“Here?”
“Yeah,” I said and at his frown at the short distance, I mumbled an apology.
It had just hit the $6 mark when I got out and as I retrieved the bills from my purse to hand over to him I felt my heart break just a little. That had been most of my coffee shop allowance for the day to sustain myself as I hammered away at my writing. I was handling a self-help non-fiction project for the most ambiguous and indecisive client that I had ever encountered.
Feeling absolutely drained from all that had happened in the past hour, I turned around and began my commute back to Bethany’s apartment.
Chapter 2
CARSON
I felt like a guest every time I stepped into Bethany’s home.
We had been best friends for over thirteen years, so that shouldn't have been the case, but I couldn't stop myself from walking a little bit more lightly even when she was not in the house, and immediately accepting the obligation to fix anything that needed due attention.
Today it was her bedroom.
The window by her bedside had a striking view of the Brooklyn bridge. I stopped as I usually did to gaze at it for a few moments before the reminder of my deadline popped into my head and brought me back to earth. I picked up the pile of clothes that she had dumped on her floor that morning as she got ready for work, wiped down the endless stains on the full-length mirror by the corner, and dusted the surfaces that held her little arsenal of books.
Afterward, I headed into the living room, which was my current abode, and after wiping off the coffee table and fixing up the cushions, I moved into the kitchen to deal with the plates that she had used for dinner the previous evening.
I was as messy as she was, but I didn’t have the guts to burden her with my own bad habits. My heart was troubled as I worked and the manual labor was mindless enough to allow me the capacity to worry.
My only incoming check for the month was on the self-help project that I was involved in, but listening to the voice notes that the client had sent to me the previous night, trying to explain for the umpteenth time why humans did not truly exist, I straightened from rinsing the washed dishes and shut my eyes. A pounding headache was raking through my head. I couldn't understand how someone could be misguided enough to believe that they had discovered secrets about the world that would be the key to setting us all free from unhappiness.
My inability to understand and properly convey in readable prose this magic that she was insistent on was giving me far more trouble than I was being paid for. However, I couldn't step away or refute the offer. It was my lifeline for the upcoming month.
I had insisted on paying my own share of the rent when I moved in with Bethany as that was the only way that my conscience would allow me to seek her help, however in the last two months I’d had nothing but excuses for her.
A glance at the time quickened my pace, and soon I was backing across the kitchen floor with a mop. Suddenly, however, I slipped and at the last moment was barely able to grab on to the edge of the counter to save myself. The moment I heard the crash behind me my entire body froze. It resounded across the apartment and through my heart, and only after a deep breath did I turn around to see the shattered antique lantern on the tile floor.
I stared at it for a long time and then just as I lowered myself to begin to pick up the shards, the tears fell down my cheeks. This was one more thing to be sorry about.
I was so tired and fed-up of feeling sorry.
I took little care in retrieving the shards and when I was done, my hand was bloodied enough to satisfy me. I washed it off, sat on the floor by her coffee table and continued on with my work.
At the reminder a few hours later of our dinner plan together, I hurriedly started cooking a meal and called Bethany and Ida to ask them to come over to the house instead of going out.
We ate together often during the week and saying no was not an option, neither was accepting their offers to pay for me. But the restaurant bills around the city took their toll on me and today was one of the days where I couldn't bear it.
Our dinner was a simple beef stroganoff, and I made sure to make it as tasty as I could as they would both be exhausted from the day and in need of the nourishment.
They soon arrived, and the apartment came to life with Ida’s presence. Bethany, on the other hand, had very few words to stay.
We decided to eat on the floor around the coffee table in the living room. Ida was talking about one of her old school friends who was getting married for the second time. Having been divorced also, she could not imagine why anyone would want to go through the nightmare that was marriage once again.
“Carson, where is the lantern that used to be here?”
My chest tightened as I peeked over the sofa to see Bethany looking around the kitchen in search of the lantern. I quickly rose and went over to her, unable to keep from wringing my hands.
“Um… I’m really sorry Bethany. I accidentally broke it today when I was cleaning the kitchen. I’ll make sure to get you a new one as soon as I can.”
Bethany blew up at me, and for a second it surprised me. She rarely ever did that. “What do you mean by you’re going to replace it?” she yelled. “I took that from my grandfather’s house almost twelve years ago. He’d had it almost all of his life. How exactly are you going to replace it?”
I stared at her, unable to move my lips. Eventually, I lowered my eyes from the fury in hers and muttered yet another apology. “I’m really sorry, Beth. I’m so sorry.”
“What the hell?” I heard Ida say from the living room. She began to head over.
“Why are you being such a bitch to Carson? It was an accident.”
Bethany marched out of the kitchen and gave Ida a dirty look with the shoulder brush that she instigated between them. She headed into her room and banged the door shut behind her, while Ida came over to stand in front of me.
“Why are you being so apologetic?” she asked.
“It was my fault.”
“And so what? Isn't it just a lantern, it wasn't even a pretty one at that.”
My hand shot out to hers with caution as I turned around to ensure that her salty words had not reached Bethany’s ears.
She flung my hold away. “Hey! Are you scared of Bethany? What the hell is going on with you?”
"I was wrong,” I said, my tone rising at Ida’s insensitivity, and at the tears in my eyes, she froze.
“Are you crying?" she asked, quietly.
I turned around and returned to the living room.
She watched me go and then to my surprise marched over and burst into Bethany’s room.
“Ida, stop it," I said through gritted teeth and went after her but it was already too late. Ida was already in Bethany’s room.
“Bethany, I’m sorry,” I said and began to pull Ida out, but she once again flung her arm away from me and marched over to where Bethany sat on her bed, wrapped in a blanket.
“Bethany, turn around and look at Carson’s face. Fucking turn around,” she said and jerked the covers away from her.
Bethany gave her a deadly look and was about to pull the covers back to herself when she noticed my face. She got up from the bed with a frown. “Are you crying?” she asked, surprised.
“I’m not,” I replied, turned away and left the room.
Both of them came after me as I settled back onto the floor and continued with my meal. With a sour look at Bethany, Ida sat beside me and tried to pull me into a hug, but I pushed her away, hating the attention.
A loud sudden crash, made me gasp out in fright.
Ida looked up also, her hands on her chest to calm her frightened heart. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screamed as she took in the huge art frame that Bethany had just pushed from the wall and unto the ground.
I was dumbfounded. “Bethany…”
“Do you want to apologize for this too?” she asked. “I am allowed to yell at you,” she said. “For any goddamn reason, and you�
��re supposed to yell back at me also. Why the hell do I have to walk on tiptoes around you? Are you not my freaking best friend?”
I did not know what to say. “I’ll clean this up,” I said and started to rise but Bethany pushed my shoulder and sent me back to the ground.
“Why are you the one cleaning this up?” she demanded. “Are you the one who broke it?”
I shut my eyes at the taunt. Ida just crossed her legs, amused, and started munching on the bowl of almonds that remained on the table.
“I live here, Bethany,” I replied.
“And what the hell does that mean?”
“It means that it’s the least that she could do,” Ida responded.
Bethany turned her gaze to mine. “What?” She looked around the clean apartment. “Is that why you’re always cleaning, and taking care of my room? You’re trying to pay me for living here?”
“Bethany, we agreed that I’d pay a portion of the rent, but I haven't been…”
“We didn’t agree on that. You insisted, and I have your money sitting in my drawer to be returned to you. Who do you think you’re talking to? Haven't we been friends since we were kids? What is wrong with you?”
“Carson has trouble accepting help from others,” Ida supplied with amusement as she watched the play before her. I shot her a murderous glare. She didn’t even flinch. “It’s either that she feels guilty for the assumed burden she imagines she is causing you by being here or she is just too proud to accept help even from those who love her.”
Bethany watched me quietly. “This is indeed my apartment,” she said. “So from now on, there are new rules. You can sleep on my couch but you cannot do all of the house chores anymore. I’ll clean up after my goddamn self.” She stormed away to her room then and banged the door shut behind her.
Ida chuckled in amusement, as she struggled with a piece of jerky. “That’s the second time she’s banged her door shut in twenty minutes. Maybe I should move in too. It beats living alone and being bored all the time.”
I flung a pillow at her and she dodged it with too much enthusiasm. I headed toward the table and began to gather the dishes that we had used, and Ida slapped my hand away from them. She wasn’t smiling this time around.
“Are you kidding me?” she asked. “Are you trying to provoke us?”
“Someone has to do it,” I said, tired of their nagging.
“Well, it won’t be you today. It won’t be me either. Its Bethany’s house, so let her do it.” She rose then and pulled me toward the bedroom. “There are more important things to talk about,” she said. “I have to meet David again soon.”
“Your ex-husband?”
She pushed me onto the bed where I fell on Bethany and got in beside us.
Bethany attacked me with a pillow and pushed the both of us away. “I’m tired, leave me alone.”
“David came to see me today,” Ida said, and Bethany instantly turned towards her.
“In your office?” Bethany asked. “What did he say? Are you alright?”
I eyed Ida suspiciously. “Didn’t you just say that you were yet to meet him?”
“Fine, I haven’t met him yet,” she said. “I just wanted this one’s attention,” she said with a grin and a nod toward Bethany.
Bethany gave her a murderous look while I smiled at the two of them and made myself comfortable underneath the covers. Bethany rested her head on my shoulder and we got ready to listen to Ida.
Ida hugged a pillow, leaned against the corner wall and began to speak. “His company was invited by our department for a technology conference.”
“What makes you think he’ll be the one to attend?” Bethany asked.
“It’ll either be him or his partner.”
Bethany’s head lifted from my shoulder, her eyes widening with interest. “His partner? You mean the actual owner of Beeme?”
“Exactly. The real owner of Beeme. David’s just a spokesperson who does all the blabbing around while his partner does all the work.”
“No of genius can do without blabbers,” I chirped in and they both sent me glares that were more amusing than anything else.
“I’ve heard about him,” Bethany said. “There’s not much available but I hear he’s pretty young and owns more than forty percent of Beeme. That would make him a billionaire. News about him is rampant in my advertising circles. Gosh,” she sighed and fell back down unto the bed. “Where does one meet these kinds of men? Maybe you should get back with David again and give us a chance at meeting his partner.”
My laugh was a dry one, but Ida did not find the joke funny. “You’re so disgusting,” she said. “You’ve been sulking all evening but at the mention of a man and money, your eyes are back to life again.”
“Didn’t you just start dating Adolfus?”
“His name is Theodore, you demon. And he’s a pain, without much money if I might add. I need someone to retire me from my hell of a career.”
I played lightly with her hair. “Something went wrong in the office today didn’t it?”
“When does something never go wrong?” she spat. “If it isn't the sexually offensive jokes then it’s the overtime and having to deal with my anal team head. I don’t want to talk about it,”
“Man up, girl,” Ida said. “Either quit or do something about it. Being so upset all the time makes all of your effort worthless.”
“Quit and do what? This is the career path I chose. I have to suck it up until I get married.”
“You’ll quit after you get married?” I asked.
“Why the hell not?” Bethany replied. “I just need someone reliable and rich enough to allow me to do that.”
“So that's why she keeps changing men every other week,” Ida teased. “How’s Adolfus doing so far?“
“It’s Ted, bitch.”
“What-everrrrr” Ida slurred in a tone that mimicked teenagers all around the world and we all burst into laughter.
“He’s stable,” Bethany replied, “but oh so boring. The struggle not to yawn when we’re on dates is taking its toll on me.”
“Boring might not be too bad,” Ida said. “David was anything but boring and my marriage was a nightmare.”
“He still riles you up though,” I said. “The mere mention of him and even we are concerned about how much it will affect you.”
“His presence on the earth irks me to no end.”
“You want him dead?” Bethany asked, and nudged me on the shoulder. “Because we can make that happen for you.”
“I’m not getting involved,” I said. “I’ll just watch from afar and write a story about it.”
“You’re almost as boring as Theodore, I mean Adolfus,” Ida said. “Why are you so cautious with everything? How are you able to write about anything when you don’t push yourself out there to experience it all?”
“I’m the one currently without a stable career,” I said. “You call that being cautious?”
“Yes, I do. You’re cautious with what you’re passionate about, and that’s why you won’t give up. You’ve made up your mind that you won’t be happy without being able to make your mark in the writing world.”
“Forget about making my mark, I just want a paycheck every month, enough to stop me from mooching off Bethany.”
“You’ve earned the right to mooch off me for as long as you need to. So stop being so freaking embarrassed about it otherwise it insults our friendship. Ida, why don’t you introduce her to this billionaire or whatever. She can write all day long without ever having to lift a finger or worry about income.”
I turned a hopeful gaze towards Ida, and she leaned suspiciously away from us. “I already have my eyes on him,” she muttered, and Bethany threw a kick at her at which she screamed, “That’s against the bro code or whatever.”
I chuckled. “It might be an interesting competition. It wouldn't be the first time a man came between two women and brought irrevocable damage to a friendship...”
“You’re
toxic,” Ida said. “Is that what you spend your time doing? Conjuring misfortune in our lives for writing material? What is wrong with you?”
I blew a kiss at her and she brushed it away.
“I’ll set him up with Bethany instead,” Ida said. “Just for spite. You don’t deserve him.”
“Thanks, Babe,” Bethany said and got up from the bed. “I’m hungry.”
“She’s backkkkk,” Ida roared.
“You’re too loud,” Bethany hissed at her and then turned to me. “Hey, how did the meeting with your parents go today? I wish I would have able to meet them too, it’s been so long.”
“It was alright,” I replied. “Nothing too far from the norm. I’m still a disappointment.”
A guilty look passed through her eyes and I knew exactly why. “It slipped out when you called them didn’t it?” I asked.
“I am so sorry,” she said. “I thought that you had already mentioned to them that you were staying with me, so I didn't filter myself. Was he too harsh on you?”
“I didn't escape unscathed, but I’ll live.”
“Big mouth,” Ida swore jokingly at her as she exited the room and they both snarled at each other with their eyes.
Ida and I sat in silence for a moment and the stranger that I had kissed earlier in the day popped into my mind. At the mere thought of him, a buzz began at the pit of my stomach and began bubbling toward my chest. It was as though I could almost taste him on my lips once again.
“Ida,” I called, and she looked upfrom her phone.Her hazel eyes and dark hair reminded me so much of him. “What was the best kiss you ever had?”
“Ugh,” she said and returned her gaze back to her phone. “It was with that bastard.”
“David?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Even with all the men you’ve been with afterward?
“It’s the tragedy of my life.”
“What was so good about his kisses?” I asked.
“They were sweet as fuck,” she responded. “Every. Single. Time. Well, almost. Sometimes he was a douche about it. Hence why we’re divorced.” She sighed. “I have to start heading home soon, I have an early day tomorrow. Come help me pack up some of your stroganoff…”
Damaged Love Page 41