Her Older Alpha

by Shanika Levene

  “Tell me exactly what happened,” Hadley said.

  “He-- he came into the club, and sat us all down. He said that he was a good employer, but that the one thing he couldn’t tolerate was security issues. He said that his business ventures were at stake, as well as the safety of others. Privacy is his highest value. So we had to go.”

  Grace searched through her purse for a tissue and found one. She blew her nose loudly.

  “Roger came in, and showed us the part of the contract that we had signed, which said that if any photos were leaked by anyone on the staff, Jack retained the right to terminate all of our contracts. And now, here I am.”

  Hadley couldn’t believe it.

  “But what if it wasn’t any one of you?” Hadley said. “What if someone else did it? Could you get your job back?”

  Grace shrugged. “I don’t know. I think this happened before too, with the Locklove photos. The whole staff was fired. That’s why we were all new.”

  “Shit,” Hadley said. She tried to think clearly. Am I responsible for all of this? she wondered with a stab of guilt.

  “Who do you think took the pictures?” she asked. “Do you know who that woman is? Have you seen her before?”

  Grace nodded. “I saw her once. She came into the club and had a glass of wine with Jack. It was the first day I came on, and I thought she must be his girlfriend. He acted very possessive of her, and said that we should make sure she had whatever she needed.”

  Grace shook her head. “I don’t know who leaked the photos. I only know that it wasn’t me. I know we all signed the contracts, but it’s bizarre that he takes such drastic action over just a couple of photos. I mean, he seemed really upset. And now he’ll have to hire a whole new set of servers.”

  “It’s crazy,” agreed Hadley. Again she wondered if it was her camera that caused the upset. She continued to comfort Grace, until the coffee was gone and Grace thanked her for listening. As Grace headed out of the cafe, Hadley took out her phone and dialed Gina.

  Gina picked up on the fifth ring.

  “Hello,” she said. She sounded smug.

  “Gina, tell me you didn’t do this. Tell me you didn’t access pictures from the camera I placed.”

  “Hadley, I had to. You were too scared.”

  “I wasn’t scared, Gina!” Several cafe customers looked her way. She realized how loud her voice sounded, and lowered it as she continued. “I wasn’t scared. I made a choice. A choice to do the right thing. This isn’t just about you and your job, Gina. Surprisingly, there’s more to life than you and your career at Millennium Starz.”

  “I’m sorry, Hadley,” Gina said, but her voice still sounded smug and righteous. “You made me do that. Maybe if you cared more about your own career, you would still be getting clients. Maybe if you did the dirty work once in awhile, you’d still have a marketing firm. I have to watch out for me. You should watch out for you.”

  “Is that how you think this works? That you can act that selfishly? Gina, that’s not right. You’re immoral actions have a whole cascade of consequences that you may never even know about.”

  “Don’t talk down to me from your high horse, Hadley. Look around you. You don’t have work. You’re washed up. Your career is over. This was probably your last shot at getting back in the game.”

  “How did you get the photos?” Hadley asked.

  “It was easy. I have remote access. Anyone can, with the right codes. I didn’t have to wait for you to send them, but I wanted to see if you would. It would have been easier if you did, because I didn’t want to be liable for it. But my boss figured out a way to get access that wouldn’t be traceable, even if Jack found the camera. So, it was all anonymous.”

  “He’s going to find the camera. He’ll take it down and destroy it,” she said.

  “It doesn’t matter. We got what we needed. I’m sorry you missed out on your opportunity.” Her tone was so snide that it was apparent she was one hundred percent not sorry that Hadley missed the opportunity.

  “Bitch,” Hadley said under her breath.

  “Excuse me?” Gina said.

  “I have to go. Don’t call me, Gina. I think it’s best that we’re no longer friends.”

  Gina hung up before offering a response, and Hadley took it that the feeling was mutual. She had no doubt that Jack would find the camera and remove it, but she wondered what kind of damage it had cost him already.

  Who was the woman? A serious relationship? Could it possibly be his wife? The thought made her nauseated. What was he doing with me in South America, if he has a wife? What is he doing hiring women to dress like that around him if he is seriously involved?

  He said he hadn’t been sleeping. Because of me? she wondered. She knew that she would find out more when she met with him the next day. She wasn't sure if she could wait that long.

  Chapter 9

  It was much different to be in the room now that she was not an employee. She’d worn her best fitting black pants, and a flowing, cream colored silk top.

  It had been hard to choose the right top, and she had changed several times before deciding on it. Instead of a blazer, as she usually wore, she paired the silky material with a cropped, cap sleeved lavender shrug, which softened her appearance. She studied the iced tea that had been set before her.

  The girl who placed it down on the table looked completely at home in the club’s get up. She had a tattoo on her upper thigh, and another small tattoo behind her ear. Hadley imagined the scene at Coon’s Modeling Agency; Jack walking through the crowded waiting room and choosing the choicest cuts of meat.

  She placed her hand around the drink, and raised it to her lips.

  “You may go,” Jack said to the woman, who stepped away.

  Hadley and Jack were both quiet.

  Hadley raised her eyes and looked at Jack. “New staff?” she said quietly, though she knew already. She was trying to figure out how to accomplish what she needed to. She felt compelled to tell Jack how she felt, and also confess to planting the camera. She hoped that he would reciprocate with some confessions of his own. It would hurt to know that he was involved seriously with someone else, but at least she would know.

  Jack nodded. “I chose them yesterday afternoon. Jasmine came in one hour after I left the modeling agency. She was the first.”

  “She’s very beautiful,” Hadley admitted.

  “I think so as well,” Jack said. He sighed. “Thank you for coming today,” he said. He raised his glass of whisky and held it out towards Hadley.

  She clinked her glass against his, and waited while he took a sip. He set the glass on the table, and cleared his throat.

  He looked handsome. Less tired today, and his color had returned. His tanned features were stoney as he seemed to think about what to say. His facial hair was trimmed to perfection. He wore the usual white shirt under his dark, well fitted suit. The baseball hat she often saw him in had been removed, and his thick dark hair was slicked back with a touch of gel. The look he was drilling her with was intense as he parted his lips and began to speak.

  “I’m aware we need to discuss our feelings. I have to admit that this is not my strongest suit. I’m a businessman, Hadley. Not a romantic. I’ve learned to curb my intellect, but that doesn’t mean I’m in touch with my feelings.”

  “I can see that,” Hadley said. “You’ve barely spoken to me since we got back to the city. But it seems you can manage to have lasting relationships… if I can trust what I see on the internet --” Hadley said.

  “Which you can’t,” Jack interjected. “This has nothing to do with the woman in those photos.”

  “Oh, it doesn’t, Jack? I think this has everything to do with that woman.”

  “Leave her out of it,” Jack said, a hint of icy anger surfacing for the first time. Hadley was silenced. She could tell that she’d struck a nerve, and knew that she had to let it lie. She’d never seen him angry before. He was cold, indifferent, and extremely guarded, but rar
ely did he show anger.

  “Okay,” Hadley said. “Then let’s talk about…” She almost said ‘us,’ but realized that was not the issue. “You,” she said. “Let’s talk about you, Jack. What’s going on with you? I want to know how you feel… about me.” There. She had said it. She had put all of the cards on the table.

  *****

  The woman across from him was making him feel things he hadn’t in a long time. Her long, wavy bangs hung across her eyes, and she brushed them away occasionally in an endearing manner. When she did, he noticed golden highlights woven into the ebony black strands.

  He noticed her eye makeup -- it was done perfectly, and made her wide almond shaped eyes an even more prominent feature on her heart shaped face.

  Her lips glistened.

  What do I feel about her? he wondered. He had cut off his emotions towards women so completely when his first love left him, all those years ago. The police investigation that they had gone through, and the scare of losing their daughter. How could he explain the feelings that were stirring in him, towards this woman, now? The way he couldn’t sleep at night because of thoughts about her, and concern that he would hurt her.

  He was aware that she was watching him. He pressed his lips together, and instead of speaking he reached for his whisky.

  She waited patiently.

  When he set it down, he spoke. “I enjoy women, Hadley. I don’t have relationships with them. Women -- you -- are in my life for enjoyment. Like the snow… my food, my houses, my cars. I can’t get involved in any other way. I told you that the second night we were together. I expected you to enjoy me as well. Did you?” He raised his eyebrow.

  He saw her face change as she remembered their night together. She bit her lip, and then moved her hand to her collarbone. She laid it there, touching the soft fabric of her jacket. She looked away.

  “I did, Jack,” she said softly.

  I know you did, he thought. You told me not to stop. You cried my name over and over. I know you enjoyed me just as I enjoyed you.

  “But… There’s more to it than that, Jack. You’re a human being, with emotions. It doesn’t matter that you have all of this.” She motioned around the club. “You’ve forgotten how to love. I think I could show you.”

  What is she offering me? he wondered, his heartbeat quickening. Doesn’t she know I am incapable of that? I’ve learned it over and over again. I’m not like others. I can’t have the simple relationships that others have. My life will never be like that again.

  Hadley was watching him. He was about to speak when she said softly, “Unless someone else already has. That woman… how long have--”

  “I said don’t talk about her!” Jack heard the slap of his own hand against the table. His blood pressure spiked as his glass and hers jumped slightly.

  He could picture the small, black, button sized camera that he had found in the back of the Cadillac, after the photos had been released. He remembered the feel of crunching it beneath his boot.

  He remembered other cameras -- the one he and his ex had found in the nursery… three days after the kidnapping. The black camera that had been focused on his daughter’s crib. He’d smashed that one as well, though the police had given him hell for it.

  *****

  Hadley watched Jack carefully. He was trying to maintain his composure, but she could tell that it was difficult. His hand shook as he brought it up to his temple. He pressed his hand back, along the side of his head, smoothing the hair that had fallen away from his head with his outburst.

  What is this about? Hadley wondered.

  “Jack, talk to me,” she said. “I can help you.” She was not yet ready to tell him that she had put the camera in the back of the car. This was not the time.

  “I care about you, Jack,” she said again.

  When he looked up at her, she saw confusion and pain in his eyes. The way he treats women, she thought, is a way of distancing himself from love. He’s hurting. He doesn’t know how to love. He may have once.

  She leaned across the table and took his shaking hand in hers. She covered it with both of hers.

  “It’s all right,” she said. “It’s okay.” His skin felt warm beneath hers, and she wished she was closer to him. She remembered the feel of his arms around hers in Jose’s guest bedroom.

  “You’re different,” Jack said, turning his hand so that his palm was up, against hers. “You make me see things differently. See women differently.”

  “I do?” Hadley asked, raising an eyebrow, and squeezing his hand at the same time.

  “I don’t know what it is about you,” Jack said. “But I feel like I can trust you. That’s rare in my life.”

  Hadley felt guilt form a knot in the pit of her stomach. What he was saying would make it even harder to confess. She let go of his hand, and averted her eyes. Just then a party of several business men came into the room, and several staff members circled them, attending to their needs.

  Jack stood. “Come with me,” he said.

  He took her hand and led her forward.

  She saw from the corner of her eye that the women in dresses waiting to serve were slightly confused by their departure, but that didn’t matter. She was glad that he was leading them towards more privacy. As they passed through the second, smoky lounge and onto the third, tranquil and dark room Hadley thought about how she would tell him about the camera.

  She had to.

  Should I be afraid of his reaction? she wondered. Why do I feel the need to comfort him, and offer him love, when he had been with another woman in the back of his car so recently?

  She saw Jack close the door to the dark, watery space. It felt good to be alone with him, but the thought of the camera nagged at her, removing any sense of peace that the room otherwise may have given her.

  “Jack,” she said, as he led her to a modern, black daybed. He sat on the edge of it and she joined him, wringing her hands.

  “I’m glad you trust me. You should. I care about you. I’m not interested in your money, your reputation… anything like that. But when I first met you, I was. Not in the way you might expect. I had no intentions of sleeping with you -- nothing like that. But one of my contacts in the marketing business world offered me a job if I could supply --” She swallowed, but pressed on despite her desire to stop. “Supply photographs. I put that camera in the back of your SUV. It was me.”

  She felt him spring off of the day bed, and heard him curse as he crossed the room.

  “Fuck… fuck, fuck. FUCK!” he yelled. She could see him in the dim lighting, raking a hand through his hair. He was pacing angrily, and she heard his breaths coming out, hot and short, in bursts through his nose as if he was a dragon breathing out steam. She stood.

  “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t come over here.”

  The sound of water trickling down the wall filled her ears, as she stood and waited for more. She felt guilty, terrible for what she had done.

  “But, Jack,” she said from where she stood by the bed. “I didn’t know you then. I didn’t know how much I would begin to care about you. I didn’t think it would hurt you, and it was going to save my business. My house.” Her excuses sounded lame in her ears, and as the echo of her voice in the empty room faded into nothing but trickling water, she wondered if she had spoken at all, or had merely imagined it. He said nothing.

  “I decided not to go through with it,” Hadley said. “I decided that you mattered too much. I wanted to honor your need for privacy. But the woman who asked me to do it found a way to get to the pictures anyway. I’m sorry.”

  Hadley realized that ‘I’m sorry’ was the best she could do. She had no good excuse for putting the camera there in the first place. It had been selfish. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, crossing the room towards him.

  “Get out,” he said, his back to her.

  Hadley felt tears fill her eyes. Her throat closed up and she began to cry. “I’m sorry,” she said, in a strained voice as she moved for
wards. “Jack. I never meant to violate your trust. Please believe me.”

  He didn’t turn around, and she walked forward towards him. She placed a hand on his back, and then slowly, carefully, circled her hands around his waist. His body was tense and rigid. She felt tears flowing down her cheeks at the thought of leaving him forever in this way. It wouldn’t be possible to walk out the door, and back onto the street.

  She felt drawn to him magnetically, and as she touched his body she felt they were communicating in a way beyond words. She could feel how hurt he was by her actions, and she sent love to all of the places she had hurt. Slowly, he turned in her arms, so that he was facing her. He took her face in his hands, his thumbs placed on either side of her jawline.

  “Get out,” he said softly. He looked into her eyes, and she felt him probing the depths of her soul, speaking those words but pleading with her at the same time to stay. She looked just as deeply into his as she answered.

  “No,” she whispered.

  He leaned down and kissed her, his kiss edgy and deep. She felt a rawness in his energy, an unmasked aggression towards her, yet she could tell that he was as magnetically drawn to her presence as she was to his.

  She felt herself hold her own against his rough kiss. She matched his motions, not with submissiveness but rather anger of her own. She felt herself acting out against the way he had treated her in the days after they returned to New York.

  Though she was not usually an aggressive person, she felt all of her bottled emotions rising to the surface as he kissed her. He moved as he kissed her, forcing her backwards until the back of her legs hit the daybed, and she fell backwards onto it. He remained standing, and took off his jacket. He tossed it onto the floor.

  He left his slacks on, and his eyes penetrated deeply into her as he moved onto the bed and held her down with his weight.

  She felt strangely excited by the way he pinned her down, and she placed her hand around his tie and pulled him into her. She kissed him, and bit his lower lip.