I didn’t move, lost again in thoughts of that kiss.
“Are you alright?” Ida asked.
“I am,” I responded and instantly got up. I licked my lips on my way and shook my head to toss the bothersome stranger from it.
♡
XANDER
I spent a much longer time in the shower than was needed.
As I shut my eyes to work the shampoo into my hair, all that came to my mind was the blonde, red-lipped crybaby that I had run into that morning.
She had popped into my thoughts several times as the day wound down and each time the arousal that her kiss wrought through my body simmered up to the surface.
Perhaps it was because I hadn't truly expected it, or perhaps it was because there was something about her that drew her to me.
The remembrance of her full hips and slender waist instantly made me hard and sent me leaning against the mosaic tile that lined my shower stall.
I needed to see her again, but I knew nothing about her. I hadn’t even gotten her name. There were millions of women just like her in New York, but it was just her that I needed to find and needed to see at least one more time. The skin on her shoulder had been glistening and milky white and the descent to the curve of her full breasts straining against the sheer material that covered up just enough to allow my imagination run wild taunted me to no end.
I finally gave in and allowed by hand to slip down to my cock now straining against my stomach. As I stroked up and down the thick shaft I imagined her hands on it, and then her full red lips, stroking and sucking and swirling. A groan escaped me as I began to pump even faster imagining what my shaft would feel like buried in her, her walls emitting juices of ecstasy and convulsing around me.
I came quicker than I expected and moments later, managed to drag myself from the bathroom.
I needed to meet her again. Once was all I needed, was all I was asking for. I was crazy for just letting her go with one kiss, and the memory of my stagger the moment her lips had connected with mine taunted me to no end.
My ringing phone saved me from further torment, so I picked it up and headed across the room to the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Manhattan skyline.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, and her chirpy voice brought a smile to my lips.
We exchanged pleasantries, her about my work, and I about her teaching position down in Boston.
Eventually, however, the real reason she had called, just as I had expected, popped up.
She had found someone new.
“His name is Byron,” she said. “And I’ve never felt so happy.”
I was sure that she had said this exact same statement to me before when talking about a different love interest, but I kept silent and listened to her gush over him.
“He’s a principal and he is divorced also but he doesn’t have any kids.”
Something sarcastic came to mind but I swallowed it back down. Eventually, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked.
“I always tell you what’s happening in my life. I also tell you about who I’m dating as well.”
“Not with this much detail,” I replied. “You usually mention it in passing but not like this. What are you buttering me up for?”
“I’m not…” she immediately began to defend but then stopped and told the truth. “I’m thinking about it,” she responded. “I might want to get married again, and maybe this time around I’ll be luckier,” she joked.
None of it sounded funny to me, something cold coursed through my veins at her words. You’re thinking of getting married again? Have you forgotten what you went through the last time?”
“Xander, one has to heal their wounds and move on with life.”
“Some wounds should be impossible to heal. Have you forgotten why I ran away from home? Can you not recall how you spent the last fifteen years of your married life?”
“I’m past all of that now, Xander. I’m in love and I want to try again.”
“What does that mean? What is so fucking special about love? Isn’t that the excuse you held on even when that bastard was beating you to a pulp? Isn’t that why you refused to leave? You have everything you need now. I have made sure of that. Why are you considering putting yourself through such a nightmare once again? What are you searching for?”
“Being able to share your life with someone else is priceless, Xander.”
“I’m not enough? If you need someone to share your life with then move over, right now. I’ll send a plane down to you. Right now. Spend it with me, not some fucking stranger who doesn't know your worth.”
I had blown up at her without meaning to and in response, her voice was quiet and gentle. “Is this why you’re still single?” she asked, “You don’t trust yourself either?”
“I’ll get married if the need ever arises, Mom, but the terms will be clear from the start. When are you coming to New York?”
“I’ll call you,” she said. “Be well, sweetheart.”
She hung up the phone, and I felt even worse afterward than I had during the call.
♡
CARSON
Bethany convinced Ida to spend the night so while they retreated into the bedroom for more conversation, I settled down begrudgingly at the coffee table and began tapping away at my computer.
After a frustrating phone call with the client about her indecision of what even she wanted to be in the book, I fell asleep royally pissed off and woke up just a few hours later, angrier than before I’d dozed off. My neck ached from the mangled position that I had fallen asleep in against the couch, and with whimpers, I managed to drag myself to the bathroom.
Upon my arrival, the pronounced frown lines across my forehead stopped me cold.
My mom had once told me that working as hard as I did, especially as a woman, would age me beyond my ears. I had always thought it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard but looking at all the lines that were magically multiplying on my face, I realized just how old I was getting. I would be thirty in just a few months. Freaking thirty and without any notable achievement to my name despite all my struggles throughout the years. Nothing frightened me more.
Perhaps my father was right. Perhaps it was time to finally give up. If I got married now to whoever he had mentioned earlier, I would have a roof over my head and belong somewhere. And most importantly, I would keep him from worrying so much about me and have more time to myself than I could ever need.
But at the back of such consolation was the fear that things would not work out the way that I had hoped. What of if my freedom was taken away from me in return for this stability? What if I came to place less and less value on my dream until I eventually just gave up on it?
I trembled at the very thought and walked out of the bathroom. It was already morning, so I started on a light breakfast for the girls and went to wake them up.
They all trudged in almost an hour later fully dressed for the day and entered the kitchen at the smell of breakfast.
“Ida,” I began. “Will there be any part-time opportunities at that conference you'll be holding next week?”
“Probably,” she answered as she picked the toast apart. “You’re interested?”
“I am, just in case my freelance gig gets ruined. The client is psychotic.”
“I’ll create one for you even if there aren’t any. Don’t worry, Mama’s got you.”
“Ew,” Bethany said and rose up from the counter before Ida could hit her.
I said, “Do I look different to either of you?”
They both turned to me. “Different? How so?” Bethany said.
“Like older?”
“Of course you do,” Bethany said. “Look at the lines on your forehead.”
I gasped. “You can see that?”
“You slept with makeup on!” she half-yelled. “That’s why you’re striped. Go wash your face and use my moisturizer. I’m not even married yet and I have this man
y kids to take care off.”
“The hell… I’m like five years older than the both of you” Ida said.
I smiled at their bickering and ran off to wash my face as instructed.
Chapter 3
XANDER
I was far away from the boardroom and my office today, instead two floors down with the design team to focus on the development of the new updates.
I was excited about the propositions and found myself unable to stay away despite the mountain of administrative duties that David had pushed unto me for the day. He, however, kept blowing up my phone with updates and photos that did not interest me from the University conference that he was attending.
The first was a group of men in suits holding glasses of what looked like fruit juice, and I felt a twinge of pity for the alcoholic in him.
Next was a text that said
“Still haven't seen the witch.”
I thought about blocking him for the rest of the day, but eventually just decided to switch the phone off to bar any incoming calls and messages from anyone so I could concentrate.
I returned to my office for lunch and at the moment my phone was turned back on, the barrage of notifications that came in left me stunned. A few were calls from business associates which I needed to return, but more than was necessary were from David including an influx of pictures and chat rants.
I opened up his chat and saw a picture of his ex-wife at a distance. His caption read, “Look how ugly she has gotten. I dodged a bullet with that one.”
I had met his wife multiple times before they had gotten divorced and remembered her being a stunningly beautiful woman with red hair and an electric smile. I didn’t see how she would have gotten uglier after being apart from David for three years, neither did I have the interest to listen to him attack her incessantly in order to make himself feel better, so I ignored the message and went on with my work, pushing lunch aside a bit further.
Another picture came in a few seconds later accompanied by another influx of messages, so I reached for the phone to put it on silent but then the picture caught my eyes. His ex-wife was not alone in this one. She was laughing with someone who looked mighty familiar to me.
She had the most beautiful smile on her face, her blonde hair slicked to the back of her head.
I shot up from the chair before I knew what I was doing and in seconds, David was on the line.
“Why the hell have you been ignoring me?”
“Who is the girl in the picture with Ida?”
“What picture?”
“Check your phone. The one you just sent me.”
I waited a few seconds for his response and he came back with, “I don’t know, but she seems to be a server at the event.”
“Ask Ida who she is,” I said.
“What a selfish a bastard you are. You want me to talk to a snake just to fulfill your curiosity?”
“I’ll call her myself then,” I said and was about to hang up when he cursed at me with gritted teeth. “Wait a damn moment. I’ll do it. That’s how much of a friend I am,” he said.
“I’ll call her myself if I don't get your call in two minutes…”
“Well, I have to find her first, and then I have to prepare myself to speak to her. Do you expect me to just walk up and ask about her friend, she won't even give me the time of—"
I ended the call with frayed nerves and collapsed back into my chair.
Unable to sit still or think any further, I grabbed my coat and was out the door and in my car in minutes. “Cornell University,” I told my driver and was on my way amidst the aggravating New York afternoon traffic.
David’s call came just as I neared the venue of the conference. “The bitch was as cold to me as ice,” he reported.
“What did she say about the server?”
“She’s one of her best friends, and I was warned explicitly to stay away from her. What is your interest here?”
“I’m on my way to the conference,” I said to him.
“What? Why?”
“No reason in particular. I’m close by so I’ll just drop by.”
“You’re not joking, are you? Should I tell Ida that you’re coming?”
“As you wish,” I responded and did not miss the yes! under his breath.
I had just given him another reason to talk to and possibly appear relevant to his ex-wife. I couldn’t understand the dynamics between them. However, at the moment, I had bigger issues to handle, like how I would approach her. I almost couldn’t believe that she was the same girl that I had been unable to get out of my mind through the weeks, and to think that she was Ida’s best friend. The world was truly was small.
My driver soon arrived at the entrance to the conference hall and I got out of the car impatiently. Just as I was about to shut the door and head in, I saw her hurry out of the hall.
She was dressed in the white-blouse-and-dark-skirt standard server uniform and looked to be quite in a hurry. She glanced at her watch impatiently and then hailed a taxi that stopped in front of her. I took a desperate step forward to stop her from leaving but came to my senses in time. Hurriedly, I got back into my car and told my driver not to lose the taxi.
I couldn't even believe what I was doing but there was no time to think. We remained on the tail of the taxi as it sped through traffic, and it felt as though my entire body was brimming with anxiety. David kept calling and, unable to stand it any longer, I picked up the phone to a bark from him.
“Where the fuck are you? I just made Ida announce that you will be stopping by to say a few words at the conference.”
“I don’t think I will be able to do that,” I said. “Something else came up and I’m rushing over now.”
“You’re joking, right? She just made the announcement and everyone here is brimming with excitement. Ida’s going to fucking kill me.”
“I’m really sorry, man,” I said.
“She’s going to think I did her in,” he half yelled.
Unable to console him any further but feeling shitty for the position I put him in, I hung up the phone. I was going to have to pay for that one later.
I returned my eyes back to the road and saw her taxi stop by an alley on 46th street. She had gotten in with heels, but I saw her jump out in a pair of athletic shoes and then she began to run.
I was confused.
Wondering what was going on I followed her slowly with the car as she went around the block and then as she ran for another five minutes, only stopping at random intervals for a breath of air.
What was she doing? Why hadn't she ridden in the taxi all the way if she hadn't yet arrived at her destination?
Eventually, she slowed down on a commercial street and eventually stopped beside a restaurant, I watched as she freed her blonde waves from her ponytail, ran her fingers through them before the window of the restaurant and then adjusted her tightly-fitted skirt and blouse. She had the shape of a goddess and as she ran her hands down her outline I felt my cock swell to attention.
I watched as she took a deep breath before going into the restaurant and realized that she was probably going in for some sort of meeting. I wanted to go in after her not certain when or if she would be coming out anytime soon, but I was able to exercise patience and a short while later, she exited the restaurant.
The look on her face stopped my heart cold.
It seemed as though she was close to tears as she stared straight ahead at nothing. Then she lifted her head to the sky, allowed the briefest of smiles on her face and then began to walk away.
I wanted to reach out to her so much that a few moments later I found myself standing on the curb amidst the passing throng of people and staring at her retreating figure. I turned then and headed into the restaurant.
“Who runs this place?” I asked the moment one of the assistants came up to me.
“I’ll get my manager,” he said and a few moments later I was invited to the back and into the manager’s office.
He was a tall burly man with a full beard, but he looked confused as to how to address me. He was obviously decades ahead of me in years, but the affluence of my clothes was not easily dismissible.
“Benjamin Furst,” he announced and held out his hand for a shake. “I run the Grande Cup, how can I help you?”
“Please call me Xander,” I said to him. “A young lady just left here dressed in a black skirt and a white blouse. I assume she came in to interview for a position?”
“Oh, Miss Carson Oliveira. You are correct.”
“She was rejected?”
He was reluctant to speak but decided that there was no harm in speaking either way and responded to my question. “Yes, she was.”
“In what way did she not live up to your requirements?”
He grew defensive. “I’d rather not say, that is confidential to our business.”
“What then do I have to do to ensure that you hire her?”
He narrowed his eyes at me, surprised at my words but soon enough we had reached a satisfactory agreement. I exited the office and took a seat by a corner of the coffee house, my presence partly hidden by the tall plant that stood by my table.
I waited and watched as a few minutes later Carson hurried back into the restaurant. She met the manager who was all smiles toward her, and she seemed as though she would kiss his very feet at the sheer joy and surprise of being called back after being rejected.
A pang of jealousy hit me in the chest at the look of adoration that she showered upon him. They immediately put her to work and began to show her around the mechanics behind the counter, but my time for indulging in personal affairs soon came to an end.
As I was being consistently buzzed on my phone for my attention back at the office I rose to my feet and, making sure she did not see me, made my way out of the restaurant and began my commute back to my office.
My heart was at peace as I returned. I now knew not only her name but where she would be every day from now on.
Damaged Love Page 42