After memorizing her form in his head, he turned away once more, with great reluctance.
His body already reacting in the most natural way, he could do nothing but stand there for a long while. The girls passed him going back to camp.
"Lord," He looked up into the sky. "I surely do want my wife…"
Later, the men went into the creek and bathed. Jimmy John and Darrel jumped in splashing and laughing. "This feels great." Darrel yelled. Jimmy John hooped. Billy got in reluctantly.
"What's all the fuss, it's just a bath."
"Well, the air is gonna smell a lot better now that you are in here." Jimmy John taunted him.
They washed their hair, and body and came back out, but Shannon was standing so she could see him in his long handles and she sent him a sweet innocent smile as she ogled him.
Jesse chuckled to himself. Turn about was fair play, he reckoned.
That same evening, Susan came up to Darrel.
"Are you going to be alright?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.
"I'll be fine. The doc and Jesse fixed me up good. I'll heal," he said and smiled.
Susan let some of the tension flow away from her and sighed. "I'm glad…"
"I meant what I said back there. I want to marry you." Darrel repeated.
Jesse moved away from them so they could talk.
Susan blushed and glanced at him shyly. "Why?"
"Why do I want to marry you? Well, let's see, I think you are beautiful, and a good mother, and a brave and courageous woman."
"But…you don't love me."
Darrel reached for her hand. "Didn't that kiss back there tell you anything?"
She took his hand. "You let that speak for you. I think you like me, but that's not the same as loving. I loved my baby. I would have done anything for my baby. You helped them take him away from me. It is hard to forgive…"
"I know that." He frowned. "And I aim to give you all the time you need. We got a good chance of making a life together. We need each other…don't you see that?"
"Maybe. But I want what my mother and father had together…love. Until you can say you love me without any reservations…I can't marry you."
"Take all the time you need." Darrel smiled. "And if it will make things clearer for you, I do love you without any reservations."
She sat beside him now and they talked long into the night. His confession of love softened her heart, but she knew that only time would prove that love. Only time would heal the hurt in her heart at losing her baby.
"How's the shoulder?" Jesse came to sit beside Shannon now that things had settled out.
"Sore, but it's healing." She answered.
"Good." He handed her a cup of coffee.
"It was a tough day when I had to hand that baby over. I wanted you to know it was a decision I didn't want to make. But I did it for the baby's good, as well as yours."
"I finally realized that." She said softly. "It's hard sometimes for a woman to see things the way a man does. I realized that when I became a doctor. Whether we want to admit it or not, women are more emotional."
"And the horse, do you forgive me that too?" He asked with a slight smile to his handsome lips.
"Yes, we couldn't save him either." She added sadly.
"I wanted you to know…for what Jimmy John did; I aim to speak up for him at the trial. I want you to know that I take no pleasure in seeing any man hung. But Thornton and Billy, they are not from the same blood. Thornton is still very dangerous, and Billy, he'd do anything Thornton said, because he admires him."
"Billy is a downright shame." Shannon added.
"You regret saving him?"
"No, never that. I regret he doesn't see his choices and take them like Darrel did." Shannon said sipping her coffee and reflecting on all that happened. "How long before we are there?"
"Another couple of weeks or so and we'll be there. Are you that anxious to get rid of me?"
"No…of course not."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"I'm saddle sore though, I'll admit. I don't ride that much, I'm out of shape I guess."
"Oh no ma'am, you are not out of shape." He smiled crookedly at her.
That smile always warmed her. She didn't understand why, and she couldn't help the reaction she had from it either.
"That was ill-mannered of you to stare…" She chastised him.
"Really, is that why you indulged too?"
"I was paying you back."
"You are a complicated woman…but a damned good looking one." He reached to pull her closer.
When she didn't reply, he looked down at her in the crook of his arm and whispered. "Aren't you going to say anything about me?"
"No." she scooted away from him. "I think you are quite confident of yourself."
He stared into her eyes through the firelight. "What a woman likes to hear, a man does too…"
Without hesitation, she broke into a smile. "You won't be happy until I say it, will you?"
"Nope!" He smiled.
"All right. You are a devilishly handsome man."
A real smile curled his lips and her heart skittered. She took a breath and held it as he bent to kiss her. However, this kiss was so different, so soft, so compelling, so mind boggling that it sent a shockwave of sensations through her. This kiss said things to her that she was afraid to hear, and yet it made her heart pound like a hammer. She was completely lost in the kiss, responding was only natural. He raised his head enough to take her bottom lip and massaged it with his own. It was that feather touch, that made her heart ache for him.
When he finally did raise his head, he wasn't smiling or laughing. He whispered near her ear, "You sure make a man want you…"
She pulled out of his reach and backed away. Not because she wasn't feeling the same, but because she was. She wanted him just as much, and she had never wanted any man before.
A slow burning smile melted her heart.
Dear God…I'm in love with him.
She heard it in her head so loud; she feared he could hear it too.
He got up and walked away. She didn't want him to go, but she was glad he did. He could make her want him at the strangest times.
The others went to sleep listening to the bullfrogs along the creek bed. It was a long time before Jesse returned to the camp, but she was awake.
He glanced over at her as she snuggled down into the covers. "Did the Indians treat you okay?"
"Not bad. They fed me and gave me a blanket to lie on to sleep. I wasn't mistreated. They didn't seem that hostile in their camp. The women, they took care of me. Funny, now that I look at it, it wasn't much different than our own camp."
"The Arapaho are not bad Indians; they simply wanted what was theirs. That tells me that the child will be accepted into the tribe. They wouldn't bother with him otherwise. He'll probably one day be chief himself. He has a place there Shannon, and despite that young mother's love, she couldn't protect him like they can. Granted, it may not be the best way to live, but for him, it may be the only way."
Shannon shivered. "Maybe you're right. I don't know. But…she's gone through so much. Now she has nothing…"
"Oh I don't know about that. She has Darrel. If she can accept him and forgive him."
Shannon glanced at Jesse, "You think he really loves her?"
"I think he thinks he does, and maybe by the end of this trip, he'll know for sure. When you start out as strangers, it takes time to build a relationship. Things have to be said, thought about, and accepted before you allow the love. I'd bet on him." Jesse smiled as if to himself. "You've taught me to temper my judgement…in case you are wondering."
"Have I?" She glanced over the fire at him.
"You know…we haven't talked about our situation."
She didn't look at him now. Instead, she waited.
"I'm hoping time might settle it for us." Jesse said with a husky voice when she didn't say anything. He got up and looked down at her, when their eyes
met; he bent to kiss her softly on the lips. "I'm glad you're back…I missed you." He winked and walked off once more.
He sat at the edge of the camp, staring out into the stars, wrapping a blanket around himself, he guarded the camp.
Shannon shivered. He missed her. And she had missed him more than she could tell him. During the time she spent in the Indian camp, her thoughts and fears were for Jesse.
Time, was that what they needed? She had asked for the annulment. It was up to her to do what she wanted. But what did she want?
She had to admit her feelings had changed since she left the hills of Oregon.
She hadn't known much about this ranger…until now. The fact that she liked him…admired him even, stunned her. Physically they were attracted to each other that was apparent in their kisses. Did they have what it would take to continue a relationship? He traveled often weeks at a time with his job. He put himself in danger every day. Could she accept that?
However, the big question was, did he want a wife? Had his feelings changed since they left Oregon?
And what would she do, when they got to Texas and he gave her the annulment she asked for? She had no desire to go back to Oregon, strange as it seemed.
Where was her place in life? Before she met Jesse, she had thought medicine would always be her first and only love. Now…she wasn't so sure.
Her scars didn't even affect him. Had she been wrong about that too? Had she let the scars intimidate her life? Yes, she had! She should have seen it sooner, but no man had ever looked at her as Jesse had. As though he wanted her…but he was waiting for some sign from her.
How could she not have seen all this before? She was a doctor.
She had secretly felt less a woman because of the scars. But Jesse had seen them, kissed them even, and that hadn't changed his view of her. It changed her view of everything. She'd been wrong. The scars hadn't set her apart from other women, her attitude had.
Could she find love, like other women? Could there be more to life, than her doctoring?
Maybe Jesse was right. Maybe time would settle everything.
Chapter Sixteen
"How far we gotta go now?" Thornton asked as they traveled across the Oklahoma Territory. It was a wide-open land, where the biggest problem to face were renegades and lack of water.
"Waco…" Jesse replied.
"That's still a ways, ain't it?" Billy asked.
"Yes, it's a ways yet." Jesse affirmed.
"Be glad to get out Indian country." Thornton looked edgy.
"There are Comanche's in Texas, Thornton. There are Indians everywhere." Jesse told him.
"Maybe, but here, there are a lot more of them." Thornton said looking about. "And they ain't too happy about living on them reservations either."
"That's true enough." Jesse nodded, "but we'll be out of here in a day or two."
"The sooner the better." Thornton looked wildly about him.
"I thought we might stop at Doan's Crossing and get a few supplies." Jesse told them.
"We could sure use some food." Shannon told him.
"Doan's Crossing, huh?" Jimmy John shot Thornton a strange look.
"Relax Thornton we've been through the worst part of the country." Billy scoffed at Thornton.
Just then, an arrow flew by and hit Billy straight in the heart. Billy slumped in the saddle.
Shannon saw it, and couldn't believe the arrow had come from nowhere. Not an Indian in sight, but they were out there. Waiting to pick them off one by one.
Stunned everyone stared at Billy as he bent over the saddle horn and weaved back and forth. They waited to see if he would move, but he didn't. He just slumped over, his hands sliding down the side of his horse, in no direction.
"Get down," Jesse hollered and whipped the girls horses into some rocks. "You two stay down. Stay behind these rocks, you'll be safer there."
Darrel took the rifle that Jesse had given him during the last skirmish. He threw Jimmy John a pistol. And they headed for cover, near the girls.
The Indian had come out of nowhere at them and they still didn't see anyone, staring out into the open plains.
Billy was barely sitting the saddle, but he finally fell off the horse with a heavy thud to the ground. It was a sound none of them could forget.
Thornton once again headed for the rocks where the women were.
Shannon looked at Jesse and shook her head. Billy was dead.
The Indians regrouped and came at them hollering and shooting their arrows right and left. Several of the Indians had rifles and a bullet nearly hit Thornton.
"Throw me a gun!" Thornton shouted.
Jesse glanced at Jimmy John. "I'll give him a gun for now, but watch him, will you?"
"Sure thing…" Jimmy John nodded
Jesse reached Jimmy John and untied his hands. The four of them held off a pack of Indians for a couple of hours, and then the Indians left, just like they came. Silently, they disappeared into the flat horizon. They had risen out of nowhere, and now they were gone.
"Comanche's!" Jimmy John hollered.
Jesse nodded.
Thornton was hiding with the girls, but he realized this was his chance to escape and pointed the gun at Jimmy John. Jesse whirled about to see it in time and threw his knife at Thornton. Thornton fell with a thud to the ground, his voice uttering a loud groan.
Jimmy John looked at Jesse, "That was close."
Jesse went to get Billy. He got his shovel off his horse and dug a hole to bury him. Then he began digging another because Shannon confirmed that Thornton was dead.
A silent relief flooded through Susan at his death.
Darrel wanted to say words over Billy, but he had to compose himself to do it. The two young men had shared a lot for the last few years and it was hard to say goodbye. Good or bad, Billy had been a friend. "Lord, Billy was wild, we all know that. Maybe he was too young to realize just how wild. Forgive him…Amen."
Susan squeezed Darrel's hand and stayed close to him.
"He was your friend, wasn't he?" Susan asked as they ate supper that night.
"Yeah, I guess so. We were close to the same age. Billy's folks weren't very good people, so Billy didn't have much of a chance to be good either. I'm sorry for that. Mrs. Cutler gave him that second chance, but Billy didn't take it. He just had this wild streak that couldn't be tamed."
"It's not so much what your folks are, but what you are, Darrel," Shannon patted him on the back. "I'm sorry you lost him. I guess he became like a brother to you."
"Something like that, yeah. I just wish he'd have seen what he was getting himself into. He didn't have much of a chance from the start."
"Yeah…me to." Jimmy John said. "He was just a kid. I tried to get a hold on Billy, but he was of an age where you couldn't change him."
Jimmy John's hands were still untied now and he waited to see if Jesse was going to retie them.
Jesse looked him in the eye and shook his head. "I'm not gonna tie your hands any more Jimmy John. We were in too many scrapes where you helped us out. I can't do it."
"Thanks." Jimmy John seemed grateful.
"I hope that's the last of the Indians for a while." Shannon sighed.
"If we can make it to Doan's Crossing, we'll be fine." Jesse exclaimed.
"You ain't gonna tell them who we are, are you?"
Jesse smiled at Jimmy John. "No, I won't tell them who you are, Jimmy John, I might have a lynching on my hands."
The weather had become drier and water was scarcer as they crossed through Oklahoma Territory to the dusty panhandle of Texas. The Red was up some and crossing took some doing, but they made it to the Crossing.
Jesse didn't want to hang around too long. He had Shannon get the things she thought they would need, and he paid for them.
"Just passin' through?" The man at the counter asked.
"Yeah, on our way to Waco."
"Been travelin' long?"
"A might, yeah." Jesse answered, tossing the m
oney on the counter. "Thanks."
"Did you run into any Indians?"
"Yeah, we did."
"But everyone is okay?"
"No, we lost two men on the way." Jesse explained.
"They on the warpath again?" the man asked.
"I think they are just mad about the having to live on the reservation."
"Too bad. McKenzie's liable to come up here and stomp the livin' daylights out of them." The man said.
"McKenzie?"
"Army…"
Jesse nodded.
"Thanks," Shannon smiled at the man and they left.
Dust scattered and at times was so thick it's all a person could taste in their mouths as they followed the trail the big herds had just came from.
Something had changed now and Jesse knew he had to face the crisis that was coming for him. He'd always stood for the law, but now…
He looked at Shannon with the turmoil inside him. He needed to talk to someone with a level head, and she was about the best there was for that.
"I can't do it." He said, wrestling with his conscience that evening as she was fixing their supper.
"Do what?" Shannon saw the trouble in his fascial expressions. "What are you worried about now?"
"I been a lawman a long time, Shannon. I've taken a lot of prisoners. In a lot of different circumstances. But this bunch…I don't know…it's different somehow. I never let myself get close to any of them. Never let myself feel emotions."
"You don't want to turn them in do you?" Shannon felt a smile in her heart at the news. The Ranger was changing right before her eyes.
"No…and I know that I represent the law, and that I should. Because I believe in the law. But…Darrel and Jimmy John they are all that is left. I haven't done very well keeping them alive. The ones that died would have hung anyway. I don't feel too bad about that, but the other two…I just can't…."
Shannon studied him a minute, she put her hand on his. "Sometimes right and wrong have many colors to them. Sometimes, you have to weigh what you are doing, and find the right and wrong of it. If you continue to look at the law the same way, as black and white, then you'll never see those colors in between."
"How'd you get so wise…?" He smiled at her.
Shotgun Bride (Book Six of the Brides of the West) Page 14