by Ashley Logan
"No! I never do sex without condom! - Until now. But I won't have baby." Rolling my arm over, I show him the site of my contraceptive implant.
"We safe," I added, my tension easing. "I worry you say 'oh fuck', but is okay. Is okay."
Nikolai relaxed beside me and I snuggled into his shoulder. Linking his fingers between mine, he brought my hand to his lips.
"No condom is different," I said quietly, looking up at him from under my lashes. "Is more good. Inside."
He smiled against the back of my hand and then kissed it again. "So, so good Natascha," he agreed, turning my hand in his and kissing my palm and then my wrist. "Messy too. May I carry you to the shower?"
Trying to summon my legs, I gave up when they trembled pathetically and refused to obey.
"You will need to. My legs are not working. Am definitely broken."
Grinning, he swung his legs off the bed, pulled up his jeans and scooped me up. "I will be extra gentle next time."
Resting my cheek to his chest, I looked up at him. "Tomorrow, yes. But day after that, you will take me good. Yes?"
His grip tightened around me. "I'm beginning to think you like flirting with danger Natascha."
"I like flirting with you, so is maybe true. Yes? Or maybe I like a lot of things and you will find out all about them."
He stared at me, hunger growing in his eyes.
"Tomorrow," I reminded him.
Grunting his agreement, he carried me to the bathroom door and gave me a look as he reached for the handle.
"Yes. We be quiet in shower. I understand. Bathroom not our friend."
With tension in his shoulders, he nodded and took a deep breath before turning the knob. I found myself preparing in the same way.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I lay in his arms, but neither of us slept. The tiredness that I'd felt before we came together had long since evaporated and I didn't know if Nikolai was tired, but he was definitely not asleep. I could feel the tension rolling off him.
"You worry about loving me Niko."
His protective arms pulled me closer. "Yes."
Nodding to myself, I sighed softly.
"I worry about loving you too."
"You do?"
"Yes," I admitted quietly. "I worry that a prisoner should not love the man who keeps her. I worry that you will think I pretend to love you just to buy my freedom. I worry about things outside the door and that I have not enough time with you, or any time at all. I worry about you trying not to love me. And I worry that you'll change your mind."
He kissed the back of my hair and re-settled before he spoke.
"I worry about the same things and more. I worry that my loving you will be problematic for other things I'm trying to achieve. I'm worried that I want to spend all my time as your Niko, because being loved feels so good I don't want it to end. I'm being selfish and reckless and I can't afford to be."
"Loving me is selfish?" I asked, feeling my eyebrows draw down. "It does not seem selfish to give part of yourself away to make someone else happy."
"It's selfish because I'm putting my own needs in front of more important things."
"And my needs?"
There was a long pause before he answered with a drawn-out exhale. "Yes."
"What are these important things on the Moskva-Liis?"
He shook his head and it felt as if he was nuzzling into my hair.
"Sorry. It's selfish again to put any of this on you. All you need to know is that outside that door I must be Pachenko. The less I'm him, the more risk there is to us both. I should never have told you my name. I've been fighting my feelings for you since I found you in my room. I should have fought harder, but..."
"Love?" I suggested. "She is a strong feeling that I have been fighting too. It does not matter what name you have - even without your name, I saw you Niko. Inside you are not Pachenko and that part needs love to survive. Is the same for me. I am nothing to anybody outside this cabin, but in here you see me truly and give me love. I need that as much as you do to feel... still myself. People say love is blind, but I am thinking love is maybe sight."
Nikolai pulled me closer still.
"You're a very insightful woman."
"Insightful?"
"You know truths."
"Oh. Maybe," I agreed with a shrug that was restricted by his arms. "I cannot read minds like you, but I know that you are feeling more relaxed now that you have been talking with me and I am pleased. I will help you be Pachenko outside, and remember you are Niko inside. I am understanding the situation."
Wriggling against him, I loosened his grip enough to roll over and face him. "Is okay. I am good at pretending too. We will not get lost if we play other people, because we will find each other here." Pressing my lips to his, I ran my fingers over his warm skin, feeling his body relax even more under my touch.
"You're a very understanding woman too," he said with a smile as I withdrew to rest my head on the pillow.
"Mm. And a sleepy woman," I mumbled, nestling back into his chest as I closed my eyes. "And a curious one," I added with a grin as my leg couldn't resist wrapping around his. Without his jeans, he was a whole new world of glorious muscles and I couldn't keep from wanting to explore them. Moaning, he rolled onto his back.
"If I had not been here, would you have been sleeping in your jeans?"
"Never," he uttered with an intake of breath as I stroked his thigh.
"You like to sleep naked?" I asked, my fingers lightly creeping upward to cup his balls at the base of his growing erection. They tightened, drawing upward in my hand.
Pressing his head back into the pillow, he nodded and his eyes closed as he pinned his bottom lip with his teeth.
"I like to sleep naked too," I whispered as I appreciated the velvety skin of his swollen dick before moving on to trace the lines of his rigid stomach and the solid curve of his pectorals. His muscles were firm with tight nipples and mine responded similarly to the sight.
My fingers tip-toed up his taut throat and over his Adam's apple as it bobbed beneath. His jawline was tight and his eyes remained shut. He was restraining himself again. I lifted my fingers. "I am teasing."
"You are." His voice was shaky, but not annoyed.
"I should stop?"
He shook his head. "Please don't. I won't do anything, or expect anything. I just love you touching me," he said in a rush. "Unless you want to stop. Then of course, you should." Frowning, he shook his head again and seized my fingers in his own, pressing them to his chest and rendering them useless. "We should sleep."
Prying my fingers free, I cuddled in closer and rested my forehead to the side of his head as he stared at the ceiling. Twining my fingers into his cropped curls, I kissed the side of his face.
"Is not selfish to want love," I whispered against his cheek. "Is human. I want to touch you while we sleep. Is okay?" I lightly massaged his scalp as I nestled against his side.
The tension drained right out of him and his own fingers gently doodled on my skin. Tilting his head, he kissed my temple and resettled with a relaxed sigh.
"Is good," he replied softly, mimicking my lazy English.
WE ATE BREAKFAST TOGETHER. It was strange to share fruit and bread with the man. He'd always left food for me and disappeared all day. I'd never seen him eat and it was fascinating.
"Why do you keep looking at my mouth?" he asked, running his tongue over his teeth as he frowned.
"Is nothing in your teeth, Niko. They are just nice teeth and you are making smiles at me when you are eating. Makes me feel warm like when your eyes are on me."
Focusing his steamy gaze on me now, he smiled again.
"Yes." I nodded, feeling my cheeks heating. "Like that."
"You are very distracting, Natascha," he mused. "I've never taken so long to eat in my life. I think I'm procrastinating. I don't want to leave you."
"But you will, or Pachenko cannot live," I replied with a shrug. "I have been thinking that you sho
uld teach me some Russian."
"I don't want to talk to you in Russian," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
"You do not want me to know the things you say under your breath? I can imagine the things you say already Niko," I informed him with a giggle.
Scrubbing the backs of his fingers down his cheeks, he smiled and shook his head. "You are meant to imagine those." He shook his head again with more certainty. "No Russian. I don't want to speak to you in his voice."
Chewing my crust of bread slowly, I studied his face. "Is it not difficult to go from one to the other? Do you not speak English outside by accident?"
"Not often," he said, the crease between his brows deepening. "They know that I can, so it's not too surprising, but I still try not to. It's dangerous for you."
"Why?"
His jaw flexed. "You're intended for American men. If you speak English, they'll pay more and you'll be used more often."
"Oh." Lowering the last of my bread, I set it aside.
"I didn't mean to put you off your food, Natascha. Nobody will get you. I'll make sure of that."
Nodding, I kept my eyes low. "But maybe you should teach me the Russian words I should know, if you are meant to have been using me all this time. If I am caught, I will not understand what I should and they will know I am not..." I struggled to find the right words for being broken in.
"Not going to happen," he said firmly, then sighed. "If on the slightest chance you are taken from me, say nothing and do what you think is right. I'll get you back."
I looked up at the tone of his voice. His eyes were boring into me. "I'll keep you safe Natascha."
"What if you can't?" I asked without emotion. "You said you will not be there when I must move. What if I am caught then?"
"I'll be right behind you and I will kill anyone who lays a finger on you," he ground out between his teeth, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the arms of the chair. "Do you understand?"
"I understand." Swallowing with some difficulty, I reached for my water. "I will be hoping not to meet anybody on my way out." Another thought struck me.
"Except other girls. We must take other girls."
He didn't answer and I sat up straighter.
"We have to. It is not right."
His eyes closed and he took a calming breath. "We'll do what we can. We can do no more than that."
"We can do it," I said firmly, watching his face for a reaction. There was none.
He opened his eyes and looked at me a long time before speaking.
"Not all of them are strong like you. Many have been broken. They'll fight escape, fearing punishment if they're caught."
"We must try."
"We will," he said softly. "But don't feel at fault if we do not succeed. There are forces working against us."
Resting back on my haunches, I drank away the lump in my throat.
"Teach me the way, and the words I might need. If they are not strong enough, I will be strong for them."
Watching me a moment, Nikolai gave a solemn nod. "Your passion is one thing about you that does not surprise me," he said, releasing a deep breath as he pushed up out of the chair. "We will train for this when I return. Yes?"
"Yes," I agreed as I handed him his jacket. He slid into it, pulled his hat down over his dark tufts and drew up his shoulders with a steeling breath. His eyebrow raised to me in question and I nodded.
"Goodbye Pachenko. Go feel good about hurting bad men."
Suppressing a small smile, he checked his gun before replacing it in the small of his back and reaching for the first lock. Pausing a moment, he cricked his neck in both directions and left without another word, leaving me alone behind two locks.
THE LOCKS QUIETLY TURNED and he came through the door. It must have been earlier than usual, because the noise level outside the door implied the hallway was busy. Shutting it quickly behind him, he glanced at me. There was immediate interest in his gaze, but he quickly reined it in and carried on with his usual disrobing of Pachenko's clothes and posture. He went to the bathroom to splash water on his face, and returned, towel still in hand to kiss me hello.
A real kiss.
One that said, 'I've been waiting to do that all day and seeing you in that little black skirt is speaking directly to my cock'. It was so good, but also, strangely, disgusting.
"Mm," I mumbled, fighting him off. "Niko, you stink."
Sniffing himself, he rubbed at the greasy smear down the back of his arm. "There was a problem in the engine room."
"You fix engines?"
One eyebrow shifted slightly and his eyes skirted away. "Not an engine problem."
"Oh." Running my eyes over him to check for battle scars, I found none, but he must have worn his tank top during the fight; more dirty marks streaked his skin and the fabric. It made him look sexy as sin, but the sharp, combustible tang of fuels rankled my nose. "You should shower."
"Now or after?" he said with a grin, coming in for another kiss. "Your eyes say after."
I fought him off again. "My nose says now. And my clothes say now. Don't get that stuff on me!" I warned, pushing him away and checking my tank was still clean before smoothing down my floaty skirt.
Laughing, he swatted me with the towel he was holding before throwing it at me and pulling off his tank. "You dancing in that sexy little thing today?"
"Yes."
Snatching the towel out of my way, I watched him with interest as he toed off his boots and shed his socks. "Not shy anymore?" I asked as he began unbuttoning his jeans.
"Wasn't shy before," he said, shoving them to the floor and stepping proudly out of them. "Just had to pretend I was decent," he added, a wicked sparkle gleaming in his eye. A shiver of anticipation ran through me.
Grabbing his clothes, he shoved them in the laundry sack and turned the shower on, grinning at me as he began shutting the bathroom door. "Won't be long," he said in a husky whisper that sent another tingle down my spine.
My mind ran wild with what he might do once he got out of the bathroom, and the only thing I could do to keep somewhat calm, was to take some control. I shimmied out of my underwear and removed my bra, tossing both out of sight. I contemplated removing my top too, but decided that I'd like him to peel it off me instead.
Shaking my hair loose, I jumped onto the bed and readied to launch myself at him as soon as the bathroom door opened. I waited several of the longest moments known to mankind, but was too restless to keep standing there waiting, so I swung on the pipes to keep myself occupied.
The bathroom door opened and I swung straight into him, wrapping my legs around his waist as his towel dropped to the floor.
Momentarily stunned, his eyes took me in as his hands traveled down my sides, under my skirt and grasped my naked ass.
"This works," he muttered, reaching to close the bathroom door before kissing me hard.
I whimpered in his mouth and hung on for dear life as he shifted hard against me. His hands slid under my top and he hungrily swallowed my next gasp as he thumbed my nipples.
"Mm," he moaned, his lips breaking free. His eyes traveled up to my grip on the pipe. "Hold on," he whispered, tugging my tank top up to my neck and taking one nipple in his hotter than hell mouth.
My thighs tightened around him and I shamelessly rubbed myself against his hard body, desperate for friction as he teased each breast in turn at the same time as his hands were gliding over every inch of my skin and through my hair.
His ready cock was warm and smooth beneath me and I did everything I could to get lower, but his grip prevented me from doing anything but generously greasing his erection. Even that felt good though, and I couldn't keep still as his lips worked their way up my chest. Pushing my top up ahead of him, Niko flicked his skillful tongue over the hollow at the base of my neck and kept climbing. His kisses covered my throat and then my jaw before finding my lips once again.
I rocked into him, sliding along his ready heat each time and loving it.
"Tell me what you want Natascha," he whispered as he broke away from my mouth with a groan. "Hard, soft, slow fast. This way," he moaned, pulling me closer to him. "Or from behind. So many things I want to do, that I can't think straight. Tell me what you want."
"I want it all," I said, sighing with pleasure as he sucked my nipple back into his mouth. "This way first. Fast. Then from behind. Slower, but deep. Then this way again. Hard. Soft. I don't know. Do it all Niko. I want it. Want you."
"You've got me," he grunted shifting slightly to angle himself upward.
I slid onto him in a rush, taking both of our breaths away.
"Your arms will be tired. Put them over my head," he said, adjusting the arm he had barred across my back to keep me pinned in place against him.
I gratefully draped them around his shoulders as his hands found purchase on my ass and began moving me up and down his length slowly. I bit down on a moan as he picked up the pace, but hoarse whispers still managed to escape me. "Yes."
He liked the pace too, I could tell, but as his breathing became more and more rapid, he eased off.
I didn't want him too.
I wanted him to pull out even less, but that's what he did, lifting me off his shaft. I was about to dispute it, but after taking a brief moment to compose himself, he looked up.
"Grab the pipe Natascha."
I did so and he disentangled himself from my legs and moved behind me. The heat of him against my back was thrilling and as he lifted my hips, he angled them slightly and slid straight back inside me. Deep inside me.
Moaning, I twisted in his hands, feeling the most amazing stretch as he held me flush to him.
"Hold tight," he warned as he began to move slowly in and out of me, grunting his approval as he sank deeply each time. Burying himself fully inside me, he brought one hand around the front and began milling my clit.
I clenched him inside and he stalled as his breathing hitched.
"More," he demanded. Resuming the pressure on my clit as he eased himself back before sinking deep again.