It's All Too Much

by Peter Walsh

  Why do I do what I do? Because those three days were among the most enriching, memorable, and inspiring times of my life.

  It’s Not about the Stuff

  My job may be all about organization and decluttering, but I cannot say enough times that it is not about “the stuff.” I have been in more cluttered homes than I can count, and the one factor I see in every single situation is people whose lives hinge on what they own instead of who they are. These people have lost their way. They no longer own their stuff—their stuff owns them. I am convinced that this is more the norm than the exception in this country. At some point, we started to believe that the more we own, the better off we are. In times past and in other cultures, people believe that one of the worst things that can happen is for someone to be possessed, to have a demon exercise power over you. Isn’t that what being inundated with possessions is—being possessed?

  This is why I don’t care that much about “the stuff.” The stuff is secondary to what interests me, what challenges me, what drives me to do what I do. What I see every day are people who have lost their way in their own homes. Who are buried—literally and metaphorically—by what they own. You have no chance of being who you want to be, your best self, unless you dig out from under the weight of your clutter.

  Getting organized for the sake of getting organized is a waste of time. Getting organized because it helps you live a richer, less stressed, happier, and more focused life, now that’s a goal worth pursuing. If you are not organized or if you are struggling with clutter, you are spending too much time just getting through the day. You are not thriving, just surviving. Every single person I have worked with has had a moment of blinding insight where they suddenly redefine their relationship to what they own. No permanent change can happen without this shift.

  You only have one life to live. How you live that life is your choice. As far as I know, no one has ever had “I wish I had bought more stuff” inscribed on their tombstone. What you own can easily blind you to who you are and what you can be. What I do and what I invite you to do is not just about organizing your closets or your garage or your sock drawer. It’s about you and the life you can live. Declutter, get organized, and watch a whole world you hadn’t noticed open up before you. It’s been two years since Max’s wife died. Last I heard from him he’d hiked part of the Appalachian Trail. I can’t think of a better example of how, even faced with the most heartbreaking circumstances, you can always discover new dimensions to your life.

  DEAR PETER:

  I shared some of our experiences with my cousin and my dear friend on the phone last night, and they both made comments on the way I sounded on the phone. My voice was lighter and there was a smile in it somewhere, and I have to attribute it to the way you made me feel yesterday. As the MasterCard commercials say, many things can be bought, but true feelings and emotions are priceless. I feel empowered to clean up not only the mess in the garage, but in all of the other aspects of my life.

  You Can Do Anything

  If you are like most of the people I have worked with, your physical stuff has, at one time or another, cluttered not only your home, but also your mind and your life. If you’ve truly followed the steps in this book, you should now be free from that burden. Once that weight has lifted, you have the opportunity to take what you have learned in decluttering and organizing your home and apply those principles to almost every aspect of your life: your mind, your body, your career, your friendships, family, and romantic relationships. You have an infinite capacity to achieve greatness. I know it. I have seen it.

  Declutter your health

  You cannot expect to be healthy living in a house full of clutter. Clutter has a great impact on your confidence and your mood. Your home, your nest, is out of control. Rooms don’t serve their purposes. You’re overwhelmed. Your values and priorities are out of whack. All that clutter feeds a sense of low self-worth and helplessness, which leads to less motivation to change. You’re caught in an unhealthy downward spiral.

  Many of my clients who are struggling with clutter are also struggling with anxiety and depression. Often they’re on medication. Research says that people who live with a high level of clutter are more likely to experience:

  headaches,

  asthma, coughing, and other respiratory problems,

  sleeping problems,

  allergies,

  fatigue and low motivation.

  Medications are often not effective because the problems are endemic to the situation—mold, dust, dirt, and mildew grow and thrive amid the clutter. The moment I move or disturb any clutter, I can see millions of particles of dust and dirt released into the air—clutter seriously affects the air quality in your home. This situation is hugely compounded when pets are living in cluttered homes. And no surprise, cockroaches and other pests love clutter. They tend to hide and breed well in it.

  Clutter also presents a physical danger. In Washington State, a woman was recently found dead, buried by piles of clutter in her home when they collapsed on top of her and suffocated her. Even if your clutter isn’t a suffocation hazard, it’s a fire hazard. Think about how snugly you pack newspapers and wood to build a nice, romantic fire in the fireplace. A cluttered home is a tinderbox. Now that you’ve gotten rid of your clutter, you’ve made your home a safer refuge.

  Declutter your relationships

  One thing that has shocked me in the course of my work has been how often I’ve seen relationships fall apart as their clutter is removed. In decluttering their homes, these people realize that the fear that motivated them to hold on to useless things has also blinded them to the real problems in their relationship. This may sound paradoxical—why would you want to clean up your life if it’s going to destroy your relationship? Clutter never preserves a healthy relationship, and its removal won’t destroy a fulfilling relationship. The only couples who break up in the face of a bright, clean, organized home are the ones who realize how much more they want and deserve from life.

  The good news is this also works the other way. Couples who have been bogged down by their clutter can experience a revitalization of romance when their space and minds are cleared. The great thing about decluttering and getting organized is that it cannot be done without honesty and communication. Very quickly, couples find themselves talking openly about what they value, what they fear, and what is most important to them. For those whose relationship is based on what they own, or whose only sense of unity comes from the clutter, this process can be difficult and heartbreaking. But if your relationship has a strong base, the process of rethinking the function of your home and your relationship to your belongings inevitably strengthens what you have.

  I’ve asked you to imagine the life you want and to use that vision in deciding what you keep and what you let go. Part of imagining that ideal life is envisioning the relationship you want—the companionship, the support, the love. If your life is full of emotional clutter, now is the time to clear it away and to look honestly at what you have and what you want.

  Declutter your waistline

  We have a weight problem in this country and it is killing us. Two out of every three Americans are overweight and one third of us are obese. In the space of a generation, we have become a nation of fat people and our children are right there with us. It’s no coincidence that at the same time our waistlines are expanding, the problem with clutter in our homes is becoming so widespread. The two are intimately connected.

  We have become a nation of out-of-control consumers—we spend too much, we buy too much, and we eat too much. In the same way that we surround ourselves with so much clutter, we overwhelm our bodies with caloric clutter, consisting mainly of fat and sugar. The stuff in our homes becomes too overwhelming to deal with; the increasing weight of our bodies becomes too much to deal with. One is a mirror of the other.

  Every year Americans spend nearly 40 billion dollars on dieting books and programs, and it’s estimated that half of us diet at some point ever
y year, and yet we keep gaining. What is the solution? I am convinced that you cannot lose weight, that you cannot achieve the body and look you desire, if your home is not clutter-free and organized.

  Forget the diet books, the pills, and the gimmicks. Take the approach I have outlined here for your home and apply it to your life. Get rid of the clutter that you are buried in. Organize your life and your living space. Start to build your ideal life in your physical space.

  Organize your lifestyle around this vision. Schedule reasonable and appropriate exercise. Declutter your kitchen and get rid of the items you no longer use, then organize your pantry and kitchen so they’re in alignment with the vision you have for the person you want to be. Discard unhealthy fat- and sugar-laden processed foods. Make space in your refrigerator for fresh vegetables and healthy items. Plan your eating schedule in advance to avoid the last-minute rush for takeout fast food.

  Organization is not just about the extra weight of items you have in your home. It’s about the total you—including your waistline!

  Declutter your parenting

  You teach by example. Children are dramatically affected by clutter and disorganization. They are surrounded with too much of everything—except open space in which they can breathe and think. Behavioral problems and learning difficulties often emerge when kids are wildly overstimulated in their clutter-filled homes.

  Your kids aren’t going to sit you down at the dinner table to confess that the clutter in their home is distressing to them. One mother I worked with, Danielle, swore up and down that her daughter, Casey, was perfectly happy in their apartment, even though Casey had to wind through a maze of boxes to get to her bedroom and did her homework in the bathroom because, she claimed, it was the only place she could concentrate. It’s true; Casey was a popular, seemingly well-adjusted teenager. But when she opened the door to their clutter-free home, she burst into tears of relief. I’ll never forget what she said: “I never thought I could have this life.”

  When your home is overrun with clutter, the silent message you are sending to your children is, “I don’t like this, but I can’t change it.” You’re telling them, “We can’t better ourselves or alter our circumstances.” You’re saying, “We are all powerless to change things in our lives.” You are teaching a message of hopelessness to your children and reinforcing this message every day.

  Don’t wait until it’s too late to teach your children social responsibility, manners, decision-making skills, personal accountability, respect for property, and tolerance of others. All of these fundamental human values are taught from the moment the child becomes aware of his or her surroundings. Create order, establish limits, encourage routines, and foster organization in your home to model the behavior and values you want your children to adopt.

  DEAR PETER:

  Our son was a seven-year-old nonverbal boy with autism. He disliked his bedroom with all the “boy” decorations everywhere and preferred to sleep in the sparsely decorated guest room. Then we decluttered and reorganized his room so he could find all of his favorite books. The change was immediate. He decided he liked to read and spend time in his own room. What a boon it was to his reading! A few months after the cleanup, he started trying to read his favorite books out loud. Two months after that (with my help), he began to speak single words. People at church would burst into tears every week when they heard him talk.

  Since then, he has been lengthening his phrases and singing entire songs. We had been told that children who do not talk by age seven probably never will, so to us this is miraculous. And I’m writing to tell you so because his interest in reading did not blossom until his room was decluttered and became a peaceful place to be.

  Thank you.

  Declutter your work

  When most people talk about organization in the workplace, they think in terms of efficiency, increased productivity, time saved, and money earned. That’s all fine and good, but it’s a narrow view of what organization will bring to your career. Being organized and decluttered at home means you have less stress in your life and your work. You wake to a house where everything has its place. You can easily find what to wear. Your home gives you a sense of peace and well-being. That’s not a bad way to start the day. Once you’ve allowed yourself to imagine the life you want, you develop a vision for the career you want. When your home is an organized and well-run place, you naturally find it easier to have the clarity and confidence to make that dream a reality.

  The organization that you develop at home organically seeps into your working life. You’ll find that you aren’t distracted by small, routine things. You think more clearly, plan more logically, and solve problems more fluidly. You communicate better with your colleagues. You’re less stressed in life and bring less stress into the workplace, no matter if you work in an office, from home, or as a full-time parent. To put it more concretely, the average executive wastes six weeks a year looking for lost and misplaced information and files. Six weeks! If your newfound organization buys you that much time, better dial your boss and start talking about that raise and promotion.

  Enjoy the Life You Have

  Decluttering and organizing your space inevitably makes you look at how you spend your time. How much of it has been spent acquiring belongings you never use? Recreational shopping—shopping for fun—is a national habit. It makes us feel productive (“We’re buying things we need to live life”), successful (“We can afford this—we’re doing well”), and in control of our destinies (“If I buy this, my home will be prettier, my wardrobe will be more stylish, I’ll finally be happy”). Shopping can easily become a substitute for all kinds of emotional satisfaction. “Retail therapy” may seem like it will ward off loneliness, fear, and dissatisfaction, but it usually leads to credit card bills and more stuff than you have room for. Retail therapy = clutter. There’s so much to do beyond spending your life at the mall. Instead of acquiring possessions, we can accumulate life experiences—experiences that breed love and affection.

  Outer calm brings inner peace

  It comes down to this. Your home is a reflection of who you are. I don’t mean this in the sense that you need a showy home to prove to the world how great you are. Your home reflects your inner life. How content you are. How fulfilled you are. How loving and loved you are. Your home is the outward expression of what you value, what you enjoy, and what is important to you.

  The road between outer calm and inner peace is a two-way street. Not only is your home the expression of who you really are, but if you don’t create a calm and peaceful living space, it is very difficult to grow and develop that inner you. A calm, peaceful, organized home helps keep you focused and in touch with what is important in your life. Living with memories from the past may seem sentimental and romantic, and living for the future may seem ambitious and hopeful. They’re both true—memories are important to all of us, and the drive to build a better future is healthy and productive. But the central purpose of your home should not be to live in a different time and place. You have to enjoy living in the now. It’s all you have. When you do that, you can take genuine pleasure in planning the future and remembering the past. You’re no longer hiding in one or the other.

  It’s just enough

  As I hope you know by now, my goal in writing this book wasn’t to start a white glove movement. I don’t have a set idea in my head of how clean your house should be or what a comfortable, happy home looks like. What motivates me are the emotions behind the clutter and the words I hear people use to describe their homes. This book is for the people who are overwhelmed, trapped, suffocating beneath their stuff. This book is for people who think cleaning up is a waste of time, but spend whole weeks of their lives looking for their keys. This book is for people who aren’t happy with their lives, but don’t know why. This book is for people who feel paralyzed by their own accumulation of goods. This book is for anyone who’s ever said, “It’s all too much.”

  For some of you, this book will ch
ange everything. For some of you, it will be a first step toward living the life you want. Get there. I know you can.

  Acknowledgments

  To Ken, who embraces the crazy ride every day and without whom none of this would have been possible.

  To my wonderful family—Jim and Kath and my brothers and sisters, Christine, Kay, Michael, Julie, James, and Kelvin—for keeping me grounded and reminding me that they know enough stories to make my life miserable if I step out of line.

  To the Team at Evolution Film and Tape—Douglas, Greg, Kathleen, and especially Dean—who were there at the start and continue to smile at the outcome.

  To the amazing people at Simon & Schuster / Free Press, especially Suzanne Donahue and Carisa Hays—good friends, trusted advisors, and skilled professionals. A dream team to work with.

  To Dean, Elisa, Ken, and Amanda (my muse)—for reading an early draft and giving incisive and valuable feedback. Even when it hurt!

  To Hilary—for not running in the opposite direction, and making sure it all made sense.

  To Lydia and the team at Paradigm—for helping navigate the small type.

  To those brave and wonderful people who have invited me into their lives, seeking advice and direction when it all became too much—this book came from all the lessons you taught me and the infinite capacity you have to surprise me. For that I cannot thank you enough.