“Well, that was my lie.”
“So he didn’t hit on you?” Grace pursed her lips.
Christina shook her head and sighed. “I accepted his offer. For a good midterm grade it started out as me sucking his dick. Then I let him fuck me for a guaranteed good grade for the semester.”
“Oh, Christina!” Grace gasped. “Why would you do that?”
“I liked the attention. I loved being in control and knowing I could take him out just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “It was a thrill. Plus, the classes were hard and I didn’t know how I was going to do it all. Crappy excuse, I know, but there it is. Yale ended up being a little more than I bargained for.”
“That’s sick,” Grace muttered. “Why would you do that?”
“Well, you were only too happy to screw Drake Stone!” Christina snapped, regretting her words instantly as her friend’s face fell.
“I loved him, Christina. You didn’t love this teacher. There’s a difference,” Grace retorted, pain twisting her lips down.
Christina rubbed her forehead. “I know and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I was wrong.”
“Yes, you were. You were wrong for telling all these lies. But it doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t make you worth getting raped by some asshole.” Grace finished sternly.
Christina smiled weakly. “Thanks for that. Let me finish my story before you judge me.”
“Well, get on with it. The truth will set you free.” Grace leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs at the ankles. “I’m waiting. I didn’t fly all the way from Phoenix, with no sleep just for pleasantries. This isn’t a lunch date.”
“You’ve changed. You’re a stronger woman.” Christina stared at her friend in awe. Grace really had changed. She was sure of herself, strong, and cocky.
“Yes, I have. I had no choice. You did too,” Grace remarked.
“So like I said, Rand left me on the side of the road after he had his way with me. I ended up in the hospital, incoherent for a few days. They did a rape kit and ran a bunch of tests. When I came to, they told me some interesting things they’d found out. The reason I told you about the professor is that…he gave me more than an A for the semester.” She lowered the blanket bunched around her bulging belly and watched Grace’s face.
Grace’s expression went from angry to disbelief, to shock, then to teary eyed smiling. “You’re having a baby?”
“A little boy. But the story isn’t done yet. I was also told something else. The doctors and I have figured out that there’s a very good chance that when husband number five was messing with me, he gave me something too. Something that keeps on giving,” Christina choked out, her nerves getting the best of her.
“So you have the clap?” Grace shrugged. “No big deal.”
“God rest my soul, the nun is talking about the clap.” Christina chuckled, hoping to ease the tension in the room.
“Not a nun anymore. Remember I’m the slut now. Dad was telling me about different STDs some porn stars get. It’s a good thing they started demanding condoms.” Grace smiled, the expression not meeting her eyes.
“I have AIDS, Grace. I didn’t routinely go around and screw people without a condom. Only Earl, and well Professor Humphrey’s condom fell off. But I did tell him that there was a chance he could have it. I mean, I’m not a total bitch, I didn’t want him screwing people and infecting others, so I guess that redeems me a little bit…” Christina rambled.
“You have AIDS?” Grace gasped, her eyes wide again. “Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me sooner? What are they doing for you? Can they do treatment while you’re pregnant?”
“I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t bear for you to look at me like you are right now. Shocked, horrified, curious, judging me a little even though you don’t mean to. Because I didn’t know what to do. My lies have tightened around me so much I couldn’t see through them and make a decision. And yes, they are treating me now.” Christina explained.
“Why are you in the hospital? For the AIDS treatment? When can you go home?” Grace continued the rapid fire line of questioning.
“The doctor says I have some kind of pneumonia. I had a reaction to a medicine they tried on me and now they have me on a different kind, hoping it works. I’m really sick, Grace. I don’t know when I can go home. My immune system is wrecked. They think that it dropped after I was dumped on the side of the road. Plus hiding and lying all the time didn’t help matters. There’s one more thing I need to tell you and I would understand if you hated me for it.” Christina held her breath as she waited for Grace to ask about what she needed to tell her.
“Well, what is it?” Grace shrugged. “It can’t be much worse than this.”
Christina gathered up all her courage and finally blurted out, “Drake came back. Twice. He wanted to talk to you. He resigned for you. He wanted to be with you. I thought you didn’t want to be with him, so I didn’t tell you. You said he was dead to you. I-I just wanted to protect you from him. No one in my life ever protected me and I thought it was the right thing to do to protect you. Then you just left and found your dad and me—there was just never the right time to tell you…I’m sorry.” She wept, covering her face with her hands because she couldn’t bear to look at Grace.
Grace’s hand came to her shoulder. “Thank you for protecting me, but I didn’t need protecting. In a way it was good. I met my dad and I’m happy. I loved Drake. A piece of me still does, but he’s back with his band and living his life. I’m living mine. As much as I’d love for us to have another chance, I don’t see it happening in this lifetime. You shouldn’t have carried that lie for so long. I’m not a weak little girl that can’t handle it. Last I checked, I have broad shoulders and can handle most stuff.”
Christina sniffled again. “I have a favor to ask of you. I know I really have no place to ask you for a favor right now, though.”
“Name it,” Grace said simply, no hesitation.
“If anything happens to me, I want my son to be yours.” Christina revealed.
Grace froze. “You want me to take care of him?”
“I want paperwork drawn up that he will go to you if anything happens to me. Godmother, guardian, whatever you want to call it. I don’t know how to handle it, but I want it done. Please. It’s important. He needs a home with someone I trust. Someone I love. I met a wonderful family when I left the hospital and they’d give him a great home. But no, I want it to be you. You’re my best friend.” Christina held out her hand to Grace, pleading softly for her to do the most important thing she’d ever asked anyone to do.
“I will. My grandma said that even the wildest roses need a home. Your home is with me. Your son’s home is with me. I will call my dad and see if he knows who I need to contact for the paperwork. But hey, nothing bad is going to happen to you.” Grace took her hand and squeezed it. “You’re going to be here to raise him.”
“What if these medicines don’t work, Grace? I need to know that he’s being taken care of. I need the reassurance that he will be fine.” Christina coughed again, wincing at the pain blossoming in her chest. “I feel so crappy.”
“I’m sorry. Do you mind if I step out and call my dad? I think I’m going to grab some coffee too. Do you need anything?” Grace stood and smoothed the front of her shirt, her hands trembling as she did so.
“If I give you my keys, do you think you could slip to the dorm and get my phone charger? Plus, I’d really like my toothbrush. This cheap one they gave me sucks,” Christina asked hopefully.
“Sure, I can do that. I’ll get some stuff together for you. Give me a couple hours and I’ll be back.” Grace took the keys from Christina’s hand.
“I would understand if you didn’t come back and you kept running. I wouldn’t even be mad,” Christina mumbled, her throat tight with emotion.
“Good to know you wouldn’t be mad. But I’m not running. Not this time. See you later,” Grace murmured.
Chris
tina watched her best friend leave the room with a sinking feeling. It felt as though she’d taken every ounce of happiness out of the room with her. “I wish I could run away. It would make my life easier. But it wouldn’t erase the reality of what’s going on, now would it?” she whispered softly, as the door closed.
We’re alone again, baby.
Chapter Sixteen
While Grace was gone, time ticked slowly. Her favorite nurse, Vickie, was back on shift today, and when she came in to check on the medicine dripping through the tubes and into her IV, Christina attempted to make small talk.
“How’s the weather?” she muttered lamely.
Vickie smiled and adjusted the blankets on the bed. “It’s cold. Are you getting antsy in here? Your friend tore out of here like hell’s demons were nipping at her heels. How did she take the news?”
“I’m antsy for sure. I just feel like I’m waiting on the other shoe to drop. Something is going to happen. I know it. Grace, well, she took it as good as one could possibly take it, I guess. She said she’ll be my child’s guardian if anything happens, so that’s a plus. She said she’d be back. That’s even better. I’m just waiting.” Christina smoothed the invisible wrinkles on the blanket and nodded to herself. “She’ll be back.”
“I hope so, sweetie. How’s the itching?” Vickie asked with concern.
“I’m still itchy and I’m so tired. My eyes are burning a bit like they’re really dry,” Christina whined.
“Hmm. Let me take your temperature.” Her frown deepened. “Shit. You shouldn’t be running a fever, kid. Let me get the doctor.”
“What’s wrong with me?” Christina whimpered.
“I don’t know, but with all these antibiotics, you shouldn’t be running a fever. Let me get him.” Vickie rushed from the room and dread filled Christina.
Something is wrong. Tentatively she touched her stomach. I have to make sure he will be okay.
A new doctor came in this time. “Hi, Christina, I’m Dr. Patterson. I’m taking care of you today. Tell me what’s going on.” He sat down on the stool and picked up her chart.
“I feel itchy, but it’s to the point it hurts. My eyes are burning, and I feel like crap. I mean, I felt like crap before, but now I really feel like poo. I’m so tired.” Christina explained, her voice weak.
“You have a fever of one hundred and one. I am concerned after your reaction to Bactrim.” Dr. Patterson explained.
“What are you concerned about? I reacted and it’s over.” Christina shrugged. “It was no big deal.”
Dr. Patterson opened her chart and read through the pages. “There is a condition that can occur for people who have a reaction to Bactrim and other medicines and I'm worried that you may end up with it. It’s called Stevens-Johnson syndrome.”
“What in the hell is that?” Christina wrinkled her nose. All this medical jargon is driving me nuts!
“It’s pretty serious. It’s a syndrome where your skin begins to blister and literally peel off. In extreme cases people can lose up to ten percent of their skin. The reason I’m worried about it, is because according to your blood work, your viral load is going down. You shouldn’t have a fever. Having AIDS does make it more likely to get Stevens-Johnson syndrome. Burning eyes, fever, aching skin are all symptoms. It’s a watch and wait game right now. There is no treatment for the syndrome. All we can do is treat the symptoms. It’s dangerous with your CD4 count being as low as it is. If you do have this, we’ll have to put you in ICU and keep a close eye on you for opportunistic and secondary infections.” Dr. Patterson explained.
Christina felt the blood drain from her face. “I could die.”
“Yes. You could. There is a definite possibility. If you do end up with this syndrome, it won't be good at all,” he added.
“What about my baby? I’m not far enough along…” Christina begged, tears running down her face.
“You could survive too. It’s not a death sentence, but it’s a reality that it could happen. If you are far enough along in your pregnancy, we can perform an emergency C-section if anything would happen, but if you aren’t…” Dr. Patterson’s voice trailed off and his face went grim.
“If I’m not, my baby and I would die. So, how long until we know if it’s this Stevens syndrome thing?” Christina insisted.
“It’s been about thirty-six hours since you had your reaction. With this syndrome, some people begin to show symptoms soon and for others it can take a couple of weeks. So all we can do is watch and wait. When and if you get blisters, we’ll do a skin biopsy to rule out anything else.”
“I don’t want my friend to know right now. Not yet. I just...I piled enough on her for one day. Let’s not get her worried unless there is cause to worry,” Christina pleaded and Dr. Patterson nodded in agreement.
“That’s fine with me. It’s your choice as to what we tell her. All we can do is watch and wait, Christina. I’m going to keep you on these medicines. They seem to be helping the HIV load and the Pneumocystis Pneumonia,” he continued, helping her to understand what was going on with her body.
“Let’s do it.” Christina smiled and leaned back against her pillows. “I’m tired.”
“Then we’ll let you rest. If you feel any different, please let us know.” Dr. Patterson closed her chart and put it back at the end of her bed.
“I will,” Christina promised, her eyes already drifting closed.
She woke up later and looked around. Grace dozed in the chair next to her bed, curled up in the ugly green piece of furniture with her mouth wide open. Soft snores escaped from between her lips. Christina stared at her for a moment and she shifted in the bed again.
You came back. You didn’t run away. You’re one in a million, Grace. I am so lucky to have you as a friend. I wish I’d been a better one to you. Maybe I have time to make it up to you. Just maybe. She jumped and clapped a hand over her mouth as a squeak escaped. A fluttering thump came from her belly and she stared down at her belly in wonder. You’re going to fix everything, aren’t you, baby? You’ve helped me find out who I really am and admit to the things I’ve done. You’re going to save Grace. You’ve already saved me. In more ways than you’ll ever know.
Her door opened and a nurse walked in. “Shh!” Christina ordered. “Don’t turn on that light, come use this little one.” She pointed at the light behind the bed.
“I’m Leslie, I’m your night nurse. I’m just coming in to check your temperature. How are you feeling?” Leslie murmured.
“My skin hurts. I am thirsty and hungry,” Christina whispered back, doing all she could to keep from waking Grace.
“Let me see if I can get you some juice and crackers. They’ll be bringing breakfast around in a couple of hours.”
“Hey, hand me my phone, will you?” Christina motioned to the phone, which Grace had started charging.
“Sure thing. Need anything else?” Leslie unplugged the phone and passed it over.
“Not right now. Thank you.”
Christina turned her phone on and browsed through the few texts from Addie and Patrick asking if she was okay. She responded honestly, letting them know there was a chance she was developing Stevens-Johnson syndrome from the reaction to the antibiotic.
She still had Drake’s number and e-mail in her phone and she contemplated e-mailing him. Chances were good he’d changed his number to something unlisted now that he was with the band, but maybe he still had the same e-mail. She had input it all into her phone when he’d given her the scrap of paper with the information, saving it just in case, even as she tossed the paper to save Grace. Now she had the chance to tell him what she’d done.
Not yet. I still have time.
When Leslie returned with apple juice and saltines, she smiled in thanks and groaned as Grace muttered, “What time is it?”
“Sorry I woke you, I was just thirsty and hungry,” Christina sheepishly stated around a mouthful of cracker.
“No, it’s fine. I slept a few hours.” Gr
ace stood and stretched. “I’ll be back. I need coffee.”
Grace stumbled from the room and Christina continued to nibble the crackers and sip the juice. Her stomach roiled and rebelled against the simple food, but she pushed it down anyway. Her baby needed whatever sustenance she could give him. About twenty minutes later, Grace came back sipping a steaming mug of coffee.
“I’m back. I brought you some more juice. I wasn’t sure if you’d want it.” Grace offered the small bottle of apple juice and Christina took it from her.
“Thanks, that was nice of you.”
“I talked to my dad while I was gone yesterday. He was shocked, as I’m sure you can understand, but said that you and the baby would be welcome in our house. Also, you were right. Papers should be drawn up, so that if anything should happen, it’s on file, that I’m his guardian.” Grace smiled as she sat down. “Dad’s gonna come up today and help me get the paperwork together. His lawyer drew some up and we’ll get them signed. He said he can get a notary in here and that way it’s all legal. But, we both agree that you’re going to be fine and we don’t need to worry about this.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Christina lied between clenched teeth, forcing a smile. “But this way, if anything ever happens he’s got a home.”
“Of course. I can understand that. You’ll be the godmother for any kids I ever have. Dad said you were smart, it’s always good to know where your children will go if anything happens. But what about the dad, Christina? Isn’t he going to want something to do with him?” Grace rested her elbows on her knees and sipped again at her coffee.
“That’s been handled,” Christina promised. “I had him sign papers saying he wanted nothing to do with him. My fear was that one day he’d suddenly want something to do with him and then try to take him. I had to protect the baby.”
“Where are those papers?” Grace asked.
“In my dorm under my mattress.” Christina explained. “They are notarized. I googled what I should do to make sure it was as legal as it could be.”
“I’m going to go get them, that way everything is together. Dad suggested putting everything into a safety deposit box. What do you think?” Grace asked.
Finding Christina (Wild Rose #2) Page 11