Claire nodded again. Eleana sighed and left the room. “I’ll always need you, El,” Claire whispered once Eleana was gone. She laid back down and closed her eyes, hoping a dreamless sleep would claim her.
***
March 4th
Alex woke early with Cassidy still in her arms. She closed her eyes in contentment and sighed.
“Not going for your run?” Cassidy asked.
“You’re awake?”
“Unfortunately,” Cassidy replied.
“Go back to sleep.”
Cassidy snuggled closer to Alex. “Thanks for letting me sleep,” she said.
“It wasn’t really that hard. Kenzie didn’t wake up at all—must be feeling better.”
“Ummm,” Cassidy sighed. Alex chuckled. “Why aren’t you going for your run?” Cassidy wondered, already guessing the reasons.
“Maybe I just want to be with you,” Alex said.
“Um-hum, or maybe your back is still bothering you.”
“I’m okay, Cass.”
“Alex…”
“The truth is, I’m not overly anxious to start this day,” Alex admitted.
Cassidy propped herself up on her elbow to regard Alex. “I’m sorry.”
Alex smiled at her wife. Cassidy never ceased to amaze her. “Sorry? What are you sorry for?”
“A lot of things.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Alex said flatly.
“Yes, I do, and I have been thinking about that a lot the last couple of days,” Cassidy said. Alex brushed an errant strand of hair from Cassidy’s eyes and listened as Cassidy continued. “I’ve been thinking about why he did it, why he left.” Cassidy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I say I can’t understand. I can’t. But, Alex…Part of me? Part of me does.”
“How so?”
“Fear makes people do things they never thought they would do,” Cassidy told Alex.
“I suppose that’s true,” Alex agreed. “You are thinking about Dylan, aren’t you?”
Cassidy sighed. “Funny thing about lies—you can always find a way to justify them.”
Alex looked at Cassidy sympathetically. “It’s not even in the same realm, Cass.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No,” Alex answered.
“But it is, Alex. It is in the same realm. Your love for me makes that harder for you to see,” Cassidy said. Alex opened her mouth to speak. Cassidy placed two fingers gently on Alex’s lips to silence her. “Please, hear me out,” Cassidy requested. “One day, we are going to have to tell Dylan the truth, we both know that. And, no matter how much he loves me, he is going to be disappointed in me and angry.”
“You don’t know that,” Alex said.
“Yes, love, I do. He had a right to know his father, Alex. John had that right too.”
“John understood, Cassidy and John agreed with the distance. You don’t have to take my word for that. Jane has told you that again and again.”
“Yes, but John and I are not Dylan.”
“Cassidy….”
“Alex, maybe Dylan won’t be as angry as he will be hurt. He will be hurt. That doesn’t mean he won’t love me, I know that too.”
“Cass, you are not your father.”
“No, I’m not. I can’t fathom what he’s done, and I am sure I don’t know even a fraction of it,” Cassidy said. She watched as Alex’s eyes cast downward. “I know he’s done things that will be hard for me to believe. He’s still my father.”
“Do you really think you can forgive him?” Alex asked.
“I don’t know,” Cassidy replied honestly. “But, I do know that I still love him. That’s something I can’t change no matter how angry I am.”
Alex reached out and traced the outline of Cassidy’s face with her fingertips. She looked into Cassidy’s eyes, awestruck by the woman beside her. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” she told Cassidy.
Cassidy smiled. Her eyes reflected the same admiration and love for Alex that Alex held for her. “Maybe you give me too much credit,” she said.
“No,” Alex answered definitively. She stretched to place a kiss on Cassidy’s lips. “I hear what you are saying,” Alex said. “Believe it or not, I do understand. Don’t underestimate Dylan. You’re right—he will be hurt,” Alex admitted. “But, I have a feeling it will likely be more because he will wish he could have known John more.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“No one’s fault, Cass. Sometimes, you do the best you can. Hindsight is always 20/20. You and John both chose the same path—for Dylan’s sake.”
“Yes, but also for our own,” Cassidy said. “We don’t get a free pass because you love us, Alex. John would tell you the same thing and we both know that.”
“I did love him. I do love you—more than anything. You can only go forward,” Alex said.
“I know.”
“Dylan will forgive you—if that’s what you are worried about. When he’s ready, we’ll tell him,” Alex said.
“No one is ever ready for that,” Cassidy replied.
Alex smiled. “I think Speed might surprise you.”
“How so?”
“He’s your son,” Alex observed.
“He’s our son,” Cassidy corrected Alex.
“Yes. He has your heart,” Alex said.
“See? I was right.”
“About what?” Alex asked.
“You. You give me too much credit,” Cassidy said. “I’ve told you before, Dylan got me. He chose you. Smart kid.”
“Takes after his Mom,” Alex replied.
“Mmm. In some ways, I guess he does.”
“We’ll get through this,” Alex promised.
“I know we will,” Cassidy said. “Not everyone is as fortunate as we are.”
“What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“We have each other. We have our mothers, our children. It doesn’t make it easier, Alex, but it does give us a place to land.”
“You’re thinking about Claire.”
“I can’t even imagine…”
“Cass, I’m not saying that I am unsympathetic, but…”
“I know, but you had to have seen something in her once,” Cassidy commented.
“That wasn’t anything. I was different then.”
Cassidy smiled and kissed Alex. “A player?” Cassidy teased. Alex groaned. “I’m teasing you,” Cassidy said as she placed another kiss on Alex’s lips. “Alex, you might not have been into commitment, I know you. You would never have been with someone unless you saw some spark in them.”
“Oh, there were lots of sparks in Brackett,” Alex quipped.
Cassidy covered her mouth. “I don’t want to know.” Cassidy felt Alex laughing and removed her hand. “You know what I meant.”
“Yeah, I do. But, you might be giving me a little more credit there than you should. You have no idea how much changed when I met you.”
“You didn’t change, Alex. You just learned to let go,” Cassidy said. “I have to ask you something.”
“What?” Alex started to grow concerned.
“Do you think it was an accident?”
“What?” Alex asked.
“Us?”
“You and me?” Alex was confused.
“No. All of us—finding each other,” Cassidy clarified her meaning. Alex sighed and pulled Cassidy back into her arms. Alex was silent for a few moments, contemplating Cassidy’s question. Suddenly, Cassidy felt Alex chuckle. “What’s funny?”
“Nothing. I was just thinking that you would have made a hell of an agent.”
“No, thank you,” Cassidy replied flatly.
Alex took a moment. It was true. Cassidy was Alex’s equal in every way. She was intelligent, discerning, intuitive, and even athletic. Alex had come to understand that what made her fall so deeply in love with Cassidy had been the parts of her wife that Alex still found herself in awe of. Cassidy would never have chosen Alex’s career. Where Alex ne
eded to fix things, Cassidy needed to understand them. Alex often felt inclined to punish people for their actions. Cassidy sought to forgive them. Alex marveled at all of it. She was positive she always would. It didn’t surprise her to know that Cassidy had been considering all of the possibilities Alex had. Alex suspected that Cassidy had surmised more in the last few days than either Eleana or Jonathan had yet to. It was true. Cassidy would have made an incredible agent. Alex was thankful that her wife had never chosen that path. She kissed Cassidy’s head and savored the feel of Cassidy in her arms.
“Do you?” Cassidy asked again. “Think it was all coincidence?”
“No, I don’t,” Alex replied honestly. “I don’t know that it was planned either, at least, not all of it,” Alex said. “I’m sure no one thought you would fall in love with me,” she laughed.
“They aren’t as smart as they think,” Cassidy joked.
“No, they aren’t,” Alex agreed.
“Alex….What did they do to Claire?” Cassidy asked.
Alex sucked in a ragged breath. She didn’t have that answer, but she did have some ideas. “I don’t know.”
“But, you have some suspicions, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Alex admitted.
“You weren’t kidding yesterday, were you?”
“About?”
“About them messing with people’s minds,” Cassidy said.
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Alex…”
“I’ll figure it out, Cass.”
“Will any of that help any of us now? Will it help Claire?”
Alex shifted lower on the bed and looked at Cassidy. “I don’t know. I do know Claire has to want to…”
“Change?” Cassidy interjected.
“Help herself,” Alex said.
“Mmm. Maybe so, but maybe we should help her along the way.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Alex cautioned.
“Hope is about the only thing I have right now, Alex.”
Alex nodded. “Edmond will be here in a few hours.”
“I know.”
“Do you want to be there? When your father tells us? I know you said you needed time…”
“I do. But, that isn’t always a luxury we have. I need to know. I can’t handle any more secrets.” Alex nodded and pulled Cassidy closer. “You okay?” Cassidy asked.
“I will be when you are.”
“I’m okay. I just want it over—all of it.”
“You’re going to tell your mom, aren’t you?” Alex guessed.
“No,” Cassidy answered. “He is.”
Chapter Fifteen
Edmond had arrived just before noon. The tension in Alex’s mother’s home was so thick, Cassidy thought it would suffocate them all.
“You ready?” Alex asked.
“I’ll be right there,” Cassidy said. She kissed Alex’s cheek.
Alex watched Cassidy walk away carrying Mackenzie and telling some story along the way. Mackenzie was giggling at Cassidy, smiling brightly, and twirling Cassidy’s hair between her fingers. Alex kept watching, smiling broadly.
“How is Cassidy?” Edmond asked as he came up beside Alex.
“She’s all right,” Alex told him.
“I can’t believe it myself. I swear, I thought if this ghost existed it would be your father,” Edmond said.
“I know. It’s not your fault, Edmond.”
“Perhaps not, but I have many things to atone for.”
“We all do,” Alex said.
“Will Cassidy be joining us?” he wondered.
“Yes, she will. She has a right to…”
“She has every right,” he agreed.
“She’s…”
Alex smiled at the man beside her. She liked Edmond Callier. He stood in contrast to her father and Cassidy’s. She guessed that he had been a part of many things that she would disagree with, but she saw Edmond as a man of conscience. Her mother liked him. Cassidy liked him. That elevated the man in Alex’s eyes.
“She’s checking on the patient,” Alex said.
“Claire?” Edmond asked in surprise. “I would have thought Claire Brackett would be someone Cassidy would want to avoid.”
Alex nodded. “You don’t know Cass,” she told him. “Come on,” she gently prodded Edmond. “I need some more coffee before we do this.”
***
Cassidy stepped into the doorway of Claire’s room just as Claire was trying to get out of the bed. “Should you be doing that?” Cassidy lifted an eyebrow.
“Unless she wants to share her diapers,” Claire pointed to Mackenzie, “yes.”
Cassidy chuckled. Claire could barely stand on her ankle and Cassidy moved quickly to help her. “Let me help you,” Cassidy said. Claire huffed. “God!” Cassidy commented in exasperation. “You are as stubborn as Alex. Sit down for a second and let me put Kenzie down. I’ll help you.”
Claire hung her head in defeat. Cassidy disappeared from the room. Claire started mumbling to herself, frustrated by her physical limitations, the need for anyone’s help, her current surroundings, and life in general. “Fuck. This fucking sucks. Asshole. Just….”
“Feel better?” Cassidy asked as she entered the room again.
“No,” Claire said.
Cassidy laughed. “Come on, I will help you hobble to the bathroom.”
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Claire asked suspiciously.
“A little,” Cassidy admitted.
Claire chuckled as Cassidy led her to the bathroom door. “I can do the rest myself,” Claire said.
“I’m happy for you,” Cassidy quipped.
Claire chuckled again and shut the door. Cassidy waited for the younger woman to emerge again. She heard a small crash followed by a loud, “Ow!” Cassidy opened the door. She shook her head. Claire’s sweat pants were around her ankles. Claire was on the floor in a position that Cassidy thought slightly resembled a pretzel.
“Don’t say it,” Claire warned.
Cassidy bit her lip to keep from laughing. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to examine the tile. You can tell a lot about a person by their tile.”
Cassidy laughed and helped Claire to her feet. She guided Claire back to the bed silently. “Claire?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to come downstairs with us?”
“What?”
“Edmond is here. My father, well, Alex is expecting some answers,” Cassidy explained.
“Did you clear this idea with Mr. Brady?” Claire asked.
“You have as much right to be there as anyone,” Cassidy said.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“This. Me. This,” Claire said. “Why?”
Cassidy pursed her lips and nodded. “I don’t like a lot of things you have done,” Cassidy said bluntly. “I don’t like that you had a hand in hurting Alex. And, frankly? Your relationship with Chris perplexes me.”
Claire chuckled. “Congressman Viagra was a tool,” she said.
Cassidy’s eyes flew open. “What did you call him?” she couldn’t help but smirk at Claire’s colorful description of her ex-husband.
Claire shrugged. “I don’t lie as much as people think. I tend to tell it like I see it, and they prefer to see that as a lie.” Cassidy considered the statement. “You have no reason to trust me,” Claire said. “You have less reason to like me.”
“Do you care what I think?” Cassidy asked.
Claire started to reply with a resounding ‘no’ and stopped. She looked at Cassidy and shook her head. Claire closed her eyes. For some reason, she did care what Cassidy thought and that infuriated her.
Cassidy watched Claire, wondering what she might be thinking. Earlier, Cassidy had found Eleana in the kitchen looking more than a bit sullen. Cassidy adored Eleana. She had from the moment she met the young agent. Often, Cassidy mused that Eleana needed to consider a change in profession. Cassidy had
seen the toll that Alex’s work took on her. She’d witnessed it in Jonathan Krause. Neither Alex nor Jonathan was as hard as most people thought. Eleana was soft, not weak—soft. Cassidy felt for the young woman. It had been difficult for Cassidy to imagine Eleana with Claire Brackett. But, she had seen firsthand the affection that lingered between them, even if she was sure that Eleana had fallen in love with Jonathan.
Cassidy had approached the younger woman that morning and placed a comforting hand on Eleana’s shoulder. Eleana had met Cassidy’s eyes with sadness. She confided in Cassidy that she was heartbroken about Claire and that she could not understand why Claire had pushed her away the previous evening. Claire had been alone, and Eleana felt an incredible sense of pain and guilt that she could not help.
Cassidy looked at Claire and sighed. She decided to answer with a question of her own. “Why did you send Eleana away last night?” she asked Claire. She had an idea what the reason was, but she wanted to hear Claire voice it.
Claire opened her eyes and looked at Cassidy. “It was the right thing to do.”
“It hurt her,” Cassidy said.
“Not as much as staying could have,” Claire replied.
“I see.”
“You think I wanted to hurt her?”
“Did you?” Cassidy challenged.
“No,” Claire’s voice dropped. “I want her to be happy.” Cassidy nodded. “People don’t change,” Claire whispered sadly.
“Would you have done the same thing a year ago?” Cassidy replied with another question.
“Huh?
“Would you have sent Eleana away a year ago if she had come to you that way?”
“Probably not,” Claire answered.
“There’s your answer.”
“To?”
“To whether or not people can change, and to why I am standing here,” Cassidy said.
***
Cassidy entered the study with Mackenzie in her arms. Alex took their daughter and placed her in a small play area that she had set up.
“I thought I’d see Claire with you,” Alex commented.
Cassidy shrugged. It did not surprise her that Alex had expected she would invite Claire. “She passed. I don’t think she’s up to this just yet.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed in questioning. “Do I need to call Jen?”
“No.”
“What did she say?” Alex asked.
Conspiracy (Alex and Cassidy Book 4) Page 26