by MJ Haag
He seemed to sense my uncertainty because he closed his eyes with a grimace.
Seeing him so upset broke through some of my fear. Alec held my heart. He had since the first day he’d held me while I slept. I needed him, and he needed me just as much.
I struggled to calm my breathing and rose up on my toes to lean into him.
“I have fears,” I said softly, repeating my words, “but I do not fear you.”
He opened his eyes and studied me. With deliberate slowness, he lifted his hand to my cheek, stroking my skin with a gentle finger.
“I can feel you shaking,” he said softly.
His pained gaze held mine.
“I don’t know how to ease your mind, Benella.”
I didn’t know if he could.
“Every time I see you, I want to...”
He released my hand and ever so slowly lowered his head. My breath caught, and I grew hot and cold in waves.
“One kiss. Say yes.”
My heart stammered, and I trembled as he hovered inches from my lips. His breath fanned my face.
“Yes.”
His hands rose, capturing my head and delving in my hair. I licked my lips. His gaze dropped to my mouth and the pained expression he wore became more strained.
“So beautiful,” he said softly.
He pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth, a chaste kiss. Then he slowly nibbled his way along my jaw. My skin heated, and I exhaled on a sigh. I tilted my head to give him access to my neck. A shiver ran through me when his lips found the tender place just below my ear.
“When we are husband and wife, I won’t attack you. I’ll love you,” he whispered.
I shivered again. He pulled back to study me. Lifting his hand, he ran a thumb along my bottom lip. Then, he leaned in once more.
Warm and firm, his mouth brushed against mine; and his hands drifted to my arms. He held me for a moment then pulled me to his chest. The angle of the kiss changed, and his tongue stroked my bottom lip. I shivered and lifted my hands to set them upon his jacket.
His mouth left mine; and only then, did I realize I’d closed my eyes. When I opened them, I found him studying me with concern. Had he thought I meant to push him away? I smiled slightly and leaned forward, lifting my lips.
He groaned faintly and met me. His tongue traced the curve of my lower lip before his mouth opened and nibbled at my lip. I made a small noise. He took advantage of my parted lips and dipped his tongue inside, touching mine. My heart leapt at the sensation, and I opened further. His hands tightened on my arms before one slid down to the base of my spine. He pressed me firmly against him. I felt the evidence of his desire, and a sliver of fear shivered through me. But, I pushed it aside and focused on the kiss and the memories of the things we’d done before. His mouth on my breast. His tongue between my legs. A heat grew within me, and I pressed myself against him.
He broke away from the kiss and stared at me.
Dazedly, I returned his regard. My lips tingled. My pulse raced. Kissing Alec was more thrilling than I had imagined possible. I hoped the rest would be as well.
“I think I’ll retire for the evening,” I said softly.
He nodded jerkily.
Father was already gone from the library when I stepped from the office. As I walked to my room, I wondered what the night would bring. My stomach tightened with coiled nerves as I undressed. After I lay in bed, it took a long while for sleep to claim me.
The feel of his lips on the back of my neck and his arm around my waist roused me from a dream.
However, when he only settled behind me, I drifted back to sleep.
* * * *
I woke the next morning with no recollection of Alec coming to me. I glanced at the empty place beside me, but it looked untouched. Puzzled, I dressed for the day and went to his room. The bed lay undisturbed. Perhaps only remade?
After a long search, I found Alec near the barn. He and Tam were loading baskets into the wagon. I watched the fabric of Alec’s shirt stretch over his well-muscled back with each move. The kiss from the night before rose to my mind, and I blushed. He caught sight of me while my face was still red and paused in his labor.
“Good morning,” I said.
His gaze swept over me. Concern deeply etched his face.
“Good morning.”
“If you wait a moment, I’ll fetch a wrap and join you.”
Alec set the basket he held into the wagon then approached me.
“It would be better,” he said softly, “if you stayed here.” He gently brushed a loose strand of hair from my face. “We’ll return before dinner.”
He turned away and climbed into the wagon with Tam. Tam clucked to the horses, and they rumbled off. Frowning, I watched them disappear around the manor. Why did he think staying here better for me than picking apples?
Still puzzled, I went inside to see what I could do to assist Egrit and Mrs. Palant. Both assured me they didn’t require help and suggested I read in the library. Withholding a sigh, I went to the kitchen. Since Bryn was with Edmund, surely Kara would need assistance. However, she gave the same answer and sent me off with a biscuit and egg for breakfast.
My disappointment only lasted a moment. I didn’t much care for cleaning and cooking, anyway. Hurrying to my room, I changed into my long forgotten pants and shirt and grabbed my bag from the bottom of the wardrobe. It felt odd, yet pleasant, to fit the strap across my shoulder and feel the bag rest at my hip. Recalling the last time I’d gone without word, I went to the library to find my father.
“I’m off to explore the east side of the estate,” I said from the door, already turning to walk away.
“Wouldn’t you rather read in here?”
His words, so similar to everyone else’s, stopped me.
“No. I’ve too much energy for that. I’ll see you at dinner.” I waved and left before he could say more.
I walked toward the grove of picked apple trees, then beyond. The vegetation between the trees grew thick and slowed my progress. I found several berry bushes, long shed of their fruits, and noted their location for next year. Walking through the trees didn’t distract me as I’d hoped it would. My mind kept turning toward Alec.
The remembered feel of his lips on my neck warmed me. Preoccupied with my idle thoughts, I jumped badly when Rose stepped out in front of me.
Thinking for a brief moment she was Tennen, alarm widened my eyes and robbed me of breath, and my hand flew to my chest.
“Benella,” Rose said quickly, “it’s only me.” Worry filled her gaze as she wrapped her arms about me. “What have we done to you?” she said softly, holding me tight.
Her tone and comforting touch reminded me too much of Aryana. Angry, I pulled away.
“Why are you here?”
She released me and stepped back to study me.
“To check on you.” Her gaze flicked over me, settling briefly on my wrists. “Two are gone and two remain. I worry for you.”
“What two remain?” I asked, a cold terror filling my stomach.
I heard my name and turned toward the distant call to cock my head and listen. It sounded like Alec. I glanced at Rose but found myself alone.
With her last words echoing in my ears, I quickly started toward the direction of the call.
Chapter 12
I called back to Alec, and a few minutes later, heard the snapping of twigs as he forced his way through the bramble. When he finally appeared, he was red-faced and disheveled. Twigs and leaves decorated his hair, and his sleeve had a tear. I’d never been so glad to see him. However, the way he rushed to my side concerned me.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Why aren’t you reading?” His angry, demanding tone surprised me.
“I wasn’t in the mood to read.” I waved at the woods around us. “It’s too beautiful a day to spend indoors. Soon the leaves will fall and the snow will come. I’ll spend enough time indoors then.”
“Benella, you
need to rest.”
“Is that why you came rushing through the woods? You think I need rest?”
He ran his hand through his hair, seemingly frustrated; and it touched me that he worried so about me. I stepped close. He stilled and looked down at me as I laid my hands on his chest.
“Go pick your apples. I will keep myself busy.”
“I’d prefer you return to the estate.”
His surly expression made me smile.
“Why? I’m perfectly safe out here.” Doubt made the words bitter. Who were the two that remained?
“Benella, yesterday...”
And, with that, I understood why no one needed my help.
“Yesterday was yesterday,” I said. “I refuse to dwell on it. Learn from it, yes, but not dwell. Tennen and the baker are gone, and I’m safe enough within the estate. Stop worrying so much and go pick your apples.”
He reached up to gently run his knuckles along my jaw.
“Do you know how many times I’ve thought I lost you?” He didn’t wait for my answer. “As a beast, each time you came to me and left again, I thought it would be the last I saw you. Then, you agreed to stay. But only on the condition I allow you to leave the estate once every seven days. Again, I thought each time would be the last. Then, when Rose gave you that dress,” he said the word with anger, “I thought some man would woo you to him.
“But you returned. You always returned. Yet, I couldn’t trust your devotion was real. Was it for me, or only to spare your father? Then you gave me the answer to free myself, to become a man who might win your heart. But instead of finding you in your bed that morning after the curse was broken, you were gone. And when I finally found you, abused and fighting for your freedom, you wanted nothing to do with me. You left.”
I understood then that leaving the manor so soon after Tennen’s last attack had scared him. I stepped closer.
“Shh. It’s done. They’re gone, and I returned then and will not leave now. Instead of the past, let’s focus on the future. When do we want to wed?” I asked, hoping to distract him from his worry.
His gaze searched mine.
“Do you wish to wed me, Benella?”
His uncertainty tugged at my heart.
“Yes. I do.” I took his hand in mine and gently tugged him toward the path he’d made. “So, how soon would you like to wed?”
“How much time do you need to plan the wedding feast?” he asked.
Looking over my shoulder, I made a quick face at him then turned back to the path.
“We’ve already welcomed those closest to the estate, so I see no need to do so again by winter solstice. And I would rather not invite your peers—much too expensive. The idea of a private wedding followed by a dinner with the staff is more appealing. If you agree.”
He remained quiet for a long while.
“Are you certain that is what you wish?”
I stopped to face him.
“Only if you wish it as well.”
“Someone once told me a woman’s wedding should be a pageant of beauty and extravagance.”
“Displays of extravagance for the sake of extravagance are wasteful. And a wedding can be beautiful without a crowd.”
He stepped close to me and cupped my face.
“I want whatever will make you happy.” His lips brushed mine in a gentle, brief kiss before he stepped back once more.
In the distance, I heard another voice calling both our names. Alec looked off in that direction.
“Swiftly was searching near the apple grove. Come.”
He led the way to the grove, let Swiftly know I was fine, then escorted me to the house. When he tried to steer me toward the library, I groaned.
“Why do you keep insisting that I read?”
“I thought you liked reading.”
“I do. But if you recall, I’m not fond of being ordered about. Why does everyone want me to read so badly?”
He stopped walking and turned toward me. Worry etched his features, but his appearance distracted me from it. His hair and clothes were still a mess.
“You should go change and clean up. I’ll find something to occupy myself.”
He hesitated.
“Have you eaten yet today?” he asked.
“Yes. An egg and a biscuit.”
“I believe Kara is making pheasant soup and bread. The bread was in the oven when we left to find you.”
My mouth watered at the idea of fresh bread.
“I’ll check to see if it’s done,” I said, already turning.
“I’ll join you. There’s no point in changing when I plan to pick more apples yet today.”
We walked to the kitchen together. I suspected his reluctance to change had more to do with keeping an eye on me than concern over dirtying another shirt.
When I stepped into the kitchen, I saw everyone already at the table. My steps faltered when I met Otta’s gaze.
I’d thought when Otta had exposed herself as Rose the night of the feast that Otta wouldn’t return. Her presence as Rose in the woods had firmed the belief that I wouldn’t see Otta again. Yet, there she was.
“Are you all right?” Alec asked, reaching around to steady me.
I plastered a smile on my face and met his gaze. Determination and worry kept me from glancing in Otta’s direction again as I nodded.
“I have a tray ready,” Kara said from the butcher’s block, pulling Alec’s attention from me.
“Thank you,” he said. “I’ll carry it.”
I turned and left the kitchen without waiting for him. My heart was pounding. Should I tell him? I’d kept Sara’s secret and learned my lesson. Yet, Rose wasn’t doing anything to hurt me. Nor had she caused any problems since the announcement. Telling Alec she was here would anger him; and undoubtedly, his temper would cause trouble.
Worrying my bottom lip, I hurried my steps to the library. Father sat behind his desk, reading yet another book. He looked up when I entered.
“Benella,” he said, standing. He came and hugged me. “I’d hoped you and I might speak privately. You ran out too quickly this morning.”
“I’m sorry about that, Father. Yes, we should speak,” I said, thinking of Rose, “but Alec is just behind me with our meal.”
“Afterward then?”
I agreed. Alec entered a moment later and set the tray on the table before the fire. Father sat in his chair and Alec next to me on the lounge.
“Without needing a celebratory feast, how soon can we wed?” I asked as he passed our plates to us.
He glanced at me, then Father, then cleared his throat.
“I will write Mr. Pactel today and inquire when he might be available. Would you prefer the ceremony in his home or here?”
“Here, please,” I said before testing the soup. Hot and delicious, I took another quick bite.
“Is there a reason to rush?” my father asked, sounding nervous and strained at the same time.
“No,” I said quickly with a glance at Alec. “There is no reason to wait either.”
Father nodded and considered his soup. Something weighed his mind, but he remained silent. Alec picked up his soup and began to eat as Bryn’s words came back to me.
“Father, I’m not pregnant.”
Alec choked and sputtered on his soup. I patted his back absently while meeting my father’s pained gaze.
“I swear. That is not the reason for a quick wedding. I don’t care if others think that, but I don’t want you to think it. I’ve settled my mind, so there is no reason to wait. I’ll wed Alec but I want nothing to do with the pomp of Bryn’s wedding. I want a simple dinner with those who mean the most to me. It takes little to plan for that.”
I realized I still patted Alec, though he’d stopped making noise. Turning to him, I found his face flushed.
“Are you all right? I should have warned you, the soup is hot.”
He shook his head, cleared his throat, and addressed my father.
“If you woul
d prefer we wait—”
“No. Benella is right. She has never been the type of girl to fawn over a dress,” here he smiled at me, “or waste time. A quick wedding suits her, and I have no objections.”
“I will write the letter and send Swiftly with it today,” Alec said.
Once we finished our soup, he went to his study to pen the letter, and I took the tray to the kitchen after a promise to return.
Kara was washing the bowls when I set the tray on the block.
“Would you like some help?” I asked.
“No. There’s not much to do besides this. I already have a stew for dinner on the fire.”
“Kara, Lord Ruhall and I were just discussing the wedding.”
She immediately stopped washing and turned to me.
“Have you already decided how many guests?” Nervous excitement laced her words, and I smiled.
“Yes. Only those who live in this house. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, most people here have shunned me because of—”
“It shouldn’t matter. You’re marrying a lord. No one would say no.”
“Exactly. They would only attend to be seen, to find favor or elevate their standing in the community. I’ve been used enough. I don’t want that for my wedding day.”
Understanding lit her gaze.
“Of course not. What did you have in mind?”
“The ceremony will be here with a dinner afterward. Everyone here can attend. I’m fond of roast if you think it manageable.”
“A wedding roast,” she said, nodding. I could see she was already planning. “When?”
“I’m not certain, yet. Lord Ruhall is sending a note to the Head as we speak. Soon though, I hope. I would prefer not to wait.”
“I will let Mr. Crow know,” she said. “Please tell me as soon as you’ve set the date.”
I left her in the kitchen to plan and returned to the study. Alec was already gone and Father was waiting.
“I admit I was surprised when Lord Ruhall announced your engagement at the feast,” Father said, as I sat beside him. “You’d given me the impression you were still opposed to the idea.”
“At the time of his announcement, I was.” His brows rose. “However, since then, I’ve realized several things. He truly does care for me. He doesn’t always show it well, but it’s there. I trust him completely, and I can’t see myself with anyone else.”