Love's Dream Song

by Leesmith, Sandra

  Autumn sighed as she relaxed against the tree. She didn’t feel guilty for following him—she only regretted that she hadn’t been more careful. She realized he felt that way, too. “A fine pair we are. I wonder where we are now.”

  He explained about the canyon and the ceremonial purpose of the cave.

  “How on earth did you find me?” she asked. “This is miles from where we were.”

  With a growing sense of wonder, Autumn listened as Jess explained his encounter with Real Tall Man.

  “Unbelievable,” she whispered, more in awe than disbelief.

  Jess, however, took her meaning literally. “Scientifically it doesn’t make sense, but there’s research on mental telepathy that…”

  “Don’t explain it away.” She placed her hand on his to still the outburst. “Let’s call it a miracle. You see, I saw images of you and Real Tall Man, also. They kept me going, Jess. You might not have found me if I hadn’t crawled into those tunnels.”

  His expression closed and she sensed he wasn’t comfortable with the paranormal aspects of their encounter. Yet, he had followed Real Tall Man’s directions.

  Jess started pulling the torn material away from her knees and her attention focused on the bloody mess he uncovered. On top of that, she could sense a different tension building in him.

  “As soon as you get back your strength, we’re getting out of here. Those men aren’t going to get away with this.” His fists tightened. “They’ll pay for the drugs and for murder—but I especially want them for what they’ve done to you.”

  His words distracted her attention from the injuries. “Drugs? What are you talking about?”

  From the way the muscles in his jaw worked, she realized he was sorry he’d let that slip. There was no way she was going to allow him to drop it.

  “Drugs?” she repeated. “Is that what this is all about?”

  He studied her for several minutes, and Autumn could see the war of emotions going on inside his head.

  She bolted upright and gripped the lapels of his shirt as understanding began to break through the hurt and anger. “You’re not just a rancher checking on his property, are you?”

  “Yes, but it’s also a cover.”

  “For what?” Her voice sounded hard.

  “A special unit.” He explained about the international task force that he’d been involved with ever since he’d left the army.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” The anger began to overflow.

  “I couldn’t. I wanted to trust you.”

  “Trust me?”

  “When the drug operation started to point to you, I had to pull out of the relationship.”

  “What do you mean, point to me?” Forgotten were her injuries and all thoughts of miracles. “All this time you’ve thought I was involved in a drug operation? Did it occur to you to ask?”

  “Right.” His glance quelled her protest. “All the evidence was damning.”

  As she listened to his explanation, she had to agree. With her family’s involvement abroad and her arrival coinciding with the first signs of the operation, her possible participation appeared obvious.

  “I don’t know what to say, Jess. I didn’t understand and I was hurt.”

  “I know that.” From the strained tones of his voice, she realized it had been difficult for him, as well.

  “I don’t blame you for being angry. I had no right coming on to you these past couple of days when I couldn’t trust you.” His voice lowered. “But I can’t help myself. Every time I get near you, all I can think about is touching you…” He paused. “…and wanting you.”

  “Jess.” A surge of unexpected love rose. Its strength surprised her, but she should have known. It had taken effort to keep the feeling buried. “It was the same for me. I wanted you, too.”

  “Come here.”

  She moved into his embrace.

  “When I suspected the others, it didn’t hurt. But when I thought you might be involved, I ached,” Jess murmured into her hair. “My mind told me to be careful, but inside, I knew…”

  “I felt the same. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Now I do,” he whispered.

  “At least that part is over. We can share our feelings.”

  “Lie down, then, and rest.” Gently he held her while he stretched on the ground. He eased her beside him on the cool grass. “We’ll need our strength to get out of here.”

  Her response was a resigned sigh, but in minutes she was breathing steadily. Now she didn’t fear sleep. She knew she’d wake up alive and with Jess.

  The deep blue color of the sky contrasted with the red spires framing it. A jet trail streaked across the sky and was intersected by two others heading west. Cobwebs in the sky. Jess thought of the Hopi prophecy.

  Daya had told him about the Hopi stones, carved centuries ago, that foretold the future. All had come true except the one proclaiming the end of the world. That would happen when a house was built in the sky. In fact, the Hopi had been concerned when NASA had launched the Skylab.

  Jess glanced toward the jet stream. He watched the crisscross pattern as another airliner flew by. The trails did look like giant cobwebs in the sky.

  Autumn stirred in his embrace and he bent his head to nuzzle his cheek against the soft down of hair at her temple.

  “You were right, Daya,” he whispered in his grandmother’s tongue. “The Hopi prophecy came true, and it looks like yours is also.”

  He thought about Daya’s promise that a woman would teach him to love the Dineh. Autumn hadn’t actually accomplished that, but last night, he’d participated in one of the ancient traditions for the first time in years. There had been moments during the long night when he’d felt as one with his roots and his past. The ancient chant had plucked at chords in his consciousness that he associated with The People.

  The daylight had brought doubt. The memories had faded as his mind played again the refrain of hatred, bitterness, and denial.

  Jess closed his eyes. The action shut out the present view, but it didn’t close the doors in his mind. If Daya were here, she’d claim he was plagued by evil spirits. Maybe he was, but they were the doubts and fears in his mind, not supernatural phantoms.

  Daya had been right about one thing, he admitted. He’d met a woman he could love at Coyote Springs. His lips curved into a smile as he recalled that first encounter. He’d been expecting a rugged, maybe even a masculine woman, used to the outdoors. Autumn was strong and her clothes utilitarian, but every inch of her spelled class. On first sight, he’d given her a week—a month at the most. It had surprised him how readily she’d taken to the land.

  His gaze drifted to where her shirt had ripped apart. Her breasts were encased in black lace, no longer a surprise. He remembered the first time he’d kissed her. It had been a delight to discover the feminine side to her nature.

  It would be easy to resume their relationship now that the drug issue had been resolved, but would it be fair to Autumn? When he’d first met her, he figured her interest in her Indian heritage would soon disappear—especially after she saw the less than ideal conditions her relatives lived in. It certainly didn’t compare to the high style of living she’d been used to.

  Yet she not only stuck it out, she actually enjoyed his desert country. Her efforts to know her family had not flagged, but in fact had become more determined.

  He didn’t want any part of that quest. Every waking moment was a struggle to forget he was part Dineh. Autumn’s hunger to belong pricked at bruised parts of his conscience.

  “Jess,” she murmured as she tilted her head.

  He couldn’t stop staring into her eyes. They were shiny black, like the Apache tears Daya used to wear around her neck, and they were filled with caring and trust.

  “You’re restless. Am I uncomfortable on you?”

  “You’re fine. I was thinking of the past.”

  “Is that what haunts you?”

  An appropriate choice of words, he
thought. “I thought I’d shaken the ways of The People, yet last night…”

  “When you’re in trouble, you always go back to your source of strength.”

  Yes, well, he didn’t want to turn to the way of The People. And what trouble had he been in? Certainly there’d been worse crises in his life. He thought of his tour of duty in Special Services, the close calls he’d had while training the Contras in Honduras, and the brushes with death while chasing down drug dealers from here to Panama. In all honesty, he had looked to Daya’s teachings in those situations.

  Daya’s image formed in his memory. Her words echoed the prophecy. When it comes to matters of the heart. He looked at Autumn. Awareness of her body pressed to his filled him with warmth and a protectiveness that was strange, yet pleasing.

  “You know, I learned something while trapped in that cave.” She shifted, placing her hand on his.

  It was all he could do to concentrate on her words. “Did you rediscover your source of strength?”

  “Yes. But I also learned that I was searching for it in the wrong places. I thought it was important that I be accepted by the clan—that I couldn’t be who I really was until I learned their ways.”

  He couldn’t understand the sinking sensation he felt or his desire to close his mind to her words. He’d fought this battle already and lost. “Who you are doesn’t depend on the approval of others.”

  “I know that now, but you see, I let it hurt me when Arlo and the others didn’t welcome me. I still don’t understand why he kept me away from my grandfather.”

  Jess tried not to allow the guilt to creep up on him. He’d been right to warn Arlo about Autumn. There had been no way of knowing she was innocent. That rationalization didn’t make it any easier for him to admit his part in the clan’s behavior.

  “You mustn’t take it personally.”

  “Oh, sure.” She shrugged and then winced when the action caused her pain. “What am I supposed to think? I know it isn’t just because I’m mostly bilagáana. There are plenty of non-Navajo marriages and friendships…”

  He cut into her tirade with the quiet declaration, “It was my fault they didn’t accept you.”

  His words silenced her. She stared for long moments, her gaze probing uncomfortably deep.

  “I told you about my suspicions concerning the drug operation.”

  “They were in on that, too?” Dismay sounded in her voice.

  “Your uncle was my contact on the reservation. Until this venture, all of the major activity has been in his territory.”

  “You mean the clan has been involved in drugs?”

  “Not your grandfather’s, but several of The People have been cashing in on the action. The reservation is under Navajo jurisdiction, so the government can’t touch them.”

  “They have their own police?”

  “Right,” he said. “Often, a clan will protect their members from outside punishment, even if they know of the drug trafficking.”

  “Then, how could my uncle help you?”

  “He was traditional in his ways, don’t forget. He hated Anglos, but he hated more the disharmony that drugs caused. He wanted all the evil cleared from the reservation.”

  “And he thought I was part of that evil?”

  Jess turned away from the confusion and hurt in her expression. Knowing his actions were justified didn’t make her suffering easier to bear. “Your uncle and I have been working together for years to get rid of the blight that plagues this area.”

  “I can’t imagine a drug operation big enough to bother with. There aren’t that many people out here.”

  “Exactly why it’s a good drop-off point. Planes fly the stuff in from across the border. They usually land on remote sections of the reservation.”

  He rubbed his forehead to ease some of the ache beginning to form. The loss of a night’s sleep, along with the stress from worry, were taking their toll. “The dealers usually get Indians to handle the receiving end. This time, they’d outfoxed us and were operating from my ranch.”

  “They must not know you’re an agent.”

  “We’re undercover.”

  “There are more of you?”

  He clamped his jaw. He’d said too much. She’d be better off not knowing about Valdez and the others.

  “What about Real Tall Man?” He heard the catch in her voice. “Did he suspect me also?”

  Autumn held her breath, afraid to know the answer, yet needing to hear it.

  “Your uncle wanted to tell Real Tall Man. We advised him not to. The fewer people involved, the better.”

  “Thomas and Lee?”

  “They knew.”

  Of course they would. The state legislature was probably working in conjunction with Jess’s task force. Her mind reeled when she thought about her uncles suspecting her of operating a drug ring. No wonder they’d been reserved. She was lucky she’d been able to see Real Tall Man at all.

  Jess interrupted her speculations. “It’s been difficult for Real Tall Man. He’s been torn with wanting to welcome you, yet respecting the requests of his sons.”

  “He thinks they resent my mother.”

  “I don’t know how they feel about her. You’ll have to ask.” Her eyes closed with the sadness that came when she realized she wouldn’t be able to settle any of this with Arlo. It was too late for that.

  “Do you think Arlo died believing I was…”

  “No.” He pressed his fingertips to her lips and silenced her. “He must have realized you were innocent at the same time I did. They wouldn’t have knocked you unconscious if you were working with them.”

  “Arlo was standing there.” She accepted the relief at knowing he’d learned of her innocence.

  “He tried to save your life. That’s why they shot him.”

  Those words erased the relief. “You mean he died because of me?”

  “Don’t blame yourself. It happened. No one could prepare for the unexpected like that.”

  “How can I bear that?” She buried her face against his chest and tried to still the silent ache.

  He tightened his arm around her shoulder. “Don’t think about what might have been. At least he died knowing you were innocent. That means something to him and will be of comfort to Real Tall Man.”

  She took a deep breath and forced control. Her body protested when she pulled out of Jess’s embrace and sat up.

  “You’re right.” The shakiness in her voice betrayed her emotions. “Time to move.”

  “Here, let me help you.” Jess scrambled up to steady her when she stood. “You’re still weak.”

  Dizziness assailed her. Jess grasped her elbow and she welcomed the support. The heat didn’t help. “I promise not to guzzle that water. Let me go get in it.”

  Jess hesitated for a moment and then guided her across the grass. “You’re right. It’s hot. I wouldn’t mind a swim myself.”

  It didn’t take her long to shed her boots. She didn’t bother to take off her torn clothes. In minutes, she’d slipped into the cool water. At first the water stung her cuts, but after the initial shock, the cool liquid soothed.

  “This is heaven,” she sighed, turning to face Jess.

  He’d taken off his boots and was shedding his shirt. His skin glistened in the sunlight, the contours solid beneath the play of muscle as he stripped. She couldn’t help but admire the lean, masculine lines—the way his waist narrowed from the broad shoulders, the striated lines across the flat planes of his abdomen.

  When he caught her staring, he stilled. With the rugged desert terrain behind him, he looked powerful and male, like a warrior prepared to take what was his.

  Slowly, he stepped into the spring. As he approached, the water inched higher to cover his jeans-clad thighs, then his waist, leaving his bare chest for her view. She wanted to touch him, but couldn’t move.

  “Does that feel better?” His voice was strained and she knew he felt the same tension she did.

  “I think I’ll st
ay here for the rest of the day.”

  He chuckled, deep and seductive. Another step brought him closer. Autumn remained motionless, the water lapping just above her breasts. Beneath half-closed eyelids, his silver glance captured hers. Passion and desire radiated from him.

  Her heart pounded as her awareness heightened. This man had come to her rescue. He’d wrestled with personal doubts to find her. She wanted to tell him how much that meant to her, but she couldn’t get the words past her constricted throat.

  Without speaking, he moved in front of her. The water bounced from his bare chest to hers. The soft strokes caressed her and she wondered if the water had become charged with the sensations flowing between them.

  Underwater he reached for her hands and brought them above the surface. He inspected the bruised flesh, gently prodding with the pads of his thumbs.

  “The cuts don’t look too deep.” His breath fanned her face, cooling the damp skin. “You’ll be sore for a while.”

  She closed her fists to hide the ugliness. “They’ll be fine. I heal quickly.”

  “I have some medicinal herbs. Your grandfather sent them with me.”

  His comment surprised her. Until today, she wouldn’t have expected Jess to take much stock in the healing practices of a medicine man. She didn’t question it. She’d accept the gift, knowing Real Tall Man cared if he’d gone to the trouble to create a dry painting for her safety.

  From his back pocket, he pulled out the bandanna and began to wash the dirt from her arms. His gentle caring soothed the emotional wounds, while the cool water took care of the physical.

  When he’d finished with her arms, he placed the bandanna in the palm of her hand and closed her fingers over it. Slowly, he began unbuttoning her shirt. He started at the top and paused, clearly giving her the opportunity to protest his actions. She didn’t move, anticipating the release of each button.

  The shirt floated free and he slipped it off her shoulders. It drifted away from her body and started to sink. She barely noticed it in her peripheral vision. Her attention was on the way his pulse had quickened. It pounded through the vein in his neck, much like hers was doing.