Dad is not gay

by N. Schwalbe

  Zoe smiled at her thankfully, but Pamela shook her head. »No, no, love! Trust is good, control is better. Tom is an introverted guy. These are the most dangerous ones. One thinks they aren’t up to much. That’s why they are having it off with women the most vehemently. Trust me!«

  »So you think, still waters run deep?« Biggi joked.

  »Right.« Pamela took her cup of coffee and turned to the servant. »Out with it, darling, don’t you think it’s highest time to establish a smoking room?«

  The young servant made an apologizing face. »That’s the decision of our boss.«

  »Then bring him to me, please!«

  »He’s not here!«

  »Of course, darling! I also wouldn’t be here if something unpleasantly waited for me.« Pamela waved her away and leaned to Zoe. »Listen, sweetie! Next weekend, I’ll have time. I’ll visit you and we’ll have a look at some tricky places for hints.«

  »What kind of tricky places?« Zoe asked astonished.

  Pamela looked at her disbelievingly. »Darling, places where your husband is hiding proofs for his infidelity because he is feeling on the safe side.«

  »I don’t know…«

  «Keep your shirt on! Zoe should wait for the end of the training with Luca Steffen,« Biggi interjected, »Then, it’s easier for us to foresee whether Tom is only exhausted or whether he is in fact having it off with another one.«

  »Okay, if you think so. I wouldn’t waste any time,« Pamela said sharp.

  Zoe and Biggi looked at each other meaningfully. None of them intended to act as a detective.

  ***

  Luca raised his sword and let it rush down at Tom. He lacked in concentration today and felt only little desire to train seriously.

  It was not different with Tom. All he could think of was Luca’s body and the awful sex they had.

  Tom let his left hand slip to the point of his sword and raised the weapon to parry Luca’s blade.

  Luca was a damn good fighter - he had strength and was fast as lightning. Tom had troubles to parry his strikes. A bead of sweat ran into his eye and burned like fire. For a fraction of a second, he neglected his defense and, the next moment, he felt a hurting cut. Luca had split his shirt. Triumphantly, he raised his sword. »Winner!«

  Stunned, Tom stared down at his naked chest. A long, red welt appeared on his skin. »You’ve hit me! I’m bleeding!«

  Luca’s grinning disappeared. »God, Tom! I’m so sorry! That wasn’t my purpose.« He let his sword sank down to the floor and, the next moment, he found himself at the wall, Tom’s blade at his throat. »Never let go off your defense!« Tom joked.

  »You miserable bastard! I was seriously worried about you,« Luca said snubbed.

  »You weren’t.« Tom let go off him and grinned. »Sauna?«

  Luca slapped on his butt. »If you think I’m able to control myself, I’d love to.«

  Tom drank some water and winked at Luca. »You will have to. Tim and Robin will be there today.«

  Luca rolled his eyes. »That means there is nowhere a quiet place for us?«

  »Yes, there is.« Tom waggled his brows and laughed. »There’s a bush in front of the house at the parking lot.«

  Luca stood open-mouthed. »You’re not seriously, are you?«

  Tom shrugged. »We could also immediately go into the sauna.«

  »We could go into the sauna, pretending not to be wild about each other and, then, we’re jumping behind the bush,« Luca proposed.

  Tom hesitated. »No. Let’s have a quick shower, then we’ll go behind the bush and, finally, we’ll have a sauna.«

  Luca raised his hand and Tom gave him a high-five. »One can negotiate with you very well.«

  »Come and don’t stand around gaping!« Tom turned once again. »Sweetie,« he added coquettishly.

  Luca grabbed his towel and followed Tom to the bathroom.

  After a quick shower, they slipped, only dressed in a towel, through the terrace door into the garden and tiptoed to the big bush at the parking lot. They had hardly hidden underneath the thick branches, as they already lay in each other’s arms.

  Luca tore off Tom’s towel and dived.

  A car came and parked directly next to the bush.

  Tom was about to get off as he saw Zoe getting out of the car. He bit on his tongue in order not to scream with pleasure as Luca started to massage his perineum. For the fraction of a second, Tom clutched at Luca’s hands and forced him to stop.

  Zoe tottered towards the front door in the speed of light years and as soon as she had disappeared in the house, he let go of Luca’s hands and had a tremendous orgasm.

  Luca wiped his mouth with great relish. »Baby, you’re getting off like a rocket.«

  »That’s only because you’ve found an ultra-secret hardly explored button which is setting off explosions. And I can’t do anything against it,« Tom defended himself. He caressed Luca’s athletic chest. »You don’t even have one single hair here. Amazing! I really have to investigate work to look like this.« His fingers wandered over the belly, along the pubic bone and, finally, took off Luca’s towel.

  Tom was on-turning again as he kissed Luca’s soft lips. »How would you like to have it done?«

  »Pardon?«

  »You have one wish for free. Vibrating, blowjob or screwing.«

  »Wow!« Luca gasped. »You’re slowly coming out of your shell!« Now, Luca was the one playing with a branch.

  »So? It’s a one-off offer!«

  Luca smacked on his butt. He would have loved to screw him, but it would be the first time for Tom and he did not dare to penetrate without slip additive. For sure, he would scare him.

  »You want the hard tour?« Tom asked coquettishly and bent over.

  Luca moaned. »God, Tom, yes, I’d love to, but I don’t want to hurt you.«

  Tom straightened »Am I too pushy?«

  Luca looked up in the sky. »No!« He was desperately thinking about how to say it without getting him upset. »Tom, I love you! I don’t want to hurt you. You…you are not that far that I can fuck into your ass without this bloody lube.«

  Now, it was out!

  Tom was gobsmacked. However, he was not flabbergasted because Luca was considerate for him but because he had just declared his love to him. »Could you repeat this?«

  »Everything?«

  Tom grinned. »No, only the beginning!«

  »Tom, I love you?«

  »Yes.«

  »Tom, I love you!« Luca was looking into his eyes that he almost felt dizzy. He gripped Luca’s face and kissed him endlessly. He almost burst with happiness. »Could you repeat this once again?« he asked in between the kisses.

  »I…love…you!«

  Tom opened his mouth, searching for Luca’s tongue. Hungrily, he pressed himself against his body and held him tight as if he had to drown.

  »Is something wrong?« Luca asked as Tom let go of.

  »I’m completely overwhelmed. I’m so happy I could run out into the world scribbling your name everywhere. I feel so blissfully drunk that I could put you into the next airplane to kidnap you to Las Vegas. I’m that stunned I can say nothing anymore…« Tom breathed in. »And the Las-Vegas-stuff is a little complicated since you are a man.«

  »Okay,« Luca sighed, »May I understand this as a hidden declaration of love?«

  Tom smiled at him. »First, I thought, I went mad because my body was reacting so intensively being close to you, but then I supposed that it might be some kind of stimulus after my longstanding marriage, a play with the fire, but meanwhile, I have the strange feeling that it’s far more between you and me.«

  »And?«

  »God, Luca, I love you, too – with every inch of my body. I can hardly think about something else but you! When I’m home, I think of you, when I’m at work, I think of you and when I’m in the club, I think of you. Every second without you, is a real torture. The fact that you won’t be here anymore in about two weeks makes me feel sick.« Tom breathed in and interrup
ted Luca’s attempt to speak with a quick gesture. »I can’t imagine a life, just like I’ve lead it up to now, without you anymore. This thought is driving me up the wall!«

  Luca touched Tom’s lips with his right hand and pulled him into his arms with the left one. »I won’t disappear out of your life again. I’m only going to Egypt for a few weeks.« Luca kissed his forehead. »If you don’t send me away, I won’t go anywhere.«

  Tom looked up. »I can’t make you any promises. It’s selfish of me trying to tie you, although I’m married – with a woman – and I also have to feed four children.«

  »I know that you are not to be had, even though a woman is no real concurrence,« Luca added grinning.

  Tom shook his head. »For a few weeks now, I’m only married on the paper. You’ve long since stolen my heart!«

  »Will your arrest me now?« Luca joked.

  Tom poked him in the rips. »I’d love to, but unfortunately, my wife is rushing out of the club house. And she doesn’t seem to be particularly friendly.«

  Zoe swept past the bush, jumped into her car and drove off with screeching wheels.

  »She’s in a hurry,« Luca said.

  »Guess, she didn’t want to wait,« Tom said and sighed. He knew it was going to be very uncomfortable coming home tonight.

  Luca felt Tom’s change of mood and gave him his towel. »Do we have a sauna?«

  »Yes, I feel a bit cold.«

  On their way back into the club house, Tom apologized to Luca.

  »Why are you begging off?«

  They arrived at the glass door, but none of them opened it.

  »Because I haven’t satisfied you,« Tom replied. The bad conscience was written all over his face.

  Luca laid his head back and laughed softly. »Baby, you got to know a lot!«

  »What do you mean?«

  Luca pushed him into the house. »Queers handle some things differently than straights.«

  »Really?« Tom did not know what to do with it.

  The locker room was empty.

  Tim and Robin were already gone.

  Tom took his big towel for the sauna and marched into the heat, shaking with cold.

  »Would you kindly explain it to me?«

  Luca sighed. »There are active and passive queers.«

  »Okay…?« Tom did not know what he was on about. »You’re not talking about fucking actives and being-fucked passives, are you?«

  »Yes, I am.«

  Tom breathed out. »That’s absolutely whacky! Excuse me, if I have a partner I want to satisfy him or her just like I want to be satisfied by him or her.«

  »That’s the way straights are thinking.«

  »That’s the way normal people are thinking.«

  »Actives are rather aggressive, they want to exercise power, penetrate. The passive is rather effeminate, gentle and subservient,« Luca explained as if he had read the theory from a textbook.

  »Where did you read such a shit?« Tom lay down on a bench and stared at the ceiling.

  Luca sat down on the highest bench and caressed Tom with his toes. »Probably you’re right and this is really nonsense.«

  Tom straightened up. »Honestly, Luca, if I divide two people who love each other – no matter if mentally or physically – into two categories, than I’m reducing them to two sex objects. How can queers allow to be diminished like that?«

  Luca moved to get nearer. »You’re the first man I know who is thinking that way.«

  »Oh.« Tom was thinking about it. »And Elsenhauer?«

  Luca made a gesture of refusal. »Franz only wants to screw.«

  »So he’s a macho,« Tom joked.

  Luca slipped from the bench to kiss Tom.

  While they were kissing passionately, none of them noted that Mark was watching them through the window, stunned.

  ***

  Tom and Luca did not notice that Mark steered clear of them. They were occupied with their daily hours of training and the mere thought that Luca would fly to Egypt in one week.

  Tom had asked Hannes, who was a very talented young club member, to join their training so that Tom could correct Luca while fighting.

  On Wednesday evening, Mark came in and asked Tom to come to his office.

  Tom took his towel and left Luca and Hannes alone.

  Not suspecting a thing, Tom entered the office. »Mark, you wanted to talk to me?« He expected some organizational details and remained in front of the desk. »Is there another actor I’m supposed to coach?«

  Mark sat down, frowning. Then, he looked at Tom unfavorably. »Why? Isn’t one enough for you?«

  His hostile intonation let Tom prick up his ears. »How am I supposed to understand that?« Now, Tom sat down.

  Mark did not answer and rummaged around in his desk.

  Tom was thinking about whether Mark had gotten wind of him and Luca, as his first chairman emerged, banging a magazine called ›You & I‹ on the desk; a magazine Tom has never heard off before.

  Mark pointed at one of the cover stories. »Hetero – or what? Do the ultimate You & I-Test.«

  Distorting his mouth, Tom stared at the letters in front of him until they started to dance. Blush began to spread on his cheeks. He felt caught – just like a criminal.

  God, he was exposed!

  What next?

  Insecure, he gazed at Mark.

  »I won’t tell your wife.«

  Tom swallowed.

  He got pissed.

  Mark had no right to play the judge. »What exactly are you trying to tell me?« He had troubles to speak in a neutral intonation.

  Mark cleared his throat. »Well…I have…seen you.«

  »What have you seen?« Tom has always suppressed the thought of being exposed; he has always thought everything would turn out alright.

  Now, he was in a right mess!

  But why did he feel like a dangerous criminal and not like a man who had only fallen in love? Okay, he had been unfaithful to his wife, but that did not explain why he felt so paralyzed. Would he have felt the same if he had screwed a woman?

  No, Tom answered himself, he wouldn’t!

  »You’ve no right to confront me like a schoolboy!« Tom flew off the handle. »And why do you think I am dependent on your silence? Who is giving you the right to blurt out to my wife what you might have seen? Did I do something forbidden or are you the knight in shining armor who is allowed to lead me by the nose?« Breathless, Tom stopped.

  His lips were trembling with anger. He was so enraged that he jumped up and ran around like a caged animal. Adrenalin rushed through his body. He felt like running out of the much too small room far, far away.

  Tom paused.

  He could not run away now!

  That would be like a confession.

  And he did not have anything to confess. He did nothing criminal. Sex with a man was not punishable in this country.

  Mark stared on the ground and scraped his feet nervously. »I…«

  Tom raised his hand. »I don’t care about what you think, Mark! We’ve known each other for twenty years now. You’ve always been a good mentor for me, but this here is, damn it, my own building site. No trespassing, okay? I got myself into this mess and I will have to face the music.«

  They looked at each other in silence until Mark finally nodded. »I’m sorry, Tom!«

  Tom had still troubles to control his pulse. To be honest, the affair with Luca was no ›mess‹.

  He had fallen in love, seriously fallen in love.

  He was a person – no puppet made out of wood or rubber.

  He had feelings and he had, damn it, the right to have them. And he was accountable to none - except Zoe. But right now, he did not want to think about his wife. He just wanted to enjoy this amazing feeling rushing through his belly as soon as he was thinking of Luca. Love was something beautiful, something staggering, it was pure and innocent, allowed and especially one thing: private!

  »Listen, Mark, I live my life and you live yours. When
you screwed women in former times, I kept silent. Am I right? Yes,« Tom answered himself. He was still not feeling relaxed. »Keep out of my affairs! I’m doing my job here and I’m doing it well. I haven’t stolen anything, hurt or killed anyone. Spare me your rotten magazine and this bloody test. I’m not gay and if I was, it would be my problem!« He swept the magazine from the desk, but did not feel any better. His heart was shortly before a heart attack and so his words came out choppily. »I am a person, just like you. And whom I’m kissing or when or why is none of your business. And the fact that I kissed a man doesn’t mean I stop being a man. Sexuality is part of us, but it’s not all. So don’t dare to judge again about me.« Tom rushed out of the room and ran back into their training room, where Luca and Hannes were pausing.

  »Hannes?« Tom headed for Hannes and avoided to look at Luca. »Are you ready to fight?«

  Insecure, Hannes nodded. Hesitatingly, he took his sword and tried to keep up, but Tom was going so wild that he did not have any chance.

  Luca grabbed his sword unceremoniously and helped Hannes out.

  Tom was skillful enough to avoid the strikes of both of his opponents. Every step he made was in the right direction, each parade came at the right moment. Tom was in top-form. He was so bucked up that Luca and Hannes got frightened.

  »Stop!« Luca called after half an hour.

  Tom let his sword sank and slumped to the ground. Luca ushered Hannes out of the room and locked the door. Then, hesitating, he approached Tom who lay on the floor curled up, sobbing.

  Tom felt like a piece of shit. His heart was pounding from the strenuous fight and, though, he had defied himself in front of Mark he felt as if he had to burst inside. He was ashamed of his feelings for Luca, the sex with Luca, of the fact that Mark saw them and, finally, of lying on the floor weeping like a baby.

  Luca tried to comfort him, but Tom turned.

  »Tom?« Luca touched Tom’s shoulder, but that made him cry even more. So Luca went to get the towels and dried Tom’s back. Then, he leaned forward and embraced him. He just laid on Tom’s back saying nothing until Tom finally turned around to hold him close.

  Luca, who had not expected it, lost balance and landed on the floor. Tom wiped his face and, suddenly, he laughed. »God, that’s all so crazy!«