Dumfries

by Todd, Ian

“Ah’m no.”

  “Okay…he said that he looked like the cat that hid goat the cream.”

  “Fuck’s sake, if Ah’d been in Senga Jackson’s bed aw night, Ah wid’ve been looking as if Ah’d goat the cat’s cream as well,” Johnboy hid said laughing, putting oan a brave face.

  He knew the lassies wur only saying that Johnboy should drap Senga a line tae be nice. Senga Jackson, whether the lassies knew or accepted it, hid moved oan tae pastures new in her life and why no? Maybe if he’d been daeing three or maybe even five years, bit fourteen years? Christ, that wis a lifetime and mair. Senga wid be well married wae weans ae her ain by the time he saw the light ae day. Naw, Johnboy hid made up his mind early oan in his sentence that whitever happened tae him in the future, it wisnae gonnae involve writing tae people who hid mair tae be getting oan wae in their lives than tae be bothering aboot somewan like him. His life wis well and truly goosed, at least, fur the time being, until Tony goat oot and managed tae sort something oot. He wid’ve been awright if Tony, Snappy and Pat hidnae been oan remand fur three months at the same time as him and Silent. Tae convince somewan like Pat Molloy or Wan-bob Broon tae lower their guard, ye needed tae see the whites ae their eyes. He sniffed the letter again before slipping it back intae his shirt pocket. He couldnae be bothered getting up aff ae that arse ae his tae go and put it back in tae the crisp box. He looked across at the door. He widnae hiv classed two cardboard crisp boxes wae aw his worldly possessions and an Ecko Ranger acoustic guitar sitting by the door as excessive, bit it hidnae stoapped The Tormentor fae passing comment ten minutes earlier.

  “Ye’re no taking aw that wae ye, ur ye? Whit dae ye need aw that shite fur?”

  He’d nearly gotten Johnboy tae bite back wae his wind-up tactics, bit Johnboy hid held himsel in check and ignored the prick. The fact that The Tormentor hidnae pushed fur a reply hid jist confirmed tae Johnboy whit wis gaun oan. It hid taken Johnboy seven months tae reach the tap flair landing ae B-Hall and another three months ae patiently waiting until his turn came roond and a cell became vacant in C-Hall. The snidey comment fae The Tormentor wis a last gasp attempt tae try and get a negative response so the basturt could scupper the move. Chic Young, a lifer who’d run aboot wae the Cranhill Fleet, wis noo back oan the bottom landing. He’d been the next in line, in front ae Johnboy tae move oot, bit two weeks earlier he’d hid a run-in wae The Tormentor, the same basturt that wis noo trying tae noise Johnboy up. Chic wis noo at the back ae the queue and wid hiv tae wait months before he wis back up tae the tap landing, before he goat shifted oot ae B-Hall. Usually in the jail, wan cell wis the same as another, no matter where ye bunked, bit in Dumfries, the screws liked tae control everything and everywan. In Dumfries, YOs wur let oot ae their cells at night between 6.30 and 9 o’clock fur recreation, which took place in a long low-ceilinged building at the end ae B Hall. In the rec hall, there wis a snooker table, jist slightly tae the right as ye went through the glass-panelled doors, and a table tennis table set up oan the immediate left. Opposite the entrance, there wis a wee glass-partitioned room that hid a record player in it that the YOs could go and play their LPs oan that they’d goat sent in fae the ootside. The room helped contain the racket ae Rory Gallagher or Ziggy Stardust being belted oot, while the glass enabled the screws tae keep an eye oan whit wis gaun oan. Beyond the table tennis table, an open plan TV room wis aff tae the left and consisted ae rows ae chairs and a TV stuck up oan a shelf oan the wall, facing everywan. Tae change a channel, the YOs hid tae ask a screw tae dae the honours. Every time somewan wanted tae watch something else, World War Three wid threaten tae break oot as everywan argued o’er the merits ae the choice ae whit wis being shown oan the other side. The only time there wisnae an argument wis a Thursday night when Top ae The Pops wis oan or a repeat ae The Benny Hill Show wis oan the go. A couple ae weeks earlier, The Tormentor hid goat so fed up ae waiting fur people tae make up their minds that he’d stomped aff in a huff and hid telt everywan that they wid jist hiv tae watch whit wis awready oan the screen. John Bailey, a wee Cumbie boy fae the Gorbals, hid picked up his chair fae the back ae the room where he’d been sitting and casually walked doon tae the front wae it. Using the chair as a stool, he’d reached up and unplugged the telly, before lifting the thing aff ae the shelf and hurled it at the windaes. He wis only a skinny wee basturt, bit the weight ae the telly hid totally demolished the whole ae the windae frame alang wae the glass. Fae where Johnboy wis sitting, he could feel a nice cool breeze wafting through the exposed steel bars behind where the glass hid been.

  “Aw, fucking nice wan, Chic, ya selfish prick, ye. Ah wis watching that, so Ah wis,” Chas Dunn, another Cumbie boy, hid moaned, as chaos erupted aroond aboot Johnboy and the other Mankys.

  The Tormentor, who’d caused aw the commotion in the first place, hid made a bee-line in the direction ae the table tennis table tae put a bit ae distance between himsel and the riled YOs, bit hid been tripped up by Tony and punched oan the side ae the heid by Snappy as he wis hurtling towards the deck. Within aboot twenty seconds, there must’ve been aboot forty screws, hiding behind shields, batons drawn, shouting at everywan tae get up aff ae their arses and back tae their cells. The alarm bells hid still been ringing fur aboot two hours efter everywan hid been locked up. Chic hid been hit wae twenty eight days in the digger and wis due oot in a couple ae weeks. He wis another wan that wid be ending up back oan the bottom landing ae B-Hall. The screws wur still trying tae find oot who it wis that hid thrown the punch that hid gied The Tormentor wan ae the worse black-eyes Johnboy hid ever clocked in his life.

  The attraction ae getting oot ae B-Hall wis that wance ye wur in C or D-Hall, ye goat oot tae rec oan a Saturday and Sunday night. B-Hall hid three tiers ae cells, consisting ae eighteen cells oan each landing. If a YO wis released or eventually transferred up tae the adult jails oot ae C or D-Hall, when they turned twenty wan, it triggered movement. It didnae really matter tae anywan unless ye wur in B-Hall. In B-Hall, yer turn tae move started aff oan the ground flair. Wance thirteen vacancies occurred fae those who’d entered Dumfries before ye, ye moved up tae the second flair ae B-Hall and so forth. There wur only thirteen available cells oan the ground flair ae B-Hall due tae the fact that the stoat-the-baws bunked there permanently fur safety and security reasons. Wance ye counted doon fae thirteen tae zero, ye wur moved up tae the second landing tae start at the back ae the queue at eighteen before moving oan doon tae zero and another move up tae the third landing. Snappy hid been keeping an eye oan Johnboy’s movements and wis always quick tae point oot tae Johnboy that C-Hall wisnae whit it wis cracked up tae be, bit then again, if the moon wis made ae trifle, Snappy wid’ve said that it tasted shite. C-Hall hid been built oan tae the original red sandstone main building sometime in the late sixties. There wur four landings, each containing twelve cells. The design wis alang the same lines ae the halls in Polmont Borstal and Longriggend, which meant there wur big windaes, letting plenty ae light in, insteid ae the dark dungeon-type cells like the wan Johnboy wis noo lying in, patiently waiting fur The Tormentor tae come and get him and his crisp boxes. Two cells hid become vacant that morning. If he wis lucky, he’d get the wan oan the tap flair which meant he’d get a good view ae the surrounding hooses and area. The other empty cell wis oan the first flair and looked oan tae the wall surrounding the halls. Silent and Tony wur oan the tap flair while Snappy wis oan the third and Pat doon oan the first. Johnboy smiled. Snappy’s latest bit ae gossip hid been tae tell everywan in the machine shoap that he’d clocked some young bit ae stuff stripping aff in her bedroom.

  “The shameless hussy hid the bedroom light oan and the curtains open wide. She knew exactly whit she wis daeing. She’ll keep me gaun in wanking material fur a month, so she will,” he’d bragged.

  Tony hid goat wan ae the pass-men who did the cleaning in the halls tae nip in tae Snappy’s cell tae check oot the view. He’d come back and said that ye could barely see o’er the tap ae the jail wall. And as for Snappy hivving a swatch a
e a naked wummin, the pass-man said that ye could make oot the taps ae people roofs and chimney stacks, bit there wis nae way Snappy could’ve clocked a pair ae tits unless they wur dangling o’er the tap ae the wall. Johnboy and the others hid decided no tae let oan tae Snappy that they knew he wis telling them a dinger as they didnae want tae hurt his feelings, and also because he wid’ve become a nightmare, demanding tae know how they knew he wis telling a lie. The safety ae the pass-man wis another reason tae keep quiet. The only fly in the ointment that Johnboy could see, if there wis wan, wis that The Scowler, Jimmy Baxter, wis oan the tap flair landing. Efter the carry oan in Longriggend, things hid settled doon tae an uneasy truce ae no acknowledging anything hid happened between them. If Baxter held a grudge aboot Johnboy attacking him, he never showed it. They basically kept oot ae each other’s way. Every noo and again they’d be confronted wae each other’s presence when they wur passing through a door or staunin at the grub hatch, waiting tae get served. In fact, the only words spoken between them since Johnboy’s arrival in Dumfries, hid been initiated by Baxter himsel. They’d ended up sitting ootside in the corridor, waiting tae see the dentist across in the gatehoose, alang fae the social work office. Peter The Pervert, wan ae the beasts, hid been howling like a stuck pig as the whine ae the screaming drill being applied tae his teeth hid sounded like a formula wan racing car. Johnboy hid looked across at Baxter who’d returned his gaze wae a wee wry smile.

  “Dae ye think the dentist knows whit he’s in fur?” he’d asked Johnboy.

  “Ah fucking hope so,” Johnboy hid replied, gulping.

  When the beast hid emerged, white as a ghost, moaning and haudin that jaw ae his, a mixture ae blood and slabbers swinging fae the back ae his haun, Baxter hid stood up fur his turn.

  “By the way, Ah’m sorry aboot whit happened up in Longriggend. Ah thought ye wur oot tae attack me and Ah thought Ah’d better get in there first,” Johnboy hid murmured.

  Baxter hid stoapped and momentarily looked intae Johnboy’s eyes. Johnboy hid tensed and wondered if he wis aboot tae say something or attack him, bit he’d jist shrugged they muscled shoulders ae his and turned, before disappearing through tae the empty chair and the white gowned butcher, who wis beckoning him tae come and take a seat. When Johnboy hid returned, jaw still intact, tae the sewing shoap, he’d telt the boys whit he’d said tae Baxter. Tony hidnae seemed too happy.

  “Ye wid’ve been better saying nothing. Whit happened in Longriggend, happened. Keep him at a distance. He knows whit tae expect if he comes near any ae us,” Tony hid said.

  “Ah say we nip the basturt when we go fur oor tea later oan. He’s obviously no goat the message and learned his lesson,” Snappy hid growled.

  “Naw, leave him be. Baxter knows the score,” Tony hid said, lifting up another aff-cut tae start a new bandolier.

  “Bit he’s blaming us fur his sentence,” Snappy hid insisted.

  “Well, ye did bloody rob the fucking bank that he’s daeing nine years fur, Snappy,” Johnboy hid reminded him.

  “So whit? He goat done fur it withoot any help fae us. Whit the hell his that goat tae dae wae any ae us, eh? Answer me that wan.”

  “Ah’m no saying that it’s goat anything tae dae wae us, bit it shouldnae stoap us fae feeling sorry fur the poor basturt, should it?” Johnboy hid challenged him, feeling himsel getting irritated.

  “Fuck him. If he’s daft enough tae get the jail fur something he never done, then hell mend him fur being so stupid in the first place,” Snapper hid hissed, before adding quickly. “Ach, sorry Johnboy, ye know whit Ah mean.”

  “Snappy, Ah telt ye, drap the fucking subject and that goes fur you as well, Johnboy,” Tony hid growled, getting pissed aff, seeing where the conversation wis heiding.

  “Right, Taylor, grab yer banjo and they boxes,” The Tormentor scowled, efter unlocking his door.

  “Aboot bloody time.”

  “Whit? Whit did ye jist say?” The Tormentor asked, eyes narrowing.

  “Ah asked if ye’ve goat the time. Ah’m missing Top ae The Pops, so Ah am.”

  “Move!”

  “Good evening. My name is John Turney and these are the news headlines in Scotland tonight.

  An unemployed electrician has been jailed for six months at Glasgow Sheriff Court after being found guilty of reconnecting households whose electricity had already been disconnected by the Electricity Board. The man, appropriately named James Spark, claimed he was doing it because of concern for householders not being able to cook meals for their children and to keep them warm at night. He denied making any money from his actions. Police believe Spark is responsible for reconnecting up to 2000 homes in the north of the city…

  A police marksman shot and killed a cow that had escaped from the lorry that was taking it to be slaughtered at Duke Street Abattoir this morning. The beast was thought to be endangering the lives of drivers as it dodged in and out traffic as it headed along Duke Street in the direction of the city centre. Unfortunately, a bus carrying primary school children, some as young as five, who had been held up in traffic and who were on a school visit to Glasgow Zoo witnessed the shooting. An education spokesman at The Corporation reported just before we came on air that the school trip had to be abandoned…

  Another teenage joyrider has been killed in the city after crashing the stolen car he was driving whilst being pursued by police. This brings the number of teenagers killed this year to seven. The youth, believed to be aged fourteen and his female passenger, also fourteen, but unhurt, have not been named…”

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Flora Connor sat in the waiting room, avoiding eye contact wae the tarty-looking receptionist who wis sitting, typing at a desk across fae her. Flora wis glad that the lassie hid whit looked like a pair ae heidphones oan that heid ae hers, covering her ears. She wondered how somewan could type while listening tae music. She strained her ears, trying tae see if she could make oot if it wis that loud pop music racket that she heard every time she switched oan her radiogram or telly these days. This wis only the second time that she’d been in a solicitor’s office, bit she recognised the smell. The other time hid been when her Robert hid goat arrested, jist efter the lassie Broon hid disappeared fae the village. The musty smell ae books and paper reminded her ae her school days. It wis warm, bit she didnae want tae unbutton her coat or take aff her good heid scarf, which hid been a Mother’s Day present fae Robert the year efter his faither hid passed away. Well, he hidnae actually went oot and bought it fur her. She’d chosen and paid fur it hersel, bit he’d wrapped it up and gied it tae her at breakfast oan Mother’s Day. She ignored the wee smile fae the lassie sitting typing when she lifted up her face tae unwind a completed paper sheet before twisting a blank wan oan tae the roller ae her machine. Flora wis hungry, bit didnae think it proper tae take oot the soda scone that she hid in her bag. It hid been a long day. Normally she wid’ve walked doon intae Cambusbarron tae catch the bus, bit the villagers hid ostracised her since she’d been accused ae lying oan behauf ae Robert in court, efter she’d sworn oan the bible that Robert hid been at hame hivving his tea at the time that young slut, Ann Broon, hid disappeared. Her hate mail hid increased tenfold efter she’d highlighted Robert’s innocence by taking oot advertisement space oan the billboards leading up tae Stirling Castle wae her favourite photo ae him, taken oan his fifth birthday. Surely people could see fur themsels that her wee angel widnae be capable ae hurting a fly? She’d lost the battle wae the toon council tae get them kept up, efter the local business association clubbed thegither and goat a court order tae hiv them removed. At least that hidnae been before it hid raised awareness and goat widespread publicity regarding Robert’s innocence. Flora wis still no convinced that the wee tart wis deid and thought that she wis probably living-in-sin, somewhere doon south, laughing at everywan. She’d hid tae get a taxi tae come and pick her up and take her intae Stirling tae get the bus intae Glesga. It hid cost a fortune, and she hid the same expense tae look forward t
ae oan the way back. She wis sure the taxi driver wis charging her o’er the odds, bit she wisnae in a position tae argue. She’d been aboot tae gie up, when the fifth number she’d rung hid agreed tae come and collect her. Three ae the companies hid put the phone doon oan her when she’d telt them her address. The other wan hid said they’d a taxi available, bit hid phoned her back five minutes later and said that they’d made a mistake and that aw the taxis wur fully booked. Oan the way fae her hoose tae the bus station, she’d felt the taxi driver’s eyes oan her in the mirror, bit when she’d glanced up, he’d quickly averted they accusing eyes ae his. Not wan word hid been said oan the journey other than tae say he’d be waiting at hauf past seven when the bus drapped her back aff in Stirling. The journey fae Stirling tae Dumfries tae visit Robert wis ten times worse. It meant an overnight stay. She’d tried tae convince him that a visit every two months insteid ae monthly wis aw she could manage due tae the expense and her poor health, bit he’d goat upset and demanded she visit him monthly. She’d become terribly upset when he’d accused her ae abandoning him and him being innocent ae any crime. Efter her last visit, she’d cried fur days at the injustice ae the situation that her and her baby hid found themsels in. Noo things wur starting tae look up. She’d written tae him recently tae say that she’d be delaying her monthly visit by a week due tae a date fur the operation oan her bunions coming through. She’d felt bad aboot hivving tae phone up the hospital clinic tae cancel her date, particularly efter she wis telt that she’d end up at the back ae the queue, bit that nice senior prison officer, Mr Dick, hid phoned her at hame, urging her tae make the effort tae get doon tae Dumfries as Robert hid some important news fur her. He couldnae say whit it wis, bit it looked like Robert hid acquired new evidence that could prove his innocence. When she’d arrived at the visit, Robert hid seemed so excited. She hidnae seen him so agitated since he passed his driving test and laid aff Ernie Philips, the lazy labourer that Robert hid hid working fur him at the time and who’d condemned him fae the witness stand wae a pack ae lies. She sat wae her eyes shut and went o’er whit it wis she wis tae say tae the solicitor. She hid tae make sure she didnae miss anything oot.