SCARRED (Scars)

by Gress, C. R.

“Your Honor, does anyone not see that she,” he points his finger at me across the courtroom, “ punched me in the jaw but I am the one that got locked up?”

  “I was defending myself!”

  “Defending my ass, you walked across the room and punched me for no apparent reason.”

  “Really? No apparent reason huh?”

  “Yeah, you came home in a bad mood from work and woke me to start a fight.”

  “You were waiti….”

  Bang Bang

  “Enough!” booms the judge. He turns to Greg, ”Son, you do realize that the State of North Carolina has a zero tolerance policy on domestic violence.”

  “She won’t press charges sir.” Greg answers, absolutely sure of himself.

  “She doesn’t have to press charges in this state. The district attorney has that option. We do this because there are many times that victims are coerced out of filing.” The judge explains to him.

  I stand quietly waiting for the judge to come down on me for my actions that night. Greg glares across the room at me before turning back to face the judge.

  “She hit me too. Why does she not get arrested. Why is she not sitting here in this God awful jumpsuit?” He asks.

  “’Too’ that is a very scathing word son.” The judge scolds.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well son, ‘Too’ insinuates that there were multiple parties involved which leads me to believe that you laid your hands on her also.”

  My mouth gapes open.

  “And based on what I see in this room, this young lady was most definitely defending herself. You are at least six inches taller than she is and pack at least fifty more pounds. If you were hurt when she hit you, you deserved it.”

  “But…”

  “No ‘but’ in this equation. I grant the restraining order for a period of one year. Son, you will be released based on time served with the stipulation that you abide by the order of protection placed against you. At no time will you visit her place of employment not her place of residence. You are to remain a fifty foot distance from her at all times. I will send this case to a counselor at Social Services so that we can arrange parental visitation for you without violating the order.”

  “Can I at least go get my clothes from the house?” Greg asks.

  “Yes you may, with a police escort that I will assign, bailiff please escort the gentleman to processing so that he may collect his things.”

  That’s it?

  I’m Free!

  CHAPTER 9

  Fall, 1999

  Happy Birthday to Me!

  It’s my twenty-fourth birthday so I choose to celebrate it at the restaurant I work at. I feel safe here after everything I have been going through due to the separation from Greg. I don’t have to work and came up there to have a few drinks and enjoy my night out without the fear of Greg stalking my every move. Even though I have a restraining order out on him, he always seems to conveniently show up at many of the public places I attend; but not here. Since I work here, the employees know to look out for him and to call the police if he even thinks about pulling into the parking lot.

  As my night begins to come to an end I sit at the corner of the bar and play one of the trivia games and drink some Mountain Dew and snack on chips to level out the buzz I got from all the shots everyone kept feeding me. I am talking with Corinne, the bartender about all the problems with the judicial system and my restraining order when an extremely bright light blinds me through one of the side windows of the restaurant. I raise my hand to shield my eyes and walk to the window to see what was going on. The bright light turns off when I reach the window and it is then that I notice a dark vehicle parked beside my car.

  What the Fuck?

  “Hey Corinne, I’ll be right back.”

  “Now Jordan you know you should not be walking out alone, this late at night. Let me get one of the cooks to go out with you.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t think Greg would be that stupid.”

  “Want to bet?’ Corinne answers with a hint of a chuckle.

  “I will be ok, just time me. If I am not back in five minutes, call the police.” I call over my shoulder as I bound out the door before Corinne can protest any more.

  As I stumble out across the parking lot, I begin to recognize the sedan parked beside my car.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask as I approach the window of the unmarked police car.

  “I figured you would need a ride home seeing you have been here celebrating your birthday all night.”

  “Have you been stalking me?”

  “No, just checking on you to make sure you are okay.”

  “I’m fine.” I retort.

  “I can see that, you cannot even stand there without swaying.” Gavin snorted trying to stifle a laugh. “Plus I would like to talk to you about something.”

  “Am I in trouble? I am not driving so I know you cannot give me a DUI, so what gives”

  “Just get in the car.”

  “Let me go get my pocketbook and let everyone know I am ok and that I am leaving. I’ll be right back.”

  I run back into the restaurant to grab my stuff and tell Corinne that I’m leaving and have a safe ride home, then hurry out the door to the escort who is waiting for me.

  Hopping into the passenger seat I wave at Corinne who is standing in the window shaking her head as Gavin pulls off.

  “So what am I in trouble for? It’s my birthday and I stayed out of trouble.”

  “I needed to talk to you about something.” Gavin replies.

  “I heard you got married last week, so what do you need to talk to me about?”

  “That is what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “You got married, that should be the end of it.”

  “I want to make you understand.”

  “What is there to understand, you got married. What I want to know is; why? You don’t love her, you have told me that a million times over the last few months. You also told me that after what you went through with Cheri, you would never get married again. So what changed?”

  “It was the right thing to do.”

  “That is not a reason to get married. That sounds more like obligation and guilt, not love.”

  Gavin pulls the car into the parking lot of a secluded park so I can get some fresh air and so he can concentrate on the conversation.

  I get out of the car and walk down to the picnic tables to sit for a minute in an effort to steady my balance as well as my thoughts. Gavin walks up and takes a seat beside me.

  “You don’t understand Jordan. You’ve had too much to drink.”

  “Oh I understand perfectly fine. You married her out of some sort of guilt because she was there for you after the accident when Cheri left you. You were alone and in a partial body cast and she wormed her way in.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I don’t? I have seen the two of you together. I have seen how you two act towards each other. Well more the way you act toward her. You act more like she is your sister than a lover. I have also seen the way you look at me. So have other people. People have told me about how you look at me. Like you are a tiger ready to pounce on its prey. The fiery gaze that you get n your eyes. I have felt it too. I have felt your eyes burning my clothes off me. Does she know? Does she know about us, about our past? Does she know that no matter how much distance there is between us and no matter what happens, we always end up back in each others arms? Does she know you will always come back me? Does she know that you are here now?” I ask.

  “She knows that you and I have been friends for a very long time.” He answers.

  “So that would be a ‘No’. She doesn’t know about our past, she doesn’t know that we dated.” I exclaim beginning to get agitated and stand up to walk and get some fresh air.

  “No! and she doesn’t need to know either. She is very insecure. Insecure about our marriage, about her weight, about a lot of
things. Telling her about our past would only make her worry that we are still together.”

  “Aren’t we? In a way.”

  “Yes, but that is between the two of us, no need to get her upset.”

  “So what are we going to do, continue with this, um, whatever it is?”

  “What do you want to do? What am I supposed to do? She is my wife, and you are…”

  “I am what? What exactly do you consider me?”

  “You are the one that got away. My regret. I am trying to rectify that now. You left me out of the blue, no explanation or anything. I lost you then, now you are back. You reappeared just as suddenly as you left. Those feelings didn’t just disappear, and I never forgot about you.”

  “So you think you can have your cake and eat it too. You think you can be married to her and still be with me?”

  “No, you don’t understand.”

  “Then explain it to me.”

  “Its difficult.”

  “And this is not difficult. Avoid the situation we are in, keep meeting in secret and act like we are just old friends in public. It will never work, You are headed for disaster.”

  “I love her, but I love you too. They are two different feelings for me. I don’t know how to make you understand.”

  “I don’t think you can either. I just think you should go home. Go home to her and leave me the hell alone.”

  “I can’t. I can’t lose you. This..” he motions in a circle with his hand, “between us has been there for too long. I can’t just walk away from these feelings.”

  “Why not? I did, six years ago. I walked away and didn’t look back.”

  “You didn’t huh? Then what do you call this? Why are we standing here? Why have you allowed me to come back to this? With us?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I just needed an escape. I needed that comfort with you after all the bullshit I am going through with this divorce.”

  “Why does it seem like we are never in the same place at the same time?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well six years ago it was you. I wanted more than you were willing to give me in a relationship. That is why you left, you weren’t ready. Now I can’t commit to you because of Lisa. I can only offer what we have now. If she found out about us, she would take everything I have and I would probably lose my job.”

  “And exactly what do we have?”

  “We have each other, the comfort of each other. The want and need to be in each others arms. To feel the fire we have for each other, that fire that never went out.” Gavin walks up behind me and runs his hands up both of my arms. Nuzzling his nose in my hair as he inhales my scent. “You just don’t know what you do to me. I want to feel you. I long to be inside you right now.”

  Tears stream down my face and I tense up as chills run up my spine. I close my eyes and picture the last time we were together.

  “I want you right here, right now.” Gavin whispers in my ear as he nibbles on my earlobe.

  “Gavin, you haven’t been married two weeks and you are already trying to break your vows.”

  “It’s your birthday. I want to give you your birthday present. My present. A present only I can give you.”

  He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me up against him. I can feel his hard dick nestle against my back. Holding me tight against his body with his left arm around my waist he slides his right hand down and cups my pussy over my jeans.

  “I know you want me as much as I want you. I can feel how hot you are.” He states as he squeezes my cunt.

  I lay my head back against Gavin’s chest, tears still streaming down my face. I have no idea what to do; I want him too, just not the complication. I struggle with my feelings about the relationship we are in.

  Gavin whispers in my ear, “Make love to me. Let me make love to you. Let me show you the depth of my passion for you. The passion that never went away all those years ago, the passion that I have kept bottled up for all these years, the passion that I can say will never go away.”

  I know I am in trouble. There is no way possible for me to ignore the feelings I have for Gavin now just like I couldn’t deny them all those years ago when I ran away.

  I turn to face Gavin, wrap my arms around his neck, stand on my tip toes and kiss his soft pouty lips. He wraps his arms around me, grabs a handful of my hair and tugs lightly tilting my head to expose the pulse point in my neck. He tenderly kisses my lips, nibbles on my chin then playfully kisses and nips on my neck causing a growling moan to escape me.

  “I told you then and I will tell you again. You are mine, now and forever. Don’t forget that.” He whispers against my skin.

  “OK Gavin, but not here. Take me home. I want to make love to you in my bed, not out here for anyone to come up on us. Not crowded in the car. I want you in my bed where I can get rid of all the horrible memories that have been created there. I want to feel the things we used to feel all those years ago. When you first claimed I was yours. When I felt like a simple touch from you could make all my troubles disappear.”

  “Okay.”

  A simple answer for such complicated feelings. He guides me back to the car gently holding the small of my back. So intimate and personal. It is almost as if the last six years never existed. Right back where we started from.

  CHAPTER 10

  Christmas 1999

  “Merry Christmas!” I shout as I walk into my mom’s house loaded down with presents; kids in tow.

  I still cannot understand how mom does it. It’s only been an hour since she left our house from “seeing what Santa brought my grandbabies”, yet her house is full, she has a huge feast laid out in the kitchen and it is only noon.

  Christmas at my moms house is always full of surprises, not to mention the chaos that always ensues. One of the main things is that everyone is always invited, even the exes. Even though mom and dad have been divorced since I was a baby, he even shows up at Christmas. Then there are my two crack head uncles, whom you never let around your pocketbook and always lock your car or else you will be missing something by the time the day is over. My sisters are a handful in their own right. Thank goodness I am the oldest because my middle sister is and always has been the “needy” one with sticky fingers herself; and my younger sister who dropped out of high school to live with her boyfriend.

  Add to that, the endless barrage of cousins, aunts, grandparents and anyone else who decides to stop by and you have one hell of a Christmas. Every Christmas I look around and watch everyone while hearing the song “Entry of the Gladiators” by Julius Fucik; you know the one that goes “Da Da Dada Dada Da Da Da Da” . Yep, its like a circus sideshow every year.

  Everyone is sitting around snacking on food waiting to open presents when my aunt starts in on me.

  “Jordan, I have some friends who want you to meet their son. He just got back from working on a job in Mexico. He is nice looking and a hard worker, plus he is smart. He is an electrician and we thought you two would hit it off..”

  “Not interested, Diane.” I respond.

  Why not? You need to get out and meet new people.”

  “I get out plenty; and I know enough people as it is. I can’t do anything in this town without people gossiping.” I answer flatly.

  “People wouldn’t gossip if you weren’t sleeping with a married man!” She exclaims.

  “Really! Now why don’t you just broadcast my business so everyone in the family knows, you stupid bitch!. Before you get up on your high horse and preach to me, answer me this, how many times have you been married?” I bite back and glare at her.

  “Seriously Jordan, you need to find a good man.” Diane answers curtly.

  “I have a good man.”

  “He’s married!”

  “Exactly. He is the only kind of man I am interested in right now. I don’t want anything more. I have been through enough hell the past year. I know I cannot take much more. Gavin is my escape. He is fun to be with and that is all I want at
this point in time.”

  “But, he is married.” She pouts out.

  “I know! I am not trying to split them up. I am just trying to enjoy myself when I can. I don’t have to have a man at my side all the time to be happy. I just want to go back to school, get my degree and raise my kids without all the bullshit.”

  “Okay you two, that’s enough. It’s Christmas. No fighting, This is supposed to be a happy time.” Mom says as she enters the living room.

  “And you expect any less, especially with this family.” I ask in a condescending tone.

  “Lets just get everybody in here so we can open presents.” She responds.

  “Hey, everybody, present time. Get in here before mom has a coronary.” I yell ensuring they can all hear me while I roll my eyes at my mom. “See that was so hard, huh?”