Limits of Protection

by Kelly Utt

  “Thank you so much for that generous offer,” I say to Marjorie. “I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”

  “No thanks needed,” Marjorie says. “There’s no place we’d rather be.“

  Mom looks at Marjorie with gratitude in her eyes. “Thank you from me, too,“ Mom says to Marjorie. “I’ll do all that I can. You know I will. I’m just afraid it won’t be enough.”

  We sit quietly together for a few minutes, pondering the situation. It seems to be a thing my family does. Mom wrings her hands as she fumes in silence, while Marjorie, Liam, and I gaze out at the lake.

  “I’m planning to hold a family meeting at the hospital at two o’clock to go over everything and figure out how to move forward,“ I say. “And that includes Duke and Taye as well. We will meet in the cafeteria, back in the private room Wilma showed us yesterday. Can you all be there?“

  Marjorie and Liam shake their heads affirmatively. Mom seems too lost in her thoughts to fully register what I’m saying. “Mom?“ I ask. “Can you join us for a family meeting at the hospital? Two o’clock.“

  She snaps out of her daze and turns to face me. “Yes,“ of course,“ she replies. “Do you want Joe, too?“

  “Definitely,” I say. “If he’s with you, he’s family.“ Mom breaks into a smile upon hearing this. She’s apparently pleased for Joe to be welcomed into the fold. “Although, someone will probably need to stay with the boys. But know that he’s welcome.”

  “Alright then,” Liam says. “Now let’s turn our attention to those three little boys and how we’re going to make this as easy as possible for them.“ We take a collective deep breath and sigh. This is going to be brutal. “George, buddy,” my uncle continues. “When do you want to tell them?“

  “Hell,“ I say. “I have no idea. On one hand, I feel like I should give them as much notice as possible. It might not matter to Will, but telling Ethan and Leo right away would at least give them the rest of the day to try and make sense of things.”

  “On the other hand, “Marjorie continues for me. “If you tell them this evening, that allows them time to rest and recover from the events of the past few days before they have more bad news to contend with.“

  “Right,” Liam confirms as he shakes his head. None of us knows what to do.

  “How about this?“ I try. “How about we wait until this afternoon to tell them, after the family meeting and after speaking with Dr. Wong about Ali’s recovery? That way, when they hear what’s happening, we will have a solid plan in place for who is going to do what and when. Maybe, Ali will wake up this afternoon as Dr. Wong hopes. If she could somehow be awake to comfort the boys, that would be the best-case scenario.“

  “Sounds like a good plan to me,” Marjorie says. “My only concern is that Ali may not be able to take this kind of news when she first wakes up. I suppose we will follow Dr. Wong‘s guidance in that regard.“

  “I know,“ I say. “I’m worried about that, too.“

  Mom begins to cry quietly again. She’s taking this hard.

  The rest of us chat a little more while Mom cries, then finally, we agree to my plan and decide to get through the family meeting and the appointment with Dr. Wong before we tell the boys what’s happening. In the meantime, I pack my bag for travel and make arrangements with the rental car company to be sure we all have the vehicles we will need. I then spend the rest of the morning with my three sweet little boys. I give them my full attention and the best of myself in the hopes it will be like an injection of healing which will last them until I get back. We play with toy cars together on the living room floor and they sit with me on the couch while I read story after story at their request. Marjorie cooks spaghetti and meatballs for lunch and we eat at the table out on the back deck while talking about all the wildlife that lives here at Lake Tahoe. It feels like the time is being well spent. I hope these short hours provide happy memories we can all hold onto. I hope my boys know how much I love them. I hope they feel connected. I hope I can get back home to them soon.

  When it’s time to head for the family meeting and the appointment with Dr. Wong at the hospital, I decide that we should keep the boys here at the house. It’s hard to know whether it’s best to have them with me or to keep them here with the alarm system. After weighing the options and the potential pitfalls, including the members of the media still camped out on the road in front of our house, keeping them here becomes a no brainer. Joe offers to stay with the boys and I take him up on that offer. I’m nervous about leaving them, but it seems like the best option. I tell them I’m going to talk to Mommy’s doctor and that I’ll be back by suppertime when we can play some more and read some more stories before bed. I kiss them goodbye and choke back tears as I think about how difficult things are for them right now. Joe assures me he’ll take good care of my little ones and will keep the alarm system queued up. He says that to be extra safe, they’ll stay indoors and won’t even go outside. I trust him.

  Mom, Marjorie, Liam, and I pile into the Jeep and pull out of the driveway as we begin the short ride to the hospital. Liam drives while I sit in the passenger seat and Mom and Marjorie sit in the back. Reporters jump out of their vehicles and run towards us, clamoring to get their microphones in the air. This irritates me, but it also brings me comfort because I think perhaps my boys are safer in the house with all these cameras filming the perimeter of the property. It seems like it would be hard for anyone to bother them without being filmed while trying to do so. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

  We make our way past the throng of reporters and onto the open road. I try to compartmentalize my emotions and focus on the practical tasks which lie ahead as we prepare to make a plan about how to care for my comatose wife and my three young sons while I’m away. I run through various options in my mind as I stare out the window at the tall pine trees which line the road. The sun is shining brightly now and it glistens as it makes its way down through the trees and onto my skin.

  When we arrive, Liam drives around to the back entrance of the hospital the same spot we entered yesterday. If feels strange to be back after the dramatic scene that took place on the rooftop. Yet, it also feels good to be back because it means I’m closer to my wife. It has felt like she was too far away overnight. I’m glad to have had the time with the boys and to have helped them get settled into the vacation rental house because it’s much more comfortable than a hospital room. But a part of us has been missing.

  We enter the doors of the medical center and the very first person we see is good old Miss Tessa. She must have known we were coming to be here waiting for us. I never got a chance to talk to her last night or to thank her for guiding me through the halls as I was looking for Clive and Ethan. I want to do that. I also want to thank her for helping me get in and out of the building without being detected by members of the media. I don’t know how I would have made it through without her. I’m really glad to see her now.

  “Miss Tessa!“ I say as I reach my arms out to hug her. “I was hoping I’d see you today. How are you?“

  “Good,“ she says as she shuffles over and hugs me tightly.

  “How did you know we were coming? Are you waiting here for us?“

  Miss Tessa smiles a sly smile and leans her head down mischievously. “I wanted to make sure you and your boy were all right,” she explains. “I went to your wife’s room this morning. Her dad and her brother told me you’d be coming around about now, so I made sure to be here waiting.”

  “That’s very nice of you,” I say. I look around at my family members and realize that I owe them an introduction. “Meet some more of my family,” I say. “This is my uncle Liam, who you saw last night. I don’t think the two of you got a proper introduction. And this is my mom, Linette, and my mother-in-law, Marjorie.“

  “Wonderful to meet you,” Marjorie says on behalf of the group as she steps forward and shakes Miss Tessa’s hand gently.

  “Well, don’t let me hold you up,” Miss Tessa say
s. “I know you have a meeting time to keep.”

  It suddenly dawns on me that I might not see Miss Tessa again. If it turns out that I’m deployed for a significant period, it’s possible that Ali will be transported back to New York before I return. And in that case, I won’t have occasion to see Miss Tessa unless I make a special trip out here to Lake Tahoe to do so. The thought makes me sad. Probably sadder than it should. I can’t explain why, but I feel attached to Miss Tessa. If feels like we’ve known each other longer than just a couple of days.

  “Okay,” I reply. “But when will I see you?”

  “Don’t you worry about that,” Miss Tessa says. “You’ll see me. Now go on.“

  She reaches out one arm and gives me a gentle push from the side. I do as she says and I turn and walk towards the cafeteria to get the family meeting started. There have too many goodbyes I wasn’t ready to say. I wish things didn’t have to be this way. After a few steps, I turn back. I’m not prepared to let Miss Tessa go. She’s still standing, watching me. She sees the emotion in my face. She shuffles towards me and reaches out for one of my hands. Miss Tessa looks so frail with her hunched back, her snow-white hair, and her deeply wrinkled skin. But she has a wisdom about her and that familiar grandmotherly vibe that has brought me so much comfort.

  “George Hartmann,” she begins. “You are never alone. There will be people to help you no matter where you go. Remember I said that.”

  “I will,” I say, squeezing her hand. “Goodbye, for now.“

  “Yes, goodbye for now,” Miss Tessa echoes.

  I give her hand a final squeeze then turn to catch up with my family members who have continued down the hall without me. After a few steps, I turn back to look for Miss Tessa one final time, but she’s already gone. She has disappeared into the bowels of the hospital, as tends to be her style. I honestly don’t know why I am so drawn or how to explain the connection. But I sure hope but I’ll see Miss Tessa again. I hope she’ll check on Ali while I’m gone, for as long as my wife is a patient at this hospital. I hope she’ll watch over Roddy, Nicky, Marjorie, and any of the rest of us who are here visiting as my wife recovers. We all need a friend like Miss Tessa.

  When I arrive at the cafeteria, Wilma is waiting to usher me into the private dining room just like she did yesterday. I feel incredibly grateful to have been taken care of the way we have. Maybe Miss Tessa is right that there will be people to take care of me no matter where I go. That’s a comforting thought. Although I’m eager to go upstairs and see Ali in the intensive care unit, I want to first handle the business of figuring out logistics for while I’m away. I want to be completely focused on that task at hand while in the family meeting, so I decide to hold off until after we’re done.

  As I approach the doorway of the room, I see that everyone is waiting for me.

  Roddy and Nicky look pretty good for having spent the night in hospital recliners. They must have found somewhere to shower and clean up, although it looks like Roddy is wearing some of his son’s clothes. I guess that makes sense because Nicky arrived at the hospital straight from the airport and must have had a bag packed. Duke and Taye are here, too. They both look serious like they’re committed to doing their part to help me. I can’t thank them enough. I have some of the best people in my life.

  When I walk inside, everyone stands up in a show of respect and solidarity. It’s a moving gesture and one that I didn’t expect. I get the idea it wasn’t planned either. It was just a reaction that happened when they saw me walk in the door. It takes me aback. Tears well up in my eyes.

  “Wow,” I say. “You people sure do you know how to make a guy feel special. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of you, but I’m sure glad that I have you in my life.“ I raise one hand to dry my eyes as I look around the room at the faces of my people.

  “The feeling is mutual,” Roddy says with a smile. “Now, let’s get down to business.“

  I close the door to the room behind me then pull up a chair and sit down at a large table with everyone else. I assume Wilma has this room reserved so that no one else will need to use it while we’re in here.

  “I guess I should be the one leading this meeting, right?“ I ask.

  “You can do that if you want to,” Roddy replies. “But you don’t have to. We’re going to be here without you and are perfectly capable of sorting out logistics for making sure Ali and our little guys are well cared for.”

  “Then by all means,“ I say to Roddy. “You lead and I’ll listen.“

  “Done,” Roddy confirms.

  “But let me add one thing some of you may not know,” I continue. “My uncle is being deployed with me. We report together tomorrow morning to Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas.“ The group looks at Liam and nods their appreciation. Some of them already knew he was leaving with me, but others are hearing it for the first time. They don’t say anything right away, but the air in the room is one of great respect for him, too.

  “You’re good men,” Roddy says. “Thank you for your service. Both of you.“ Liam and I look at each other and smile. I don’t know how he feels about it, but hearing that thanks helps me feel better. It buoys me and gives me strength to move forward.

  “Alright, so,” Roddy says as he pulls out a handwritten page of notes from his pocket. He must have worked on that while sitting in the room with Ali. I suppose he didn’t have anything else to do. I’m glad to see that he’s prepared. “Let’s begin by going over the needs,“ he says. “Then we’ll discuss who can do what to meet them.” The group agrees and they look at Roddy eagerly to see where they can help. “To be clear,” Roddy continues. “George and Liam don’t know how long they’re going to be deployed. They don’t even know where they’re going or what they will be doing yet. We need to make plans to cover all the bases as if we’re facing a long deployment because we very well might be.“

  I still can’t believe this is happening. That hypnosis sessions seemed to center me though. And it’s a good thing. I need to remain calm to focus. The safety and well-being of my family depend on it.

  “Hopefully,” Liam inserts. “We should know something more soon. Give us a few days after we leave. I’ll stress to our commanding officers the importance of being able to communicate expectations. I think they’ll work with us, given the situation.”

  “Perfect,” Roddy says. Roddy seems energetic. I feel like we’re in good hands with him at the helm. “First and foremost,” my father-in-law continues. “We need someone who can be with the boys day-to-day. Marjorie and I are dropping everything to make ourselves available.“

  “That’s so very kind,“ I say.

  “This is our family,” Roddy says, just like Marjorie did this morning. “There’s no place else we’d be.“

  “I’ll make myself available, too,” Mom says. “I’ve taken some time off recently as I’ve contemplated retirement. This is the push I needed to go ahead and go through with it. I’ll contact my supervisor at the hospital in Ithaca right away to get the paperwork started.”

  “Wow,” I say again. “That’s nice of you, Mom. Are you sure?”

  “Yes, dear. I’m sure. It’s time.”

  “Good, Linette,” Roddy affirms. “Thank you. Between the three of us grandparents, I think we will have childcare covered. Of course, we don’t know how long we’re going to be here in Lake Tahoe or when we will be able to get back home to New York. Linette, are you saying you’ll be able to stay in Lake Tahoe with us until we’re ready to go home? Because Marjorie and I should be able to handle it if you need to go back for a while.“

  “I can stay,“ Mom says. “If anything needs to happen in New York, Joe can go back and handle it for me. He’s already offered to do so.“

  “Very kind of him,” I say.

  “He’s happy to help. Joe has been contemplating retirement himself and this may be the push he needs as well. He and I enjoy spending time together and would like to be together as much as possible. He has some regular patien
ts he’ll need to get situated when he returns to Ithaca, but he may just close up shop and come back out to be with me. If you all don’t mind him staying with me at the vacation rental house, that is.“

  “Not at all,” I say. “I mean it when I say that if he’s with you, he’s family. I’m beginning to care for the guy myself.“

  It’s strange to think that just a few days ago I was angry with Joe. And that I spent months angry with him after our hypnosis session in January. I feel differently now. He has shown what a good guy he is. I can see it in the way he looks at Mom and in the way he treats her. And I see it in the way he wants to help my family. The hypnosis session this morning solidified that for me. Joe risked his professional ethics to help us. I’m a fan. Dr. Joseph Epstein is a-okay in my book.

  “Then that’s settled,“ Roddy says. “Marjorie and I, along with Linette and maybe sometimes Joe, will stay put at the vacation rental home and care for the boys for as long as Ali remains here in the hospital. When she is recovered enough to be safely transported back to Ithaca, then the three, or four, of us will pack up and travel back with our little guys. When and if we get to that point, Marjorie and I will stay with the boys at home at your house in Ithaca, George. I assume, Linette, you’d go stay at your house at that point, which should be fine. You’re close enough to pop in and out as you wish.“

  “That sounds great,“ I say. “When I spoke with the realtor who rented us the vacation home here, she promised to clear the books of any other rental reservations so we can stay as long as we need to. I’ll shoot her an email to let her know I’m leaving and to ask that she use you as a point of contact, Roddy.“

  “Good.”

  “The boys will be well cared for,” Marjorie says softly. “Don’t you worry about that, George.“

  “That’s right,” Roddy says. “I’ll protect them with my life.”

  That statement might sound cliché or like just a figure of speech, but I know Roddy is serious. He would give up his life to protect them. I have no doubt. I nod my head at my father-in-law in thanks as one hand involuntarily shoots up and covers my heart. It’s the same gesture Ali does when she’s deeply moved. I’m not sure I’ve ever done it myself, but it feels like a piece of Ali is with me in the motion. Our boys mean everything to us.