Bang: Challenge Accepted

by M. Dauphin H. Q. Frost

  He practically drags me out after paying the driver. "Take your hair out." He reaches for my bun but I know he hasn't gotten this booby trap figured out yet. "How does my beard look?" He starts rubbing his hands over his face. "I want pink, baby," he says shoving his fingers into my hair and shaking out my waves after I pull my hair down.

  Giggling, I flip my head over and shake out my hair. He moans and I feel his hand come to my ass while I'm bent over so I slowly make my way back up, making sure to push my ass against him.

  "How's this?" I ask flipping my hair over my shoulder.

  "Yes," he growls and lifts me up to kiss me.

  "Let's go, babe," I say taking his hand and dragging him to the chapel.

  Walking inside, I can't help but giggle at the gaudy decorations that adorn the inside of the Little White Chapel. The background music is all Elvis songs and the little old lady behind the counter is smiling at us like we're the first couple she's seen all night.

  I guess it is still early for Vegas.

  "Hi, um…. We'd like to get married," I say smiling.

  "That's good. If not, this would be incredibly awkward," she comes back, straight faced. Awesome.

  "Right. So, does Elvis do everything here?" I ask trying to peek into the chapel.

  Jack's hand is resting on my ass and I feel him squeeze.

  "He can if you want him too. It's all up to you. Here, let's take a look at your options."

  She brings out a huge binder that looks like it's seen better days and opens it up. I sigh and reach behind me, squeezing Jack's junk lightly, earning a groan from him as he steps away from me and towards the counter.

  Thirty minutes later, the glasses are ready, Elvis is at the end of the aisle next to a little pink Cadillac and Can't Help Falling In Love is playing.

  This is it!

  Jack's standing at the end of the aisle smiling at me and everything I've eaten today threatens to come up.

  No. Nerves aren't getting the best of me. I want this man. I love this man.

  I'm ready to marry this man.

  Without running full speed down the aisle, I go as fast as I can to my Lumber-Jack. Everything Elvis says is a blur because I'm trying too hard not to laugh at how ridiculous we probably look. Glasses and all.

  "You two have vows?" Elvis asks looking at us expectantly.

  "Oh shit," I mumble, angry that I completely forgot about vows. "Can't we just do—"

  "I do!" Jack blurts wearing a huge grin. He clears his throat then starts to sing.... "Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help, falling in love with you. Shall I stay, would it be a sin? If I can't help, falling in love with you." He grins at me, a huge, cheesy grin I've never seen from him before and even Elvis laughs. "Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help, falling in love with you." He looks at Elvis then nods. "I'm done," he says quietly.

  Oh. My. God.

  Don't laugh, Jenny. Don't laugh at the horrible singer in front of you because that horrible singer is about to be your husband. Don't laugh.

  Oh Fuck.

  "I'm sorr—" I snort. "Um... wow, Jack. That was beautiful." I grin and I notice Elvis smile. "Well I can't top that song but I can tell you that I can't wait to be your wife. I want to be with you the rest of my life, I want to be the mother of your babies, I want to go to sleep with you and wake up with you and fuck you all kinds of different ways. Always and forever," I whisper then smile when I notice the look in his eyes.

  Love. Pure love.

  "Was it my singing voice?" He quips.

  "Oh God, baby." I start to laugh, unable to control it any longer after seeing the serious look flash across his face. "Oh my." My laughter starts to spill out of me, the damn snorts start coming and soon I'm crying and I'm not even sure why. Are they tears of laughter or tears of joy? "Shit, Jack," I manage between snorts. "Fuck, I love you, babe. It's everything. I want you, singing voice and all."

  "Knew it." He winks with a huge grin then whips out a god awful huge yellow gold ring that's almost as big as my hand.

  He looks at Elvis with an eager grin.

  "You have yours?" Elvis asks.

  I grin and look at Jack.

  We didn't pick out rings together. Ethel took us into the 'ring room' separately so we have a bit of surprise still tonight. The ring he got for me is terrible, but I still love it because he got it for me.

  Mine is even better.

  "Absolutely." Putting my hand in my pocket, I pull out the bright pink bedazzled ring that I found for him and grin. "Isn't it beautiful!?" I whisper eagerly, trying not to laugh at the expression on his face.

  Clearing the horror on his face he says, "I'll match your hair, sweetheart." And holds out his hand.

  After placing the rings on each other's fingers, I can't stop smiling as I hear the words come from Elvis' mouth.

  "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss your bride." Elvis starts to sing right as Jack pulls me in for a kiss.

  A kiss from my husband.

  After the intense kiss, he holds my face, not pulling his forehead away. "You're buying me a different ring, right?"

  "Anything you want, babe. We can get one the same time you buy me a real diamond," I say grinning.

  "What?" He feigns hurt. "You don't like that ring? Me and Ethel took time out and she asked which ring makes me think of you. Of course that giant sparkling thing made me think of you because, baby, you shine bright like a diamond." He winks and I almost choke on spit as I start to laugh because I don't know what happened to my Lumber-Jack but I'll take every side of Jack, goofy and almost as out of his mind as me, and all.

  ***

  The next morning I wake up in the hotel room smiling from ear to ear because I get to wake up right next to my husband.

  Husband! I'll never get used to that.

  Then reality hits. Shit. We have to go home today. Fuck, why didn't we think about this last night?! We weren't drunk, neither of us were out of our mind, but it was such a great idea that we both got wrapped up in the thought of being together forever that we didn't think of the reality of things. He and I live hundreds of miles apart. How is this going to work?

  "Hey, you," his groggy morning voice breaks into my inner freak out.

  "Hey." I smile hopping up from the bed.

  Shit, how are we going to do this?!

  "What's wrong, Jenny?" He sits up, worriedly looking at me.

  "Jack, we go home today," I say feeling the tears start to threaten.

  He curses and sighs, rubbing his neck. "We do."

  That's all he says! Nothing like 'oh hey, I'll move down with you' or anything!

  "I'm going home Jack Bang." He smiles then barks out a laugh. "Oh shit, Jenny! God how fantastic was last night?" He stands, smiling.

  "But we… we live in two different states, Jack." I shake my head and fold my body into his before the tears fall down my cheek.

  How did we not figure this out?!

  "Shh," he says kissing the top of my head and taking a deep breath. "We've got this, babe. We'll figure something out. Don't cry. I love you, Jenny. We can do this."

  "I don't want a long distance marriage, Jack," I whine and sniffle.

  "We won't for long. I promise you."

  ***

  Two days without my Jack is too long for me, but that's what I've had to endure so far. If I was tired before the trip, I'm even worse now. I can't sleep at night because I worry he's going to want to divorce me since I can't be with him. I'm worried my dog doesn't know who I am since she hasn't seen me much. I'm worried about it all.

  And add to it, I have a phone call to return to the city about the building. The fact that the people that share the building with me aren't even in today has my stomach in knots. Things need to start going good around here or I may just pack shit up and leave.

  "Jenny Bang, calling for Mike Rolland," I say when his secretary answers.

  She puts me on hold and my mind starts to wander. It would be nice
moving to Wisconsin. I'd be with my husband, near my best friend, and I'd be able to see my babes any time I want to.

  "Ms. Bang?" Mike's voice comes over the line.

  I've talked to him plenty of times, too many for him to still not call me by my first name, but I answer anyway, only correcting him on one thing.

  "It's Mrs. now." I grin.

  "Congrats Mrs. Bang. From the tests we've conducted, your building is full of black mold and asbestos. It's an old building, Mrs. Bang."

  "So what's all that mean, Mike?" I sigh rubbing my face.

  I feel like I should be more sad about this but really it's all just annoying. All I want to do is be with my family. My Wisconsin family. Sure, my blood family is here, but I really care more about the people living hundreds of miles away. Hell, I'd even put Porter before my blood sister. Bitch.

  "Well, the building has to be demolished, Mrs. Bang. The costs of reconstruction, or possibly moving the business…." I start to block out his voice when he starts to talk about moving my business.

  If I'm going to move my business anywhere, it's not going to be in Tennessee.

  And that's my deciding factor.

  I miss him too much to put up with this shit alone. There's all kinds of women in Wisconsin that can use my help.

  I think it's time I finally take my life into my hands and do what I want, rather than what I feel needs to be done for others.

  I think it's time I give my husband a little surprise.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  ;)

  JACK

  "Hey." I nod at Liam as I walk through the office.

  "Sup?" He gives me the thumbs up and I cock my eyebrow.

  "Nothing. What's up?"

  I have to tell him I got married but I don't know if Jenny talked to Ryley yet or if that's how this should go. I can tell Liam. He's my best friend. Of course I can tell my best friend I got hitched.

  "Hey, Jack," Liam calls me before I step into my office and when I look back he gives me thumbs up again.

  "Okay, buddy," I mutter in confusion and give him thumbs up back and he starts to laugh.

  With a shake of my head I go into my office. The guy's weird.

  I send Jenny a quick text.

  JACK: I love you beautiful wife ;)

  With a smirk I set my phone down and turn on my computer.

  "Jack." Liam walks into my office with both thumbs up and shaking them back and forth.

  "What're you doing?" I nod to his hands.

  "Huh? Nothing." He smirks and puts his hands in his pocket. "You ready to tackle that church this week, or what? We can't keep putting them off."

  "I know." I rub my eyes wishing I was in bed with my wife. "Yeah, I'll be ready. I'll contact them today."

  "Cool." I get the thumbs up again.

  "Cool." I repeat him and give him thumbs up.

  He laughs walking out of my office.

  Weirdo.

  JENNY: I love you Mr. Bang. Stop with the winky babe, I tell you at least once a day.

  Mr. Bang. Shit... what'd I do? I can't believe I took her last name. My dad's going to kill me. My mother's going to probably disown me. And Liam... Liam's never going to let me live this down.

  JACK: ;) ;) ;)

  Jack Bang. Even thinking it I can't help but smirk. Sure I've always wanted a Mrs. Reed, but my mom's Mrs. Reed, so this is okay. Plus I understand. She's Dr. Bang. She worked hard to become Dr. Bang.

  Shit, I don't know. It's emasculating.

  I rub my beard and look to my vibrating phone and a smile fills my face as her perfect tits come through on a text. I'll be Jack Bang all day for this woman.

  "Hey, Liam!" I call out ready to tell my best friend we got married.

  "Hey, Jack." Liam says walking into my office giving me the thumbs up again.

  "Seriously! What are you doing with your damn thumbs!? Is everything okay with it? Do you need to get it looked at."

  "About as much as you need to get your ass looked at."

  I quirk my eyebrow and lean back in my chair.

  "What?"

  "Nothing." He laughs. "What's up, man?"

  "I wanted to talk about Jenny's award thing."

  "Ooo! Let me grab my coffee and polish! I'll be right back!" he squeals and runs from the room returning a second later with his coffee. "Okay! Ready! Giiiiirl talk!" Thumbs up again.

  "You know what, never mind. Screw you."

  "I'm kidding, big guy. She get an award for fitting her head inside a vagina or something? There should be an award for that. Can you imagine that?" He's looking off in the distance like the bastard's picturing this.

  "You're mental," I grumble.

  "Okay." Thumbs up. "Anyway. Award." He rolls his hand for me to get on with it then gives me the thumbs up again.

  "I'm going to break your thumb," I growl at him and lean forward because I know Liam and I know there's some sort of joke behind this.

  "Just don't break Bangs or no more thumbs in your ass." He grins and gives me double thumbs up.

  Goddammit Jenny. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I'm like a deer in the headlights here.

  "She told Ryley," I mutter rubbing my face.

  "Oh yeah, and Ry shoved her thumb right up my ass with no warning and she just about got a knee in the face when I freaked the fuck out trying to get away from her." He's glaring at me like this is my fault!

  "I did the same thing the first time."

  The first time... I shouldn't have said that.

  His eyebrows shoot up.

  "You let her do it all the time?"

  I look away and try and think about my options here. There aren't many so I choose unashamed confidence and shrug.

  "It's not that bad. You didn't let her try again?"

  He's staring at me and I know he's trying to come up with something, some way to bash me.

  "Kind of," he bashfully admits after a few minutes of me not backing down.

  "It's not that bad." I shrug and pick up a file trying not to let him see I'm sweating because this is the most awkward conversation me and Liam have ever had.

  "It's just... weird. Hurts." He nods looking at my desk like he's thinking.

  "You gotta relax. Anyway." I give him thumbs up and he starts to laugh while standing.

  "Oh shit." He sits again. "The award?"

  "It was vagina shit, but I didn't want to tell you about the award. I wanted to tell you me and Jenny got married." I stare him dead in the eyes and he's staring at me like he didn't hear me and he's waiting for me to continue.

  "Come again?" he finally says.

  "I married her, man." I grin leaning back in my chair.

  "Who'd you marry?"

  "Jenny! Jenny. What the hell's wrong with you?"

  He's staring at me like he's actually not understanding.

  "Bang? Jenny Bang? You married Bang? You had a wedding, exchanged vows in front of an ordained person, said I do, exchanged rings?" His eyes flash to my hand like he doesn't believe me or something.

  "Uh, yeah." I nod. "In Vegas. She's my wife."

  "Holy shit, Jack. Does Ryley know?" He stands.

  "I'm not sure. I don't think so, but I know Jenny's going to tell her. It's our first day back." I shrug.

  "You married her?" he boasts like it's disgusting and I stand because if he makes a comment about Jenny I will drop him.

  "I fucking love her," I growl.

  "Jack!" He starts to laugh then rounds my desk and hugs me. "Holy shit, man! We need to party! Damn. I wish we were there. Ry's gonna be hurt, dude."

  I look away and rub my beard while sitting.

  "I know. It wasn't done intentional to exclude you guys. It was a brash decision that I wouldn't change for anything." I smile confidently.

  "Well we're going to have a party. What'd your folks say?"

  "Uh." I rub my beard. "I haven't told them yet. We literally got married a day ago."

  I know a lot of people are going to be disappointed but I can't stop smiling a
bout it.

  "This is awesome. I'm still calling her Bang though, dude. Sorry. Reed's just not as funny. Did you guys get it hyphenated? Cause I know she's made a name as Dr. Bang and if I know Jenny, I know she wouldn't let you change that." He shakes his head with a chuckle and now I'm just staring at him because I didn't plan this part enough.

  I thought I'd deliver it with a confident screw you if you don't agree, but now I'm feeling like I should shave my beard and buy a new purse for Jenny to carry my balls in.

  "She didn't take your last name, dude? That's cold. She wouldn't even hyphen it?"

  "I didn't ask her to."

  His brows are furrowed and he's staring at me like I'm a stupid son of a bitch.

  "What's up with that? Your dad's going to kill you, Jack. That's not like you, for you not to share a name with your wife I mean. Ya know, I never really thought about it but that pisses me off. She's your wife, you're married, it's a shared bond and shit." He shrugs. "If Ry told me she wasn't going to take mine, I think I'd be pissed. I'm not trying to sound chauvinistic or anything but it's a claim on your woman. You're a part of each other and sharing a name says that."

  "We share a name." I clear my throat and grab my mouse.

  "So she did hyphen then?"

  "Uh, no. Hey, what's that nuns name at the church? The good looking one? I have to contact her I think."

  "If she didn't hyphenate, then she took Reed? She's Jenny Reed." He grins.

  "Uh, no," I repeat. "Evelyn? You know which one I'm talking about? With the boobs." I hold my hands out in front of my chest getting ready to be struck by lightening but I want the subject off Jenny's last name.

  "Jack." He leans back and folds his arms over his chest. "What aren't you telling me here?"

  I just stare at him. He's going to find out. My name is legally changed. Well it will be once all the paperwork goes through. Maybe I can ask her to take my name. She's not going to do that… I know she won't.

  "Jack?" he blurts.

  "I took her last name," I shout and drop my head to my desk.

  "Wait… wait…." Chuckles are trying to turn into full blown laughter, but I gotta hand it to him, he's fighting it back. "Wait, wait, you took her last name? Took it where?"

  "Liam," I groan and lift my head. "I took her last name. I'm Jack Bang."