Spellbound

by Margit Sandemo

  ‘No,’ she whispered back, ‘but you may touch me.’

  She undid her blouse a little further, so that his hand could caress her breast. His breathing told her that he was becoming more and more excited. Suddenly, he withdrew his hand. She looked down at the fearful face that she held so dear and felt the sting of tears welling up in her eyes. With a deep sob she threw herself down onto his chest.

  ‘I couldn’t bear to lose you again,’ she whispered, muffled by the pillow. ‘Please don’t go back!’

  Tengel had put his arms around her. Touching her so intimately had not been good for either of them.

  ‘Dearest, dearest Silje,’ he muttered, coughing slightly. ‘It hurts me so much that you too must suffer for the sins of my forefathers.’

  Then, with his hand under her chin, he turned her face to his and kissed her – softly and gently, yet with a wild, restrained passion that set her lips on fire! Slowly he took his mouth from hers.

  ‘lt is best that you get up now,’ he told her.

  ‘Then let go of me,’ she whispered, but his arms continued to hold her tightly to him.

  ‘Dear God, this is madness, Silje!’ He was breathless and anxious now. ‘Please get up.’

  ‘I can’t – you are still holding me.’

  Without a word being spoken, but with wild passion in his eyes, he pulled her right up to him on the bed and started to feel for the seam of her clothes. He pulled at her apron and threw it to the floor, then did the same with her leggings. Tengel was a man possessed, overwhelmed by that most primitive of instincts, so carefully under control until this very moment. Now he was no longer a man able to suppress his passion – he was at the mercy of his primal desires.

  Silje rose to her knees and tore open his shirt. She had no need for pretence with him any longer and modesty had been driven from her by his undisguised lust. Tengel sat up higher on the bed as he unhooked the waistband of her skirts, his hands shaking in haste and his teeth bared in a fixed grin as he looked at her. She let her hands roam over his firm chest with gentle rhythmic movements before pushing them under his arms and round to his back. Impatiently, she touched the supple, throbbing muscles from his shoulders to his waist, noticing how his body was becoming aroused – heavy – warm and moist.

  She felt her dress fall from her shoulders and then took off her blouse and underclothes herself. Wild and crazed with desire, she heard him gasp as she revealed her naked body to him – this man who had never been with a woman – and he threw her down onto the bed. She lay beneath him, waiting, looking up at him. His expression was not focused; he was looking into the distance as though he was no longer aware of what he was doing.

  She ran her hands over his shoulders and for the first time felt how they were deformed – but she loved the feel of them as she loved everything about this man. Hands lower now, she touched his narrow hips and then his thighs, which were hairy and faun-like. He shifted his weight slightly to lift her knees, and at that moment she caught her first sight of his manhood – the size of it! How shall I be able to ... she thought, just as she felt he had found his way to her. Every fibre in her body was aching for him – she was ready.

  Although she had realised that it was going to be difficult to take him, she was not expecting the sea of pain that drowned her senses at that moment. She bit deep into his shoulder to stop from crying out. She wanted to get away, she fought him, but it was too late. The only thing she could do was to close out the pain and let him give her everything, yes, everything they had both wanted almost since their first moment of meeting. His hand was resting on hers – his touch gentle and loving. He did not mean to hurt her, but feeling his distress she opened her eyes and forced herself to smile so that he would know that she understood and wanted him to go on.

  Quite naturally, and to Silje’s relief, he did not take long. She watched his expression tum to one of unbridled ecstasy and at that same instant her pain began to subside and was replaced by a warm glow from knowing that she had given him such pleasure. Tengel, his lust exhausted, sank down beside her. Only the sound of their heavy breathing could be heard in the room.

  After a short while he broke the silence, ‘And you imagine that you and I can live together without having children?’ he whispered. She heard both joy and sadness in his voice.

  ‘Not any more,’ she answered, savouring her own complete contentment. She remained on her back, shamelessly, letting his seed find its way deeper and deeper into her.

  ‘Do you know what I want, Tengel?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I want you again!’

  He laughed a gentle laugh that showed his happiness and his regret.

  ‘You are mad, Silje, and I understand why. But this was too ... selfish of me. It was not how I had planned it to be.’

  He lay on his back, his forearm covering his eyes. ‘What have we done, Silje? God, what have we done?’

  ‘The inevitable,’ she replied slowly.

  ‘Yes, it was bound to happen sooner or later.’

  ‘Do you regret it?’

  Raising himself onto his elbow he said. ‘Of course I regret it! But never in my life have I been so overcome with joy. What are we going to do now, Silje?’

  Her expression hardened and she said sombrely, ‘Well, I suppose you could always move out again and hope that no damage has been done!’

  ‘No!’ He was shocked and felt guilty as he realised how much his words had hurt her. ‘No, that wasn’t what I meant. I wanted to say that we have burned all our bridges and I cannot for one moment think of leaving you. That will not happen. I love you and I know that you and I must be together. No, my thoughts were not for us, but for our children.’

  ‘You told me yourself that only a few are cursed with the legacy of Tengel – and, even though you have inherited it, you are the finest person I have ever met, so it is not always bad, this power. Anyway, if I have to keep begging and proposing to you, I shall hit you, Tengel. Are you deliberately humiliating me?’

  He hid his grin in her hair.

  ‘Silje Arngrimsdotter, I reverently ask for your hand in wedlock. Will you, dare you, be my wife?’

  ‘Yes, yes for heaven’s sake, yes! And it was about time you asked, too!’

  She laughed loudly as he put his arms around her in a great bear hug.

  Hanna, she thought, I have taken the first step!

  ****

  They lay together that night, talking in whispers while the children slept. They did not make love again because Silje was still in pain; the smallest movement making her gasp in agony.

  ‘Tell me, Silje, do you like it here?’ he asked at one point.

  ‘Sometimes I think that you don’t.’

  She thought carefully before answering.

  ‘I enjoy being here because you are here – and all I want is to be with you. I am safe here; only fear and danger await on the outside. It is a beautiful valley, I have started to put down roots and Eldrid is a good friend, although I have little to say to the others. But I have to tell you that sometimes I feel fearful and cut off from the world – I long for the freedom of the open countryside. I have thought many times of Benedikt and Grete, Marie and the farm boy, and worried about them too. And I have thought a lot about Charlotte Meiden; not because I want to meet her, but because I wonder what her life must be like, poor woman.’

  ‘That is something that I can’t begin to understand, but it is no doubt because you are a woman and more sympathetic to the way another woman feels.’

  ‘Has my answer displeased you?’

  ‘No, it was what I expected.’

  ‘And what about you, Tengel? Are you happy here?’

  He sighed.

  ‘Since I brought you here I have felt more settled and it is, of course, the place where I grew up. But now that we are to be one, I can admit to you that I have always wanted to leave, ever since I was a boy. I have this impatient way with me, you see. I want to be something, not just a mountain farme
r all my life. But there is little hope for one such as I, so long as the authorities suspect I am a sorcerer – and even if they do not, then I am still damned for my appearance. Last year they hanged a man just because he had a clubfoot. They said it was a sign of the Devil.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t tell me of such things. You know how it hurts me to think of these poor creatures. My heart bleeds for them!’

  ‘I’m sorry, I will remember. But you have to understand that other things cause my impatience as well. Something inside me makes me believe I am destined for a future other than the one this valley can offer. I really can make something of myself – be a great person.’

  Silje snuggled closer to him, relishing his warmth. ‘Is this something you just know? Like you did with my glass mosaic?’

  ‘It is, and the strange thing is that you ...’

  ‘Go on. Why did you stop?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It is wrong for me to put ideas into your head.’

  She turned over and leaned on her elbows, staring at him in the darkness.

  ‘Come on, Tengel!’ she implored.

  ‘All right,’ he said with a smile. ‘Your destiny will also be a special one – one we cannot as yet comprehend.’

  ‘Away from here?’

  ‘I am sure that it will be, but at the moment I feel it would be dangerous to leave the valley.’

  ‘You know so many things.’

  ‘I don’t really – not as Hanna does. She can foretell most things. I just have vague sensations – premonitions – from time to time. I have leamt to listen and be guided by them, but otherwise I am not so special.

  Silje didn’t quite believe this.

  ‘Eldrid says that you did things as a child that she didn’t like to think about.’

  ‘Eldrid shouldn’t speak about such things! Yes, I recall that sometimes I would be angry with people and that if I concentrated hard enough on hurting them ... Silje, what’s wrong? Why did you sob like that?’

  ‘Oh, Tengel, I was not going to tell you this! Something happened at Benedikt’s farm.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he asked in a fearful whisper.

  Reluctantly, she told him all about Sol’s rage towards Abelone’s son on the day he had threatened to throw them out. How Sol had stood, defiant, in the doorway then rushed away as soon as he had cut himself – and his accusation that Sol had willed it to happen. She described the look in Sol’s eyes when she eventually found her.

  Silje felt Tengel become more and more tense. When he spoke, his voice was cold.

  ‘Why have you not told me of this before?’

  ‘I did not want to distress you without cause, because I was not sure of it myself. What do you think?’

  ‘Think?’ his voice sounded tired. ‘I did something very similar as a child. I thought it was exciting and fun ...’

  ‘But you changed your mind and stopped causing such things, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes, we can only pray that Sol does likewise.’

  Silje lay back and stared up at the roof timbers. Sol was completely different from Tengel. She had none of his considerate, serious nature. She could often seemingly be nasty – hateful – even evil! But she is still only a very little child, thought Silje, trying to be fair.

  ‘There are two of us now, Tengel,’ she said at last in a forthright voice. ‘Together we will cope with it.’

  ‘Thank God I have you, Silje,’ he whispered, ‘you are a great blessing.’

  Chapter 14

  With the arrival of summer, Silje was able to appreciate the valley of the Ice People in all its glory. She realised for the first time how truly wonderful it all was and learned to love the mountains, the sunsets, the forests of mountain birch and the lake – every little thing interested her.

  Her happiness was boundless. They had been wed in a simple ceremony, performed by the chieftain, who had been surprised – not to say shocked – by her choice of husband. He assumed that, since Heming had left the valley, she must have taken Tengel in desperation. The chieftain had never learned the true reason for Heming’s departure – no one had dared tell him. In this way, indirectly, the people of the valley had shown their loyalty to Tengel. He drew a certain comfort from that knowledge.

  So Silje was now Tengel’s wife. Everyone was in good health and their future together looked bright. She found that doing chores in the home had become far more rewarding since he had moved in and she in turn had joined him, cheerfully lending a hand, when he ploughed and sowed the fields in the spring, and cut the grass in the home fields and distant pastures. They decided to keep no livestock – the barns were so badly in need of repair, and Silje had enough to do in looking after the children. It was better that they all helped Eldrid instead. Sol had been allowed to have one of Eldrid’s kittens and Tengel was more than a little worried when she chose the one that was blacker than pitch and would have no other. This and Tengel’s horse were their only animals.

  Tengel also seemed to be very happy with life. Despite this, Silje often had to wake him from nightmares – he who had once said he could not dream! As was the custom for wedded couples, they slept naked beneath the bedcovers and when he woke, bathed in sweat, he would straight away fumble to touch her face to make sure she was there.

  ‘Silje, Silje,’ he would moan, his eyes wide and full of fear. ‘Never leave me! Don’t ever leave me!’

  She would promise never to go and then take him in her arms to calm him and stop the nightmare. Sometimes, when he was very distressed and his whole body quaked, she would open herself and let him plunge into her – even when he had lain with her earlier the same night – because this seemed to quieten him. She was saddened a little when this happened, because, like most women, she knew that a closeness of spirit between two people is just as important as any physical bond.

  However at these times he always managed to lift her to the dizzy heights of fulfilment – and when he noticed that he was pleasing her, wildly taking her with him, all his demons and dark imaginings would vanish and he would sleep soundly in her arms. Silje found this very uncomfortable at times and she had great difficulty in getting him to move over far enough for her to have even a small part of the bed to herself.

  This is almost as it was in my dreams, she thought to herself with some irony. I use my womanly sensuality to turn a man’s evil thoughts to something else – but why must it always be sexual? What is this dark obsession within me that always draws me back to that? Should I not be more than an object to be desired by men? Is it my own lack of confidence, not wanting to reach out for other things? Whatever it is, it’s very frustrating!

  They found themselves in the company of the other Ice People more often now. Since the wedding, much of their fear of Tengel had abated and the farmers would now more happily discuss matters with him, sharing a joke or two. But there was always the tiniest hint of apprehension in their faces – the thought that they must be ready to flee without warning.

  Eldrid’s life began anew. Encouraged by Silje’s bravery in marrying a descendant of the Ice People’s evil spirit, a man who had for some time had his eye on Eldrid – and her large farm – finally plucked up the courage to ask for her hand. He and Eldrid were married at the feast of Saint Hans around the midsummer solstice. The man was one of those who had fled from the bailiff’s soldiers and sought refuge in the valley a few years earlier. Silje was pleased for Eldrid’s sake. Now she would not have to work so hard and would have a companion in her later years. She was beyond the age of having children, so they would not have to live with the worry of bringing yet another descendant of the Evil Tengel into the world.

  Silje had so much to occupy her that she had no time for her weaving, and although she missed this, she had so many other new and exciting things to do instead. Tengel took her and the children with him to see all his most cherished places and being out of doors all the time helped them keep the hazelnut-brown tan given to them by the first warm rays of spring sunshine on th
e last snow. They were all in the best of health. Tengel carried Dag in a haversack and Sol, at his side, had her kitten in a basket. Silje and Tengel noticed that her cruel tendencies were less frequent, possibly as a result of living among people who loved her and wanted only the best for her – but she could still frighten them occasionally.

  There was the time when they came to a waterfall and her eyes seemed to mist over.

  ‘Lady dead,’ she said.

  Tengel was startled. ‘How could she know that? A woman threw herself into the falls just here about – oh, it must be twenty years ago now.’

  There were other unexplained occurrences too. On one occasion, while they were walking in the foothills, she came rushing towards them shouting, ‘Home!’ Her eyes were wide with terror. ‘Danger – man under tree! Home!’

  They would always follow her wishes when these things happened, but never found any explanations for them.

  As autumn drew closer, Silje became very out of sorts. Her appetite vanished, she lost weight and her skin became very pale and covered in brown blotches. Tengel had thought of riding out of the valley to see how things were with Benedikt and his household, but decided against it. He sent the wagon-driver instead and the man returned after a few days with news that, while they wanted for nothing at the farm, Abelone was still living there and making their lives a misery. They were pleased to hear all about Tengel and Silje’s little family and sent back a large parcel with food and clothes for the youngsters.

  Silje was very touched by their generosity. ‘If only we could do something for them,’ she said. ‘Rid them of those unwelcome parasites, for instance!’

  ‘Yes, I agree,’ Tengel replied, ‘but my place is with you now. I cannot do anything for them.’

  ****

  Silje stood at the door one day and looked out into the yard where the first frost had already set in. Then with a sigh she closed the door to keep in the warmth and sat down.

  ‘I’m afraid, Tengel. What is wrong with me?’