Half Black Soul

by H. D. Gordon

  “Jackson. Tommy.”

  Tommy’s blue eyes lifted, and Jackson’s head tilted slightly to the right. I stretched my mind out a little to do a small Search of all the people within earshot of us. I don’t do this often, but I needed to make sure no one was paying us any attention. No one was.

  I leaned forward and spoke quietly. “Okay, so obviously we’re all upset that Alexa left.” Jackson shot another dirty look at Tommy, and Tommy rolled his eyes. I continued, “I can see that you two are angry with each other, and to be honest, I couldn’t care less right now. Right now, all I want to know is what you two know about why my sister left Two Rivers.”

  I usually don’t speak to people like this, but I knew that if they didn’t tell me, my mind was going to fish the information out of their heads. I’d done enough uninvited Searches today. So, I sat back and waited, and when neither Jackson nor Tommy offered anything, I leaned forward once more.

  I looked at Jackson. I wasn’t sure if he knew exactly why I could do certain things, but he knew I was a very good Searcher. If I could get him to talk, maybe Tommy would follow. “You know, I can justtake the information from you. But I don’t want to do that. I will, because there is nothing I won’t do for my sister, but I certainly don’t want to.” Uninvitingly Searching people was a pretty crappy thing to do. Doing it to people who you considered friends was even crappier. Nobody wants someone else poking around in their head.

  Jackson sighed, and pushed back his red-brown hair. He settled his flannelled forearms on the table and clasped his hands. Finally, he leaned forward and spoke. “She came to my room early this morning, around six or so.” His green eyes studied me for a moment before he continued. “The right side of her face was all swollen, and she had a black eye. I asked her what had happened, but she waved me off. Told me she was leaving, didn’t know when she’d be back, and asked me if I’d give you the letter.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “That it?”

  Jackson looked down at his hands. “She told me to look out for you.” A small smile came to his lips. “Made me promise to look out for you, actually.”

  I saw the memory of it flash through his mind as he recounted the story. I know I said I wouldn’t, but I couldn’t help myself. He’d left out the kiss they’d shared, and the goodbye where Alexa told him she loved him, but those parts were clearest in his head. He’d replayed the scene over and over this morning; mainly the part when she’d told him she loved him. It had come as news to him, and he could only be happier about it if she hadn’t left immediately after. It wasn’t news to me, though. If I know anyone, it’s Alexa. I’d known she loved him before she knew she did.

  Satisfied, I looked over at Tommy. Since he hadn’t asked where Alexa was, and I knew that they shared their first two classes, I figured she must have visited him too.

  Tommy straightened his expensive collared shirt and sat forward. He shot a look at Jackson before he spoke. “She visited me too. I gave her my car, and some money. Told her how to find the exit that lets you drive out of the city. I asked her how long she would be gone, too. She …. gave an indefinite time frame.”

  I thought about that for a minute. It wasn’t like Alexa to ask people for things; she hated owing anyone. So if she accepted Tommy’s car and money, she must have been desperate to get wherever she was going. I also now understood why Jackson and Tommy were upset with each other. Jackson is Alexa’s boyfriend. Alexa didn’t visit me when she left, but she took the time to visit Tommy. Not only that, she took his expensive car and money. It would have upset me too, if I were Jackson. And Tommy was probably just being flippant because that’s how he is.

  Just in case, I scanned Tommy’s memory too. He was telling the truth. When he’d asked her how long she’d be gone, she’d said, “Maybe a few days….or a few months”. I guess that’s what Tommy meant by “indefinite time frame”. I immediately wished I hadn’t checked.

  I let the conversation drop after that. I could’ve dug through their minds a little more, but I had already Searched them enough for now. There was no one in this world who knew my sister better than me, and I figured that if I thought hard enough, I could figure out why she left. If that didn’t work, I would Search every darn soul in this city. Even if that meant risking my life to do it.

  When the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch hour, I kissed Daniel and told him I wasn’t feeling up to our previously planned dinner tonight. He gave me a sympathetic look, and was understanding, as always. I waved goodbye to the others, and started on my own way. But, Jackson caught up to me.

  He surprised me by pulling me into a hug. I’d never seen Jackson willing touch anyone other than my sister. As he held me, he said, “She did promise me she’d come back, you know. And I promised her I would take care of you. And I’ll promise you too. Because I will.”

  “Thanks Jackson,” I replied.

  He nodded and headed off to his classes. I stared after him a moment. I didn’t think he truly understood the task he’d agreed to.

  Alexa

  It was still raining, and I was still two hours away from Olivia’s, but I had to stop again. I told myself it was because I had to go to the restroom, even though I could have held it. I just needed to get out of the car and off of the road. But, really, I think I wanted to get away from myself; whoever the hell that was at the moment.

  This time, I just pulled off at a small rest-stop that held only sparse facilities and a few vending machines. I walked slowly from the car to the building that housed the restrooms, not caring that the rain was falling hard enough to warrant a dash. It was like I felt that maybe the water could wash me clean somehow. Or maybe it was just because I couldn’t care less.

  When I got there, I went straight into the first stall and took care of business. There were a few other cars in the parking lot, but I was alone in the women’s restroom. When I made my way over to the sink, I scrubbed my hands until they were raw. I noticed then that there wasn’t a drop of blood on them.

  I looked down at my clothing, my shoes, turned side to side in the mirror to examine the rear of me. Not a drop of blood anywhere.

  That’s because you did a good job.

  The thought came from nowhere. I hadn’t been thinking much about anything since leaving the diner; since leaving the man dead in the parking lot of the diner, and this thought didn’t seem quite like my own. Instead, it was more like a whisper in my ear, from a voice that I knew, a voice that I’d heard come through my lips during the times when the bad part of my being had taken the wheel. It was a voice that wasn’t mine, but was.

  My eyes slowly scanned the reflection in the mirror. My soaked long-sleeved black shirt clung to my body like a wetsuit. My long dark hair, made darker because of its wetness, was stuck to my head, loose strands still dripping rainwater. My lips were still full and pink. My cheeks, slightly flushed and glistening wet. Then, finally, because some part of me knew I had been avoiding them, I looked into my eyes.

  They were still a dark, chocolate brown. They were still framed with long, thick, nearly black lashes. No mascara ran from them, as I don’t make a habit of wearing makeup, but there was a faint shadow underneath my lower lids that was a result of waking up too early this morning. Yes, they were still my eyes, but something small, yet essential, was missing. Something, so cleverly veiled, that I knew only my sister, Nelly, would have noticed.

  There was no feeling at all behind those eyes, only the cold, calculating stare of a predator; the stare of my monster.

  I slammed my eyes shut, and frantically tried to call up images of my sister, of Jackson, of my Mother. But, while I could picture them, remember their faces and voices, I couldn’t seem to reach thefeelings that I normally associate with them. The love, the affection, the sadness, and every other emotion I usually carried with me, was… lost. And what happened next was so terrifying that I nearly screamed out loud, and my nails dug into my palms deep enough to draw blood.

  The images I had calle
d up of my sister, my friends, my Mother, all shifted and began to change. Where before I was just seeing their faces, now I was seeing them in a scene I knew from a dream I’d had right after the Lamia’s had attacked my house and taken my Mother.

  Ruin. Everything around me the color gray. Except the blood, which stood out like tar on a polar bear’s coat. And the bodies. Everyone I knew and loved sprawled around me in lifeless stillness. But, unlike in the dream, this time when I looked down, down at my red-stained clothes and hands, I didn’t fall to the ground in pain and hurt. Instead, a laugh, a cackle that I knew to belong to my monster, bubbled up from my throat, and rang out across the ruined, red-gray world that my mind had created.

  My eyes flew open, locked straight on the thing that reflected back in the mirror, and an ugly, furious horror welled up in me when the realization finally hit me that my monster was in complete control now. Letting me drive, but calling the shots, like it had been from the moment that man had stepped out from behind the white van. And when one side of my mouth pulled up, in that half, crazed smile that I knew to belong to it too, I turned from the mirror, and all but ran for the exit of the restroom.

  I threw the heavy door open with so much force that I had to catch it on its way back to keep it from slamming back into me. I had never in my life been as terrified as I was in that moment. But, as soon as I stepped out into the dark, wet day, I felt it. And, in that moment, feeling anything at all was the most lovely thing in the world to me.

  I didn’t even have to scan the parking lot, I just looked to the place that my eyes felt drawn to, and hope, so sudden and strong and needed, swept through me when my eyes settled on the man that stood only fifty feet away from me. It took all of my energy not to cry out his name.

  Kayden had found me.

  Nelly

  When the final bell of the day sounded, relief flooded through me. Now I could go to my dorm room and think. Behind that closed door, I could stop pretending that everything was okay; I could let the mask fall off my face and more than likely cry my eyes out. The prospect almost delighted me.

  However, what I really wanted to do was to think. There were plenty of items that needed my attention, and I intended to examine them one by one. I would come up with some sort of plan of action, and it would help to keep me from going nuts with worry over my sister.

  Of course, it was a day for not getting what I wanted.

  I knew there was a warrior waiting for me around the corner of the hallway as soon as I stepped outside of the classroom door. This is an ability I’ve just acquired recently, but it isn’t really something I control. It’s more like an alarm system that lets me know when a mind that is near me is paying me particular attention. I glanced down the opposite hallway, considering going out of my way to avoid him. But, I knew that would just prolong the inevitable, because this warrior was here to take me to see the Queen.

  I took a deep breath, and rounded the corner where he waited. He stepped into my path so abruptly that I had to take a step back so as not to collide with him. “Miss Montgomery?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “If you would please follow me, your presence has been requested by the Queen.”

  I was too distressed to even think about acting surprised. I just nodded again and held a hand out, indicating for him to lead the way. He turned on his heel and marched off down the hall. I might have giggled at his uptight attitude if I weren’t so nervous about this meeting with the Queen. And, I was super nervous, because I knew two things; that it was about Alexa, and that I was going to have to lie.

  I don’t like lying, but that wasn’t the problem, because I had no trouble with doing it for my sister. The problem was that the Queen was a Searcher. And from what I’d gathered on the few occasions I’d encountered her, she was a pretty powerful Searcher. I had no doubts that if she thought that I was lying for Alexa, she would try to Search me. I could probably stop her from doing it, but inability to access me would raise her suspicion. I’d glimpsed her mind before, on that first day Alexa, Jackson and I had come to Two Rivers, and it’s strong. Strong enough that I knew she had come across very few with the ability to keep her out of their heads.

  So, I was pretty sure that whatever happened next was going to be… interesting.

  Alexa

  There is no feeling that is comparable to that of being truly lost. I don’t mean lost in the woods, or desert, but lost in the way that only can happen internally. Lost to the deepest, blackest pit of your soul, clinging to ghosts of past times, when you thought you knew who and what you were.

  When this happens, you have two choices; you can give in to your darkest inclinations, and accept what you are, or you can fight, knowing that it is a losing battle, that the good half of your soul is strong, but can never erase the bad part. This is a battle I know well, but in that moment, as I stood in some insignificant rest stop parking lot, drenched with rain from head to toe, I came very close to giving up. I came very close to ending my fight. Even now, I shudder to think what would have become of me if he hadn’t shown up.

  But, like a perfectly wrapped gift from God, Kayden was there. From this distance, the wonderful feeling his presence always brings to me was just a small tingling in my chest, but feeling anything at all was so beautiful in that moment that my eyes instantly began to burn with unshed tears.

  And, my monster, who just a few seconds ago had smirked at me in the restroom mirror, roared out in my head with frustration. It knew what Kayden’s presence meant. It knew that with Kayden near me, I stood a good chance of gaining control again. Its anger was so intense at that thought that it literally began to burn me from the inside out. When the impulse to run in the opposite direction slammed through me, I realized that my monster wasn’t going to give up that easily. It wanted to get away from Kayden; from my Libra. It wasn’t ready to give back control.

  And that is the only way I can describe what drove me to do what I did next.

  My monster was urging me the other way; away from the beacon, the anchor, that stood fifty feet from me. So, with every bit of strength I possessed, I charged toward my only hope at the moment. I charged toward the feeling; toward the only person in the world who could possibly give me back myself. I ran to Kayden, and everything that his being promised to bring home to me.

  I don’t think I’ve ever covered any distance so fast in my entire life. I didn’t feel the rain. I didn’t hear my feet pounding the wet pavement, spraying up settled water all around me. I didn’t care that I’d left this morning vowing not to depend on him. I didn’t care that I probably looked like a mad woman running from some fairytale beast. I didn’t even care that I had a boyfriend that I loved, waiting for me back at Two Rivers. I didn’t care about anything but reaching him, and in doing so, reaching myself.

  I bet that if anyone had been watching, which couldn’t have made a difference to me, they may very well have thought I’d teleported from outside the door to the women’s restroom to the spot where Kayden waited. That’s how fast I moved. One second, I was falling off the edge of insanity, and the next, I was right in front of him.

  His strong arms were already open, waiting for me, and I threw myself into them. Actually, I’m sure it was more like slammed into him, but he didn’t even wobble with the force. Instead, he lifted me off of my feet in a bear hug tight embrace. He was just as soaked as I was, and I didn’t stop to wonder how long he must have been standing out here in the rain. When he set me back down, I pulled back from him, and took only the smallest of moments to admire his beauty. It was all I could afford.

  His sandy blond hair was pulled back into a short, dripping ponytail. Rain ran down his cheeks and fell from his chin and lashes and nose, and onto his lips. His shirt was pasted to his strong chest, and curved with the muscles in his abdomen and arms. He stood next to a black and chrome motorcycle, towering over it in a way that was more than just his height, in jeans and a simple black t-shirt. But it was the look in his golden e
yes, so full of relief and worry, that made my heart pound in my chest. He seemed to me to have a soft glowing light all around him, like an angel; an angel tailored especially for me. Just looking at him, I felt my true self pulling closer and closer.

  But, I knew this wasn’t enough. I wasn’t nearly healed yet. Just touching him and seeing him wouldn’t do the trick this time. I was too far gone. Later, I would insist that I’d done what I did next to save my soul. Later, I would deny anything romantic about it. Right then, I did the only thing I could think of. I reached around to the back of his neck, and pulled him into the most desperate kiss in the history of all kisses.

  Magnificent, beautiful emotion exploded in me when our lips touched, and I was surprised when I felt my desperateness matched by his. His strong arms wrapped around me so tightly that it may have been painful if not for the circumstances. And, everything, all of me, all of the things that made me who I am, came slamming back into me with so much force that I felt as though the rain falling over me was sizzling off my skin.

  I’m not sure how long it lasted, but I was keenly aware of how soft his lips felt against mine; how right. And I didn’t let him go until I felt my monster settle back down inside of me, defeated, and yielding to the embrace of my Libra; my Kayden.

  But, when I tried to pull back, Kayden didn’t let me. His hands found my face and kept my lips where they were, pressed perfectly against his. I didn’t resist, for whatever reason, right then, he seemed to need me just as much as I needed him.

  When the fire finally eased between us, we lingered there, in each other’s arms, and for the first time all day I was grateful for the rain, because a tear somehow escaped my eye, and flowed down my already wet cheek.

  I knew that he didn’t know I’d cried, but his rough thumb on my cheek traced across the skin under my right eye, as if brushing away the indistinguishable tear. A shudder ran through me, and he wrapped his arms around me again in a protective embrace.