I froze right then.
“That doesn’t mean that you will always be in that state. Once not very long ago I also had nothing. That's not the story today. So, stop getting so damn offended all the time, and embrace what you are right now, it is much more than most will ever be."
She scoffed. “And what am I? The wife that you pay to have sex with?"
"If that's your perspective then kudos to you. In my eyes, you're a fighter without any sentiment when it comes to your dreams. You'll do what needs to be done. With me, however, you constantly seem to be holding a gun and ready to fire. I don't know why and when the fuck I became the bad guy, but it needs to stop.”
He let me go then and I watched as he walked away to his room, and banged the door shut behind him.
♡
CARSON
A few hours later I sent Xander a text message. Would you like to have lunch?
There was no response. I tried again at dinner time and when my phone beeped about half an hour later I almost fell from my chair rushing over to the bed to retrieve it. I shut my eyes for a few seconds, and when I realized what I was doing I reopened them and gazed at my phone to read the message.
It was from Bethany. How is married life going?
Just then, Ida’s text came in too, asking a similar question and I almost blocked the both of them. I collapsed on the bed in disappointment, wondering what the hell I was doing and why I was allowing his lack of response to bother me so much.
This was a short-term agreement and one that demanded little interaction from either of us. “But why does it only have to be that?" I asked myself. What was wrong with Xander and why couldn't I fall in love with him? The way I reacted and felt about him was something I'd never experienced with anyone else, and thus far he had been nothing but decent to me.
He had a great aversion to the idea of marriage as he had explained so many times but what about me? I had never given it a thought. Did I not ever want anyone in my life, and when I eventually did, would I want anyone apart from him? All along love had been the last thing on my mind but now that I didn't have to worry about rent and food, my head was beginning to wander, finding something else to fuss about.
Angry with myself, I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen. I was starving. Passing by the counter where he had ravaged me earlier that morning brought all sorts of thoughts to my head and suddenly I wanted him to come out of his room. It was only then that I realized that he probably wasn't in the apartment anymore. Dispelling all thoughts of him from my mind, I focused on making my dinner.
Soon, a message came in from Ida. Why is your newlywed husband already working and having business dinners with David instead of you?
I gazed at the text message for the longest time, trying my best not to feel anything as I stared at it. I didn't respond to her but instead finished with my meal, stored the rest of it in the refrigerator and headed back to my room to continue working.
Chapter 13
XANDER
David knew everybody.
So when I asked him to make a meeting happen between me and the President of ABC Studios, Patrick Ferro, I received a phone call from him confirming the dinner appointment.
I left the house without a word to Carson. My plan was to take my time in having meetings with the executives from the different networks in order to see which of them would be willing to create an opportunity for her before I informed her of the options that I had been able to gather.
He was a slightly greying man with a sharp gaze and a sense of humor, so I found him quite easy to talk to.
“We have some pitches going around our creative team for the next pilot season so perhaps your acquaintance will be able to come in for a meeting to test her capabilities,” he said.
“If she already has a fully developed script ready to present would there be an opportunity for her to do so?” I asked.
“You mean the opportunity to be the forerunner of the show?”
“Yes.”
“That would make things a bit more complicated because she would need to have a track record that we can bank on.”
“And if she does not?”
“Then perhaps starting as an assistant within a team would be best.”
“I’m open to that suggestion but if she presents her work and there is interest in it, I’m willing to take on the risk of production.”
He stopped with his glass of wine to his lips, and even David turned to me.
“You surely don’t mean that,” he said, amused. “We’re speaking about a production worth millions of dollars. It’ll probably be no trouble for you but… it is a serious offer to put forward.”
“I believe in my acquaintance. She has great potential.”
“Is she perhaps a relative, or a romantic interest?”
“I’d prefer not comment on that,” I replied.
“As you wish,” he said, and continued on with his meal quietly, still taken aback by my offer and perhaps suspicious of any hidden intentions.
I decided to put his mind at rest. “I’m not looking to gain any benefits from this collaboration if it were to happen. I’m just offering to bear the risk of production because of my belief in my acquaintance's work. The decisions afterward, whether it meets or does not meet expectation are entirely up to the network. I will have no part to play.”
“Got it,” he said to me and we continued on with our dinner.
After the dinner came to an end I was about to get into my car, David stopped me. “That’s a huge investment. Are you that much in love with her?”
My gaze told him that I was waiting for an actual question that I could answer.
“It just seems so soon,” he said. “You’ve not known her that long and you both just decided to get married. This is even more shocking.”
“She’s my wife,” was the only explanation that I gave. “See you at work.” I got into my car and rode away.
I walked into a quiet house and wondered if she was home. It seemed as it always had when I lived alone, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. After a quick shower, I retired to bed and as usual, I was awakened by the nightmare. It was the same as always… I was a child, my hand in his, the kindest of smiles on his face. Then before I knew what was going on, he was on the floor, the blood seeping out from his head, and I, confused at both the sight before me and the blood on my hands. I always tried to stop it, to slow down the time, but just like it had really happened, everything always fell apart before I ever realized what was going on.
I woke up with a gasp, my heart compressed as though a weight was trying to suffocate me… my forehead beaded with sweat, and a splitting headache raked through my head. Normally I would try to lie back down, but today my fuse was at its shortest, so I threw the covers aside and got out of bed.
A few minutes later I was at the dining table with my laptop and off to work. Hopefully, either exhaustion or the sunrise would catch up with me before I got restless.
I was startled at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. I had gotten so into my usual night routine that I had almost forgotten that I had a wife in the house.
I tried not to stare at her as she headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. I got back to my work and tried to concentrate but my awareness of her presence numbed me to all else. I kept my eyes glued to the computer but didn’t miss her approach.
“I sent you a message earlier,” she said. “Didn’t you see it?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about. I reached for my phone by the table and pulled it open to flip through my messages and true enough there was one from her. Somehow, I had missed it.
Have you had lunch? she’d asked.
I raised up my head then, an apology on the tips of my lips but she was already leaving. I held myself back, grateful for her departure as it prevented me from caring more than was needed. I knew that she was upset, but that wasn't supposed to be. She wasn’t supposed to care whether I had ea
ten or whether her message to me remain unanswered or not.
I continued with my work hoping that at the end of our year together, both of us would be able to get out of it as unscathed as possible.
♡
CARSON
Xander’s schedule amazed me.
The way he moved around the house was almost as though he was programmed. At about three every morning he awoke. Sometimes he would move around in his room or descend down the stairs, and then by 5 am he would head to the gym on the top floor or leave the building completely for a run and then afterward the whole apartment would be as quiet as the dead once again.
By 9 am on the dot he was out, and not once as the days went by had he left a minute earlier or later. The only thing that remained uncertain was his return time. Sometimes it would be at about 10 pm but at other times it would be inching closer to midnight.
As the days and then weeks went by, I started to comprehend what a shift it had caused for him to have taken off from work and come over to the cafe. It truly confused me as to why he would allow himself to expend such an effort toward me. Not willing to confront much when it came to him, I usually stayed out of sight as much as I could, however my need to see him had reached an aggravating limit so I rose on one of the mornings before 9 am and began breakfast. I only made a serving for myself but hung around until he came for his daily dose of coffee.
He filled his mug, but just as he was about to leave, I stopped him with a question.
“Why did you marry me?”
He turned to me and if his face wasn’t so neutral all the time, I might have been inclined to think that perhaps he was amused at the question.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“You haven't touched me in days,” I pointed out and this time he smiled. “I have been quite busy lately.”
“You were equally as busy when you chose to work at the coffee shop.”
“I was but there was the element of urgency between us. Now we have a whole year to enjoy each other.
“Oh, so now I’m easy,” I said. “Noted.”
The gaze he gave me then made breathing difficult. “Do you want to be fucked?” he asked, and it was so casual that I almost choked on the glass of iced tea I had been drinking.
I turned to him and then glanced at the wall clock on the wall. It was a few minutes to nine. I could barely hold my lips from tilting into a smile. “I want to have a shower.” I put my glass in the sink and casually strolled out of the kitchen calling back to him, “Have a nice day at work.”
I walked quietly to my room my heart pounding in my chest, but too afraid to turn back. I didn't hear any sound behind me and it pricked my heart that he had decided to go on at his appointed 9 am.
I was about to shut my door however when I heard footsteps stomping up the stairs. I lifted my gaze and watched as he headed toward me, wrenching his coat from his shoulders, and throwing it unto the ground.
Things happened too fast from then on for me to remain coherent.
One second he was coming towards me and in the next my legs were around his waist and my back being slammed against the wall.
His deep throated kiss turned my limbs numb, and my next state of coherence was in my glass shower stall. It was big enough for at least five people, but I was sure that I was going to suffocate. He was everywhere. His fingers were inside of me, and his mouth covering my lips and every bare inch of exposed skin with kisses as though he were starving.
The faucet came on and in seconds we were drenched.
I watched as he ripped the buttons off his white dress shirt and tossed the material away. Next were his dark slacks and those came off at the same time as his briefs, his thick cock springing to attention. I dropped to my knees and crawled towards it, my gaze set on the vein-strained thick rod that I had so missed over the last few days. With my hand gripping the base, I encircled the head with my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip. It was the first time in my life that I had had a dick in my mouth and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Now I was starting to wish that had I listened more to Bethany and Ida’s tales of their club restroom rendezvous. I had seen enough adult movies however so from memory, I took as much of his shaft as I could into my mouth, and began to pump it. I worshipped the rod that had quickly become my favorite part of his entire body, planting kisses along it and grazing my teeth against its shiny crown.
I heard his groan from above me and purposely took my mouth away to ask. “Am I doing okay?”
The veins in his neck were now painfully strained, and his eyes shut closed to contain it all, and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“Keep going,” he spat, and amused, I returned back to my sucking, driving his shaft up and down my throat, and sucking on his swollen balls.
His reaction was primal, and his groans unrestrained. I reveled in seeing him this way and so close to losing control.
My clitoris throbbed from the lack of attention, but I ignored it and focused on milking him until the moment when I could almost feel him exploding. He came in my mouth, his entire frame shuddering, and I couldn't contain my excitement. I lapped up as much of his juice as I could, and rose to my feet. I took off my shorts on my way allowing him the few moments that he needed to get himself back in order. My white t-shirt was glued to my body shaping my breasts in a way that urged even me on. He kept gazing at them as he tried to regulate his breathing, so I turned around and began to grind my buttocks and wet sex against his re-hardening cock. I gripped the rod with my hand and rode it against swollen my swollen nub to soothe the maddening ache that it was wreaking throughout my body.
He regained control of himself then and turned me around so that my back was against the steaming glass wall. He ground his hips to mine, and after ensuring my balance pulled my leg up from the crook of my knee and brought it up toward him. He drove his cock into my opening and then began to pound into me as though a second lost would cost the both of us more than we were able to pay.
More times than I could count my knees slipped from his hold, but he never stopped. He drove into me just as he had in the kitchen, his cock thick and filling my cunt almost painfully. I felt myself milk every single juice and sensation out of him until eventually, the race toward our climax overtook all.
He exploded within me and so did I around him, with me holding onto his neck for dear life and refusing to let go just in case his cock slipped out of me. I wanted him as buried deep as he currently was in me, forever.
I felt the tears fill my eyes, close to insanity as I imagine I would ever be. This was how it was to be thoroughly fucked, and right then I almost thanked him. He lowered himself to his knees, his dick slipping out of me and pushed my thighs roughly apart. He then slammed his mouth unto my soaked sex.
With his teeth and tongue, he ate up the most private part of my body, while I rolled and gyrated against his mouth. I came again more times that I could count and by the time we were done, only his arm around my waist was holding me up.
“Can you handle a thorough shower now?” he asked but I could even respond. I didn’t need to. I wasn’t even sure I could walk. He lifted me from the stall and carried me over to the bed, however, I refused to let go of him. I pulled him towards myself, his naked body lying flat on top mine but with his arm propped up on both sides so as to support his weight over me.
I didn’t even know when I fell asleep but the next time I woke up, I was alone in my bed, and underneath my covers. Xander was nowhere in sight. I sighed as I awoke, the reminder and arousal of our shower session coming clearly to mind, and I wanted him back home with me.
My phone began to ring. The tone penetrated my subconscious multiple times before I finally dragged myself off the bed to find it. My voice was groggy with exhaustion from what Xander had done to me that morning.
“Hello,” I croaked.
My agent’s voice came through the receiver and for a moment I was so disoriented and taken aback th
at I almost couldn't recognize him. I had to pull my phone from my ear to confirm his ID, and when I did I instantly woke up. “Will,” I said.
“Where have you been? After blowing my offer off and making me look bad you couldn't even have the decency to contact me?”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “Life has been hectic, plus I didn't think I’d be easily forgiven this time around. I really messed up didn’t I?”
“It’s understandable. It was a family emergency.”
There was a moment of silence as I waited to hear why he had called me this time around. I felt the usual tightening in the pit of my stomach in expectation and at the same time the doubt and fear in my heart that made me dread phone calls like this. Nothing will come from this I reminded myself.
“Pilot season is coming up,” he said to me. “There are some new pitches going around, and I’d love you to be in on the team at one of them. As I’ve told you before your work is amazing and all I need is to get you a place, and from them on I’m confident that you can work your way up and get yourself and your work noticed.”
“Sure,” was all I could say.
“There is a meeting tonight,” he said. “Some network executives will get together for a drink after the hectic day. I want you to stop by, and make yourself memorable to them.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I don't think they would object too much to an interesting pitch put forward by a young writer.”
“I’ll be there,” I responded, my blood already simmering with hope. “Send me the address.”
“Alright,” he said. “Don’t disappear again,” he warned, and I almost swore on my life that it wouldn't happen again.
“Thanks so much, Will,” I said, beyond grateful and jumped right to work. I didn't know what I would present to them, but I had a couple of ideas swirling in my head and an almost completed script of a series that I had spent the last two years crafting as my most treasured piece. It had been turned down so far for being too soft, but I had written it for that very purpose, to serve as a refresher to the harder shows out there, not to shock at all times but to soothe, and heal.
Damaged Love Page 54