After I Fall

by Amity Hope

  “I know your mother didn’t want you to spend summers here,” he said, his train of thought running along the same track as mine. “She was so sure it would just be hard on you when you had to leave again. But I should’ve insisted,” he said. “You can’t imagine how much I regret that I didn’t. I have no excuse for that. Other than I was struggling with the divorce and,” he said, looking somewhat helpless, “I just didn’t want to argue with her anymore. Or you. I was worried that she was right. That you’d only resent me. Now I’m worried you resent me because I didn’t insist that you visit.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that because I realized then that he was right. It had been a lose-lose situation for him. And for me. Handed to both of us by Mom. Unless I turned it around, it could continue to be a lose-lose situation for us.

  “I don’t resent you,” I said. “I know the last few years have been really hard on everyone.”

  I knew that Dad had been blindsided by the divorce, just like Dustin and I had been. Mom hadn’t left Dad for another man. She’d left him for a job. None of us had seen it coming.

  “I know I probably only have you until the summer, you’ll probably want to go back to Florida. But do you think until then, we can use this as a fresh start?” He looked so hopeful and nervous all at the same time.

  I nodded. “I’d like that.”

  I didn’t bother telling him that I hadn’t left Florida on the best of terms. At the moment, I had no idea if I wanted to go back or not. I kind of felt as if Mom was done with me, tossing her leftovers to Dad. As for the friends I left behind, well that was another matter entirely.

  “Good,” Dad said. “Let’s get inside and get you settled in.” He got out and grabbed my suitcase. I followed him inside. I stood in the entry, right off the garage for a moment, trying to take everything in. The house was heavily decorated for Christmas. It wasn’t done in the showy, clinical looking fashion that Mom decorated in. It was festive and homey. I liked it a lot.

  I only spent a few moments looking around and then I followed Dad up the stairs.

  “Oh. Wow. This is…” I trailed off as I checked out my new bedroom. My old bedroom? My current bedroom, I finally reminded myself. “I’d forgotten how pink it is.” Powder Puff Pink, to be exact. The name on the can was part of the reason I’d picked it out in the first place. At nine, the color had held a lot of appeal. Now? Not so much.

  Dad obviously noted my hesitancy. He gave me a reassuring pat on the arm. “If you pick out a new color, I can have it repainted right away.”

  I gave him a reluctant smile. It was going to take more than a new coat of paint to make my room tolerable. The walls were pink. The cushion on my papasan chair was pink. The bedspread was pink. Lots of lacey pink. The rug that ran across the foot of my bed, covering up a strip of white carpet was fuzzy and of course, pink.

  “…whatever you need,” Dad was saying.

  “Actually…” I moved further into the space. My fingers slid across the white dresser. The room was spotless. While he hadn’t changed one thing since the day I’d left, it had obviously been dusted regularly. My initial reaction had been startled but now? I knew I should probably hate it. Yet somehow…I didn’t. Even though I hadn’t stepped foot inside of the room for two and a half years, it felt oddly like home.

  “Maybe it’s not so bad,” I admitted. “Except for that.” I pointed at the frilly, lacy, childlike bedspread. “That has to go. And this.” I swooped down and picked up the fuzzy rug. “This can’t stay.”

  Dad chuckled as he dragged my suitcase into the corner. He placed it next to a stack of familiar looking boxes. They held my belongings from Florida that Mom had sent ahead of me.

  “I’ll give you a few minutes to get settled.” He paused and gave me a look that said he was truly happy I was here. “Try not to take too long, okay? You’ll have plenty of time for unpacking later.”

  “Okay,” I agreed as he shut the door. I wandered around my room, feeling lost and a sense of familiarity all at once. In no time, I found myself looking out my window. It faced the Ryerson’s house. Seth’s bedroom was kitty-corner from mine. His blinds were pulled down. From here, I could also see into the kitchen and the dining room on the ground floor. Neither of these rooms had blinds on their windows. At night, especially in the winter when darkness fell early, it was easy to see into the Ryerson home. Now, twilight was settling in. All of the lights were off as far as I could tell. It was just as well.

  I heaved out a sigh, wondering how he was doing these days. Even if we hadn’t shared a kiss that last night, he would always own a little piece of my heart. He’d been my friend. I’d cared about him. I’d worried about him. I’d always loved him in one capacity or another.

  The melodic chiming of the doorbell sliced through my thoughts. I let the curtain fall from my hand as excited voices floated up the staircase.

  CHAPTER2

  “Surprise!” I was greeted by three familiar faces as I cautiously pulled my bedroom door open.

  Alyssa and Gabby beamed at me for an instant before they squealed, throwing their arms around me. Caitlin stood back, smiling yet looking aloof.

  “What are you doing here?” I sputtered as Alyssa and Gabby bounced around me. They managed to keep their arms tangled around my body. Even though they’d peeled off their jackets, the cold clung to them as tightly as they were clinging to me. I couldn’t help but laugh as they continued their excited dance.

  In that moment, amongst the silliness and the laughing and the excitement, a moment of clarity came to me. True friendship doesn’t fade with miles, or months, or even years of distance between you. True friends are the friends that will embrace you because they’ve been carrying a part of you with them all along.

  “Your dad invited us!” Gabby offered up as her arms finally dropped. Her cheeks were rosy, her brown eyes sparkling. Strands of mahogany hair fell around her face as they were bounced out of her ponytail.

  Alyssa grinned back at me, her pale green eyes crinkling in the corners. Her freckles stood out against her ivory skin. Her chin length, auburn hair was a staticky mess, as if she’d just yanked off a knit cap before racing up my staircase.

  “Okay, maybe we invited ourselves,” she said, “but he didn’t tell us no.”

  Gabby continued. “And we wanted to see you! I mean, we had to see you! Are you surprised? I know we kept putting you off but did you really think we wouldn’t be here? Because you should know, we’ve been counting down the days since we got your text! It was so hard not to say anything. We should’ve just gone with to the airport. But we didn’t. So now, here we are!”

  “We wanted to surprise you,” Alyssa condensed.

  I was definitely surprised. I had asked in our numerous text messages if we could get together before school started. They’d both agreed but had been very evasive as to when. They had both claimed that it was hard to pin down free time so close to the holidays.

  “I didn’t want you to be bored your first night home,” Dad said as he appeared in the doorway. He had a hesitant smile on his face, as if worried he’d done the wrong thing.

  I grinned back at him, crossing the room quickly so I could pull him into a hug. “Thanks, Dad. This is so perfect.”

  He seemed surprised by my gratitude but he quickly hugged me back.

  When he released me, I realized that Caitlin was still standing in the same place, just outside of my doorway. Her eyes scanned my room. She smirked as she took in the childish nature of it. I wanted to say something in my own defense. I mean, honestly, I hadn’t stepped foot into this room for ages. Should I really be held responsible for the outdated décor?

  Not wanting this reunion to go badly, I kept my comments to myself. It was just as well because suddenly, the way Caitlin had eyed up my room was nothing compared to the way she was looking at me.

  As her eyes raked over me, it finally made me appreciate Mom’s advice. She had warned me there would come a day when I’d regret leavin
g the house looking like a bum. As it turned out, today was that day.

  I was still sporting my yoga pants, simple tee shirt, and careless up-do. Added to that was a layer of what felt like travel grime. That icky layer of yuck that covers you after being cooped up in a plane, breathing other people’s disgusting, recycled air, sitting on seats that have seated thousands of others before you.

  To say I was not at my best would be an understatement.

  Until Caitlin’s eyes scoured over me, I hadn’t thought about it too much.

  As her cobalt blue eyes settled on my face, they twinkled. With amusement? I wasn’t sure. She looked phenomenal. Gone were the pudginess, stringy hair and pimples of her early adolescence. She was tall and slim. Her shimmery black hair was tamed to perfection. Each strand in its place despite the wind I could hear gusting outside. Her complexion was flawless and looked decidedly natural. She gave off the vibe that nothing, not even her hair or skin, would dare defy her.

  I realized right then that she reminded me of my mother.

  It took some work but I pushed a smile onto my grimy, yet make-up free face. “Hey, Caitlin.”

  “I’m not staying,” she said. “I drove separately because I just wanted to pop in to say hello. But there’s somewhere I need to be in a little bit. So I should get going.”

  I blinked at her, slightly surprised. I noticed Gabby roll her eyes. Somehow, that made me feel better. I gave her a wave. “I guess I’ll be seeing you later.”

  “See you,” she said before flouncing away, down the staircase.

  We stood there for a second, me and Dad wondering what had just happened, Gabby and Alyssa looking as though nothing was amiss.

  “She was just being nosy,” Gabby informed me. “She didn’t want us to see you before she did.”

  Before I could respond to that, the doorbell chimed again. I tossed a questioning look Dad’s way.

  His face turned red. “I, uh, I meant to warn you. I was going to tell you just now, after your friends showed up. I invited Paula over. I hope that’s okay. I thought, with your friends here, we could have just a small welcome home party.”

  I shrugged. “Sure.” Why not? Now might be the perfect time to meet her. Now, when I had the support of Gabby and Alyssa. Because long-lost or not, as they both stood here so obviously happy to see me, I had no doubt they were still my friends.

  “Who’s Paula?” Alyssa asked.

  “Dad’s lady friend,” I said with a grin. His face reddened even more deeply, causing my grin to widen. Who would’ve guessed that Dad would be shy about this? Not me.

  “Ooohhh, Mr. Monroe, good for you!” Gabby teased.

  “Yes, well,” Dad said, clearly not sure what to make of the three of us. “I better get the door.” He disappeared, just as Caitlin had done.

  I raised my eyebrows in question as I glanced at my friends. “So…Caitlin?”

  “Is nothing to worry about,” Alyssa assured me as she looped her arm through mine. Gabby mirrored her gesture, looping her arm through my free one.

  “Let’s go meet this lady,” Gabby said with a smile. She tugged us toward the door. We had to turn sideways to fit through it. I felt like I was in grade school again, being silly with my best friends. We carefully traipsed down the staircase, three wide. When we reached the bottom, I peeked into the foyer.

  A petite woman with curly brown hair was squirming her way out of her jacket. She wore glasses, jeans, clunky winter boots and a nervous expression. She and Dad were talking in hushed tones. They hadn’t noticed us yet. She was so completely the opposite of Mom that I was stunned for a moment. Then I realized that the opposite of Mom was probably perfect for Dad.

  She kicked off her boots as Dad stood holding two pizza boxes. Another box at the very top looked suspiciously like cake.

  When she noticed us standing there, a sweet smile drifted onto her face. While Mom was stunning, this woman had a gentle prettiness about her.

  “Harper,” she said softly as she moved toward me.

  It was clear she knew exactly who I was because she headed straight to me, not my friends. They dropped their arms from mine so that Paula could squeeze me into a hug. I wondered how she knew which one of us three was me.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said as I peeked at Dad over her shoulder. He gave me a small, relieved smile.

  “Oh! You too! You are all this man has talked about for the past few months,” she said as she backed up and gave him a playful nudge. “I’ve seen your picture so many times. It’s so nice to finally put a real person to the stories.”

  Stories? I threw Dad a questioning look but I didn’t dare ask him to elaborate.

  “So, who’s hungry?” he asked as he made a gesture with the stack of food in his hands.

  “I’m starving,” I admitted. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I turned to my friends. “Can you stay?”

  They nodded in unison. “Yes,” Alyssa said. “We’d planned on staying until you get sick of us,” Gabby tacked on.

  We followed Dad and Paula into the kitchen. It was strange watching Paula pull plates from the cupboard and cloth napkins from a drawer. She set the items on the table as Dad placed the food in the center. Then she turned around to take out some glasses. It was obvious she’d spent a fair amount of time in this kitchen.

  My friends and I slid into chairs at the dining room table. Dad flipped open the top of the familiar bakery box. I leaned forward to take a peek.

  “It’s your favorite,” Dad said proudly.

  Inside was a chocolate cherry cake with double fudge frosting. Welcome Home, Harper stood out in pink icing. Mom couldn’t bake to save her life. This cake was the one she’d gotten me for countless birthday celebrations.

  My gaze bounced between Dad and Paula, not entirely sure which one of them was responsible. “Thanks.”

  Paula gave my shoulder a squeeze. “It was no problem. As soon as your dad said chocolate cherry, I knew exactly which bakery to order it from.”

  Mmmm, Gabby hummed out the sound from beside me. “Harper’s favorite cake and pizza from Angelo’s. Just like old times!”

  “This is so much better than eating holiday leftovers,” Alyssa chimed in. “My mom’s cooking is questionable enough the first time around. I wasn’t really looking forward to a repeat.”

  *****

  Dad flopped down in his enormous, oversized recliner. Paula gave him a look as she hurried down the staircase after him.

  “What? Oh,” he said with a frown, “should I go?”

  We had just finished eating and my friends and I had headed downstairs. Dad had followed with Paula right behind him.

  “No, it’s fine. We can go up to my room. Or we can hang out down here with you,” I offered, feeling a little awkward. I had planned on spending some time alone with my friends but it seemed rude to take off leaving Dad behind.

  “No, no,” Paula said, as if reading my mind. “You girls stay put. I know you have a lot of catching up to do. Steven? Let’s give the girls some privacy. Shall we?” She motioned to the staircase. Dad hoisted himself out of the chair and then followed her up.

  “She seems nice,” Alyssa offered.

  “Yeah, she does,” I agreed as I dropped myself onto the couch. Gabby sat next to me and Alyssa flopped into the chair Dad had just vacated. I grabbed the remote off the coffee table and clicked the TV on. I didn’t bother looking for anything interesting to watch. I just wanted the background noise.

  Gabby turned to me. “We have so much catching up to do! Everyone’s been so busy since we found out you were coming back.” This was true. There had been finals, winter formals for them and packing for me.

  “So, do you have a boyfriend?” Alyssa asked.

  I cringed as I shook my head.

  “Touchy subject?” Gabby guessed.

  “I suppose that I’m a little touchy about it,” I admitted with a shrug. “I had a boyfriend. His name was Brady. We broke up a few months ago, right after he found o
ut I was moving.”

  I expanded on my explanation. We’d been together for about seven months. I had naively thought that just maybe our relationship could withstand the long-distance. There would be nothing stopping me from moving back to Florida after graduation. While yes, I realized half a school year was a long time, at least there was an end in sight. I was sure that if I begged hard enough, Mom would let me return for a visit over spring break. I had thought that would help ease our time apart. He hadn’t seen it that way. He’d let me know quite clearly that he planned on enjoying the rest of his senior year. That apparently did not mean sitting around, waiting for my return. Nor did it mean wasting another minute on me once he realized our relationship wasn’t going to be going where he wanted it to go.

  “What a loser,” Alyssa huffed.

  “Yeah, well, that was just the start of it,” I muttered. I explained to them how my best friend, Madeline, had claimed that she’d had a crush on Brady since before we’d started dating but had neglected to ever mention it. After he dumped me, she told me that it had been hard on her all those months, seeing me with him. Therefore, apparently, she thought it was only fair to accept when he asked her out just days after we’d broken up.

  I’d had a hunch that Madeline was lying. I’d asked our other friend, Libby, if what Madeline had said was true. She’d refused to give me a straight answer. I almost couldn’t blame her. I was leaving, that left her with Madeline once I was gone. She would never divulge Madeline’s secrets if that meant dealing with Madeline’s wrath all on her own. So while my friends had gone to our senior class winter ball, I’d spent the evening with a pile of cardboard boxes.

  The whole ordeal had left me feeling a little bitter about the ‘friends’ I’d left behind.

  “Ouch,” Alyssa said.

  “Best friend and boyfriend? Double ouch,” Gabby tacked on.