Start Again Series: A Billionaire Romance Box Set

by J. Saman

  Her taste. Her smell. All my paradise.

  It doesn’t take long. Probably because I’ve envisioned this moment far too many times. Claire comes violently on my tongue, her legs clamping around my head, holding me in place. Fucking amazing.

  I give her another long, languid lick over her sensitive bud and she shudders, making a whimpering sound in the back of her throat.

  “You want more, Claire?” My eyes lock with hers, licking her off my lips and fingers. “You ready for how good I’m going to make you feel?” My body lithely slides back up toward her mouth.

  She nods, panting and smiling, her hands running through my hair.

  “Kiss me. Taste yourself.”

  She moans and does as I ask. Claire likes my dirty talk.

  “You’re very good at that. I feel like we should bronze your tongue and put it in a museum.”

  “Good, because I plan eating your sweet pussy again later. But right now, I need to be inside of you before my dick explodes.”

  “That’s an image,” she laughs, pushing me off her. I laugh, planting a kiss on her stomach. I can still taste her. So good. So fucking sweet. I leave her, but only to dig through my nightstand for a condom.

  I turn back to her and pause. Claire is sprawled out on top of my comforter. Her red hair is going in every direction. Her flushed porcelain skin glows against the minimal moonlight shining through my window. Her dark eyes are fixed on me.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  “Come here,” she whispers, unable to play it cool for another moment.

  My eyes move over her naked curves again, and I lick my lips.

  I want to say something. I want to say something epic. Something that will make her swoon and shower me with her endless devotion. But I’m just not that guy. And if I say what I’m really thinking, she’ll leave before I even get the condom out of the foil.

  “Get over here and stop staring at me,” she says, trying to lighten the moment.

  “I like staring at you,” I tell her, and I can practically see her blood pumping harder. “I’ve had thoughts of being inside you, of being with you, since you left me in New York. Even before that. Since the first moment I met you, I’ve wanted you.”

  She just blinks at me, before her eyes fly up to my ceiling, and I know I’m two seconds away from losing her. I’m not stupid enough to believe that this is more than tonight. But she’s here.

  Naked.

  In my bed. Screw it.

  That makes her mine until she tells me to stop.

  I leap back onto the bed, her body bouncing from the impact. She giggles, running her fingers through my hair and staring into my eyes. I lock this moment down. Commit it to memory. Savor it before I slide inside of her.

  We groan in unison as her warm, wet pussy clenches tightly around me. Fuck. Her back curves, her head tipping back. “You okay?” I growl, clenching my jaw.

  “Perfect. Are you?”

  “You feel so good. So tight. Are you ready?”

  “More than ready.”

  Lifting us up so I’m sitting back on my haunches, she straddles me, her arms encircling my neck. I thrust up to the hilt, and she hisses, her head thrown back. I lick up the column of her neck, sucking on her earlobe.

  “Again.”

  I do it again, over and over. I fuck her wild. With everything I’ve got. My hips piston up as she bounces up and down on me, our bodies moving together in a synchronized rhythm that is too good to comprehend. Her full, beautiful tits jiggle in my face and I catch her nipple with my mouth, biting at the tender peak.

  “Harder, Kyle. I need it harder.”

  Without a word, I drive us forward until her back slams into my headboard, and then I unleash inside of her. I pound into her so hard and so deep that all she can do is hold on to me while I fuck her like the animal she makes me.

  The headboard bangs into the wall in tandem with the sound of our bodies slapping against each other, skin against skin. It’s primal, the way I’m fucking her. Claiming her.

  I pull back, staring into her face, drunk on lust and the woman in my arms. There is no enough. Not with her.

  Our chemistry is unfounded. Our lust nearly insatiable as we cling and moan against each other. Her body begins to spasm, her pussy clenching me like a vise, and I growl, unable to hold it in.

  “I’m coming, Kyle. Fuck, I’m coming so hard.”

  “Shit,” I bellow, following her over the edge into perfect oblivion. She falls bonelessly against me, and I cradle her in my arms, lowering us both to the bed as we do our best to catch our breath.

  My eyes linger on hers as my body makes absolutely no move to pull away. We’re connected, practically laced together as one unit.

  “You’re incredible,” I say softly, almost like I’m talking to myself. That’s how light my voice is.

  “Don’t go getting all mushy on me now,” she teases, but it’s half-hearted, because a part of her is rather serious. “It would be very easy to fall into you,” she says, but her tone tells me she has no intention of doing that.

  I’m already there.

  “Go to sleep,” I say instead, wondering if she’ll be here when I wake up. “I want to do that again in the morning.”

  I pull her warmth into mine, wrapping my arm around her waist and burying my face in her neck. If I relent even an inch, she’ll be gone.

  Don’t go, Claire, I think.

  Stay with me, I silently beg.

  But the second I close my eyes, I know she’s already figuring out a way to leave me.

  21

  Claire

  * * *

  I knew it was a mistake the entire time. I knew it was a mistake before I even entered his apartment. But I couldn’t stop it.

  Didn’t want to stop it.

  Even though I knew it was wrong. I shouldn’t be kissing Kyle Grant. He’s way too many things to me. My brain was screaming obscenities at me. Yelling repeatedly that I needed to stop. But my body responded like it was on fire and only Kyle could snuff it out.

  So, I rationalized things that shouldn’t be rationalized. Made excuses for things I had no business justifying. I told myself, It’s just for one night. We’ll be fine. It’s just sex. Not romance or love or anything else. No one will get hurt.

  Such bullshit.

  The moment I told him I wanted him, I knew he’d kiss me.

  And I knew that kiss would turn into more. Into everything. I’ve never had sex like that. Not even in college and I was with a boy I thought I was in love with. This went way beyond physical. Way beyond simple fucking for the pleasure of it.

  This was making love.

  Because that’s what I felt coming off of him. It’s what I was giving him back with equal ardor. I wanted him to feel my love, so he wouldn’t question it when I walk away. Which is exactly what I’m about to do. Even if it’s the last thing on earth I want.

  He tried. He tried so hard. He kept any feelings for me dormant, and I went after them. I chased them. Sought them out.

  I poked that bear until it woke up hungry.

  Until it could no longer resist the rapacious urge to feed.

  I fed it. I cultivated it. Allowed it to grow bigger and larger, until it became insatiable.

  The worst part is, I knew all this time that what I was doing was wrong.

  That it would lead to not only heartbreak but also the loss of his friendship.

  The angel on my shoulder told me I was being cruel. That I was a selfish bitch who needed to leave the poor bear alone. But I listened to that motherfucking devil and pushed that all-knowing angel away. I am selfish. I wanted Kyle to love me, knowing full well that I have no future with him.

  The odds are forever against me.

  It’s a fifty-fifty shot that I inherited the gene from my mother. I can’t even find out for sure because that will kill me. Knowing one hundred percent that I have no shot at this will destroy me. I’m scared. I’m chickenshit. I’m weak.

  I
just can’t do it.

  I think I may, in fact, love him too much.

  But knowing I can’t have him hasn’t stopped my pursuit. My desire. My need. And fuck, do I need this man more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.

  That warmth that he set free inside of me has manifested into something so much greater. Something that cannot be pushed down or denied. Even if that makes me sick and deplorable and evil.

  Like I’m gambling with the devil himself, and he just laid his demands on the table.

  And I cannot meet them.

  I can’t.

  Even though every part of me absolutely wants to.

  Even if I tell Kyle everything, he’ll shut down on me. He’ll give up and run, and all that love I saw in his eyes last night will vanish. That would be worse than anything else.

  So that’s why I’m lying here, my eyes stuck on the dark sky that any moment will begin to lighten. I need to leave. I need to leave now. But how can I run out on Kyle like he’s any other guy? He deserves so much better than that.

  That doesn’t mean I can be naked when he wakes up either.

  Replaying last night in my head for at least the twentieth time, I remember him stripping me down at the foot of the bed. The last thing I want to do right now is go scrounging about for my clothes. Kyle is sleeping very soundly as I slowly remove his arm that’s resting peacefully against my stomach.

  He doesn’t stir.

  Ever so slowly, I slide out of his bed, forgetting just how high off the ground this monstrosity is, and I fall to the floor farther than I’d like, hitting my knees on the wood floor with a loud thud. I freeze. Again, he doesn’t stir. At least not that I can hear.

  I stand up slowly, and instead of doing the smart thing and going directly for my clothes, I watch him. His eyes are closed, long lashes fanned out across his cheeks, lips slightly parted. Skin glowing against the muted light of the predawn sky.

  He’s beautiful. Perfect really. Everything I could want and more.

  Which is why I need to go.

  “If you’re trying to run out on me, the least you could do is not stand there naked where I can see you,” Kyle mumbles in a husky voice, his eyes slowly blinking open as a smile spreads across his face.

  “I’m not trying to run out.”

  “Yet.”

  I nod. I can’t even say the words.

  “Okay then,” he sighs, running a hand over his face to clear the sleep. “Put on some clothes, Claire.”

  I pick up the first thing I find on the floor next to my feet, and it just so happens to be Kyle’s shirt from last night. I throw it on over my head.

  “Better?” I ask, wondering why I didn’t just put on my clothes.

  “Not really,” he chuckles, sitting up, the sheet dropping to his waist, exposing the chest and abs that I fully explored last night. “You’re wearing my shirt, and you’re naked under it. You look sexy as fuck. But I guess it’s better than staring directly at your tits and pussy.”

  I should get dressed. I should put on my clothes, tell him I’m sorry, and run.

  But I’m standing here frozen in space, watching Kyle watch me.

  “I’m sorry,” I say because it needs to be said.

  Kyle sighs again, running a hand over his face and through his hair before leaning back against the fabric of his headboard. “Do you regret it?”

  “No,” I shake my head. I’ll never regret last night, even if it was stupid.

  “Then why are you leaving?”

  “You know why.”

  He lets out a bark of a laugh. It’s frustrated. Maybe a bit angry too. “No. You see that’s the thing. I don’t know why. I have no idea why you won’t even entertain this.” He waves his finger back and forth between us.

  “Because there can’t be an us. Ever.”

  Another harsh laugh. “Is it me, Claire? I mean, last night you seemed pretty fucking into it. So maybe I’m just missing something here.”

  Now it’s my turn to sigh, dropping my head back until my chin is pointed toward his twelve-foot ceiling.

  “It’s not you.”

  “Okay then,” he says again, this time with finality, and my heart aches. “It’s not me, and there can never be an us. Got it.”

  I hear the sheets rustle, and my head drops back down to find Kyle getting out of bed. He’s completely naked as he walks in the direction of his bathroom, dismissing me.

  “Just so you know,” he says, pausing with his back to me, “last night was the best night of my life. Hands down. And I want that with you. Every day.” He rolls his head over his shoulder until our eyes meet. “So now you can’t say that you didn’t know.”

  With that, he walks into his bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

  I want to go after him. I want to bang on that stupid door until he opens it, and then I want to throw myself into his arms and never come up for air again.

  I get dressed in my own clothes and leave Kyle’s apartment just as the sun peeks through the clouds in the east. My entire walk home, I contemplate ways to make this better. Ways that Kyle and I can go back to normal.

  We can’t.

  There really is no way after you cross that line.

  Because now there are feelings involved. So many feelings that I can hardly quantify them.

  I fucked up.

  I knew better, and I did it anyway.

  It was just too much. First the piano and then our quiet truths. Then he kissed me. I should have stopped it there, but I just couldn’t. I needed him. And now, I’m forever going to pay the price for my greed.

  Kyle will move on. He’ll get over it, meet someone and date them. Hell, he may even get married one day. Have babies.

  I can’t give him that life. So, it’s better to end this now. Let go of the Kyle Grant fantasy. He’s better off that way. Without me.

  By the time I reach my building three blocks over, I realize I’m crying. Hard. I open the first door only to find that the lock on the second one is broken and anyone can walk in. Nice. I’m too much of a mess to care right now.

  I get to my apartment and find Ivy sitting there, waiting for me outside my door, eyes glued to her phone. She’s dressed for a run, and now I remember that we had plans to go for an early run before her shift.

  Shit.

  “I was just about to ring you,” she says and then looks up at me. Her smile instantly falls. Pulling herself up off the floor, she walks to me and throws her arms around my neck. It’s my total undoing. I fall apart in her arms.

  “What happened, luv?” she whispers, running her hand down my hair. “Did someone hurt you?” she asks cautiously when I don’t respond.

  “No,” I sniffle, shaking my head and pulling back from her. “No,” I say again, wiping my face with my fingers. “Just give me a moment and I’ll change for our run. Sorry I’m late.”

  “Hold up now,” she says, grasping my arm before I can get too far. “Nice try, but you know me better than that. You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what has you walking home at this hour a mess.”

  “I really don’t want to go into it.”

  I get a stern look for that, and I know I can’t escape the wrath of Doctor Ivy Green.

  “Fine. I slept with Kyle. Happy now?”

  Ivy looks stricken, and she shakes her head at me. “So, you broke that poor bloke’s heart and ran out of there, only to break your own.”

  I sigh, because it’s annoying when someone can sum up something so confusing in one small sentence. It almost makes it seem trivial. “Something like that.”

  “Right then,” Ivy says, pushing me toward my door. “Inside with you.”

  “Ivy, I really, really, really don’t want to do this. There is nothing to talk about. I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to.”

  “So you say, but that doesn’t mean you’re getting out of our run. I have to be at work in two hours, so get a move on.”

  I unlock my door, and Ivy follows closely be
hind me.

  “I’m not one for lectures,” she starts while I rummage through my drawer and pull out my yoga pants and sports tank. “And I won’t pretend I understand the things you do, because I don’t.”

  I ignore her, getting dressed while she hovers in my doorway.

  “But I will say this: a life filled with unknowns and regrets is no way to live. Something keeps you running and hiding in the dark. If you want to tell me, you know you can. You’re my friend and I love you. Nothing will change that. But I won’t push you on it either.”

  “What’s your point, Ivy?” I snap before I sigh, because none of this is her fault. “Look, I appreciate your concern, and you know I love you too. But my shit is my own and it’s the way it is.”

  “I guess what I’m saying to you is, at some point you have to decide what’s more important. Holding onto your secrets or letting go of them.”

  “And what if I can’t let them go? What if they’re a part of me forever? Insurmountable.”

  “Do you know that for sure?”

  I sigh again, dropping my chin to my chest and propping my hands on my hips.

  I don’t know that for sure.

  But it’s a pretty big risk. And if I find out that it is . . . then what?

  Ivy takes a step toward me, invading the personal space that I so desperately need. Her hands grasp my shoulders and she gives me a slight shake, forcing my eyes up to hers. “Sometimes it’s better to know the truth than to guess at it.”

  Easy for you to say. My truth is potentially the most crushing of realities. And then what will I do?

  22

  Claire

  * * *

  “Oh my god, I’m so freaking tired,” Kate whines as she lies on her side on the couch in her family room. She has a pillow tucked between her thighs, one under her massively round belly, and a body pillow behind her. “And uncomfortable. Have I mentioned how uncomfortable it is to grow two babies in your body at the same time?”

  “Not in the last two minutes,” I deadpan, and she narrows her eyes at me. I throw my hands up in surrender because I should know better than to be sarcastic with Kate right now. She has every right to be exhausted. She’s thirty-two weeks pregnant and today was her baby shower. The baby shower that she did not want to have. But her work friends wouldn’t accept that, so they threw her one anyway—in her home no less.