you.”
He watched as Leo sighed and opened his eyes to look up at him. “I hope……I hope you stay that way. I hope……..”
He broke off, as he took another deep breath. “I hope you’re still proud of me when I’m so mad I can't say a word to my father. I hope……I hope you’re still proud of me if I break own and start sobbing like a child; or start screaming at him. I just………”
He broke off as his sides began to shake. He tried to fight the feels that were rushing through him, tried to fight off the feelings of pain, fear, humiliation and desperation that rushe
d through his body; making him feel as though he was stuck in whirlwind. He felt Alex shift, huddling in closer to him, holding him; keeping him grounded in the real world and not in the whirling, spinning world of his emotions. “Leo…….no matter what happens I’m proud of you. I know…..this isn’t easy for you. But……but it needs to be done. You need to see your father before……..before something happens. I know……I know it’s scary. But…….”
He shifted; leaning in to nuzzle Leo’s neck while he rubbed Leo’s neck and shell. He wanted to speak; to say that Leo needed to speak to his father, to clear the air and allow him to move past some of the pain he’d been holding on to. Yet as he lay there, holding Leo’s form he couldn’t think of what to say. All he could do was hold Leo and comfort him; while Leo struggled with the emotions that tore and raged inside him. They stayed like this for a while, holding the other; doing their best to comfort the other as best they could. Outside the sun began to set casting low red light across the town.
CHAPTER 7
Jason groaned as the cool water rushed down his throat before pooling in his stomach sending cool chills through his body. Behind him coach blew the whistle signaling the end of practice. Taking another drink Jason stood up from his spot on the ground before moving to the locker-rooms where he pulled his gear off. Around him the players grumbled about how hard coach was pushing them. They’d been practicing for hours, stopping only when the sun was high over head backing the practice field in what felt like 1,000 degree heat. Jason rolled his eyes; he wasn't sure why everyone was bitching. Yes he was tired, but his muscles didn’t ache or burn like the others did. In fact he actually found himself restless, to the point once his gear was off he left the locker-room moving down the hallway before pushing open the door the weight room. He’d been about to step inside when coach’s voice met his ears. “Jason, a word.”
Jason turned watching as coach walked up to him. “Your mood seems to have improved somewhat. Care to share what had you so angry?”
The Lives We Lead (A Student In Need Book 2) Page 8