The Jigsaw Jungle
Page 13
TIME CAPSULE
GEORGE WASHINGTON JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
Dear Parents of 7th Grade Students at George Washington Junior High:
All 7th grade science classes will be taking a field trip to the Air and Space Museum on Friday, September 26, 1986. Buses will leave the school promptly at 9:00 a.m. and return by 1:30 p.m.
The groups for Mrs. Johnson’s class are as follows:
Group 1
Latonya Gayles, Carla Gray, Amanda Vanderweele, Tracey Harper
Group 2
Paul Craven, Tony Palmer, Sean McQueen, James Fitch
Group 3
Jeff Dalton, Brian Tuckerman, Dwight Griffin, Jason Lewis
Group 4
Steve Dunlow, Keith Poretz, Jerome McDonald, Thomas Sharpe
Group 5
Karen Rivers, Suzanne Evans, Elizabeth Ferguson, Anne White
Group 6
Sara Wyatt, Brandon Cooper, Darrell Carter, Crystal Holmes
NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM
Educational Department
DINOLAB—BEHIND THE SCENES!!
In this four-week program, go behind the scenes with real scientists as they work on fossils at the Smithsonian “DINOLAB.”
SAT 1:00–4:00 PM
Start Date: 2/7/87
$150 Smithsonian Associate Members
$200 Non-Members
Smithsonian
KITE FESTIVAL
Saturday, March 28, 1987
Come bring a kite and participate in events on and around the National Mall. If we’re lucky, the cherry blossoms may be in bloom as well!!
You’re Invited!
Jason’s 13th Birthday
WHAT: Please join us for cake and mini golf
WHEN: Saturday, April 18, 1987
WHERE: Hains Point Golf Course
TIME: 2:00–5:00 PM
RSVP: 703-555-4936
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
EXT. PAPA’S BACKYARD—CONTINUOUS
Papa points into the box.
PAPA
There’s one more thing.
Claudia pulls an envelope out of a pocket on the top of the metal safe. Luis zooms in. On the front of the envelope it says “To Brian.”
CLAUDIA
Should I open it?
LUIS
He sent you the clues to find it.
Claudia looks at Papa. He nods.
PAPA
Go ahead.
Claudia runs her fingertips over the words, then rips the envelope open. There are six sheets of notebook paper, covered with writing.
CLAUDIA
I’ll read it to you.
She clears her throat. Luis adjusts the camera so that it’s focusing on her face.
CLAUDIA (CONT’D)
“May 24, 1987. Dear Brian, It’s almost three in the morning and I can’t stop crying. I’m just gonna die if I don’t tell someone, even if it’s just you in this letter, which I am never going to send. I can’t sleep anyway. I’m so sorry I messed everything up. We were having such a good time at the movies. I’m so sorry I had to ruin it all by . . .”
Claudia’s stops reading. Her mouth hangs half-open.
LUIS
Go on.
Her eyes are still scanning the letter, but she doesn’t say a word.
CLAUDIA
Stop the camera.
PAPA
What does it say? What is he sorry about?!
Claudia shakes her head.
CLAUDIA
Stop filming!
The screen goes black.
TIME CAPSULE
May 24, 1987
Dear Brian,
It’s almost three in the morning and I can’t stop crying. I’m just gonna die if I don’t tell someone, even if it’s just you in this letter, which I am never going to send. I can’t sleep anyway. I’m so sorry I messed everything up. We were having such a good time at the movies. I’m so sorry I had to ruin it all by trying to kiss you.
I have to get it out of my head. So I never have to think about it again. I will never think about it again. But I have to explain. To you. To myself. It’s not like I planned it. It wasn’t a date or anything. I just wanted to see my favorite movie with my best friend.
We had so much fun laughing and joking in the car on the way there. No one can make me laugh as hard as you. And then, when we were in the theater and the Star Wars music started playing and you smiled at me, I got this horrible, awful, wonderful feeling. Like a cramp in my stomach from too much Mountain Dew and my heart was fluttering from all the caffeine. But I hadn’t had any soda and I didn’t have the flu.
And I just felt so happy. Like it didn’t matter that Dwight and Jason call me names at school. Or that Dad is bugging me to join the football team again. It didn’t even matter that you’re leaving in two weeks. Because in that moment, everything in the world was absolutely right. Absolutely perfect. Like I couldn’t ever get any happier.
I looked over at you as the escape pod fell to Tatooine and I could see your face in the glow of the two suns and you looked as happy as I felt. And you glanced over at me and you smiled, and then you put your arm on the armrest so it was touching mine.
It was touching mine!
After that, I couldn’t concentrate on the movie at all. I just kept thinking about how your arm was right next to mine. You had on that same striped shirt you’d worn at the beginning at Skylab. Even in the darkness of the theater, I could make out a few freckles on your arm, just above your wrist. Like stars in the sky.
And then I had a thought.
Maybe you liked me too.
I mean, I know you like me. But maybe you liked me. And you are moving in two weeks. And what if you liked me and I never knew because I never told you.
Then Obi-Wan was using the Jedi mind trick on the Stormtroopers. I always loved that scene. I’d gotten a puzzle of it one year at Christmas. And I thought, I’ll try it on Brian. Maybe I can get him to smile at me again.
I know, it sounds insane. I know there’s no Jedi mind trick and you can’t will someone to do something just by thinking it. But for some reason, it seemed completely logical at the time. Like, yes, of course, that’s an excellent plan.
So I started thinking, Look over at me and smile. Look over at me and smile. Again and again and again. While Alderaan blew up, and Luke released Leia from her cell, and they all escaped the trash compactor.
Then just before Luke and Leia swung across the chasm in the Death Star, it happened. You turned to look at me and smiled.
And that’s when I leaned over . . .
I don’t know what I was thinking! I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t even get close to your mouth. But when you put your hands up and pushed me away and asked, “What the hell, dude? Are you trying to kiss me?!!” I honestly thought I was going to die.
My lungs tightened and I couldn’t breathe. There was this horrible ringing in my ears. While Darth Vader killed Obi-Wan, I kept blinking, blinking, but I couldn’t make my eyes focus. I was hot, then cold, then hot again, my heart pounding with the music. You leaned over to the other side of your seat, as far away from me as possible. I felt like I was going to throw up.
I wasn’t planning to kiss you! It was just an impulsive thing. And kids are impulsive, right? It didn’t mean anything. I’m not like your uncle, I’m really not. I mean, sure, maybe I’ve thought about kissing a guy before, but it was just a thought. I bet a lot of guys think about that. They just don’t talk about it because it’s too embarrassing. It doesn’t mean . . . anything!
Okay, so maybe part of me would like to be like your uncle. I don’t want an earring, but I’d love to be as brave as him, and not care about what anyone says ab
out how I dress or act. But I’m not like that. Except when I’m around you, Brian. You make me feel brave and confident and like myself. I’m sorry I had to go and ruin our friendship.
I wish I had been fearless enough to say some of that to you. But I wasn’t. We just sat there and watched Luke blow up the Death Star and I wanted to be on it too. You are brave, and I know you were trying to be nice when you wanted to talk to me about what had happened afterward. But . . . I don’t want to talk about it.
I never want to talk about it. I just want to forget it ever happened. Those feelings didn’t mean anything, and if I ever have them again, I just need to ignore them. Maybe I was trying to kiss you—I don’t know—but it doesn’t matter, because nothing like that is ever going to happen again.
I’m glad you’re moving. Glad in two weeks you’re going to leave and I’ll never see you again. No one can ever know what I did. No one. I should burn this letter as soon as I’m done writing it.
But I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t erase our friendship. That’s all it was, right? A friendship. I will be different. I’ll be good. I won’t have these thoughts anymore. I won’t let myself.
But I don’t want to forget.
Your friend forever,
Jeff
NOTE TO READER
YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING how I felt in those first few moments after I read my dad’s letter to Brian. I’d like to tell you something really dramatic happened. Like I started screaming or crying or smashed the pitcher of lemonade against the wall.
But really, I just sat there thinking, Wow, my father really wanted to kiss that boy. Even though he’d spent most of the letter telling us he didn’t, I didn’t believe him for one second. It was obvious . . . he’d liked him and wanted to kiss him.
My father had wanted to kiss a boy?!
What did that mean? Why had he wanted me to read that letter? Was my dad . . . gay?
That was crazy. Why did he marry my mom if he wanted to be with a guy? I mean, just last month, the Supreme Court had decided . . .
Just last month. And Mom and Dad had gotten married years and years ago. In 1999.
Papa wanted to read the letter then, so I handed it to him. Luis asked what it said, but I couldn’t answer. I kept waiting to feel angry or sad or something. But my thoughts just kept spinning.
Was this the thing he had to think about? Was this the thing he couldn’t bring himself to tell us? Was this why he left?
He’d known the letter was there. He’d wanted me to find it. He’d sent me clues.
My eyes suddenly stung like they did when Kate and I spent all afternoon at the pool without our goggles. And I did feel angry—because it seemed like my dad had left us rather than let us see who he really was.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
EXT. PAPA’S BACKYARD—DAY
Papa sits at the picnic table, staring at the cherry tree as if he were watching a small child climbing in its branches.
LUIS (O.S.)
Are you sure you’re okay?
CLAUDIA (O.S.)
Yeah.
LUIS (O.S.)
All right. Well, the camera’s rolling. I’m gonna go home and take a shower. Call me later?
CLAUDIA (O.S.)
Okay.
Claudia walks into the frame and sits down next to Papa. He doesn’t look at her. Doesn’t acknowledge that she’s there.
CLAUDIA (CONT’D)
Papa?
PAPA
Hmm?
CLAUDIA
Do you hate Dad now?
He finally turns to look at her.
PAPA
What?
CLAUDIA
Do you hate Dad now?
PAPA
No! Why would you say—
CLAUDIA
That letter . . . Dad liked that boy.
PAPA
Yeah.
CLAUDIA
So do you hate him?
PAPA
Of course not!
CLAUDIA
But when we watched that video with Brian’s uncle, you said—
PAPA
I say a lot of stupid things.
He turns his gaze back to the tree. Claudia looks too, trying to see what he’s seeing. Her eyes get wide and watery as she stares, but there’s nothing there. Finally, she covers her face with her hands.
PAPA (CONT’D)
Are you all right, Claudia?
Claudia shrugs, her face still hidden.
CLAUDIA
(muffled)
I don’t know. It’s kinda confusing.
PAPA
Yeah. It is.
Papa puts his arm around her. She wipes at her eyes.
CLAUDIA
I mean, I support equal rights for everyone! But . . . I liked my family how it was. I don’t want my dad to be gay! And that makes me feel like a bad person. That means I am a bad person, right?!
PAPA
Of course you’re not a bad person! You’re just surprised.
CLAUDIA
Yeah, I guess. [PAUSE] Do you think that’s why he left?
PAPA
I don’t know.
CLAUDIA
I hate not knowing!
PAPA
Me too.
They sit there in silence for a long moment.
CLAUDIA
Papa, what are we going to do?
PAPA
I wish I knew.
VOICE MEMO
Walter Dalton’s Cell Phone | Friday, July 17, 2015, 12:35 p.m.
[RECORDING BEGINS]
Lily, Lily, I . . . I don’t know if I can even say this. Claudia found Jeff’s time capsule and there was a letter inside and . . . I think maybe our son is gay.
Did you know? You said something once when he was a kid and . . . and . . . I just said he needed to play more sports. Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?!
[RECORDING ENDS]
PHONE TRANSCRIPT
Claudia Dalton’s Cell Phone | Friday, July 17, 2015, 1:15 p.m.
Kate: Huh.
Claudia: What do you think?
Kate: I don’t know.
Claudia: Do you want me to read the letter to you again?
Kate: No. I just don’t know what to say, Claudia. It seems so . . .
Claudia: Do you think he’s gay?
Kate: I don’t know. Maybe he likes both. Boys and girls.
Claudia: So then why leave? What’s the problem? If he liked both and was happy with Mom, he wouldn’t have left.
Kate: So you think he is?
Claudia: I don’t know. Maybe.
[NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND]
Kate: Sorry, hold on a second.
[PAUSE]
Kate: I’m so sorry! I gotta go. My mom’s water just broke.
Claudia: What?! She’s in labor?
Kate: I think. We’re going to the hospital now.
Claudia: Okay. Good luck!
Kate: You too.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
INT. KITCHEN—NIGHT
Dad’s forty-first birthday party video again. The room is full of people. Streamers hang from the ceiling. Balloons are tied to one chair.
Dad sits in the balloon chair. He’s chatting with Kate and her mom.
MOM (O.S.)
Time for cake!
The lights suddenly go out.
Mom walks into the frame, carrying a round cake with two number candles, 4 and 1, on the top. Dad blows out the candles and everyone cheers.
Mom leans in to kiss him. At the last moment, Dad turns his head ever so slightly away, so that her lips graze his cheek instead of his mouth.
MOM (CONT’D)
Happy birthday, sweetie.
VOICE MEMO
Walter Dalton’s Cell Phone |
Friday, July 17, 2015, 1:21 p.m.
[RECORDING BEGINS]
I’m so angry. How could he have kept this from us? Why did he think we wouldn’t understand? What about Jenny?! Has he been lying to her? What did she know?
[RECORDING ENDS]
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
INT. CHURCH—DAY
The wedding video again. The pastor clears his throat.
PASTOR
Do you, Jeffery Robert Dalton, take Jennifer Ann Thompson to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Everyone laughs.
NOTE TO READER
LUIS ONCE TOLD me that he loves rewatching his favorite movies, because every time he does, he sees something different. “The picture doesn’t change,” he said. “But you do.”
VOICE MEMO
Walter Dalton’s Cell Phone | Friday, July 17, 2015, 2:14 p.m.
[RECORDING BEGINS]
Lily, remember how I used to say I didn’t know a single homosexual? Well, I’ve been thinking. When I was a kid, there was this old woman on the corner. She rented out a room to her “best friend” for years. We called them both old spinsters, but . . .
And I had a buddy from the service. Handsome as all get-out. Confirmed bachelor. Whenever anyone asked him why he had never settled down, wondered if he just hadn’t ever met the right woman, he’d give this wry little smile and say, “Something like that.” I wonder now if what he meant was, he’d never met the right man.
It’s so strange, Lily. Maybe Jeff wasn’t the one who was so naïve—maybe it was me.
[RECORDING ENDS]