I still have absolutely no idea how to tell him so my latest idea is moving away to have this baby on my own, that way I can avoid it all together, but my twat of a brother just won’t let me. What’s going to be worse is when Cassie finds out I’ve known about this for two weeks and haven’t said anything to her either.
I’m such an awful person.
I open the door to the doctor’s office and make my way up to the reception desk. I’m so freaking nervous. It’s been six weeks since that night with Carter and this is going to be my first doctor’s appointment. Well, technically my second. I went for an appointment a few days ago and the doctor gave me the creepiest look and asked me to drop my pants so I got out of there as fast as possible. So here I am, meeting with a nice lady doctor.
I give the receptionist my name and she hands me some paperwork to fill out. I take a seat and get busy filling it all out and before I know it, a calming looking woman is standing in the hallway calling my name.
I grab my bag and walk over to her. She ushers me into her office and offers me a seat. I get comfortable and give her a nervous smile. “Hi, I’m Doctor Thompson. I understand you’re newly pregnant?”
“Yes,” I tell her.
“And is this your first pregnancy?”
I nod my head. “Yes.”
“Ok,” she smiles. “Well, you’ve come to the right place. First things first, we need to confirm that you are indeed pregnant, so I’ll need you to take this quick test.”
She hands me a pregnancy test and I do as I’m told and disappear off to the bathroom. I pee on the stick again and even though I already know I am, I can’t help but feel anxious as I watch the results appear.
“Well, a congratulation is in order,” she says.
“Thanks,” I smile. “I’m pretty excited.”
“I bet,” she replies before going into the details of my last period and conception date. “Alright, come on through, we’re going to do an internal ultrasound to determine how far along you are.”
Wait. Did she say internal?
I follow her through to a room where she has a table set up with a big machine connected to a little remote TV looking thing. She tells me to lose my pants and lay up on the bed with a blanket covering my bottom half.
She gets comfortable on a seat and flicks some switches on what I’m assuming is the ultrasound machine. She pulls out this wand looking thing and explains that it’s going to be heading up into my hoo-ha. I look at it in fear. “Don’t they usually do ultrasounds from the outside?” I question.
“Usually, yes,” she says as she starts putting a lubricant on the end of the wand. “But as you are so early, we’ll get a clearer view of the baby with an internal one.”
“Oh, ok, is it safe for the baby?” I question.
“Yes,” she smiles before moving the wand between my legs. “Ok, just relax,” she tells me.
Geez, that’s easier said than done.
She gently pushes the wand inside me and I’m distracted by the alien feel, but the distraction is gone the second the image appears up on the screen. I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking at, but I know, somewhere inside that image, is my baby.
Dr. Thompson moves the wand around for a while and clicks a few buttons as she takes some measurements. “Ok,” she says when she is finished. She pushes the screen aside so she can better face me. “You’re measuring five weeks and four days.”
“Excellent,” I smile, “And he looks goods?”
She gives me a knowing smile. “I think you mean ‘they’.”
“I’m sorry?” I ask with wide eyes. She didn’t just say ‘they’ did she? Surely, I didn’t hear her right.
She turns the screen right around and points at a little sack looking thing. “You’ve got twins in there,” she tells me as she points them out. “This is baby A,” she says pointing to a black blob before moving to another, “and this is baby B. You can see they share a sack which means they’re identical.”
Holy shit.
This couldn’t be real but there they are right in front of my face. “Are you sure?” Crap. I can’t do twins. I can hardly do one.
“Yes,” she laughs. “I’m sure. Do twins run in your family?”
“Uh huh,” I moan. “I have a twin brother and the father is an identical triplet,” I explain as my breath starts to come in hard. The more I think about it, the worse my breathing gets. “Shit, I can’t breathe,” I tell the doctor.
“Ok,” she says, helping me to sit up. She leans me forward so my head is practically between my legs. “Take slow deep breaths. You’re ok.”
I do as she says and concentrate on calming down. Great, if I thought Carter was going to freak out about having one baby, I can only imagine how bad it would be telling him there’s two.
I slowly sit back up as she grabs me a glass of water. “Feeling better?” she questions.
“Better isn’t the right word of it,” I tell her “But you don’t need to worry about me passing out.”
“I’m glad,” she says before allowing me a moment to get my pants back on.
Twins.
Crap.
I get dressed and meet her back in her office before taking a seat. She hands me a shit load of paperwork for more scans and blood work to be done then tells me the importance of choosing the correct hospital and discussing all the millions of things I need to know about not only having a baby but having twins.
At the end of the appointment, Dr. Thompson hands me a print out of the ultrasound that she has slid into a little cardboard frame. My heart swells with overwhelming love for my little babies.
Wow. I’m having twins.
I grab my bag and go to leave her office before finding myself hovering in her doorway. “Definitely twins?” I question, one last time.
“Definitely.”
Geez, a bottle of wine would go down really well right now. I let out a breath and nod my head. I walk out of her office, telling myself that I can handle this. I have Bobby by my side and eventually, I’ll find the balls to tell Cass.
I’m going to be ok because at the end of the day, I’m going to have two beautiful babies to love unconditionally and I can’t fucking wait. A part of me hopes they’re little boys who grow up looking just like their daddy, but another part of me wishes they look nothing like him as the constant reminder might just kill me.
I get out of the doctor’s office as soon as I can. I sit in my car, trying to come to terms with everything and pull out my phone. Bobby answers on the second ring. “What’s up, fatty?”
“You know that one bedroom, tiny apartment I have.”
“Yeah…?” he questions.
“I’m going to need a bigger one. I’m having twins.”
The sound of his booming laughter infuriates me so I hang up on the bastard and drive home. By the time I get there, I’m exhausted and glad it’s a Saturday afternoon so I can have a massive sleep-in in the morning.
----------
I can’t do this.
I’m at the three month mark and I’m already starting to get a big bump. I didn’t think it was supposed to happen this fast, but I’m already at the stage where the bump is starting to show through my baggiest clothes. People are going to start working it out soon and what’s worse, I have to go shopping for maternity clothes.
Far out. Just thinking about how big I’m going to get makes me sick. I can’t even imagine it. When someone is full term, they’re huge but with two…. ugh. At least I’ll get two beautiful babies at the end. It will make it all worth it.
I’ve been an awful friend to Cassie. I still haven’t told her and I’m now at the stage where I can’t even say that I was waiting until the whole ‘safe’ period was over. What kind of friend keeps something this huge from their best friend. I mean, these babies are going to be her nieces or nephews. She’s going to hate me.
Carter, on the other hand, deserves to know more than anyone. It’s disgustingly wrong that I haven’t told him yet, but I ju
st can’t find it in me to do it. He’s been a ghost since the hockey game and I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve been using the excuse that I want to wait until I see him face to face to spill the news, but then I purposefully go about not seeing him to avoid the conversation.
In fact, I’ve avoided everyone I know, apart from Bobby, but he’s been holed up in New York, even though the hockey season is over which makes me wonder if there’s someone special keeping him there. I pretty much go to work, come home and go to bed.
I haven’t even told my parents yet.
So, for the first time in my life, I feel alone and I only have myself to blame. To fill the void, I’ve started following a blog and to be honest, I’m quite surprised with how much I’m enjoying it.
I found her right after I got back from visiting Bobby in New York and spend a lot of spare time reading her posts. In one of the posts she went on and on about how she had written a week by week journal of her pregnancy that her baby would be able to enjoy when she grew up.
So, leading by example, I’ve started doing the same thing.
Week 1 – 4
I’m sorry, baby. I don’t really know what to write here. I guess… welcome to my guts! At this stage, I don’t know you exist. I haven’t been sick. I haven’t had sore boobs. I literally have no idea. All the signs that a woman is supposed to get to tell her there’s a bun in the oven, isn’t happening.
But you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve been taking care of my body, eating super healthy and exercising which I guess means that you’ll have a really happy and healthy home for the next nine months.
Week 5
So… I’m pretty sure I know you’re in there now after your Aunty Cassie made me realize I’m late for that time of the month.
To be honest with you, I’m a little freaked out and have spent the week in denial. I haven’t even taken a test yet. I’m flying to visit your Uncle Bobby tomorrow to knock some sense into me.
I think I love you already.
Week 6
Woah!!!!! There’s two of you. What the hell, you guys? Way to throw a curve ball at me. I nearly collapsed in the doctor’s office. I learned that you’re identical, just like your daddy, but there’s three of him.
Good thing I’ve got a good job as I’ll have to do twice the baby shopping. Which I’ll probably have to start doing soon, though I don’t know if I’m supposed to be buying pink or blue. I’m thinking you’re blue babies.
You guys aren’t going to fit in my little one-bedroom apartment. I’m going to have to start looking for something bigger for us. Do you think the city or the suburbs? I’m thinking a house in the suburbs with a yard for you two to run around in.
You sure are keeping me busy.
I saw you’re Daddy this week and to be honest, it was a little weird. But I was bad. It was the perfect opportunity to tell him about you guys but I chickened out. I’m so sorry. I know if he just gave it a chance he will love you guys, just as much as I do.
I know you need a daddy in your life so even if mummy and daddy keep being silly, I promise, I’ll make sure he’s around for you. He truly is amazing, you’re going to love him just like I do.
Week 7
Great news, guys. I can start to feel you now. My tummy has gotten firmer and not because of all the yoga I’ve been doing. It sticks out a tiny bit but not enough that I have to get new clothes. Give it a few more weeks and people will start to notice.
I think being able to feel a little bump makes it that much more real.
I love you both so much. I hope you’re happy in there.
I can’t wait for my next scan so I can see you again. I downloaded an app that tells me you’re the size of a blueberry.
… I miss your daddy.
Week 8.
Not fair.
You made me throw up my dinner, a dinner I spent a very long-time cooking. It was super yummy too, but apparently, you guys don’t appreciate chicken too much.
We’re already at the 2 month mark, how crazy is that? I’m growing you guys inside my tummy. When you think about it, it’s such a weird concept.
It’s been a strange week. A new development has gone up in that massive space on the way to work with a big sign saying Waters Construction. That’s your daddy’s company, by the way. It’s huge and he builds amazing houses for very rich and hoity-toity people.
It’s weird driving past it every day, but so far, I haven’t seen his truck there yet, so we’re safe to keep living in our delusional bubble.
Week 9
I found us a beautiful house in the suburbs, one with a huge yard that has room to build a pool… but we missed out on it. I’ll keep searching. I promise I’ll find us an awesome home to be a family.
The good news is that your Uncle Bobby came to visit this week, he stayed for a few days and then hurried back to New York. I think he has a girlfriend but he won’t admit it yet. Don’t worry, I’ll get it out of him.
Week 10
My app says you’re strawberries this week. Two little strawberries. My favorite!
You’re making my jeans very tight. Stop growing, I don’t want to buy maternity clothes yet. I’m not ready for that step. I didn’t realize you would be growing so fast, but I guess I’m extra big because there’s two of you monsters in there.
Aunty Cassie took me for a shopping trip and I was such a bad mummy and didn’t tell her about you special guys yet. I want to keep you all to myself. Though I’m surprised she didn’t notice our little bump, but she was very busy and concerned about finding some new ‘special’ clothes for Uncle Jax.
Week 11
I’m tired.
I’ve been sleeping a lot while you guys keep growing.
I saw your Daddy at his construction site today. He looked pretty handsome just like you guys will be (that’s assuming you’re boys, otherwise I’m sure you’re going to be absolutely stunning little girls). The place Daddy is building looks like it’s going to be huge. I’ll show you guys when you arrive. You’ll be proud of the amazing things he can do.
Mummy loves him very much and I miss him too, but that’s our little secret.
Week 12
Can you believe that we’ve made it to 3 months?
This time with you is going so fast. In a blink of an eye, I’ll have you both in my arms, struggling to figure out how to feed you both at the same time. I swear, we’ve got some fun times ahead of us, but promise you’ll take it easy on me.
I can’t wait to meet you both.
I watched a movie tonight that showed exactly how you guys are supposed to come out of me and to be honest, I should not have watched it. It’s... gross. I think all the other mummies are expecting me to say that it’s beautiful, but they couldn’t be more wrong. You come out all squishy and covered in slimy looking stuff, so let’s get this out of the way now… I’m not going to be a regular mummy.
I’m actually a little terrified. I don’t handle pain well, so promise me you won’t hurt me too much, ok?
I have another scan tomorrow, I’m so excited to see you. It’s a big one where they are going to measure you both to make sure you’re growing right. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Chapter 16
Carter
I can’t fucking believe this. Its first thing on a Saturday morning and I find myself driving to the Wilder’s building site because the idiot’s wife decided she wants to make a few more fucking changes that can’t possibly wait until Monday.
I’m driving through the city, trying to figure out what other changes the guy’s wife wants to make. I swear if she’s just looking for extra space in her wardrobe, I’m going to lose my shit at the woman.
I’m busy having a fight with the woman in my head when some brunette chick steps off the curb and walks straight out into the traffic, completely engrossed in whatever is on the little piece of paper she holds in her hand.
I slam on my brakes, making my tires screech across the road as I lay on the horn.
My hands tighten on the steering wheel as my eyes widen in fear. Fuck, please don’t hit her.
The woman jumps and her head flicks in my direction. Her eyes lock on mine and my world comes to a standstill. Holy fucking shit. It’s Bri. I push impossibly harder on the brake as she stands motionless in the middle of the road in complete fear. I see the recognition in her eyes, but the fear is too great to worry about anything else.
Come on, babe, dive out of the way or something.
If this fucking truck even touches a single hair on her body, I’d never forgive myself.
The moment seems to go on forever, but really, it happens in the blink of an eye. My car screeches across the road and finally comes to a stop, just inches away from her. I close my eyes as my head falls back against the headrest in relief.
That was way too fucking close for my liking.
I catch my breath and will my heart rate to slow down, but I don’t get a chance as one hell of an angry Bri is slamming her fists down on the hood of my truck. “What the fuck is your problem?” she yells for the whole street to hear. “You could have fucking killed me.”
Oh, hell no.
Anger instantly takes over me as I rush to unbuckle my seat belt and fly out of the truck. I slam the door behind me before storming to her. My eyes can’t help but do a quick assessment to make sure she isn’t hurt.
“Are you kidding me?” I yell right back. “Do you always make a habit of crossing the road without looking?”
“Nope. No way are you blaming me for this,” she says with that angry crease appearing right between her eyebrows, the one I’ve been dying to see again.
“You literally stepped off the sidewalk without even looking up. You were too busy looking at that,” I say pointing to the paper in her hand.
She narrows her eyes on me as her hand discretely moves out of sight. I can see in her eyes that she’s moments from blowing up, but our friendly discussion is interrupted by a noisy bystander. “Are you alright, Miss?” the old guy asks as he tries to get between us to stop us from ripping each other’s heads off.
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