by Ashley Logan
"Let's play now."
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Nikolai was good at poker. Better than me. I loved it when he let me win a hand, but enjoyed it just as much when he won. Each hand saw new stakes raised. He found out everything I liked and many of these requests aligned well with his preferences. It was hot, and fun, and utterly distracting from the events that lay ahead of us. After several, drawn out hands, we'd both won more times than I'd have thought possible, and we lay entangled on the bed, sweaty, naked and spent.
"I did not think I would sleep, but I cannot keep my eyes open," I mumbled against his chest. My mouth was too tired to form words properly and the steady drum of his heart had me lulled into a deeply relaxed state.
His gentle fingers swirled over my back in a repetitive motion, taking me deeper into my blissful state.
"You belong in my arms," he whispered, sounding on the cusp of sleep himself.
"Yes," I agreed. "If I could stay here forever, I would."
"That would be so nice."
Frowning, I struggled to open my eyes and lift my head enough to see his face.
"Do you think we will feel differently when we escape the Moskva-Liis?"
Encouraging me to lie back down, he made little shushing noises as he'd done in the past to soothe me.
"Not tonight, Natascha. No imagining anything but this; right here, right now. Just be with me."
His fingers stroked my skin, easing away any thoughts that weren't of us curled up together, but at the edge of my mind, there was a darkness looming.
I didn't want to think of what the next day would bring. Or the next week. But I couldn't keep the sharp needles of doubt and fear from prickling my carefully architected system of denial.
"You are not sleeping, Natascha. Does my beautiful singing ballerina need a lullaby?"
I puffed a little snort of amusement. "You are taking requests?"
His belly shook me a little as he laughed quietly. "No requests. I don't sing well. You take what I can give you, or nothing at all."
"Are we still talking about songs?" I asked, frowning again.
"I'd give you the world if it were mine to give, Natascha. Close your eyes and know that I love you." Kissing my head, he relaxed back into the mattress and began to hum.
The rich vibrations rumbled through me and I sank into them, allowing myself to believe his words. The calm that descended upon me was as heartening as it was unexpected and I snuggled into him, letting myself drift with the warmth of his deep drone.
The song was vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn't think to place it. Heavy like lead, I let myself imagine instead that I was sinking into, and merging with the man beneath me. His cells made way for mine to nestle in between, where I'd stay part of him forever.
I WOKE WHEN HE SHIFTED out from underneath me.
"Keep sleeping," he whispered in my ear as he kissed me. "I'm just having a shower."
Mumbling in agreement, I rolled into his warm spot. Squinting at the brightness of the bathroom light as he switched it on, I pulled the blanket higher to block it and fell easily back into the forgiving abyss of sleep.
When I woke again, it was with a start.
"Easy," he soothed, his big hand coming to rest on my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You were dreaming."
Reaching up to my face, I ground my eyes with my palms and nodded as flashes of huge ocean waves receded from my mind. Exhaling slowly, I looked about the cabin.
"What time is it?"
It was a strange question to ask. Not once had an actual, hours and minutes time been meaningful on the Moskva-Liis.
But today was different.
"Mid-morning," he said checking his watch with a frown. "Almost eleven. I need to go out for a while."
I know what I must have looked like when he said that. It was reflected in his response - the softening of his eyes and the gentle touch that firmed to make me feel more secure.
"I'll be back within the hour, I promise."
Nodding, I gripped the edge of the blanket.
"And the weather?"
"Presently calm. The forecast was for low winds and early cloud giving way to sun in the late afternoon. I'll check it again and let you know what the next three days hold, but you won't need to know that far ahead. They'll find you by then."
I squeezed the blanket tighter, my nails digging into my palms despite the padding.
"Who?"
"The Americans - the good ones," he clarified, his eyes drawn to my blanched knuckles. He ran his thumb over them and I eased my grip. "Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. They'll probably get to you before morning."
"How?"
"I'll sort it," he assured me. "They might be in a helicopter or a boat, so don't be afraid of either."
Easier said than done when I didn't know who to trust, or how to tell the difference between good men and bad men when they could look like one and the same. I sought answers in the face of the man I often felt I could trust more than myself.
"You said the bad ones have helicopters. And I'm on their boat. They have these things."
Running a hand through his hair, he took his hat from the desk and pulled it on.
"I did say that, but their helicopters won't be working, because I'm going to break them. There'll be no chasing and no escaping for them. Okay?"
"Okay," I repeated, staring at him.
He wrinkled his nose. "You don't seem convinced."
"Who are you?"
Chuckling, he leaned in to kiss my lips. "Considering the night I just spent with you, I'd have to say I'm the luckiest man in the world." Leaning in closer, he ran his nose up my neck and into my hair, inhaling all the way. Moaning, he stood back up and shrugged into Pachenko's jacket.
"You should shower," he said with a grumble. "Remember to use my boring soap to wash every beautiful Natascha smell from your skin. You'll have to scrub yourself several times over. No intoxicating creams or potions after. Just plain and simple. Easy to overlook."
Coming in close he pulled me to him, burying his face in my neck as if absorbing every hint of my fragrance. With a low moan, he clutched me even closer.
"Cannot... breathe," I choked out and his arms loosened immediately.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Just taking my fill of goodness before it's gone."
The strength of his hold and the intensity of his behavior was unsettling and I wondered if he was committing more than my smell to memory, and what that meant.
"You are coming back... yes?" Grabbing the collar of his jacket as he made to pull away, I studied his beautiful eyes for signs of deception.
"Of course," he replied, his eyes soft and truthful. "You shower as thoroughly as I said and I'll be back before you know it. Probably before you get out of the bathroom."
I nodded slowly and let go of his jacket.
He glanced at the door, then back at me and sighed. "I need your help."
"You do?"
Rubbing his face with both hands, he groaned. "I'm feeling too many caring feelings to go out the door. Can you maybe slap me or something? Call me some names. Make me be a surly bastard ready to threaten or kill people at the drop of a hat."
Watching him carefully a moment, I stood up and kissed him. "I am sorry for what I do."
Slapping him hard across the face, I pushed him away.
"Go fight your comrades and hurt your slave girls. The more they hate you, the more you love it. You are monster like father. You make him proud every day on the Moskva-Liis. You are more monster than he ever was. The son born to be king of the monsters. Is why they give you perfect job. You love to kill and they like to watch with their clean hands. You are slave to them and the more you hate it, the more they love. We are all slaves. Go and make them pay."
His shoulders rose and fell with his rapid breath as he stared at me. Fists clenched at his side, he turned smartly and faced the door instead, his shoulders growing broader by the second. Checking his gun, he tucked
it away, cricked his neck and unlocked the door.
I caught a glimpse of the silhouette of a man walking by in the corridor outside before Pachenko shoved him out of the way and shut the door, locking it twice.
Definitely behaving like Pachenko.
Satisfied, I headed for the bathroom to begin my transformation.
Today, I would say goodbye to Natascha Rebane.
PACHENKO RETURNED AND I stayed out of his way until he became his more gentle self.
Nikolai patted his face dry and regarded me carefully and gave me his nod of approval. I'd braided my hair tightly and had it firmly restrained close to my head to keep it from falling out and becoming a problem. I was in one layer of clothes and the rest lay waiting on the desk next to the food and water he'd arrived back with.
He passed me an apple and I pressed my fingers into its skin knowing it would be floury. I couldn't wait to eat something different. Something hot and freshly cooked. Onion pie maybe.
My mouth started watering, but my expression must have soured as I took the apple to my lips.
"I know it's been hard - for so many reasons," he added quickly. "But it'll be over soon. Like a bad dream."
Chewing, I felt my brows drawing downward.
"Was not all bad, this dream."
Snorting, he shook his head and averted his eyes. "Of course not. You always dreamed of falling in love with a killer. What girl doesn't?"
Taking one of the knives from the desk, he inadvertently displayed his lethal prowess as he absently played with it and turned back to me. His eyes ran over my body as if searching for something before lingering on my hair.
"How many elastics do you have?"
"How many what?"
He gestured to my hair. "The stretchy things you tie your hair with. You'll need to hold your knife somewhere - maybe strapped to your leg or your forearm. We'll try both and see which works best for ease of access," he said, all business. "I have tape, but something with a little give is better for this. Easier to pull a knife from, or put one back into. You may need it more than once. Tape is no good. How many do you have?"
Staring at him a moment, I sent a few strong thoughts to my shaky legs and went to retrieve every hair-tie and rubber band I could find. I put the collection on the desk and Nikolai promptly began fitting them around my arm and then my leg.
The following hours were full of lessons on how to defend myself with a knife; where to stick it into a person in order to kill, or at the very least maim them, and how to quickly silence someone who might alert others to my escape.
It was gruesome.
Nikolai assured me that I'd be unlikely to have to use my new-found skills, but that it was best to learn and practice the movements so they'd be a natural response. A quick response, he informed me, could be the difference between life and death. He spoke the words as if he'd lived them.
"Are you teaching the other girls these things?"
"No need," he said, taking a drink of water.
Raising my eyebrows in question, I waited for him to expand.
"They are now held very near to our favorite lifeboat and I can just take out their guards when it's time to go. My keeping you here makes your escape more dangerous than theirs and I'm sorry about it, but at the same time, I'm not sorry at all to have kept you with me."
"I'm not sorry either," I agreed. "I will be okay."
I tried to sound more confident than I was and he gave me a knowing smile.
"It's good to be scared, Natascha. It will help to keep you safe." He pulled some duct tape from one of the desk drawers and set it on top. "And I'll clear your path as much as I can."
It was meant to be comforting, but I didn't exactly like the sound of it.
"Wh-what is the distraction you are making?"
Shrugging, he checked his gun and the knife he'd strapped to his own leg.
"A little argument among men."
Watching him, I took a deep breath and released it slowly.
"You mean a big fight."
Shrugging again, he arranged and re-arranged the food on the desk and handed me a chocolate bar.
"It's been brewing for a while. I'll just provoke it a little and watch each side jump into the fray. While they're busy, I'll come after you."
"What if you are too involved? Or... hurt," I asked quietly.
Frowning at me, he looked down at himself.
"You don't think I can take care of myself? Eat your chocolate. I know you're not feeling hungry, but you'll need the energy."
Saying nothing, I opened the chocolate wrapper and broke a piece off.
I didn't want to think about it, but all I could picture was a wildlife documentary where wolves worked together to bring down even the biggest prey.
Crouching in front of me, Nikolai took the half-melted piece of chocolate from my fingers and popped it into my slack-jawed mouth, snapping me out of my daze. I met his eyes.
"I will be fine," he assured me as I sucked away the sweetness on my tongue. "You are beautiful to worry, but I'm a trained killer and I've been looking after myself since I was twelve. I won't let you down."
Holding my eyes with his, he lifted my fingers to his mouth and sucked the chocolate from them. I shifted, uncomfortable under the growing heat of his gaze. Parts of me that had been thoroughly worked over the night before started preparing themselves for more action.
"You are making me want you," I whispered, still trapped in his gaze.
"We are even then, yes?" he whispered back before sealing my mouth with his.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
It was time.
"You want to go over the plan again?" he asked, his fingers running over my outfit, tucking here and testing there.
"No."
My voice was no louder than a whisper.
"You can move properly?" he asked, for possibly the eighth time as he tugged at my layers of leggings.
"Yes."
Nodding, he avoided my eyes by checking and rechecking his gun. He was delaying.
"Vodka," I whispered. I'd meant it as a suggestion, but it came out as a demand; the way a surgeon might request tools from an assisting nurse.
Like a well-trained handmaid, Nikolai reached into his breast pocket to retrieve his flask and I let out a nervous giggle.
His eyes met mine and his eyebrow raised a mere trifle.
I shook my head. "A silly thought. I should have added a please when I say vodka. I love you."
Pausing as he offered me the vodka, he took a sip himself before passing it over.
"I love you too Natascha. I wish we'd met under very different circumstances."
"Me too.'" Taking two big gulps of vodka, I forced myself to stop. "Perhaps in your mysterious city for hiding. We could have hidden there forever."
He smiled gently. "I would've liked that. You'd have been my queen in the city of queens. My light in the city of lights."
Brushing at my cheek, I sniffed at the sight of the dark smudgings on my fingertips and wiped them off on my leggings. Leave no trace if it can be helped.
"You say sweet things to me, Niko. Is not fair to make a ninja cry."
Chuckling, he squeezed my shoulder and leaned in to kiss my head. "I'm sorry. You're ready?"
No. How could I be ready for such a thing?
"Yes. Am ready." I said as bravely as I could.
"Okay," he said with a sigh as he stepped back and cricked his neck. "You stay hidden, you run fast and you kill whoever stops you. Be safe, Natascha."
"And you, my love."
I squeezed his hand and waited as he unlocked the door. His shoulders grew wide and firm and he took a deep breath before opening the door and looking about the hall. His body tensed even more and behind his back, he gestured to me the hand signal meaning 'stop'.
He said something in a friendly tone and another man responded. Relaxing his body slightly, he leaned casually against his door as I stood hidden behind it. Their conversation continued and to my s
hock and horror, Pachenko invited the man in.
As soon as he closed the door, I was exposed and the man stared at me in surprise before turning back to Pachenko with a question on his lips.
It was cut short when a blow to his face sent him crashing against the wall. Bent over and holding his face, the man started to recover, but Pachenko kicked him in the gut hard enough to lift him off the floor, where he then fell like a sack of potatoes.
A sack of potatoes that had been split open.
Grabbing the tape from the desk, Pachenko gagged and bound the man.
"You will not just kill him?" I asked, surprised at the care he took to make sure the man was still able to breathe.
"I need him," he replied, setting the tape back on the desk and hauling the man to the side of the cabin so he was out of the way of the door. He washed his hands in the bathroom and came back to stand next to me at the door.
"Right. We'll try that again. Ready?"
I glanced at the man. "What do you need him for?"
"It doesn't matter. Are you ready?"
I looked between the two men and frowned.
"What if I kill someone you need?"
"You won't. Kill whoever you want. It's more important that you get out, than any of these motherfuckers stay alive. You understand? You are more precious to me."
Nodding, I shook out my body as I might do before a performance. "Okay. Am ready."
"You are so beautiful when you're brave. I would kiss you if it didn't mean leaving black marks all over me."
"You are saying sweet things again, but you be Pachenko now. He will only think mean things at people and do good job of it. It will make me feel more brave."
He nodded and straightened into his more aggressive persona as he stared at the door.
"Be safe."
"Yes Pachenko."
Taking a deep breath, he opened the door again and I waited for his signal. Stepping out, he gestured for me to follow, helping me up to rest among the pipes as he closed and locked his door.
I watched as his neighbor also came into the hallway. Sneering at Pachenko, he took a few steps closer, gestured to our cabin and said something I didn't understand, but his tone suggested a threat of some sort.