The Lives We Lead (A Student In Need Book 2)

by Nicolas Schrammeck

  In front of his Tommy sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “Sometimes friends help a person by being kind and love. And sometime…..” Tommy’s eyes opened and shown with anger in them. “…..Friends help others by being an asshole and forcing their friends to see the truth.”

  Leo cocked his head to the side. “What? Tommy that makes no-”

  But Tommy cut him off. “Do you know the condition your father was in when he arrived at the hospital?”

  Leo shook his head. It was true, he’d never bothered to ask. Frankly he didn’t care all that much. In front of his Tommy seemed to guess his anger as he let out a slow angry sigh before speaking. “When your father arrived at the hospital he was delirious, talking to himself; he had no idea where he was, or what was going on.”

  Tommy fixed Leo with a glare that made Leo feel oddly cold. As though Tommy had stopped being his friend and was now an enemy. “Your father was confused. It’s not uncommon in victims of a stroke.”

  Leo opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Tommy who continued. “He seemed to think that you were getting ready to leave for college.”

  Leo’s mouth closed as his eyes widened. Tommy continued. “He kept talking to you like he thought you were there in the room with him. He was begging for you stay here. He kept saying, ‘please don't leave me. I’ll be all alone’. He begged you not to leave him alone with his failures.”

  Leo felt his heart clench as the image of his father crying appeared in his head. His father had hardly ever cried. The only time he’d ever actually seen tears fall from his dad’s eyes had been at his mother’s funeral; when his father’s face had been filled with tears. “He kept saying over and over about how he was sorry. How he never meant to hurt you. How he knew you were telling the truth but didn’t know what to do about it.”

  Again Leo’s heart clench. His father had…….believed him? “He said he’d give you some time to cool down and then he’d call you. You’d both talk things out and things would go back to how they had been……. He…….”

  Tommy’s voice quivered slightly as he continued to speak. “He kept saying how……..how you’d be a family again. How everything would go back to normal and you wouldn’t hate him anymore.”

  Again Leo felt his heart clench painfully. In front of him Tommy took a deep breath before continuing to speak, his voice containing a sharp bite of anger in it. “Obviously from how you talk about him that never happened. I can't help but wonder…….whose fault is that? Did you ever give your father a chance to say he was sorry? Or did you cut him out of your life without ever giving him a chance to apologize or explain himself?”

  Leo opened his mouth to speak, only to close it a moment later. He felt sick. Inside his chest the feeling of guilt and pain wriggled through his heart like a gnarled root. Without realizing it his shell touched the wall of the church as his mouth continued to open and close. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, each one of them clawing at his braining demanding he pay attention to it first.

  Guilt, anger, sadness, and pain; all of them whirled around his mind making him feel sick. In front of him Tommy continued to speak. “You were mad at your father. I get it. BELEIVE me, I understand. But you’ve allowed your anger to take over. You allowed it to cloud your mind and to push out every happy memory and thought until all you had left of your father was that anger. It’s like a poison Leo, it infects and consumers a person until there is nothing left but the twisted skeletal remains of what it’s killed.”

  Tears were trickling down his face now. Leo staggered back, his full weight resting against his shell as he did his best to keep himself from sobbing uncontrollably as Tommy’s words only added to his guilt. It was true, all of it, everything Tommy had said was the truth. “I won’t lie and say your father was a saint. He wasn't. He was a bastard but……..can’t you forgive him? Can't you let go of the pain he caused you? It has to be better than….this. It has to be better then continuing to carry around this hatred that has been slowly eating away at you for the last 20 years. He’s dead Leo…….you’re father is dead. Can't you let him rest in peace? Do you really have to keep hating him?”

  His entire body was shaking now as silent sobs made him bury his face in his knees. He felt ice cold. Like someone had thrown him into a pool of ice water and was holding him under while he suffocated. Tommy’s words were true. He struggled to find a good memory of his father. Tried to recall a time when he hadn’t hated his father. He knew those times had existed, knew that once he’d loved his father almost as much as his mother. And yet despite his effort he couldn't find those memories. All he could find was hollow anger and regret. To his right Alex’s voice spoke. “L…..Leo?”

  He felt Alex move, kneeling down next to him. Concern etched in every feature in Alex’s young face. “Leo….what’s wrong?”

  In front of them Tommy spoke. “He just got some news that is upsetting to him. He’ll be ok.”

  As Tommy began to walk away Leo found his voice for a moment. “Why……why do you care?”

  Tommy stopped before slowly turning back to face him, a sad look covering his face. “Because I’m your friend Leo. And I can't stand to see what you’ve become. You’ve changed and I don't like what you’ve become. But I can still see who you used to be. I can still see past all your anger, and instead see YOU. And that is the person this world needs, not the anger. Leo……let it go. Let your father rest in peace.”

  As Tommy walked away Alex wrapped his arms around Leo’s shoulders. He’d had enough of his own emotional meltdowns to know that Leo was about to go through hell. Leo’s entire body shook as the sobs he’d been holding back finally broke free. He struggled to breathe, his lungs refusing to fill with air completely before violently exhaling as he sobbed. All sense of dignity vanished as he buried his face against Alex’s chest. His sides heaved and shook as h cried, tears trickling down his face before falling onto Alex’s shirt. It was true, all of it. Unbidden, unwelcome in his mind came the memories of a few months after he’d started school. For almost a month his father had called him every day at the same time. “No….no….no…..”

  His sobbing became stronger as he remembered the fury that had bubbled in his stomach when he’d find that his father had left a message for him; a message he deleted every time without listening to it. “Oh god……”

  He clamped his eyes shut as tight as he could, willing the mental image of his father sitting alone in the house, trying to call him everyday only to be ignored; to go away. “No…..I’m sorry. Oh god……I’m sorry……….”

  Next to him Alex did his best to comfort him, rubbing his neck and shell while gently rocking him back and forth. “Shhhhh, it’s ok. Just breathe. It’s ok.”

  But he continued to cry. It wasn't ok. He’d done this. He’d robbed his father of the chance to explain himself. He’d allowed his anger to take over, allowed it to poison his mind. Yes he’d been mad with his father, but…….he’d never meant to HURT his father. He tired to breathe, sobbing uncontrollably as his sides shook and heaved. “I’m sorry…….I’m sorry……”

  He repeated those words over and over again, willing his father to understand how true they were. His heart clenched painfully as he sobbed. He didn’t care if anyone heard or saw them. Right now he didn’t care what anyone would say if they saw him sobbing hysterically like a child. Next to him Alex continued to sooth him, rubbing his neck and shell while speaking to him. “It’s ok…….it’s ok…..”

  His body had begun to go numb from the force of his sobs. After several minutes the tears no longer flowed down his face. Struggling to take a deep breath Leo pulled back and looked at Alex who looked at him, uncertainly. “Leo……”

  He moved forward wrapping his arms around Alex’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug. “Leo….what’s wrong?”

  Struggling to take another breath Leo spoke, burying his face against Alex’s neck. “I love you. I love you so much……. I……..I…….”

&nbs
p; His body continued to shake as he repeated those words to Alex while his arms squeezed Alex’s body tightly, feeling the young turtle hugging him back. After several minutes he pulled away, forcing himself to take a much deeper breath then he had been; inhaling until his lung ached before slowly exhaling. In front of him Alex gently squeezed his hand. “Leo…..are you ok? What happened?”

  Sniffing, Leo reached up and wiped away the last few tears that clung to his face. “I……..I just realized how badly I’ve treated my father.”

  Alex nodded, moving to sit next to Leo and lean against the church. “Are you ok now?”

  Sniffing again Leo shrugged. “I don't know………I just………”

  He took another shuddering breath, his head leaning back to res against the cold stone of the church. “I was so mad at him…….for so long…….I HATED him. But………”

  Leo groaned as he closed his eyes. Why had he been so cruel towards his father? Next to him Alex shifted, reaching out to touch and squeeze his hand gently. He moved, tilting his head to look at Alex who smiled weakly at him. “I…….I never gave him a chance. I just………stayed mad at him. I cut him out of my life…….without ever really telling him how I felt. I just……..”

  He broke off as a few more tears trickled down his face. He pulled his knees against his chest, letting out a whimper as he did so. “I’m sorry…….”

  He whispered the words. Feeling ashamed of himself for how he had acted. Next to him Alex squeezed his hand again. Sniffing loudly Leo took another deep breath before speaking again. “I……….I’m sorry I keep dragging you into stuff like this. My family problems shouldn’t have to affect you this much. I’m sorry.”

  Next to him Alex giggled and squeezed his hand again. “Leo…….I’m your boyfriend. Your problems and burdens are mine too. Also, it’s not like you were completely unaffected by my past. If nothing else this makes us even. Ok?”

  A small smiled spread across Leo’s face. “Ok Alex…….ok.”

  A small breeze picked up around them, kicking up the fallen leaves; making them dance and twirl in the air before falling back down to the ground only to be swept up again. After several moments of watching the leaves Alex spoke. “Ready to go back inside now?”

  Leo sighed and nodded, before standing up; turning too Alex to help him up too before moving to hold the door open for Alex. Moving back into the church Leo and Alex moved back into the chapel just in time for the minister to call for everyone to sit down. Quickly taking their seats Leo reached over and gripped Alex’s hand, giving it a small squeeze as the minister began to speak about life and death. Slowly Leo’s mind wandered as the minster continued to speak. Slowly his eyes drifted sideways to look at Alex who sat next to him. He’d never expected to find someone to love.

  He’d never expected to find someone who could understand what he’d gone through and still care for him. Yet he’d found someone; Alex understood him, and cared for him on a deeper level than anyone else Leo had ever met. Alex was everything he’d hoped to find but never thought he would.

  He watched as Alex’s eyes flicked sideways, connecting with his as he found Leo was looking at him. Gently Alex squeezed Leo’s hand while smiling at Leo who felt his heart flutter slightly. Gently he squeezed Alex’s hand back. Vaguely he wondered if Alex’s heart fluttered like his had. Alex turned to look at him, gently squeezing his hand again. A moment later Alex mouthed to him; his lips moving but no sounds coming from them. “I love you”

  Again Leo squeezed his hand before mouthing back. “I love you too.”

  The minister spoke for several more minutes, talking at length about how ‘god has a plan for all of us’. Afterwards he talked shortly about when the burial would take place, before stepping aside and allowing a short badger to step up to the microphone and speak. “Hello everyone. My name is Henry and I’m in charge or the reading of the will. Those of who you have been contacted would you please follow me?”

  Turning to smile at Alex Leo leaned in and gave Alex a small kiss on the cheek before speaking. “Wait here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  Alex smiled and nodded. “Ok.”

  Giving Alex another kiss, Leo stood up and followed the small group of people out of the chapel and into a smaller meeting room to the left of the front room. Taking a seat next to Venus Leo smiled at his cousin who smiled back before turning their attention towards Henry who dug around in his pocket for a moment before producing a pair of glasses. “Now then, I shall be recording the reading of the will for legal reasons. Does anyone object to this?”

  A small murmur of ‘no’ swept through the room. Smiling at them Henry reached down and pull a suitcase out from under a table before setting it down and opening it, before pulling out a small recorder and starting it. “Now then; the will is as follows……..”

  Leo didn’t pay too much attention to the list that Henry read off. He didn’t really care what his father did with his will; although he did smile at Venus when she was given several handmade quilts that his mother had knitted. Smiling at Venus he knew the quilts could not have been going to a better home. “And to my son Leo…..”

  Leo sat a little bit straighter as he turned to look at Henry. He watched as Henry looked at him for a moment before continuing. “I leave to my son Leo, 4 things. The first two items of which are a letter and an album.”

  As he spoke Henry’s free hand dipped down into the suitcase in front of him before producing a large red leather bound tome with a white envelope sitting on top. As Henry handed the items to Leo, Leo could not help but bit his lip as he found Minerva was smirking at him. But he ignored her, putting the envelope to the side before opening the album and…….. He felt his eyes widen as they roved over the pictures inside. In the glossy photos his mother looked up at him, smiling and grinning. He felt his hands shake as he slowly reached out, running his fingers along the laminated photos.

  Flipping the page Leo felt his eyes widen a bit more as he found a small note had been scribbled next to a picture. SARAH IS PREGNANT; 1 WEEK. Flipping through a few more pages he found that every so often there would be another note, detailing how far along in her pregnancy his mother was. He felt his eyes begin to water as he looked at his mother’s face. In each photograph she smiled, happiness making her seem to glow. From his spot in front of them Henry cleared his throat, politely pulling Leo’s attention back to him. Closing the album Leo took a moment compose himself before speaking. “Th….thank you.”

  Henry smiled at him before looking back down at the will before speaking again. “The 3rd things I leave to my son Leo is a box, that I have entrusted to Henry.”

  Looking at Leo Henry spoke. “The box your father is referring to is in my car. When we’re done here, I’ll give it to you. Ok?”

  As Leo nodded, Minerva spoke from behind him, her voice showing a hint of suspicion. “And just what is in this box, that none of us get to see?”

  In front of them Henry shrugged, a slightly thoughtful look coming over his face as he turned to Minerva. “I don't know. Your son brought it to me almost……20 years ago and asked me to put it in a place where no one would ever find it. So it’s been in my cellar since then. I’ve never looked inside it, so I have no idea what’s in it. Now……”

  Looking back to the will Leo, noted that Henry smiled slightly before continuing to read. “The fourth and final thing I give to me only son is…….my house.”

  Leo’s eyes widened again, while behind him Minerva spoke, he voice filled with anger. “WHAT?! HE GETS THE HOUSE?! HE NEVER CAME TO VISIT OR EVEN CALLED! WHY DOES HE GET IT?!”

  Henry shrugged and shook his head. “I don't know why your son chose to leave the house to Leo, but I can tell you it’s the only part of the will that never changed. The house was always going to go to Leo. And the house was completely in your son’s name so you have no legal claim or right to dispute it. The house belongs to Leo, and he may do anything he wants with it.”

  Leo sat there stunn
ed. He’d never expected to get anything from his father, let alone the house he’d grown up in and then done his best to run away from. He was dimly aware that Minerva was still speaking, demanding answers to why h was getting the house. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t think straight. Slowly his eyes drifted down towards the letter which he’d set aside. His hands shook slightly as he reached for the white envelope. Slowly he tore the envelope open, before pulling out the folded sheet of paper from within.

  He swallowed, his throat feeling very dry as he opened the folded paper and began to read the letter his father had written him. he felt his heart clench painfully as he found several parts of the paper were warped from water; and although he had no way of knowing for certain, he somehow knew the water had been from the tears his father had cried as he'd written the letter.

  Dear Leo,

  If you’re reading this, then I’ve passed away and you came to my funeral. Thank you.

  I know you hate me, and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I know I was a bastard and an asshole to you, and I’m truly sorry. I know that’s not nearly enough but it’s all I can do. I’m so sorry. I never should have doubted you or acted how I did. I know nothing I say will make up for the things that have happened between us. But, I feel that at the very least I owe you an explanation as to why I acted the way I did. When your mother died…

  Leo felt himself inhaling sharply. Behind him Minerva was still speaking, still demanding answers that were pointless now. Leo’s eyes continued to scan the letter, taking in every letter and word his father his written for him; noting that the paper was becoming more warped as his father had cried more.

  When your mother died it felt like she took a part of me with her. Waking up every day I felt as though there was a knife in my heart because she wasn't there with me. I missed her so much; and worst of all I pushed you away because you reminded me so much of her. Her smile, warmth, caring all of it got passed on to you. Whenever I would look at you I’d be reminded that I would never see her face again, never hear her laugh, or hold her in my arms and that pain was more than I could bare.