Naughty Secrets

by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

  Bravo!

  Others surveyed said that they want to try but are afraid. If you want to play, here are a few guidelines. First, lots of foreplay. It relaxes the muscles as well as the inhibitions. Then use lots of lubricant—lots and lots of water-based lubricant! Try K-Y Jelly or the one I like, Astroglide. No oil-based lubes like baby oil. They can eat through condoms and make tiny holes that can let disease organisms through.

  Make everything very slippery. Play with touches, toys, what-have-you, and discover whether it’s pleasurable. If a touch is exciting and you want to go farther, great. If not, you’ve still discovered something enjoyable.

  If you want to try penetration, always use a condom and remove it immediately after withdrawal. Avoid any contact with the vaginal area after you’ve played anally, whether with a finger, toy, or condom-covered penis. Even the slightest touch can transfer really nasty bacteria from the anus to the vagina, causing a serious infection.

  One final and most important word—anal penetration of any kind is a high-risk activity! Several life-threatening diseases— AIDS, hepatitis, and more—are transmitted through blood-to-blood contact. During anal sex there is often a tiny amount of blood released—often not even enough to see, but enough to contain a lethal number of viruses. Always use one (or even two) condoms and be really careful. Really careful.

  A thirty-six-year-old woman wrote:

  My hubby and I really enjoy anal sex, but we have some rules. I am the boss and we have it only when I say I am ready. When I say “wait” or “hold it” it means stop and don’t move in or out. Once my sphincter muscles relax we then continue.

  A twenty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I have only done it a couple of times and for now I don’t think I’d do it on a regular basis. It is more painful than anything else that I have experienced sexually. I still enjoy it because he does, but I give in only when I want to.

  A thirty-six-year-old man wrote:

  We have never tried putting my cock into her that way, but we do play with fingers. I would love to fuck her ass but she can barely take my cock in her pussy—she is small. I’m afraid that anal sex would injure her.

  A forty-five-year-old woman’s response leads me to an important point. She wrote:

  Anal sex doesn’t turn me on at all. Fortunately, no partner has ever pressured me into having anal sex.

  I react very strongly to her word pressured. Never, never do something because a partner pressures you to do it. Whatever the activity, do things because you want to, or because you’re curious, or even because it will give you a tremendous amount of pleasure to do something he really will enjoy. But make sure that if you say “stop,” he will. Period.

  A sixty-eight-year-old bisexual man, now married to a woman, has two different takes on anal sex. He wrote:

  I’ve never done it with my wife because she is afraid of it. I have fucked only one woman in the ass. In my opinion, with women it’s just a diversion.

  My gay friends ask for it so I do it with them, or rather I try. I have difficulty staying hard with male partners, probably because of the condoms that are so essential. Usually I get in deep as he lies on his back and then I stroke his cock until he comes. After that it usually takes only a few strokes for me to come as well.

  A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:

  We have had anal sex three times. It hurt her. I really wanted to play and not to have it hurt, but we never were able to get a handle on it.

  A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:

  I enjoy it a lot but I think she only does it for me. The last time (this is embarrassing) I was kidding her about giving me her ass in exchange for a new living room set. She agreed (after a lot of convincing), and I tried everything to make it good. Still, it hurt her a bunch and I stopped midstream, only about three inches into her butt. A few weeks later she bought her new living room set.

  A thirty-six-year-old woman wrote:

  If you mean him putting his penis in my ass, no. No! But when we’re in the right mood, we use toys in the anal area and that’s a kick. We’ve got a really slender dildo with a vibrator inside. It’s skinny and flexible enough to bend where it needs to. Once I’m really hot, he uses lots of lube and slides it in. If I don’t come right then, he turns on the little motor and I go off like a rocket. Sometime I’d like to use it on him. I think he’d really like it. Maybe soon!

  A twenty-year-old woman wrote:

  I would be interested in trying actual anal sex, but my boyfriend is only just becoming comfortable with anal play. He used to think it was incredibly icky, but since I’d like to try it, he has come around to the idea. Now he touches me and it really lights me up.

  Let me admit right now that I can, and do, push things inside my bottom with ease when masturbating, but only at the right angle and after some stroking and clitoral stimulation. His penis is way bigger than my mascara, and he’s a darn sight less gentle with it. Maybe, someday.

  A fifty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I love it. At first I did it to please him, although I really thought it was dirty, but when we tried it I had to admit to him how incredible it felt. My moans gave me away.

  A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:

  I really don’t like it much, but I do it to please my partner. Since he gets so much joy out of it, I’m willing, and I find his pleasure becomes my pleasure.

  A twenty-six-year-old woman wrote:

  It hurts but I have been trying because my husband is obsessed with it right now.

  A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:

  I enjoy anal sex if I’m prepared for it, and have come once already.

  A thirty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I love it, and I think he likes it, too, but not nearly as much as I do. I think he worries about the germ factor too much.

  A thirty-three-year-old woman wrote:

  I did it once, when I was very drunk.

  Need I say that it’s a terrible idea to do such things when you’re drunk or otherwise incapable of making a rational decision. Not only do you do things you might regret later, but you tend to be careless— and anal sex, when approached carelessly, can be a life sentence.

  A thirty-eight-year-old woman wrote:

  We have had anal sex on occasion but I have never truly enjoyed it. I think it’s just something different that I might learn to enjoy eventually so we persist.

  A forty-one-year-old woman has a slightly different slant on anal sex. She wrote:

  No. We have tried and it was very painful for me. However, I get very turned on watching anal sex in porn movies.

  A forty-three-year-old woman wrote:

  I really enjoy it, especially if he talks dirty to me and spanks my ass at the same time. It’s such a turn-on to have a hot ass outside that’s being fucked on the inside. He has told me that he loves the feeling of my heated buns against his crotch.

  A fifty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I originally did it just for him but have since discovered that I really enjoy it. It’s a very intense feeling that I never would have guessed I would enjoy.

  A fifty-eight-year-old woman wrote:

  At first I did it because I knew it was something he wanted to do and I will admit that I was intrigued as well. It wasn’t as much fun as I had hoped—in fact it was pretty painful. Since then we’ve done it a few more times, but I still don’t have the “hang” of it. I do have to admit that it turns me on to think about having his cock in my ass. I know he enjoys doing it to me but as yet I haven’t “done” it to him. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t enjoy it.

  A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:

  My wife and I include anal play and intercourse frequently in our lovemaking. My wife loves to use a vibrator on her clit as I fuck her ass from behind and she always has a very intense orgasm. I love to have my wife fuck my ass with a vibrating strap-on dildo. We also love fingering each other’s ass during oral sex.

  A forty-one-year-old man wrote:

&nb
sp; My longtime girlfriend and I only do it a few times a year, I’m sad to say. I don’t really know why, since she comes like a bomb that way. I think it would be better for her if she’d just do it rather than worrying about it. Maybe she thinks she shouldn’t enjoy it. I don’t know.

  A forty-two-year-old man wrote:

  My current partner won’t let me touch her there, and doesn’t discuss it.

  A previous lady I was with loved digital anal stimulation, and we routinely did it while we were engaged in sex. We tried penile penetration a couple of times, but she said it was just too painful, although we did complete the act, if only for me.

  A forty-five-year-old man wrote:

  Yes, we do have anal sex, but not frequently. I’m not sure she is very keen on it. I try to be sure she is as comfortable with it as she can be, and I know she appreciates that consideration, but I don’t think she gets off on it (yet). For sure, she knows what it does for me since I have the most overwhelmingly powerful orgasms. I really hope she learns to enjoy it, if only half as much as I do.

  A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:

  We love to rim each other and she loves to fuck my ass with a vibrator.

  A fifty-year-old man wrote:

  We don’t have anal intercourse at all. It’s definitely not in the cards for her, and I’m not that interested in trying it.

  Occasionally, however, she will gently insert her finger into my ass or rub just around the outside of my anus as we play. Nothing too deep or anything, but that really drives me nuts, and she knows it.

  Here’s a response from a fifty-six-year-old man who has taken it quite a bit farther. He wrote:

  YES [capitals are his]. This is one of the things we have both discovered we like to do that neither of us had done before. Part of our anal sex involves oral stimulation.

  I discovered while I was eating her pussy that I enjoyed licking her asshole and she found it wonderful as well. That progressed to making love to her ass with my tongue (actual penetration), which when combined with manual stimulation of her pussy led to her having wonderful orgasms. That eventually led to my fucking her ass.

  The other side of the coin has been very interesting also. She has made oral sex so unbelievable because she is so willing to stimulate me in any way possible. Besides taking me fully into her mouth, including continuing while I come and swallowing it (a very new experience for me), she also enjoys licking and sucking on my balls. I have come to the conclusion, and have shared with her, that my balls are the physical equivalent to her breasts. She very much enjoys the physical stimulation I give to her breasts with my mouth and she has translated my feelings to actions on my testicles. She will bathe them with her tongue and very gently put them in her mouth until I am very stimulated and then she will suck on them gently, which is tricky, but when I am very close to coming is wonderful!!! I even have started shaving my pubic hair around my cock and balls to make it more enjoyable for both of us.

  Finally, she and I discovered that her licking the area below my balls and before you reach my asshole is very stimulating. She had done that several times to me and one time licked my ass-hole. I about died and came almost immediately to both our wonder and glee! She has done this several times since and it almost always makes me come. She has also tried to enter me with her tongue but has been unsuccessful so far. One of the problems may be relaxing my sphincter. I usually will use my fingers to open her a bit before I can get my tongue inside her. She has wonderful fingernails that are very painful when she has tried stimulating me in the same way. This is one reason I have thought to buy a small dildo for both our pleasure.

  A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:

  The best time we ever had was the night she introduced me to ass fucking. She had done it with a previous boyfriend and had been talking to me about it. I will admit it intrigued me, but we hadn’t done anything about it until then.

  That evening we got so hot that I decided to let her fuck my ass with a lubed-up toy. I ended up liking it a lot, so now from time to time she straps on a dildo and, while reaching around and stroking my cock, she aggressively fucks me from behind.

  A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:

  I think anal sex saved our marriage. It was about a week after I had our first child and, on doctor’s orders we were prevented from having real sex for five more weeks. I was so horny though that I begged my husband for anal sex. He had asked to try it before but I never wanted to until then. Well, that was the first time we’d ever done it that way. It felt so good and we each had fabulous climaxes.

  A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:

  Ahh. Anal sex. When I was about twenty-six years old I dated a lady who was divorced and six years older than I was. She was uninhibited in bed, and it seemed that she had already done most everything. I was pretty inexperienced then so it was fantastic learning from her.

  She was anally oriented and would have me fingering her ass while she was riding my penis, which I found incredibly exciting. Sometimes I penetrated her ass and fingered her clit. Boy, did she come hard.

  Back then I could make it with her before we went out to eat, and come right back and go at it again. When she was on top with my finger(s) in her ass, the feel of her riding up and down on my penis was just indescribable.

  I always wanted to try double penetration with two dildos or my cock and a dildo, as I’m sure the feel of two pricks rubbing together in her ass and cunt would have been mind-blowing. Sadly, we broke up before I ever had the chance.

  A thirty-year-old woman wrote:

  I remember my first time, and I will admit that I was drunk. I had a few highballs and, after lots of kissing and touching, my partner tried anal on me. He used lots of lube—I guess he was ready for it—and went really slowly. It took a little while for me to adjust, but then I loved it. He was so gentle and it felt better than vaginal sex.

  five

  TOYS AND GAMES

  PLAYING WITH TOYS

  Do you have a toy box, bag, drawer? Ed and I have toys in several places. I have a vibrator under my bed, at hand when we want it, and we have a bag and a bottom drawer for storing goodies like dildos of various sizes and shapes, different vibrators, dress-up clothes, and lots more.

  Ed was the brave one, purchasing our first dildo in a New York City erotic emporium. He says he wasn’t nervous—in those days I would have been a wreck. Nowadays, of course, you can shop anonymously on the Internet without fear of embarrassment. And by the way, just browsing together can lead to lots of nights of great sex. Oh, and if you buy something, be sure that, when the item arrives, you have the proper-size batteries handy. There’s nothing more frustrating than being really in the mood and finding that you have no AAs in the house.

  Ed and I also have a collection of innocent-looking stuff we purchased at the hardware store: lengths of soft rope, heavy chains with padlocks, and several dog and cat collars, which do a great job as wrist and ankle restraints. We also have a few old scarves both for bondage games and for use as blindfolds. Needless to say, this equipment costs a lot less than the equivalent items bought through a catalog or Web site, especially before you know your particular likes and dislikes. It would be a shame to spend fifty dollars for restraints and then discover that you don’t enjoy playing as much as you thought you would.

  I gather that there are companies that arrange sex-toy parties in your home. They are similar to Tupperware parties and, with a bit of wine and cheese, can be a great deal of fun. I’ve never been to one but it sounds like a fabulous idea to me.

  Let’s see what the neighbors like to play with, where they get their toys, and whether they are embarrassed shopping.

  A thirty-eight-year-old woman wrote:

  Because my husband comes very quickly, I need more stimulation than he can provide with his penis for me to reach orgasm. We found that using toys works with me, and allows him to do his thing without feeling he can’t satisfy me.

  We purchased our first toy from an ad
ult store and hell yes I was mortified! The rest came from the Xandria catalog. Unfortunately, what looks good in the catalog doesn’t always work as well as you’d expect.

  Too true, and that’s the disadvantage of shopping from catalogs and on the Net. Ed and I have several things that looked like a good idea when we ordered them but turned out to be duds. If you buy something that turns out to be a loser, just remember the old axiom. If at first you don’t succeed…

  A sixty-year-old man wrote:

  We have several cock rings to keep me hard and keep my balls exposed. That way my girlfriend can play with me without my losing my erection or coming too quickly.

  A twenty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I would like to play with toys but we haven’t. Not yet at any rate. We’ve talked about it but he’s agreed to wait until I’m ready.