"I'm not. I've faced a few truths along the way too. I can't save everyone. Look at poor Billy. I got the bullet out of him, saved him from a fever, but I didn't save his soul, he was still as close to death as though that bullet were still in him. When I looked at Thornton, I didn't seem to care if he died or not. That wasn't very nice of me. And I have to admit, I did have some better values when I was little. But it's the truth. That's not how a doctor is supposed to react. Like a lawman, I have to heal the sick and injured, I can't afford emotions either. So…I know how you feel. But maybe you and I are just learning how to feel…"
He looked into her eyes. "You have a way about you Shannon. I've learned to trust your judgement a lot."
Shannon smiled warmly at him. "Thank you that may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me…"
"But I'm wrestling with this whole thing. I'm considering hanging up my guns once we get to Waco. I think it's time. When a lawman can't fulfill his obligations, it's time to quit."
"What would you do?"
"I'm not sure. Never took to farming. Might try punching cows or something. But it won't have anything to do with the law."
"How long have you worked for the Rangers?" She asked.
"Ten years…"
"You were young when you started then." She remarked.
"Yeah, I left home early. Had to find ways to support myself. Worked on a ranch a while, punched cattle a while, then I met up with a Ranger. He was tracking a cattle thief at the time and he stayed at the ranch I worked on for a while. I liked him; he was a lot older and wiser than I was. He steered me in the right direction and the next thing I knew I had signed up with the Rangers." Jesse recalled his smile wistful.
"Do you regret it?"
"No, not a bit. I just think it's time to move on now. Do something else with my life. I'm getting a little saddle sore myself, so to speak." He glanced at her. "Besides, I might live a little longer if I do…"
"Won't you miss the kind of life you've led?"
"What sitting the saddle every day, using my gun instead of my head. No…I won't miss that." Jesse exclaimed. He looked at her, "So…are you going back to Oregon?"
The question was so blunt; it took her completely by surprise. "I-I don't know."
"I thought you loved it there." He remarked.
"I do love the country, but it isn't the right place, I know that now. The people were no more accepting of me there than in Boston. And in a lot of ways, I do see that Ma was right about what she said. I thought nothing of going to the mining camps alone, or the hills. I never realized the dangers until she pointed them out. I was thinking of healing, not my reputation. She was right. Sometimes my aunt and uncle thought me unscrupulous because I didn't think about the danger a woman could face if she was alone. In Boston, I would have been scorned for even thinking of doing what I've done here. The things Ma said, hit a sore spot with me. Funny how places seem to determine your life."
"I forgot that's where you came from. You want to go back to Boston?" He asked.
"No…Boston is no longer home for me now. I'm not sure what I want to do. There must be some place on this earth that I can practice where me being a woman won't matter. I just haven't found it yet."
Jesse nodded. "I hope you find that place…"
"Me too…" she sighed.
"Don't you have a life you want to get back to?"
She thought about that a minute. "I almost wish I did have. But no."
"Isn't there a man, somewhere in your past?"
Shannon looked at him, wishing he knew what she really felt, and unable to tell him. "No…"
"Why not, you're a beautiful and intelligent woman." Jesse said softly.
"In Boston, the men I respected and thought a lot of didn't have the same feelings I had about medicine and me being a doctor. They thought me much too presumptuous. They thought because I loved medicine that I couldn't love them as a woman. After a while, I accepted that, but I always felt there had to be somewhere that I would fit in. That was the reason I came out west. Hopefully to find that place."
He pulled her chin up to look into her eyes. "Maybe you were just looking in the wrong places."
"Maybe…" she uttered, her heart pounding like a heavy drum from his touch.
"Maybe Texas is where you belong…" His lips dipped to touch hers in a soft quick kiss. "It's full of hard working, stubborn people who are determined to cut out a life for themselves, no matter the cost."
Breathless, she couldn't take her eyes from him. "Maybe." She whispered.
He smiled and walked off.
It gave her food for thought. And something even more important…hope!
Chapter Seventeen
The Kiowa's and the Comanche joined forces in the area many times and Jesse knew there had been several massacre in the last few years. Three of the most important chiefs had been arrested and one was killed the other two went to jail. Fort Richardson, which had defended the area for several years, was now abandoned.
It was supposed to be a peaceful area now and only sporadic raiding went on.
Still Jesse remained on constant vigil while traveling through the area.
His mind was on his future though now and although he knew he'd make it to Waco, he wasn't at all sure of what he planned to do when he got there. The one thing he knew was that he didn't want an annulment, but he fully intended to give her one, if she insisted.
He'd even given some thought to settling down somewhere, with Shannon, and making a life for himself. But so far, they hadn't discussed their future much and it laid heavy on his mind.
Susan and Darrel seemed close now and Jesse was sure they would get married and find a home for themselves somewhere. He didn't have any idea what Jimmy John might want to do, but he had a plan to take care of Jimmy John's future.
Heat bore down on them now, that and the dust storms that kicked up out of nowhere.
As they came upon some settler's farm, they stopped off. Invited by the farmer himself, they joined in a big meal and some local talk.
"Yeah, the Indians here have begun to settle out, but not without a lot of warring in between. There was the Warren Wagon Train Massacre. But they caught the chiefs and took them to trial. Sitting Bear was killed trying to escape some say, others say he killed himself. The other two went to trial but the life sentences were commuted to two years in prison. Not much if you ask me for what they did." The old farmer said as his wife placed a meal on the table. "Then of course Adobe Walls, that was a sad time there too. Caused by the Buffalo hunters moving in and killing off all the buffalo. The Indians got tired of it and raided the place. We lost a lot of communities around this area due to either Indians or no water. And one problem was as bad as the other. It's a hard land, but once you are rooted here, it's hard to leave it. So…where you folks from, we don't see many come through this way."
"We came from Oregon, we're headed for Waco." Jesse explained.
"All the way from Oregon. I thought most people were going to Oregon, not coming from there. What's the matter, rain too much for your liking?" The farmer chuckled.
Jesse smiled. "Yeah, that's it."
"I heard tell you nearly have to live on a boat up there." The farmer slapped his knee and laughed. "If you lived in Texas long, you probably wouldn't like it up there."
"That's true enough. How long you lived out here?" Jesse asked.
"Nigh on to twenty years. Used to be a stagecoach station, but the stage line dried up so we just stayed and did a little farming and little raising cattle. The stage line didn't want any part of the land out here, said there were too many Indians and it wasn't fit to live on. I guess we got used to the country being so barren and all." He said.
"What about water, you have plenty do you?" Jesse asked.
"Nah…not any more, this years been drier than a bone. We have to haul it in. We had to quit farmin'. Just wasn't the kind of land to farm. But we raise chickens, and trade off with people around about. We mak
e ends meet here." The old man explained. "I reckon if you live among friends you make out…Twice a week me and a neighbor go about sixty miles to fetch water. It works well for us. With two wagons we get enough to last us and feed the stock with."
"Have you had much trouble with the Indians?" Jimmy John asked.
"No, not really. Not since Sherman sent McKenzie out here to patrol the Indians. McKenzie was smart, he got the Kiowa and Comanche to help him scout out the other tribes and either wipe them out or send them on the move. He's even raided into Indian Territory to clear them out. Most headed north. But you still have to watch out for a few renegades. Some just don't naturally take to the reservations, you know. They still try to steal our horses, off and on."
"Yeah, we found that out…in several places." Jesse nodded.
The wife came to the table and eyed her husband. "Let them eat before the food gets cold, Homer." She instructed.
"Alright Ma, just curious, we don't get many strangers our way." The old man explained. "Nice to get news of other parts of the country too."
Susan and Shannon helped the woman when the meal was over and the men went outside to sit on the porch. The old man lit a pipe and offered them all some tobacco. Jimmy John took some and thanked him.
They talked until almost evening, then the farmer invited them to stay the night and send them off the next morning with food. Jesse agreed. He was in no hurry to get to Waco now. He still had to figure out what he was going to say to his Captain and Shannon.
After a good night's sleep, they were on their way. They were loaded down with food from the farmer's wife; they felt a little less weary. The people in this barren part of Texas were very generous and friendly. Naturally, they led hard lives but anything to distract from those times was a big help to them.
It made Jesse wonder if maybe struggling to make it sometimes kept people acting better to each other.
Jimmy John moved his horse up beside Jesse now as they traveled. "Want to tell me what's been on your mind lately."
Jesse twisted his head to look at him. "Been trying to decide what to do with the two of you, and Susan."
"Thought that was settled, we'll go to trial then do our time or hang…" Jimmy John tried to chuckle about it, but Jesse saw it was weighing on him just as heavily.
Jesse stopped for a minute and looked at Jimmy John. "If you were a free man, what would you do, Jimmy John?"
"Free, to go and do as I pleased?"
"Yeah."
Jimmy John tipped his hat back, scratched his head and smiled. "I'd find me a little place I could work and live on, maybe even get me a woman, and I'd just live." He laughed.
"You wouldn't rob anymore?"
"No…it has no future. Besides, what little robbin' I did, wasn't worth all the effort, sweat and worry."
"Then, if I let you go…will you promise me never to break the law again and to make a life for yourself somewhere? Like that farmer and his wife back there. They don't have much, but their life seems full and good."
Jimmy John looked serious now. His face full of emotions. "Why would you do that? You're a lawman."
"Because I can't honestly see taking you in." Jesse said raising a hand to demonstrate his helplessness. "The minute you saved Shannon, I knew I couldn't take you back."
"You like her that much, do you?"
"I love her Jimmy John, but…if she still wants an annulment, I'll give it to her. She was forced into this, just as I was. And living with someone who doesn't want you isn't any good either. So…"
Jimmy John stared at him a minute. "You're alright Ranger. But…to tell the truth, I never thought about it. I gotta admit, I'm getting pretty tired of stealing for a living. It's dangerous to you health." Jimmy John chuckled.
"What would you do, if I turned you lose right now?" Jesse asked.
"If you mean me, Darrel and the girl. I'd help Darrel find a place we could live out our lives in peace with. Maybe together we could work a place and have a life. Settle down and work for a living. We've got along pretty good in the past. And I guess…I'd remember you and the doc there for as long as I lived…" Jimmy John folded his lips together in an effort to keep his emotions under control.
Jesse saw him choking with emotion, and smiled silently to himself.
"Alright…but I've got one condition."
"Name it?" Jimmy John prompted him, not taking his eyes from him now.
"I want to know where the money for that other store you robbed is." Jesse stared him in the eye.
Jimmy John laughed. "Well, I owe you that much, I guess. We buried it…in a cemetery in the same town we stole it from. We even put a marker up for it."
"What's the name on the marker?" Jesse asked.
"J.J. Bankston." Jimmy John laughed out loud.
Darrel came up beside him. "He's tellin' the truth. I dug the grave…"
"You held up the C.F. Doan and Company store there. But I don't remember seeing a cemetery there."
"It's a small private cemetery, located at the back of his property. It's there. We put Bankston on there to remind us that was our little piggy bank." Jimmy John laughed.
"I do believe that's the most daring thing you did." Jesse shook his head.
"I used my head back then. So many cattle going through there, I knew he had to be making some money. I knew because it was a private, family cemetery that no one would bother it."
"How much did you actually take from there?" Jesse eyed him again.
"Don't know, as the law was onto us before we could get away. We rode for two days straight, but Darrel got the idea to bury it in a cemetery and I naturally thought it was befitting to bury it close to Doan's. So after things cooled down, we took it and buried it there for a rainy day. Only thing was, the rainy day never came. We never stopped there again. We were headed as far away as we could get, mainly because we knew you were on our trail and you weren't letting up. We figured if we ever got back down to Texas, we'd have a stash to live on. We were running too much to ever get back there to dig it up." Jimmy John snorted. "Seems almost a shame, don't it?"
"That robbery should have made you famous." Jesse remarked with a laugh. "Old man Doan and his son raised a posse several times to look for you."
"I know, part of why we were always on the run. They wouldn't let up. Naw…it was daring, I'll admit, but…none of us saw anything from that robbery. We had to do another one to make it worth while, and still we didn't have time to spend it. Robbing isn't what it's made out to be. But I I'll admit the thrill of it, is part of the whole thing. The getting' away with something, that's part of it."
"Glad you finally learned that Jimmy John. Well…I'll tell you. I'm letting you go…all three of you. I hope you don't choose another life of crime. I hope you use this as an opportunity to a better life. Darrel you been there for me ever since we left Oregon. Jimmy John I saw a big turnaround in your attitude. Besides, you don't deserve to die in a jail cell. Make a life for yourself and my thanks to both of you."
Jimmy John frowned. "But…what are you gonna tell them? I mean, aren't they gonna wonder why you came back with all the money and no prisoners?"
Jesse scratched his chin and studied the question for a moment, and then he grinned at them all. "It appears I captured you all, but on the way, we'd been attacked by Indians several times and due to the fact that you were all tied up during the raids, you were all killed. Not at the same place, but at different ones."
Darrel looked at Jesse. "What are you and the doc going to do?"
"Well, I have to report all this to my commander, but we'll settle things between us later…" Jesse smiled as Shannon rode up toward them.
Jimmy John smiled at him. "I hope you remember what I said…"
"I'll remember it, Jimmy John."
"You letting us go here?" Darrel looked around; they were in the middle of nowhere.
"Yeah…I am. You're free to go where you want. Only, if I were you, I'd change my names. Safer that way because I'm tell
ing them you are all dead. If you were to arrive with me in Waco, it might look funny. They'd want to know who you were. This way…no one but me and Mrs. Cutler will know."
"If I'm supposed to be dead, then I can be somebody else and have a new life?" Jimmy John asked.
"That's the idea…"
Jimmy John seemed a bit choked up by this news and Jesse smiled to himself. He felt good about this decision.
Still, he'd have to quit the Rangers. He couldn't be releasing all this prisoners. He couldn't let everyone see how soft he'd gone. No, it was time for him to look for a new life too.
Shannon was listening to all of this, but for once, she kept quiet and didn't interfere, after all, they were his prisoners. He could do as he saw fit. But deep down, she was glad of his decision.
"Won't they be mad that you came back empty-handed?" Jimmy John asked him.
"Not when they find out I've brought the money back. Shannon and I will go to Doan's Crossing and pick up that money. I've already got the money from the other job you pulled. And the Indians are not a lie, we've been attacked numerous times, and we did lose Wes, Elmer and Billy."
Jimmy John choked up a bit. "Ranger, you are one good man. Never thought I'd say that about a lawman."
"Thanks," Jesse stretched out his hand to them both.
"Take care of that little gal, Darrel." Jesse smiled and nodded to Susan.
"I plan on it." Darrel gave Susan a glance.
"Adios my friend…" Jimmy John said, nodding to the doc and whipping his horse about.
Shannon and Jesse sat their horses watching the three of them ride out into the beyond. Shannon swiped her eyes and turned her horse.
But Jesse shook his head. "We've got to go back to Doan's Crossing and get that money."
"Oh…of course…" Shannon turned around and rode beside him now, a peace settling over them, and a quiet that was strained.
It was all over in a moment and Shannon felt at a loss. She'd gotten used to traveling with them and going through so much with them. She felt a bit lonely and a bit nervous being alone with Jesse all of a sudden.
"Well," she tried to sound calm and collected. "I guess now all we have to do is let you report all of this to your superior and take care of our business."
Shotgun Bride (Book Six of the Brides of the West) Page 15