Filmed: An Alpha Bad Boy Romance (City Series Book 3)

by Hamel, B. B.

  He took a few steps closer. “Do yourself a favor. Shut your mouth and listen to me for once. I don’t hate you, son. I’ve never hated you. And I can accept it if you hate me. But you will respect me. You will listen to me when I tell you what to do. You wanted to hit me? Fine, you hit me. I hope you feel a little better. But you will come to lunch, and you fucking will stop seeing that girl. Or else your money is gone, and you are fucked. You are good and truly fucked.”

  I stared at him, shaking. I couldn’t move and I felt exhausted. He walked up to me and stopped inches away from my face. I could smell his stinking breath and the thick cologne he wore. It hit me in the gut how old he looked. His eyes had bags under them and he looked thin, almost gaunt. I had seen my father recently, but I hadn’t really looked at him in a long time. Standing by my grandfather’s grave, his pissed off eyes in my face, I couldn’t help but pity him, just a little bit.

  “You think that’s what she wanted for you? Do you think she wanted you to be a pathetic fucking loser? You’ll fail without me. You know it.” He paused to spit on the ground at my feet. My knees were shaking and I felt like I was about to throw up. Sweat beaded all along my back. “She wanted the world for you, Noah. She knew that my job was the ticket for all of us. She dealt with my long hours and all the bullshit early on, because it would pay off in the long run. And it did pay off. You want to throw away your mother’s sacrifices because you’re some spoiled piece of shit? I don’t think you do.”

  I felt like he had punched me back, but worse. I felt like he had torn out my guts, held them up to me, and said, “See? They’re black and rotted, just like mine.”

  “Now get in your car, drive to lunch, and act like you give a single shit. Do you understand?”

  I kept staring at him, my body willing me to punch him again, to do anything. I wanted to scream and yell, tell him he was wrong about mom, tell him he didn’t know anything about her. I wanted to run away to Linda, spend the rest of my life learning every inch of her body. I wanted to do anything but go to that restaurant. He returned my look, his face a passive mask.

  Finally, I let out a long breath, breaking the tension. I turned and began to head over to my car, my hands shoved in my pockets.

  “I’ll see you at the restaurant,” he called after me.

  I climbed into my car, started the engine, and began to drive out of the cemetery. I thought about Linda, her smile and her laugh, and the way she blushed and got so angry every time I talked about her sexy polka dot panties. I thought about the night we spent together, and the first time I kissed her in the movie theater. I thought about how wet she was for me, constantly aching for my body, and how badly my cock needed her warmth. I would have given anything to see her in that moment, to hold her hand, and to make her laugh.

  But I was not a good guy. I wasn’t even a halfway decent person. Just because I did a few nice things for the people that I cared about, didn’t mean I was a good.

  I imagined myself through my father’s eyes and I hated what I saw.

  I made a right and headed toward the restaurant.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I ripped the ticket stubs, smiling at the couples as they walked by me. It was the last showing, and my feet hurt already. By then, I was on autopilot, completely comfortable in the theater. I smiled over at Chuck, and he grinned back as he dumped a bunch of popcorn into a bucket. He was cute, with shaggy brown hair and a boyish smile, though only an inch or two taller than me, and a little out of shape. Not like I was shallow or anything, but for some reason I began to notice that sort of thing. Guys that took care of themselves were inherently more attractive to me, at least ever since he came into my life.

  I shook my head, dispelling thoughts of him. I looked out across the lobby and sighed. Selena was changing out the trashcans but was using the wrong bags again, which meant I was going to have to fix them. She started working at the theater a week ago, and still hadn’t caught on to everything. She tried hard and wasn’t lazy, but she was pretty spacey and sometimes forgot simple instructions. In all honesty, though, she was a step up from that other guy, wherever he went to.

  And we had needed someone immediately when he had quit. There was no warning, no two weeks’ notice, nothing. Just one day, he walked into Miss Havisham’s office, told her that he wasn’t coming back, and never did. At first, I tried to do both of our jobs, but it was pretty impossible. I had no clue how he did it all before I was hired. Eventually, I asked Selena if she needed a job or something, and it all seemed to work out.

  Except that he was gone, and I had no clue where he was.

  As the last customers filed by, Chuck ambled over to me, grinning. He pulled me out of my introspection, and I smiled back at him.

  “How’s it going?” he asked.

  “Slow and boring.”

  “So pretty good then.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, it’s a stellar night.”

  “At least you don’t have Mikey’s horrible stench to deal with.”

  I made a face. “You two are truly gross.”

  “Not me, I shower at least once a week.”

  “How are you two allowed to touch food?” I said with mock horror.

  “I usually wash my hands,” he replied.

  “Wait, seriously though, you do wash your hands, right?”

  “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Want some popcorn?”

  I groaned. I knew he was joking, but the two of them could be so immature and disgusting sometimes. The fact that they handled all of the food felt like a travesty in my mind, but it wasn’t my place to question the perfect business acumen of Miss Havisham.

  “If anyone gets sick...” I said, trailing off, then laughing.

  He smiled when I laughed at his joke. It felt good to make him smile, even if it was easy. Ever since he had left, Chuck became my closest friend at the theater. We even started hanging out between classes during the day, which I guessed made him my actual friend, and not just a work buddy.

  “Doing anything tonight?” he asked me.

  I paused. “Probably just going home like usual, why?”

  “Want to do something? Get a drink or whatever?”

  That took me off guard. Was Chuck asking me out? I hadn’t seen anyone in a while, and wasn’t really ready to try again. Chuck was cute and I liked spending time with him, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for something like that. Still, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

  “I’m not sure,” I said softly, feeling awkward.

  He grinned and put his hands up. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just a friendly gesture to try and break your bored-spell.”

  I smiled back. That could have been true, but I doubted it. I could tell Chuck had a crush on me if I was going to be completely honest. It was obvious from the way he constantly flirted with me. And truthfully, I liked the attention, though I never gave him the impression that I felt the same way. I needed Chuck as a friend to help me get rid of the bad memories associated with the theater, but I just wasn’t ready to get close to anyone.

  “Thanks, I’m just exhausted, you know?”

  “Say no more. I’m sure Mikey will be more than willing to get a little hammered with me.”

  I laughed and he headed back over to the concession stand. I felt guilty turning him down, but I knew it wouldn’t have been fair to push it with him. He knew I was in a bad place, but that didn’t mean I could take advantage of him.

  I thought everything had been complicated when he was around. But when he was gone, nothing had gotten better. That weird hole in my heart that throbbed every night, sick to death with worry over what he was getting himself involved with, only continued to grow with every gasping breath.

  It had been a month since I last heard from Noah Carterson. Four weeks since the night of his party. Four weeks since he drove me home, the weather perfect, sunlight in our hair, smiles in our faces. Four weeks since I was last happy and content. I kept remembering what he said to me when he dropped me
off that day.

  He grabbed me by the wrist as I started to climb my stoop, his car still idling in the road. I turned, and there was this heavy grin on his face. He pulled me down to him, and I stumbled against his body, his strong arms steadying me against his sculpted chest.

  I felt his lips brush against mine, along my cheek, and stop against my ear.

  “When you’re up there, think about me,” he whispered.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew.

  “Go into your room, slip your pretty hand down onto your perfect pussy, and think about me while you make yourself come.”

  “Noah,” I said, surprised.

  “Picture my thick cock deep inside of you, and the way it felt when I got you off over and over last night. Think about how much I love your soaked cunt.”

  He pulled away and grinned, and I felt color come to my cheeks.

  “You’re such an asshole,” I muttered, embarrassed at how turned on I was.

  “Have a good day, dots.”

  He gave me a quick but rough kiss on the mouth, our lips pressed hard together, and then hurried over to his car. I was breathing deeply, trying to calm myself down, as he drove away down the block.

  That was a month ago. I had gone up into my room after that and run my fingers between my thighs, thinking about how his cock felt like it fit me perfectly, and how strong his arms were wrapped around my sweating body.

  Exasperated, I let out a huff of air. I walked into the supply closet, grabbed the right trash bags, and then I moved over toward the trashcans Selena had messed up. I figured, if anything could get the image of Noah out of my head, dealing with trash could.

  Four weeks was a long time not to hear from someone. At first, I was worried out of my mind, and called him a bunch of times. In retrospect, I regretted that, but part of me thought he had died or something horrible like that. Eventually, I got the picture when I saw that he had updated his Facebook status. Chill night downtown was all it said, but that spoke louder than my answered calls: he was fine, and he was even going out with friends.

  I stopped calling after that, but the hurt only bit deeper. I thought we had something, but I realized that I was just another one of Noah’s conquests. He got what he wanted, and he tossed me to the side. It broke me more than I ever thought it would.

  He stopped showing up to our class, and I guessed he dropped it. I had no clue why he would do that; it wasn’t like I would have screamed at him in class. If anything, I would have awkwardly ran away from him every day, avoiding him the best that I could. Instead, he essentially disappeared, quit his job and dropped our class and stopped responding to me. After the first week, he even blocked me on Facebook.

  I had no idea why Noah had decided to go full nuclear and wipe me completely out of his life, but that was his choice. He wanted me gone and he went to any length he could to make that happen. It might not have been so bad if he had simply told me he wasn’t interested, or maybe just stopped hitting on me all together. But the way he so ruthlessly removed me from his life spoke volumes.

  And those volumes were terrible. Awful. I had never felt so humiliated, and more than that, heartbroken. I could picture him laughing with his other rich friends over the dumb poor prissy chick he had banged after his party, and completely tossed aside.

  Noah Carterson wasn’t a good person.

  That’s what I kept telling myself, at least, as the days wore on. It got easier, eventually, to start to hate him with that refrain running through my mind. As the one-month mark ticked by, he was relegated to a dull thud in my heart, a minor ache. He was still there, but I was beginning to move beyond him.

  Nobody talked about him at work, which I thought was weird. He had been pretty close with Chelsea, and Chuck obviously liked him, but once Noah was gone, nobody mentioned him around me again. I even asked them both how he was doing in the early days, that first night when I didn’t know he was cutting me out of his life. Both of them said they had no clue, and were just as worried as I was. When I figured the truth out, nobody brought it up, and I was too embarrassed to mention it.

  But I had my suspicions. I wasn’t mad at them for it, though. How could I be, when they were both being so kind to me? They both became my friend after Noah was gone.

  I pulled out the old trash bag, balling it up and tossing it to the side. I shook out the right bag, and pressed it into the container. I pushed the lid back on, and repeated that procedure three more times. Once I was finished, I hunted down Selena.

  “Hey, Selena, real quick,” I said, getting her attention.

  “What’s up?”

  I held up the two bags. “These are for the cans outside of the theaters, and these are for the cans in the lobby. Okay?”

  She made a face. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged. I was being a jerk, but I was exhausted, and suddenly in a bad mood from thinking about Noah again.

  “It’s really not a huge deal. Don’t worry about it.”

  “So, are you doing anything this weekend?” she asked me.

  I shook my head. It was Friday night, but I had pretty much become a hermit. Since Chris was in hardcore study mode, it felt easy to stay at the apartment with her. I didn’t feel like doing anything, and the idea of going to a party like the one at Noah’s made me almost ill.

  “Probably not, I have a bunch of studying.”

  She made a face. “You and Chris always have so much studying to do.”

  “I know. I’m really not much fun.”

  “That’s not true, but whatever. Let me know if you feel like coming out tonight.”

  “Okay, I will. Thanks.”

  She smiled and headed off toward the concession stand. I felt bad about calling her out on the trashcans, but she had to learn eventually. She was being very nice to me ever since the Noah stuff, and I should have probably cut her some slack. I made a mental promise to myself to go out of my way to make it up to her in the future.

  Even if I was hurting, I had to try and be a better person. I couldn’t let myself spread the hurt that Noah had given to me, no matter how badly I wanted to, no matter how good it made me feel. Because that kind of catharsis didn’t last long, and only made that hurt worse for everyone.

  I took a deep breath and sighed. Before Noah, I had never bothered to wonder what kind of person I was. I had always assumed I was good. But my world had been rocked, and I promised myself that I would find out.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After talking to Selena, I went into the supply closet and dropped off the trash bags, my mood souring. I went back out into the lobby and stopped short. I saw a blonde girl talking to Selena, and Selena pointed at me in reply. The girl followed her gaze and saw me, said something to Selena, and then headed straight in my direction.

  My heart began to hammer in my chest. I recognized her. The long blonde hair, the trashy clothes. As she got close to me, I remembered her name: Ellie, formerly known as Stripper Barbie.

  “Are you Linda?” she asked, stopping in front of me.

  “Yeah, I am,” I said, feeling evasive.

  “I’m Ellie, I’m friends with Noah.”

  I gave her a look. “I know who you are.”

  She smiled softly, looking embarrassed. “Look, this is a little awkward.”

  “No, you look. I don’t know what you want, but if it has anything to do with Noah, I’m not interested. Okay?”

  Before she could respond, I started to walk away, back toward the front of the lobby. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or where I was going, but I wanted to get away from her. I couldn’t let myself get sucked back in, not when I was starting to get over him.

  “Wait, please, just listen for a second,” she said, catching up to me.

  I whirled around on her, feeling my anger bubbling up. “Listen to you? Noah didn’t bother listening to me before completely cutting me out of his life. I don’t want anything to do with that piece of shit asshole. I’m done with him.” />
  She looked surprised at my sudden outburst, and then her face softened. She smiled sadly and nodded her head.

  “Yeah, I really don’t blame you. He is a real piece of shit sometimes.”

  I sighed, exasperated. I felt better after having blown up, and I knew none of that was her fault. It said a lot about me, that I was willing to yell at a stranger.

  “Look, what do you want?” I asked.

  “Just, hear me out for a second, okay?”

  “Fine, but talk fast. I’m supposed to be working.”

  She nodded. “What Noah did to you is fucked up. Really fucked up. I mean, I honestly didn’t think he was capable of cutting someone out like that. It’s some pretty ruthless shit.”

  I rolled my eyes. She didn’t know the half of it.

  “I know. But listen,” she said, continuing. “After he stopped talking to you, he changed. I’ve known Noah for a while now, ever since we first came to college, and he’s always been there for me. He was there for me when I was pretty messed up on drugs and dealing with my own issues. He was the only person I would listen to, the only person who really understood, because he had gone through it all himself. When he came to school, he forced himself to get clean and to stay clean, and he has been ever since.

  “And I’m still dealing with that stuff, and he’s still trying to help, but he’s different. I mean, really different. He’s back into partying, going out almost every night, and I think he’s doing drugs again. And it all started when he cut you out of his life. Look, Linda, I don’t know what happened between you guys, but he’s still in love with you. There’s no other reason why he would have done what he did.

  “He needs help, and I can’t do it. He won’t listen to me. So I’m here to beg you to get in contact with him and to talk to him. I don’t care if it’s just to say hi, or whatever, but he really needs you. I know this is really weird and you don’t know me, but I’m begging, you please, give it a try.”