Always Angel (The List #4)

by N. K. Love

  I lean back slightly and reach down to touch his thick root, enjoying the feel of his rough hair rubbing against my pussy. My other hand shifts behind me. Grasping hold of his balls, I caress them firmly.

  Grunting his appreciation, Jax leans back further and lifts up his hips. I pick up my pace as he meets each stroke with a sweeping thrust of his own.

  Dropping both arms behind me, holding onto his shins, I let him bounce my entire body as though I weigh nothing.

  “Take it all, Angel… Let me take you there.”

  Throwing my head back, I vaguely acknowledge my damp hair tickling my forearms. My shaky cries vibrate towards the ceiling as I indeed let him take me there. Here, there, and every-fucking-where.

  “Harder.”

  On my word, he stops thrusting and slaps my ass cheek loudly.

  “Up.” Carefully, he guides me up and then slaps my other ass cheek. “Stand on the floor. Face the bed.”

  Without question, I swivel my lower half and plant my toes on the soft carpet. Jax comes to stand behind me, takes a fistful of my hair, and pushes my upper body down against the bed. In a flash, he is fucking me again, unrestricted, and that crucial bit deeper in this open position.

  “Jax. Ffff-u-u-u-u-ck.”

  For the next few minutes, my vocabulary seems stuck between his name and curse words. Digging his fingers into my hips, keeping a tight grip, allows him to build up a ferocious tempo that hits my deepest spot on every thrust. My body suddenly shatters into an everlasting orgasm that’s dragged out more by his relentless pounding.

  “I fucking crave you, Beth. This pussy’s mine. Isn’t it?” He demands.

  “Mmm-huh.”

  “Tell me whose pussy this is, Beth.”

  “It’s yours, Jax.” I pant, breathless. “Always.”

  “All. Ways?” He roughly slams into me, proving his point. But my freshly fucked state is still aware that he’s asking if this means we’re back on track.

  I hesitate for a second. Feel, don’t think.

  Fuck fighting this anymore. Fuck It.

  “Yes.”

  Jax groans out a knee buckling, masculine sound as he shoots his come inside of me. Filling my pussy, as well as my heart. Satisfying me to the hilt, both sexually and emotionally.

  9:36pm

  Standing butt naked in the kitchen, I watch as Jax pours us each a glass of orange juice. Caught in a trance, I fiddle with the champagne cork from earlier. Jax snaps me out of my reverie by handing me my drink.

  “Jax, I’m still afraid that I’m going to lose you.”

  “What do you mean? That I’ll leave you? Or… leave you?” He runs his thumb across his neck and points upwards, smiling.

  “It’s not a joke. I’ve imagined both, more than once. Until now, everything between us fit. But this doesn’t feel right. Like the wrong edge of a jigsaw piece being forced into place. I think that if you did what you’re planning to do, it’d change one or both of us.”

  “Beth, people can change, no matter what the circumstances. That’s not something that you can predict. It’s the fear of the unknown, but you can’t let that hold you back. Look at it like this, Mike was gay when you married him. He didn’t change, but it obviously didn’t work either. Relationships seem to be complicated enough as it is. You can’t map it out to secure your happiness—didn’t you teach me that, Angel?”

  “But, killing somebody, Jaxson. That’s as serious as it gets. That’s a whole different ballgame.”

  “Beth, when I kill that prick, it’ll serve to complete my vow. That’s all. I am at one with that decision… So, other than being content that that episode of my life is over, I won’t change as a result.”

  “I don’t want you to do it… It’s already like an ugly, black, storm cloud hovering over us… Okay, picture this; we’re on opposite sides of the same rainbow. We’ve both got to be willing to climb up that arc and meet in the middle. Regardless to whether what you’ve done in the past is right, I’ve accepted the pain and suffering you’ve caused as part of the Unit. Can’t we now figure out a compromise? For the sake of our relationship and all that’s good in your life… Please?”

  “There’s no other way. I’m not letting him off the hook.”

  “Then don’t. The police closed the case, but what if you pursue your pledge to find him… Then, instead of… murdering him, you hand both your evidence and him over to the authorities.”

  “Na-ah. In his case, I am the authority, B.”

  “Please, Jax. You’ve got enough evidence to send him away for his crimes. To make him pay for Chloe’s death, fleeing the scene, evading the police, going on the run… Maybe he is running because he is scared. Maybe he was in the country illegally and knew that if he’d stopped, he would’ve been deported.”

  I want him to see that I absolutely mean what I’m asking. I am totally serious. This is the only way I can see it working. This is my compromise.

  “You’ve really thought about this.”

  He puts his glass down behind him and closes his eyes, rubbing his palms over his hair. He is thinking about it. With just a little more persuasion…

  “Okay, here’s another analogy. Take this cork, it’ll never fit back in its bottle. No matter how hard you try, once it’s out, there’s no going back. When the day comes, there’d be no do overs.”

  “I won’t change. What if I didn’t tell you? Then you wouldn’t need to look at me differently.”

  “No way. Our relationship is built on unfiltered honesty, remember? You don’t get to choose which parts of your life you let me into. All or nothing.”

  “Fuck, Beth.”

  He punches the palm of his hand and the smacking sound cause me to flinch. Breathing deeply, he looks at me again and I can see that I’m somehow managing to wear him down. Walking over to where he’s leaning back against the counter, I fold the cork into his palm.

  “Jax, you see me with these beautiful eyes. You’ve opened up to me with this perfect mouth of yours. But here…”

  “Beth.” He warns as I place my hand over his heart.

  “Here, you’re concealing a wonderful heart. You’ve gotta give it a chance—give us a chance. This is the only way we can work… You’ve got to decide if the sacrifice is worth it.”

  Jax drops his head and takes a deep breath in and out before looking back at me with a new determination.

  “It is. It is worth it.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re worth it. I never would’ve thought I’d go back on my word. I have never in my life gone back on my word. But something about you always makes me wanna do things differently. Being here, with you—it puts things in perspective.”

  “Sooo, you agree?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really? I mean, really really? You promise?”

  “I promise.”

  And just like that, a magical feeling of completeness washes over me.

  We celebrated by feeding each other cookie dough ice-cream with our personalized, matching spoons! Then, like the good girl that I am, I showed my appreciation by dropping to my knees and deep throating the life out of him with my ice cold mouth.

  Feeling sated for the first time in a long time, we go back to bed and snuggle up between the sheets with Jax spooning me. His luscious cloak of protectiveness is back where I need it and my whole body’s humming.

  The fact that I can so easily and happily hand over my trust and loyalty to him speaks volumes about the depth of my love for him. It’s final. I cannot function without him. I cannot live without him, and I don’t plan on trying to ever again.

  “B, you still awake?”

  “Mmm.”

  “I was worried too, you know. Being without you was hard for me. I’ve questioned a lot of things lately.”

  “Yeah?”

  “After I left 24/7 yesterday, I admit that I was worried it was the last part of normality I had left.”

  Grabbing my attention more, I open my eyes. If he wants to open up, I’m
not missing this.

  “Were you concerned you’d start the Unit back up again?”

  “No, no. That wouldn’t happen. Not now. That is over with, but I don’t regret it, Beth. If anything, I’m looking at it as though I closed the doors whilst we were on a high. We’d been really successful of late and had managed to help a lot of people. The legit side of my role will continue, you know, with the charities.”

  “What was it that worried you then? Going back to drugs?”

  “It crossed my mind. That, and drinking more.”

  “You didn’t have to leave the gym for me. You know I appreciate the sentiment, but you can still go back, can’t you?”

  “Beth, wanting to take some pressure off you instigated the decision, but I needed a change. I’ve took the gym to where it needs to be. I was only ever an imposter anyway. Now, Craig can take over.”

  “Well, as we’re sharing… Ironically, something I regret from last week is the amount I was drinking. I didn’t do it out of self-pity, I don’t think. It was more because my thoughts were driving me crazy and making my brain feel claustrophobic. It helped me escape.”

  “You’re feeling okay about tonight though, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I am. So good. I know you don’t believe that we needed the time apart, and I know it was hard. But, it has shown me how much I need you in my life, regardless. Aaaaand evidently, fucking some sense into me helped too, right?”

  His laugh vibrates against my shoulder blades and he holds my waist that little bit tighter, which reminds me…

  “As you can tell, I also found food a good distraction too.”

  Jax runs his hands over my tummy and up to squeeze hold of my hip.

  “Mmm. More of you to love.” His hand freezes its grip and his body tenses. “Beth, I—”

  “Shhh.” His panicked tone tells me he’s about to retract. “Don’t. Please.”

  A second later, Jax relaxes and starts methodically stroking his fingers up and down my side. I close my eyes and let his delicate touch mingle with the warm words of his Freudian slip. This peaceful state of mind rocks me into a beautifully, blissful sleep.

  Chapter Six

  Friday 15th May 2015

  2:30am

  Jax

  I wake up suddenly, with my fists clenched around the bed sheets. My heart is thumping through my chest. I’m disorientated and breathless.

  “It’s okay, I’m here. Jax, it’s okay.”

  I turn my head quickly in the direction of the soft, calming voice of my girl. My eyes squint in the darkness, trying to focus on the silhouette of her face as my heart rate slows back down.

  “B?”

  “I’m here. It was just a nightmare.”

  Beth’s hand cautiously overlaps mine, releasing some of the tension on my fists.

  “I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”

  I start touching her face, her shoulders, checking she’s okay. I’m still caught up in the dregs of my subconscious thoughts.

  “No. It’s okay. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

  “You were shouting my name. Panicking. Do you remember what it was about?”

  Unfortunately, I remember it as clear as day.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Tell me.”

  “It happens all the time.”

  “Don’t be flippant.”

  “B, I’ve always had nightmares… It’s just that since I met you, you seem to always be there. Well, in this particular one anyway.”

  “A reoccurring one? Why haven’t you told me before?”

  “It doesn’t mean anything, I’m used to it. As long as I didn’t scare you.”

  I hook my arm around her shoulders, easing her into my chest.

  “G, can you tell me what happens, please?”

  I pause for a moment, wondering whether to or not. Unfiltered.

  “You’re lying in the road, tied up, and a car is racing straight for you at high speed. I’m shouting for you to get up, but you can’t. Then I realise that I’m the one driving and the brakes don’t work. I see your face. It’s lit up by the dazzling headlights, right before you disappear beneath the car. That’s when I always wake up.”

  “And you’ve been dreaming that since we met?”

  “Yeah, on and off. Hadn’t happened for a while, until recently.”

  “Do you think it’s because you’re worried that you’re going to hurt me?”

  “Don’t read anything into it, Angel.”

  “I think that’s what it means. You can protect me from anything, except yourself.”

  “Maybe. Come on, let’s sleep.”

  “Since moving here, I’ve been having a strange nightmare too. Exactly the same each time. We’re outside and it’s summer. We’re making love on the grass—”

  “Sounds more like a good dream to me, B.”

  I reach down behind her knee, bringing her thigh up to rest over my waist.

  “Well, it starts off like that. Everything’s perfect, and then it flips and turns weird and sinister.”

  “Wait, wait, wait. Please don’t say—”

  “No. God, no. It’s not that. It’s you; suddenly you’re in pain, and I don’t know why. You try to speak, but nothing comes out. Then I see blood and I’m helpless. It’s awful, Jax. That moment, when you’re in pain, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  “I know that feeling all too well… Is that when you wake up?”

  “Yes—usually. But, this morning, I didn’t. For the first time, it went on a few seconds longer. Long enough for me to see the vital piece that I’d been missing before.”

  “And?”

  “And, it was me, Jax. It was me that had hurt you. I was lying on my back with my hands spread out across the grass. But when I went to move, there was something in my hand. A bloodied knife. As cliché as it sounds, I’d stabbed you in the back. You’d given everything to me. You’d put your trust in me, and I’d taken it all… Then stabbed you in the back.”

  “Shhh… Angel, it’s just your head playing tricks on you. With me not being around, memories of me being stabbed, you thinking about our future… It’s all collided together in a nasty dream… Everything’s okay now. We’re okay.” I kiss her head and then realise something. “Is that why you didn’t want me on top earlier tonight? You didn’t want to be in that position?”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just still so vivid.”

  “Well, we’ll have to work on putting that right, Angel, when you’re ready.”

  I kiss the top of her head again and she snuggles into me.

  “We’d better get some sleep, G. Some of us have a job to get to in the morning!”

  7:05pm

  Beth

  I haven’t stopped today, still running on pure adrenalin from last night’s events.

  Over breakfast this morning, Jax told me he’s got a surprise for me tonight, so I’ve been excited all day. Thankfully, Marcella managed to squeeze me in with an appointment this afternoon, so I left work a little early and drove over to Bella’s. After a wax, tan, and a French manicure, I left feeling fully refreshed and back on form.

  I popped into Willow’s for a coffee and a catch up. It didn’t take Peter long to get the hint, making himself scarce so that I could tell Wills about last night. She declared I’d gotten my sparkle back, which made my heart sing because I know it’s true.

  I found out that Sonia had moved into a new property with Will, which was amazing news. It looks as though love really is all around!

  After being out for eleven hours straight, I finally reach back to the apartment and I’m ready to get myself dolled up for my man! I’ve no idea what I should wear because I don’t know what we’re doing. He did tell me it involves food though, so I grabbed a snack before I left work to tide myself over.

  When I head up to my bedroom, I almost yelp in surprise, I’m so taken aback. There’s an enormous vase of brightly coloured flowers on the table beside
my bed. As I walk over, the smell of the bouquet drifts by, filling the room.

  I find a stunning, floor-length, champagne evening gown draped out neatly across the bed. There’s a Harvey Nichols shoebox on the left and a velvet jewellery box on the right. Plus another slim Harvey Nichols Lingerie box above it.

  Once my eyes have gotten over the initial shock, they’re drawn to the familiar card lying on the dress; Wish 30 – Miss Taylor, I wish you’d do me the honour of being my date for this evening. P.S. I turn the card over. Be ready for 8pm. Yours, G x