The Needs of the Many

by Christina McMullen

  Before Julian could formulate a coherent reply, Rhymallian vanished. Julian knew he was not gone, nor would he be until the planet and star collided, but he understood that this had been his final moment with his father. Steeling himself, he turned his focus on the more pressing matter of El’iadrylline.

  A strangled cry escaped along with all of his breath as Julian fell to his knees beside the dais. Everything was wrong. Her color was a sickly shade, tinged with gray and her eyes were sunken. The silver rings were gone, but her once shining black eyes were cracked and marbled, their inner light dimmed in a way that broke his heart to gaze upon. Even her diodes, which had always stood out in stark contrast to her deep skin tone, seemed nothing more than faded blemishes.

  “El’iadrylline…” He tried to speak but again found he could say nothing beyond the name of his love. He instead took up her hand, noting with trepidation the ill feeling that poured involuntarily from her diodes had increased to an oily sickness. “Come back to us,” he said at last in a voice no more than a shuddering whisper. “Come back to me.”

  Her eyes turned toward the sound of his voice, but without the light of recognition he had grown not just to love, but to need more than air.

  “El’iadrylline,” he said again and gasped as her lips formed his name.

  “Julian. I’m here,” she said, her voice even more the suggestion of a whisper than his. “I’m here. I exist, but to what end? These emotions…” she trailed off as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m overwhelmed. The hurt. Anger. Hopelessness…”

  “El’iadrylline, please. You’re stronger than this. These feelings are yours, but they do not define you.”

  “Don’t they?” she asked bitterly. “How can you say that knowing that everything we have could fall apart because I can’t control my emotions?”

  “You’ve more control than you think. Ellie. The negativity you’re feeling is understandable, but it is also necessary for balance. Yes, we may fight. We have before as you might recall and don’t even get me started on your turbulent relationship with your mother. But Ellie, do you not see what is lost without the balance of perspective?”

  He placed his other hand on her cheek, tracing the darkened diodes with his thumb, allowing his emotions to say what words could not. But after a moment, Ellie pulled away, turning her head. The faint luminescence on her cheeks displayed shame and fear.

  “I’m afraid.”

  Two words, barely spoken, but they shattered his heart.

  “El’iadrylline, listen to me. Knowing all that is sadness, anger, and even fear only makes the love I feel for you stronger and more precious. Do you not hear what I am saying? Without hardship, we cannot fully appreciate what we have.”

  “I want to believe you, but Julian—”

  Whatever Ellie was going to say next was cut off when the door slid open again.

  “Could you two possibly have worse timing for these little heart to hearts?”

  Ellie looked up at Bethany, who stood over the two of them with hands on her hips and an almost comical expression.

  “How is it our timing when you’re the one interrupting?” Ellie asked with a weak laugh.

  “Call it the Bethany touch. Look, I’m sure whatever it is y’all were discussing was important, but you can continue your discussion on the way back home. Ia’na Eidyn is about to get a little too cuddly with its star and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to stick around to find out what walking on sunshine really feels like.”

  Without another word, she lifted Ellie into a fireman’s carry and gave Julian a meaningful look. “Well?” was all she said as she swept from the archive.

  “Don’t have to tell me twice,” Julian muttered as he scrambled to his feet and ran after them, following Bethany into a sleek military class glide ship that sat at the base of the temple. Only once he was up the ramp and inside did he take one last look at the temple.

  “Goodbye, Father.”

  Chapter 24

  The garden at night was silent, save for the light scraping of charcoal across paper. Ellie kept her eyes closed, guided by the soft noises as she allowed her emotions to dictate the speed and intensity of her strokes. Anger made broad, dark slashes. Sadness was a light arc, drawn slowly. Fear a skittering, jittery set of hashes. Silly as it was, the exercise soothed her frayed nerves in a way that no therapeutic treatments she’d encountered over the last week could match.

  Julian had, of course, been correct. The intensity of her negative emotions, overwhelming at first, began to fade. Though still skittish, she was slowly learning to embrace the whole range of her feelings. She was grateful for the reprieve she’d been given in the wake of her return.

  Why would anyone need me now anyway? She thought with derision, but quickly chastised herself for indulging her bruised ego. Yes, without the Kyroibi, Ellie was no longer seen as the great savior of her people, but instead of wallowing, she should have seen this transition as a great burden lifted from her shoulders. And while she’d only hosted the awakened Kyroibi for a brief time, she never realized the symbiosis until it was gone, replaced by a strange hollowness she felt whenever she instinctively reached out for some small tidbit of information.

  “You know, you can’t hide in the temple forever.”

  Ellie turned her head and gave her father a wide, yet guarded smile.

  “I’m not hiding. I’m recovering,” she said as she placed aside her drawing.

  El’iadryov collapsed onto a soft tuft of moss next to his daughter, regarding her with keen eyes. Her coloring, an alarming shade when she first returned, had deepened to her usual dark brown complexion. Her eyes, while still shot through with barely perceptible hairline fractures, were at least once again a vibrant and shining black. And most importantly, her diodes returned to their stark white state, indicating no permanent silicate damage.

  “Scholar Reyessan said your last assessment showed a vast improvement.”

  “Yeah, well, I have also been meeting with my new superiors,” she said in mock defense. “They aren’t going soft on me just because I had my molecules rearranged.”

  “I thought Ag’iazza said your service pledge would be stayed until the peace accord had been finalized?”

  At that Ellie frowned. Her anger and frustration bubbled dangerously close to overflow. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reminding herself not for the first time that such strong negativity was normal and even okay to experience.

  “You and I both know peace will not be as easy as signing a treaty,” she said, measuring her anger. In her mind, she still sounded stilted and irrational, but if her father noticed, he said nothing.

  “Of course not. Nyessovor’s announcement of intended cooperation did exactly what he expected. Already a faction of imperial loyalists have challenged his leadership. But I daresay, with the might of the Ghowrn military behind him, I don’t think the former emperor will have a difficult time in quickly suppressing the uprising.”

  “No. Especially not with Julian acting as special liaison to the restoration efforts,” she agreed as yet another set of emotions she wasn’t ready to face sprang forth. Discovering that Julian had been called into service of the Ghowrn military angered her to no end. Especially, as she pointed out whenever the subject came up, after he basically spent the last million or so years in the service of the Eidyssic government without the consideration of compensation.

  Not only that, but his service would take him to Huptsovia, where he had spent years playing at loyalty to Emperor Svoryk. That she couldn’t go with him just made the injustice seem all the worse, triggering yet another wave of anger, so Ellie quickly changed the subject, even though doing so was nothing more than avoiding that which she still needed to reconcile.

  “The leadership assembly is no longer my concern. Officially,” she added with a smirk she hadn’t been able to suppress.

  At that, El’iadryov’s eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Surely your mother’s stri
ct adherence to tradition and ceremony was not so easily circumnavigated.”

  “Mom came around,” she replied, semi-evasively. What she did not disclose was the four hour argument she’d had with her mother in regards to her stance. Isaverlline, while relieved to have her daughter back healthy and mostly whole, could not understand why Ellie did not feel as she did. To Isa, inheriting the responsibilities of the Korghetian throne was the highest honor one could have bestowed upon them. “An understanding was reached in regards to Ghowrn leadership. My abdication was approved, as was my withdrawal of representation for both Korghetia and T’al Eidyn.”

  In fairness, Isaverlline was not the only one who had questions and objections to Ellie’s decision. The entire leadership assembly, including Mikk, who had managed to pass her own governing responsibilities to her younger brother, seemed taken aback when Ellie announced she would not be seeking a leadership position even after her service pledge was completed. Only Bethany, who was settling in and ready to embark on her own three year pledge, understood.

  “You will at least return to Korghetia before your term officially begins?” her father asked. “Your mother and Richard deserve to see you at the very least.”

  “Of course I will,” Ellie replied. “Besides, it’s not as if anywhere in the galaxy is truly distant for me,” she admitted, though if she were being honest, the idea of phase pulsing all over the galaxy for anything other than emergencies not only seemed immensely wasteful, but a bit dramatic.

  “True, and if I am to understand correctly, you are not constrained to this plane of existence. However, where I am going…”

  Ellie’s heart gave a sudden squeeze as she realized what her father was saying. As she was now once again whole, her purpose in life fulfilled, so then was the usefulness of her father’s manifestation in the realm of the living. Though she easily worked out what was coming next, Ellie carefully danced around the words she couldn’t yet say aloud. “Does… does Mom know?”

  El’iadryov regarded his daughter with a look of deep sorrow and regret.

  “I thought it best that news of my return be kept from reaching the inner system.”

  “I understand,” Ellie said with a nod, but her diodes betrayed her sorrow and fears.

  “Oh, Ellie.” El’iadryov allowed his own regrets to display as he pulled his daughter into an embrace. “I do not place blame on Julian for his actions and would have most certainly done the same in his place. But I deeply regret that you must once again suffer an unnecessary farewell.”

  “It hurts,” Ellie admitted through watery sniffles. “But I’ll try and stay strong and hey… at least I got to see you one more time. I just… I guess I don’t really understand why you felt the need to travel to Ia’na Eidyn when there was means to extract your abstraction here at the temple the whole time.”

  “Well, for one, I wanted to return the borrowed automaton body. Had I known I could create a hard light projection without it, I might have left it there from the start. But if I may be completely honest, I too was curious as to what it was Julian had planned for returning the battalion to dormancy.”

  “Well, your curiosity saved us all,” Ellie said with a smile before bursting into tears again. “Are you going…?” She trailed off, but lifted her eyes skyward in a gesture she wasn’t sure would translate, but her father understood her meaning.

  “If I thought I could do any good by staying, I would,” he said, honesty showing in his eyes. “But I think we all know that the temporary balm to our hearts will only make the final parting worse should I delay my departure.”

  Ellie nodded, knowing her father spoke the truth, but unable to keep at bay the tears that flowed freely, preventing her from further verbalizing her feelings. Instead her diodes spoke of her internal conflict.

  “I’ll go with you,” she said at last, her voice husky and thick, but her father shook his head.

  “No, El’iadrylline, it is best we say our goodbyes now and do not prolong the inevitable.” He looked around the garden and smiled as his eyes came to rest on a hidden alcove. “Here,” he said, leading his daughter to a bench hidden by a stand of soft, flowering fronds. “This was always my favorite place of meditation. We do not mark the passage of life with memorial markers as the Earthlings, but if you wish a physical place of remembrance, here is where I found solace. I wish the same for you.”

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, wiping away tears. “I’ll… I’ll miss you, Dad.”

  “Our time together was brief, but in the grand scheme of things, so too will our time apart. Goodbye, Ellie,” he said, kissing her on the forehead. “I wish for you a long, happy, and successful life.”

  With that he turned, leaving Ellie desperately wishing she could find the words to say everything she wanted. Instead, only two words issued from her in a strangled whisper.

  “Goodbye, Dad.”

  She watched until she could no longer see her father’s retreating profile before settling herself on the bench in the alcove. It truly was a beautiful respite and one day, after the sorrow had dulled, she hoped to return and pay her respects while reflecting on the all too short time she had with her father.

  That time would come, but she knew she had a lot of emotional reconciliation before she got there. Already, the sadness of loss that threatened to overtake her was too much. Ellie stood, ready to run, pulse dampener already engaged, if only to physically exhaust herself to the point where her emotional state was temporarily numbed.

  But just before she could launch herself cathartically over the edge of the garden wall, Ellie sensed the arrival of a presence and paused. Looking around revealed she was still alone, but she knew better. Sitting once again in the alcove, she closed her eyes and saw a familiar and furry shape manifest in front of her. Quickly, she cleared her mind, wishing not to offend the being with the irritation she could not help but to feel over the intrusion on her grief.

  “El’iadrylline, never feel you must hide or apologize for your emotions,” the voice inside her head admonished. “Your loss is profound, but know that your father’s ascension is complete. His last moments brief, and his passing painless.”

  “Thank you,” she said, again her voice no stronger than a hoarse whisper. “I guess this means I have exhausted my reprieve,” she added, trying to keep the nervousness from her voice.

  “Arrangements have been made, yes,” the voice confirmed and Ellie could have sworn she detected a note of apology.

  “When will I leave?”

  “There is no rush, but it would be best if you met with the keeper soon.”

  “And when will I receive my orders?” Ellie asked, somewhat irritated that she was being given what basically amounted to a top secret mission by the beings responsible for life in the galaxy and they had yet to tell her what that mission was, exactly.

  “You will know what is expected of you when you arrive at your destination.”

  The answer was much the same as she’d previously received when she tried to ask the same question. Dialing back her frustration, Ellie instead simply nodded as the being vanished, leaving her once again in the undisrupted realm of the living. With resignation, she got up and made her way down to the temple keeper’s office on the first floor, where she found Agi sitting quietly at her desk, as if she had been expecting company.

  Given all that she didn’t know but suspected of the temple keeper, it was likely she’d been visited by the Iriani as well.

  “El’iadrylline,” Agi said with a nod. “It’s time, isn’t it?”

  Ellie nodded, but said nothing more. Keeping secrets had never been an issue, but she didn’t particularly enjoy deception, no matter how small. Keeping from her friends and family who and what was behind her return to Earth was maddening. Ag’iazza at least knew where she was being sent and by whom, but how much she’d been informed of Ellie’s ultimate purpose was not as clear.

  “Well then, come and say a proper goodbye,” Agi said as she got up and came ar
ound the front of her desk, marbled eyes gazing on Ellie with pride and a small hint of sadness. “Scholar Reyessan will be informed of your circumstances, as well as the need for secrecy.”

  Ellie blinked in surprise, but confusion held her tongue.

  “My time as keeper will soon come to an end,” Agi explained, correctly interpreting Ellie’s surprise. “Reyessan has agreed to take my place as keeper upon my ascension. I daresay, it won’t be long now.”

  “Oh, Agi, don’t say that,” Ellie said automatically as another wave of sadness threatened her composure, but the keeper held up a hand.

  “I have lived more life than one being should be allowed. I am tired and looking forward to ascension when my time comes. I leave this realm knowing that the uncertainty, which has hung over our people throughout my life, is no more and I have you to thank for that. You have saved our world, El’iadrylline, and while in my estimation, that is a task deserving of honor and respite at the least, I do see why the Sowers chose you to facilitate the saving of another.”

  “Is that what I’m to do?” Ellie asked with a blush.

  “That is not for me to speculate, but a hero you are, Ellie, and a hero you’re destined to be, reluctant or otherwise. But do not worry for me. We shall meet again in ascension.”

  “Of course we will,” Ellie managed to say as tears she didn’t even know she still had left inside began to fall. “Farewell, Agi. I’ll miss you.”

  “And I you. Goodbye, El’iadrylline,” Agi said, looking up and squinting into the distance. “It seems your new role begins now.”

  “What?” Ellie turned around and gasped at the brilliance that edged the room. “I’m…”

  Not ready, she finished quietly, but the insistent urging inside her head told her that it mattered not. She was going home.